Eye of the Stickholder

(Scene opens with James, Chad and Luke in the cafeteria)

Luke: Okay so you're trapped on a desert island right?

James: Oh no. (James puts his head down)

Chad: Dude already?

Luke: James, I didn't even get to the point of the question. I think you just assume that everything I say will be stupid.

(James looks up)

James: Do you blame me?

Luke: No, I completely understand, you may place your head on the table in disappointment again.

(Bruce walks up to the trio)

Bruce: Hey guys, how's it cracking? (Bruce sits down next to Luke)

(Luke is visibly uncomfortable but smiles the pain away)

Chad: Hey Bruce, how's Betty?

Bruce: She's good. Hey James.

(James doesn't look up)

James: What?

Bruce: How's Jen?

(Now James looks up)

James: Dude, you have got to stop with this Jen obsession. It makes me feel very uncomfortable.

Luke: I can't believe I'm saying this but… but… James…. Is *gags* James is *gags and twitches*

James: I'm what?

Luke: James is right. *Gags and coughs dramatically*

(James looks unamused)

James: Thanks Luke.

Bruce: Well whatever, I don't care. All I know is that Jen and I are made for each other. And none of you can ch-

(Bruce notices Jen talking to some guy wearing sunglasses, Bruce's jaw drops)

Bruce: *Dramatic Gasp*

Chad: What, what just happened?

Luke: I think your creepy stalker friend just malfunctioned. Don't worry! I got just the thing!

(Luke digs in his book bag and takes out a bottle of oil and a tank of gasoline)

(Luke looks at the camera)

Luke: Close your eyes children, this will go from PG to R real quick.

(Luke lunges at Bruce but Chad holds him back)

Bruce: Who is that guy?! (Bruce points at the guy Jen is talking to)

(James and Chad turn around)

Chad: Oh! That's James' friend Eddy.

Bruce: Who?

James: Eddy, who was my neighbor back in Leaftopia, he's the coolest guy in school.

Bruce: *Dramatic Gasp* James, never say that again.

James: What did I say that made you gasp dramatically?

Bruce: James, I'm the coolest guy in school. Isn't that right Luke?

Luke: Lol, nope, lmao! *Smiles* Why would I think that?

Bruce: Because I am the coolest guy you know.

Luke: No, You're the creepiest and saddest guy I know. You almost make James look like a winner!

James: Even your compliments sound like verbal attacks.

(Bruce gets up)

Bruce: Well I'm not going to allow some random wannabee take my lady away.

(Bruce storms off)

Luke: I think Bruce needs some serious counseling. Is he really your friend Chad?

Chad: Yeah, but I promise you, he's not that weird, he's actually pretty cool.

Luke: Doubt *presses x*

(Bruce walks up to Jen and Eddy)

Bruce: Hey Jen.

Jen: Oh… hi.

Bruce: And Who is this?

Jen: Bruce, meet my friend Eddy, he is a new student here.

Eddy: Sup dude. (Eddy offers his hand so Bruce can shake it)

Bruce: Oh so you're new?

Eddy: Yeah, she just said that?

Bruce: Well, welcome Eddy, now I hope you don't mind but I must inform you that Jen is off the market.

Eddy: What?

Jen: I beg your pardon? (Jen looks confused)

Bruce: You see, Jen and I have been dating for a couple of weeks now-

Jen: Yeah no. I must stop you right there. Bruce what the H are you doing?

Bruce: Marking my territory?

(Jen slaps Bruce)

Jen: Dude, we're not a couple.

(Chad, James and Luke are watching from a distance)

Luke: *from a distance* Ouch! Don't do him like that Jen! He's just a boy!

James: Shut up Luke!

Chad: F in the chat!

Bruce: What do you mean we're not a couple?

Jen: Dude, we had only one date and then you ran through my brother's dorm room roof with a motorcycle. I'm not trying to embarrass you but you have to stop thinking that there is something between us. I'm sorry Bruce.

(Jen walks away with Eddy)

(Eddy looks at Bruce)

Eddy: Sorry pal.

(Bruce walks back to the trio, defeated.)

