Chapter 21 Destiny’s Diaries 6

I pushed him away and said, "Why would I love you?"

In my heart, I know that I don't need a reason to love him. At that moment I was disgusted with myself too. I said to him, "I gave you the proof that I don't love you. Can you give me the proof that you love me?"

He said, "Anything for you, what do you want me to do?"

Ayden still remembered what she had asked. She making cold face had said, "Marry Skylar as proof that you love me."

He looked at me as if he doesn't know me. To speak truly I myself don't know the recent me. I am scared of myself too.

He said with teary eyes, "Ask me for my life, I will not think twice, but don't push me in the hell."

I had said, "Well, you don't love me. If you loved me you would have done that."

He left without looking back at me. I think that is my last conversation with him. I don't know what he is going through. How am I going to get away with this pain and guilt of killing him?

I can't sleep with the severe headache without medicine but now how am I going to sleep with this heartache and headache.

He actually left Destiny thinking that she was in love with other man and she will be happier with him. But what she was going through was so much than he could imagine.

The diary goes like this.

Ayden stopped coming to his apartment, I am a bit worried. He and Skylar stopped talking with me or I might have been avoiding them. The male friend (Daniel) who acted as my boyfriend is still around and he is helping me with transferring processes. He is engaged with someone else and he is graduated. He doesn't know that I am sick. He asked me why I am trying to break the heart of a man who loves me, I said, "timing may be wrong or we are not made for each other or you can just tell I am a bitch."

He looked at me as if he is seeing different me. He is going to leave the country in a week. I also need to move away as soon as possible because Ayden's ignorance is killing me.

Ayden turns next pages.

Today when I was with Daniel, Ayden and Skylar gave me their engagement card. I acted as if I was happy. I congratulated them and hugged Skylar.

I introduced Daniel with others. Daniel knew that I wanted to spend some time with them before leaving so he asked them to join for lunch together. He knew that I wanted it and he also knew that I can't ask them for that. Ayden accepted the invitation.

Ayden pulled the chair for Skylar, he used to do that for me. I should be happy or sad I don't know. I have wanted this, I had thought I will handle myself well, I will not feel pain but I am feeling like my heart is being pulled out by someone. I am feeling suffocated.

I maintained my composure. When I felt like I couldn't hold my tears anymore, I went to the restroom. I came back. I didn't have mood to have lunch anymore. I ordered a wine and raised the glass for their happy future.

I drank quite a lot that Ayden asked me to stop drinking. I kept drinking because I didn't want him to think that I still love him. Daniel asked me to stop drinking then I stopped. I saw Ayden sad that I listened to other man and not him.

How can he be angry just because of that? Did he imagine what I was feeling when he hold her hands in front of me?

But he doesn't have any fault. He may have asked her to engage with him because he wanted to show that he loved me.

Daniel is going to attend the engagement ceremony with me. I decided to look happiest so that Ayden will not have any regret towards me and he will hate me. He will move ahead in his life easily.

He remembers that Destiny was wearing A line dress in dark blue color and Daniel was wearing matching tuxedo. They looked so beautiful that he got so jealous. At this exact moment Ayden knew that he had lost Destiny forever.

The evening diaries goes like this.

I had quite a lot to drink today. I am leaving this city and especially Ayden forever. I may never come back since the doctor has said that there is high chance I will die within few months. I am feeling that I am going to die soon. I don't have a reason anymore to live. And now I am taking two medicines to stop pain and get some sleep, it better if I die soon. I just hope he never know about my death. I want him to hate me than pity me or him live in sorrow.

I just want this diary to be the proof that I loved him, love him and will love him."