4. Chapter 4(2)

Jack is next to her when she spots the picture and he glances over her shoulder. “You went to APT?” He asks, sound a bit put off and she knows it’s because she didn’t invite him.

“I’ve already seen the pictures of you at Fever, so don’t act like you were at home eating ice cream.”

He puts an exaggerated look of offense on his face as he brings a hand to his chest. “Still,” he says and she just rolls her eyes and goes back to her phone. “You went with Kara? Instead of me?”

“I didn’t go with Kara,” she protests, clicking her tongue disapprovingly against the lie. “I ran into her there.”

Jack’s smile is nothing short of smug and she nearly shoves him off his stool. “I’m sure.”

“It’s true,” she emphasizes firmly, but she can tell Jack doesn’t buy it.

“Well, speaking of running into people at clubs, you’ll never believe who I saw last night,” Jack says and Lena can tell he means to do it casually, but Lena’s known him most of her life and she catches the way his eyes dart around.

It draws her attention back fully to his face and a swoop of anxiety goes low in her stomach as she asks, “Who?”

“Sam.”

The name makes Lena’s chest go painfully tight as a thickness gathers in her throat. “Sam,” she repeats, hoping maybe there’s another Sam she’s not remembering and not the Sam that she sort-of dated for three years in college.

“Yes,” Jack says, looking at her straight on. “Sam. Your ex and the former love of my life.”

He looks mostly joking when he says the last bit, but Lena knows there’s a hint of truth there and she closes her eyes briefly sighing. “Jack,” she says softly, pleading and he chuckles a bit.

“I’m not joking,” he replies. “I mean, not about running into her. She was at Fever.”

“I didn’t know she was in town,” Lena says, focusing back on her phone and making a show of swiping through her Twitter again.

“I think Allied Industries is making some moves. At least, that’s the way it sounded from Sam.”

“You spoke with her?”

“Briefly,” Jack answers with a casual shrug like they’re not talking about someone that was once at the epicenter of all their personal drama.

“I don’t care,” Lena says and Jack laughs abruptly at that.

“Lena, I know you like to live in your little world of delusion about these things but come on,” he says with a knowing smirk on his lips.

Lena shakes her head and looks at her nails in a bored gesture. “I really don’t care. That was a chapter of my life best left behind me.”

Jack studies her for a moment, eyes going a bit more serious. “She looked good, you know,” he comments, clearly ignoring her wishes.

“Yes, well you’ve always cared more about that than me.”

Jack rolls his eyes. “I just thought you might want to know before you run into her in a club just like I did and worse, you’ll probably be with Kara.”

The reintroduction of Kara into the conversation twists something uncomfortable in Lena’s gut and honestly this is part of the reason she’s been so adamant at avoiding emotional entanglements.

“I don’t go out with Kara enough to be worried about such a thing.” At least focusing on Kara feels easier to do than entertaining the thought of running into Sam randomly at some night club with Kara looking like…Kara…standing next to her.

“You were at APT with her just last night,” Jack points out with a laugh.

Lena thins her lips, sets a glare in his direction. “Like I said. I ran into Kara at the club, I didn’t go with her. You’d be surprised by how little we talk, honestly,” Lena asserts with as much confidence as she can muster. Jack looks as though he believes very little of the bluster, and her case is only weakened when her phone on the table vibrates with a text message from Kara.

“Right,” Jack says, taking a sip of his drink and wiggling his eyebrows until Lena can’t help but laugh.

--

Ever since Lena’s decision to break this whole thing off with Kara, it just seems like they’re having more sex than before. Even when Lena tries to avoid it, tries to see if she really can just be friends with Kara without the sex, they almost always end up fucking.

Kara comes over after landing back in National City from a road trip and finds her way to Lena’s couch. Lena pours them wine, they put something on the television as background noise and somewhere between laughing at a dumb joke Kara’s told and allowing Kara to coax her feet into strong fingers for a foot rub, they end up kissing.