(Chad hugs Bruce)

Chad: Sorry Bro, that must've been real rough.

Luke: Yeah it was rough to watch too.

(James and Chad look at Luke angrily)

Chad: Do you need someone to talk to? We're here to help. Well maybe not Luke but I'm here and so is James.

Bruce: No, it's fine. I see Jen wants to play hard to get.

(James and Chad facepalm, Luke also facepalms a couple of seconds later)

Bruce: I see what my problem is.

James: *sarcastically* I think we all knew what the problem was.

Bruce: I have to try harder. Yeah, that's it. I must not give up.

Luke: Yeah! That's the spirit! Let's all help Bruce out!

Chad: Yeah! We'll help you out buddy!

(Luke gets on the table)

Luke: Let's help out Chad's friend! (Luke raises his fist in the air) To James' room! AWAY!

(Luke, Chad, and Bruce run to James' room)

(James stays behind)

James: *to himself* Sure you can borrow my dorm.

(Scene changes, Luke, Chad and Bruce barge into James' dorm room)

Chad: Alright what's the plan?

Luke: I don't know. *Smiles* But after a pointless conversation one of us comes up with an idea.

(Luke looks at his watch)

Luke: In ten seconds one of us will come up with an ingenious idea that will later backfire and cause one of us, most likely James, physical and emotional pain and then we learn our lesson.

(After ten seconds)

Luke: Wait, I have an idea! (Luke feverishly digs through his book bag)

Chad: Wow, Luke, your ability to break the fourth wall was really convenient.

(Luke pulls out tons of makeup)

Luke: We'll give Bruce a makeover!

(Bruce gets scared)

Bruce: I don't like this plan!

Chad: Relax bro, we're just gonna make you look more… not you.

Luke: Yeah! We'll actually make you decent to look at!

Bruce: Okay, since when did I take James' position of being the punching bag?

Luke: Ever since James didn't follow us to his own dorm room, now shush! We're going to make Jen instantly fall for you. Now sit down. This will only hurt too much.

(Scene changes showing James in the library alone)

(For the first time James is actually happy, then Emile and GWC walk up to him)

(Emile and GWC don't say anything to James)

James: Hello?

GWC: Hey James, how are you?

James: I'm good.

Emile: Do you want to help us with something?

James: Not really no.

GWC: Come on, please!!

James: What do you need from me?

Emile: We're doing a psychological project for Dr. Ethan's class. Essentially we must take our "guinea pig" and have them go through many experiments to see how the human brain reacts to various scenarios. Trixie already helped us.

GWC: And Rocky also pitched in.

James: So if you already got two reports from two different people why do you need me?

Emile: Because we need to experiment on someone who is miserable.

GWC: And you are the most miserable person we know. Apart from Emile.

James: No! I won't do such thing.

Emile: Come on.

GWC: Please.

James: No, it's bad enough I only get two hours of sleep every night. I don't need to go through more stress.

Emile: We'll pay you.

(GWC pulls out a wad of cash)

GWC: In advance.

(GWC hands the money to James)

James: When do we start?

(Scene changes back to James' dorm, Luke, Chad and Bruce invite Trixie over)

Luke: Hey Trix!

Trixie: Hey boy that I tend to avoid. What's up?

Luke: You're a girl right?

(Trixie feels her chest)

Trixie: I think so…?

Chad: Okay we want to give Bruce a makeover that will make Jen fall madly in love with him.

(Trixie begins to walk out the door)

Trixie: Good luck.

Chad: Woah woah woah Trixie, we really need your help.

Trixie: Woah woah woah Chad, I don't know how to apply makeup on a guy.

Luke: Please Trix. We called Zack but all he did was curse us out and began to cry on the phone. So now we called you.

Trixie: Listen, I would love to help you but I don't know where to start.

Chad: Please Trixie, have a heart.

Luke: James will pay you afterwards.

(Trixie gives in)

Trixie: Fine. (Trixie places her purse on the table) First I'm gonna need you to remove your sunglasses Bruce.

Bruce: Tough Chizz, you are not gonna remove my sunglasses. These sunglasses are the reason why I look cool all the time.