Lena can’t be blamed though. Kara’s got her glasses on and they were falling down her nose, her hair was tumbling over her shoulders and her cheeks were slightly pink as she laughed at herself in that self-deprecating way she has. A strong thumb was running up the arch of Lena’s foot and sending pleasure up her leg and Lena couldn’t resist it anymore.

They don’t make it to a bed. But then again, they often don’t the first time.

And Lena tries not to think about how every time they come together it’s never just once. It’s as if this thing with Kara really is a drug and Lena just can’t help herself.

They fuck slowly, Lena taking Kara apart first with her fingers and then Kara doing the same. It’s almost soft against the plush cushions of Lena’s couch and when it’s all over they tangle together easily and nearly absentmindedly.

Kara sags on top of Lena’s body, her cheek pressing up under Lena’s chin to rest against her chest and they turn towards the television where sports news is playing. It makes Lena groan a bit into a laugh.

“Tell me we didn’t just have sex while your highlight reel played on my television.”

Obediently, Kara does as she’s told. “We didn’t just have sex while my highlight reel played on your television.”

Lena rolls her eyes, stretches to reach the discarded remote and changes the channel despite Kara’s light protesting of, “Hey, you didn’t even see that shitty call on me in the fourth!”

“I already saw it,” Lena points out, dropping the remote back down when she settles on some late cable news.

Kara lifts her head up, holds her entire upper body up with the strength of her abdomen and Lena tries not to feel the evidence of that between her legs, but her eyes still flicker downward. “You’re totally a basketball fan now aren’t you?”

Lena shoves Kara lightly in the shoulder, makes as if she’s going to squirm away, but Kara holds her still with a solid pressure that is really making Lena start to calculate how much sleep she’s going to get if she convinces Kara into another round. “Don’t be rude.”

It makes Kara laugh and the sound of it pulls a smile onto Lena’s lips before she can stop it. “You’re watching all the away games, having sex to sports highlights –” Lena’s palm cuts off the words as it lands over Kara’s mouth, but she can still see the smirk on Kara’s face in the cheeky arch of her brow.

--

The Lakehawks are marching through another victory a few days before the Olympic break is scheduled to begin.

Per usual, she and Jack retreat to the Courtside Club in the arena for halftime and post up at a corner booth with refilled drinks. Jack fills the time scrolling through his Twitter feed and showing Lena ridiculous posts about the game while Lena sips idly at her drink and glances at the television screen nearby that’s broadcasting the halftime show.

It’s some man stacking chairs higher and higher as he balances on the top. Lena watches it for a few moments and wonders whose job it is to pick halftime entertainment – she makes a mental note to ask James about it at their next meeting.

“I think we should go to the Star City game this weekend,” Jack says randomly, pulling Lena’s attention from the screen to where he’s sitting.

“And why’s that?” Lena asks, a bit perplexed until she spots his phone screen. “Are you just looking at pictures of the Lance sisters?”

Jack pulls the phone away from her line of sight and straightens, looking at her with fake innocence. “No.” The word is delivered with a telling quirk of his lips and eventually he laughs, turning his phone back over and showing it to her.

It’s a picture of Sara and Laurel during a game, arms around each other as they walk towards the sideline. “Cute,” she says, shooting him a knowing look.

He just shrugs, pulls his phone back and swipes to the next picture. Lena can just see well enough to know it’s a picture she’s seen before – one of Sara, Laurel and Kara at some women in sports charity event. All three of them are dressed impeccably and smirking at the camera.

Lena turns away before she falls down the same hole Jack seems to have already jumped into, but when her eyes float back to the television Kara’s face is there too. It seems the jumbotron is playing some kind of video tribute and she watches as pictures of Kara as a child start to float across the screen.

“Oh,” Jack says softly when he looks up as well and Lena turns a quizzical look his direction. “I forgot it was the anniversary. I read about it in the paper this morning.”