Chad: Dude you had the same pair when we attended high school together, you wear them all the time, even when it's raining. I won't be surprised if those sunglasses are now part of your body.

Bruce: No, these Sunglasses give me the strength I need to get through the day.

Luke: You eat sunglasses? That doesn't sound very nutritious.

Trixie: What is wrong with him?

Chad and Bruce: No one knows.

Trixie: Come on Bruce.

Bruce: No!

(Chad removes Bruce's sunglasses only to find out Bruce had a spare)

Chad: Two sunglasses?!

Bruce: I actually have three.

Chad: How do you even see?

Bruce: I don't even know myself.

Trixie: Bruce come on, we don't have all day.

(Bruce gives in.)

Bruce: Ugh fine. (Bruce removes his sunglasses and his pupils dilate) AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Chad: I was afraid this might happen.

Bruce: MY EYES THEY BURN!!!!!

Trixie: I'm going to get the mascara.

Luke: I'll follow you.

Trixie: Please Don't

(Scene changes, Emile, GWC and James are in study hall, there is a big glass chamber in the middle of the room)

James: Okay what is that thing? (James points at the chamber)

GWC: That's our tool for this project. It's a controlled emotional chamber. It's where we lock our test subjects for a couple of hours and write down what they're going through. (GWC picks up his clipboard)

James: Uh okay. How did you even get that thing?

GWC: Dawn and Timmy both collaborated on the design of this box.

Emile: Now that's enough questions, get in it.

James: Woah, I would like to know what's gonna happen once I get inside that thing.

(Emile writes on his clipboard)

Emile: Test subject, already being difficult.

James: I'm not being difficult I just wan-

GWC: Listen, you go in the chamber, we lock the door, and then we're gonna test your reactions using various stimulation techniques.

(GWC shoves James inside the chamber)

James: Watch it, watch it. I am perfectly capable of walking myself.

(James walks inside and GWC immediately closes and locks the door)

GWC: You think he's gonna last long.

Emile: *Snickers*

GWC: Oh grow up. (GWC grabs a microphone) Alright James?

James: Yeah?

GWC: Okay, during the experiments we'll be taking small pauses to inform you about the next test.

James: Got it!

Emile: Test subject is easy to persuade and very oblivious to that obvious lie.

(Emile presses a button and terrible pop music starts playing)

James: Okay what is this?

GWC: It's a song that I found on Luke's playlist.

James: Well, turn it off. This is the worst thing my ears have had the misfortune of hearing.

GWC: Make it louder.

Emile: I know what to do! (Emile cranks the volume of the song)

James: Hey! That's not what I meant! Turn this off now!

GWC: Mute his mic.

Emile: Got it.

James: Can you please turn this off!? This sounds like sh- (James' mic is muted)

Emile: Test subject is already being stressed due to the sounds of terrible pop music.

GWC: Now unleash the bubbles. Maybe he'll be a lot less stressed if he sees something pretty.

(Emile presses a button and it give James an electric shock)

(James gets shocked and falls onto the ground)

GWC: *calmly* Emile.

Emile: Yes GWC?

GWC: *calmly* Why did you shock James? Where are the bubbles?

Emile: We ran out of the bubble formula.

GWC: *calmly* So you decided to replace it with electricity?

Emile: Yes, did I do something wrong?

GWC: *calmly* Of course not. I'm sure James will understand THAT WE JUST SHOCKED THE LIVING CRUD OUT OF HIM!!

(Emile jumps)

Emile: You know sometimes you can be very mean to me.

(Scene Changes back to James' dorm. Trixie finished applying the eyeliner)

Trixie: And violà.. Say hello to the new and improved Bruce Richemont.

(Scene pans showing Bruce. He now is actually good looking, Bruce has a chiseled JawLine, Trimmed eyebrows, a better haircut, and his skin looks ight)

(Bruce picks up a mirror)

Chad: Dang, she made you good looking.

Luke: I'm still very confused how Trixie gave you a chiseled jawline. Did she hammer your face?

Bruce: Dang. I look good. From now on all of you call me "Bryce Noire"

(At the sametime)

Chad: No, I don't think I will.

Luke: Absolutely not.

Bruce: Thank you so much Trixie! Now I have to sweep my lady off her feet.

(Bruce runs out the door)

Bruce: *from a distance* Don't worry Jen, your knight in shining armor has arrived!

Luke: We did good Chad! We did good. You know, for some reason I am glad.

Chad: Thank you so much Trixie.

Trixie: No problem, but um… you did promise me a paycheck once I was done. (Trixie opens her hand)

Luke: I got it. (Luke hands Trixie his phone number) You can call me anytime.

Trixie: Thanks… Thanks Luke… This is…. Pretty much worthless…

(Chad, Luke and Trixie walk outside to the hallway, they see Bruce running down the hall)

Chad: And there he goes *sniff* They grow up so fast. It feels like only this morning where Bruce got rejected by Jen. *sniff*

Luke: Chin up Chad, now Bruce evolved. Now he's gonna be rejected by Jen in the afternoon. *smiles*

(Scene changes, the lunchroom, Jen, Eddy, Katrina and Mel are eating at the same table)

Jen: Hey Eddy, tell them about the time you were invited to be on Good Morning America.

Eddy: Sure, so it happened like this. I wrote a novel at the age of twelve, I didn't think much of it and then-

(Jen sees Bruce walking towards their table with confidence)

Jen: Oh dear god no. Not right now.

Katrina: Uh Jen? Is like something up?

Jen: Turn around.

(Katrina and Mel turn around and see a good looking Bruce walking towards them and a bunch of girls are following him)

Eddy: Is that your boy-

Jen: If you want to see another day Eddy I would suggest not finishing that sentence.

Bruce: Hey guys, How's it going?

Jen: Uh Bruce?

Bruce: Yes Jen? (Bruce looks over his shoulder, Mel and Katrina are admiring Bruce's face)

Jen: You look different.

Eddy: New haircut?

Bruce: I got more than just a haircut. I got a new makeover.

(Girls behind him squeal)

Jen: Uh, Bruce I think you have an army of girls right behind you.

Bruce: Eh, they were always there.

Luke: *from a distance* No they weren't!!

Chad: *from a distance* Come on now Bruce, don't lie to her.

Bruce: So Jen I was wondering if…

(School begins to shake violently)

Chad: What is that?

Luke: That might be Natas making a great entrance once again. Don't worry, I brought sunblock this time. (Luke begins to rub sunblock on his face)

(An army of girls come through the cafeteria doors)

Random girl 1: There he is! It's that attractive man we saw earlier this morning!

Random girl 2: His hair is so fluffy!!! Looks like a big mountain of brown cotton candy!!

Random girl 3: Let's get him!!!

(Girls start running towards Bruce)

Bruce: Sorry Jen but I must skedaddle! (Bruce makes a run for it)

(Girls start running after him)

Bruce: Guys help me out!!!

Luke: Don't worry Bruce I got this! (Luke digs through his book bag and pulls out a rocket launcher)

Chad: Dude!

Luke: You're right, not deadly enough. (Luke goes back in his book bag)

Chad: Follow me. (Chad pulls Luke away)

(Scene changes back to James, GWC, and Emile)

(James is on the floor in a fetal position)

James: How long will this go on for?

Emile: Maybe 2, 3?

James:…. Minutes? Hours!?

Emile: Maybe more.

James: Can you at least give me something to eat? I'm starving in this thing.

GWC: Sure, In two minutes Emile will hand you a bag of nachos and guacamole. (GWC Shuts off mic)

Emile: Ready?

GWC: Always now give James the tortillas and the pot of guac.

(James receives the nachos and guacamole and begins to eat)

GWC: How is it?

James: It's good. Nothing unusual.

Emile: Test subject is currently in denial.

(James has a disgust look on his face)

James: *cough* What's in the guacamole?

GWC: Avocados.

James: I can see that but why does it taste so weird.

Emile: Oh! We put two full bottles of cough medicine in the recipe to see how fast the test subject will eventually collapse on the floor.

James: You what?!

GWC: Relax, he's just joking. (Shuts off mic) You weren't joking right?

Emile: Nope. (Emile presses another button)

(The chamber gets filled with toxic gas)

James: Guys?! Guys?! What on earth is going on right now! *takes a sniff* OH GOD THAT SMELLS LIKE SH-

(James' mic gets turned off)

Emile: Test subject is already in psychological pain. Should I up the stench?

GWC: Go for it.

(Emile cranks the stench to its max)

(James takes off his shirt and puts it over his face, his face is turning green)

Emile: Test subject will most likely pass out.

GWC: You think we should stop?

Emile: We can't. This is in the name of science. SCIENCE!!

(James presses up of the glass and dramatically falls down)

Emile: Okay now we can stop.

(Bruce runs through study hall, a crowd of girls are chasing after him)

GWC: Hey was that Bruce?

Emile: No, Bruce doesn't have girls chasing after him.

GWC: You're right. Why did I even think that was Bruce? I'm stupid.

(Luke and Chad run inside study hall)

Chad: Guys have you seen Bruce?

GWC: No we haven't.

Luke: You didn't see an attractive male getting chased down by girls here?

Chad: You probably should-

Luke: I know what I said. Am I glad? No. (Notices James in the chamber dying) Why is James being tortured? And why aren't we the ones not doing the torturing?

Emile: It's a long story. Also, did you just say Bruce was getting chased down by girls?

Chad: Yeah, we could've sworn he ran through the study hall.

Luke: We have no time to waste! Chad, you and I will continue to look for your friend. GWC and Emile, you two have to clean up James' puke.

GWC and Emile: What?!

(Chad and Luke run out of study hall)

Emile: Go clean up the puke, I will get the other tools needed.

(Emile walks away)

GWC: *under his breath* Okay, great. That's just great, always make GWC clean up the test subject's puke out the controlled emotional chamber.

(Scene changes, showing Bruce hiding behind a vending machine. Luke and Chad walk up to him)

Luke: I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but I don't think you can purchase a cola from behind the machine.

Bruce: Ssshhh! Are you trying to give away my location?

Chad: No, we are trying to help you out.

Bruce: Oh yeah, and what do you plan on doing, blast me with a firefighter hose so you can wash away all this makeup?

(Luke is seen holding a firefighter hose while wearing a firefighter hat)

Chad: Sorry Luke.

(Luke is visibly sad)

Luke: *groans* And I just had Veinsaw steal this for me.

Bruce: And besides, I tried washing away the makeup. It doesn't come off!

Random girl 1: THERE HE IS!! HE'S HIDING BEHIND THAT VENDING MACHINE!

Random girl 2: YEAH, AND HE'S TALKING TO UNATTRACTIVE PEOPLE!!

Random girl 3: GET HIM!!!!!

Bruce: I'M NOT EVEN THAT GOOD LOOKING!!! CHAD, LUKE SAVE ME PLEASE!

(Bruce jumps out the window, girls also jump out the window)

Luke: Okay, I have a plan.

Chad: Oh no.

Luke: Look, this plan actually makes sense.

(Chad seems unamused)

Chad: Are you sure about that?

Luke: Focus Hunter, if we can't take the Makeup off of Bruce, then how about we make him uglier. You see where I'm going?

Chad: No. No, I don't.

Luke: We make him go back to being unattractive. Like, if he runs down the halls we slam a door on his face so his face can start swelling up like James' face whenever he eats something with pumpkin involved. Or we light him on fire so he can go bald and lose all his precious locks of hair.

Chad: Or maybe, we tell Trixie to remove all that makeup she did.

Luke: Ew gross, that's boring. My plan is better!

Chad: It is a really good plan.

Luke: Alright let's go!

(Luke and Chad run off to find Bruce)

(Scene changes back to study hall)

GWC: Alright last experiment.

(James is seen on the ground beaten to a pulp inside the chamber)

James: *weakly* great, i'm so excited.

Emile: Test subject is still being a sarcastic prick.

GWC: Alright James just stand up if you can.

(James can barely stand up)

Emile: Test subject can barely do simple tasks. Test subject looks like he's going to pass out. Test subject looks miserable like always.

GWC: James, if you can't stand up just let us know.

James: I can't stand up!!!!

Emile: Test subject is more rude now.

GWC: Alright' I'll just prepare the chemical shower and in five minutes James will be drenched with chemicals.

Emile: I still don't understand why you had that installed.

GWC: I work in mysterious ways. (GWC has an evil grin)

(Bruce runs inside study hall)

Bruce: Guys you gotta help me!!

GWC: Not now, we're busy.

Bruce: You don't understand. I'm being chased by girls.

Emile: I thought that was your dream.

Bruce: Yes, being surrounded by girls. NOT ATTACKED BY THEM!

GWC: What's the difference?

(Bruce shows GWC his arm, somebody took a bite out of it)

Bruce: This! This is the difference! I have been trampled over, stomped on, they pulled my hair.

(Bruce checks inside his pants)

Bruce: I think they even stole my underwear.

Emile: Nice, now can you leave? We have something very important to do.

(The school begins to shake.)

Bruce: *dramatically* Oh no. They're coming!

(Luke and Chad burst inside the study hall holding paintball guns and a sledge hammer)

Luke: Do not fret Bruce. We are here to save the day. I am here to save you.

(GWC looks at Luke)

GWC: Luke, I don't think anybody who hears you say that would feel safe. Listen Luke, if the situation gets to the point where they need your help,oof, it's a pretty bad situation.

(Luke cocks his paintball gun)

Luke: Would you LUKE at that Bruce we tried helping you out and you BLUE it!!

(GWC facepalms)

Chad: Bruce, don't make it harder than it already is. (Wipes tear off)

(The study hall door opens and an army of girls are standing in the doorway)

Random girl 4: THERE HE IS!! THE UNATTRACTIVE MAN THAT SOMEHOW BECAME ATTRACTIVE IN A COUPLE OF HOURS IS THERE TALKING TO OTHER UNATTRACTIVE CREATURES!!!!

Random girl 5: (manly voice) LETS GET HIM!!

(Girls start running towards Bruce, Chad and Luke start running to Bruce)

(Bruce is in panic, he notices James inside the glass chamber and runs towards the door and using his strength he opens the door and tosses James to the floor)

James: Thank you so much Bru-

(James gets trampled by girls)

(Bruce gets inside the chamber)

Bruce: HAHAHA, suck on that losers! (Evil laugh)

GWC: Uh oh.

(The chamber sprays Bruce with a chemical shower)

(Bruce is screaming in agony)

GWC: Stop the machine Emile!

(Emile quickly turns the machine off)

Chad: Bruce?

Luke: Is he dead?

(GWC opens the chamber door and pulls Bruce out)

(Bruce's skin is red and looks like his original self)

Random girl 6: Ewwww, he's back to his original basic self.

Random girl 7: Let's go get Eddy instead

(All the girls run out of study hall)

Chad: Bruce are you okay?

(Bruce weakly opens his eyes)

Bruce: …. Everything…. Stings

GWC: You get used to it.

(Jen walks inside study hall)

Jen: Bruce?

Bruce: Hey Jen!

(Bruce gets up)

Jen: You okay?

Bruce: Yes I am!

Luke: That's great to hear!

(Luke pats Bruce on the back and Bruce screams in pain)

(GWC pulls Luke back)

Jen: Um… are you sure?

Bruce: Yeah! Ow!

Jen: That's good. Wanna go get some smoothies later?

Bruce: yeah, that'll be nice. *smiles*

(Jen and Bruce walk off)

Emile: Well that was something.

Luke: The formula works!

GWC: What formula.

Luke: The formula that happens every episode where we all come up with an ingenious plan that later backfires horrendously and then we learn a lesson!

Chad: What lesson did we learn?

Luke: That true beauty comes within or something like that.

Chad: When did we learn that? Also doesn't James have to be in pain. In order for your formula to work.

(James gets up)

James: *weakly* hey guysss..

(James collapses)

Luke: The formula works!!!

(Bye)