“The anniversary?” Lena asks, turning back to the television where the video is showing a sequence of clips of Kara playing basketball as a young girl. It’s undeniably adorable and Lena fights a smile.

The affection growing in her stomach, however, cools, when Jack answers her. “The anniversary of her parents’ death,” he tells her.  

Intellectually, Lena had known that Kara’s parents had passed when she was young – that was the reason she had been adopted by the Danvers. All of that information had been in the file Lena had originally read when she first took ownership of the team. But it’s a different beast to see the pictures from Kara’s childhood, the videos.

The camera splits the screen to show Kara – back on the court for warmups – glancing up at the screen with an unreadable expression. Before it cuts away, the feed catches Alex coming close to her.

As the tribute ends and the television switches back to showing both teams warming up for the second half, Lena can’t stop the flood of emotion she feels twisting in her chest.

“Nice that they do that,” Jack comments, going back to his phone.

Lena doesn’t see Kara that night after the game and can’t decide if she should text her or not. Something deep inside her can barely stamp out the urge to reach out – if only to check in.

Instead, she spends the night in her bedroom with her laptop and does something she told herself she wouldn’t do. She Googles Kara Danvers.

Most of the information had been included in the file she had first been given about the Lakehawks, but a lot of it only went surface deep. Only a few minutes on the internet tells her as much.

It’s mouse click after mouse click down a rabbit hole she usually tries to avoid.

Which is how she stumbles on some sort of ESPN special documenting Kara’s journey to the league. The video begins with the same pictures she had seen during the tribute at the game and Lena only gets about two minutes in before she closes out of it and shuts her laptop.

For whatever reason it feels wrong to find these things out about Kara this way.

--

Questions burn at the back of her brain the next time she sees Kara. An unstoppable curiosity just sitting there, invading every thought.

It isn’t a game day, but Kara had an early practice and a free evening and had texted Lena to see if she was available. When Lena shows up just after work, Kara opens the door wearing low slung grey joggers and a soft looking grey t-shirt that makes Lena’s fingers itch against the urge to tangle in the fabric.

“Hey,” Kara says softly, pushing her glasses up her nose and stepping aside for Lena to enter.

They exchange quick kisses on the cheek and Lena pulls quickly away from the intoxicating scent of a freshly showered Kara Danvers. “Have you eaten?” Lena asks, striding into the kitchen and setting her purse down on the counter there.

“I thought we could order Chinese food or something, see what’s on Netflix.”

Lena arches a brow and turns to send Kara a teasing smile. “Isn’t that what the kids call Netflix and chill?”

Shrugging a shoulder, but laughing, Kara steps forward to place a hot hand on Lena’s hips, the warmth of it shooting up Lena’s side. “I’m not against the concept.”

Lena just rolls her eyes and fights a blush at the suggestive look in Kara’s eye. Thankfully, Kara relents with another laugh and moves to scoop her phone up from the counter. “What do you want to eat?”

They decide together on what to order from Ping’s – a Chinese place Kara swears by around the corner from her building. Lena’s gaze wanders around the apartment while Kara busies herself entering the order information into her phone.

With the added impulse to find out more about Kara’s life, her eyes start to settle on details of Kara’s apartment she hadn’t noticed before – a scattering of what look to be family pictures become the most interesting objects.

Kara’s intent on her phone, typing away, when Lena strides in front of a picture she recognizes from the short tribute at the game. “Are these your parents?” Lena asks, the question bursting out of her so quickly she’s almost alarmed at the sound of it.

Kara, however, is distracted enough by finishing their food order that she makes a noncommittal questioning hum and barely looks up from her phone. “What?”

Pointing at the picture and waiting for Kara to glance up, Lena repeats the question. “Are these your parents?”

As Kara seems to register the question, her body stills, eyes pulling up from the phone to look to where Lena’s standing. “Yeah,” she says softly, brow furrowed a bit but not looking closed off like Lena might have expected.

Nerves coil in Lena’s stomach as Kara continues to regard her, phone now discarded on the counter. “They,” Lena starts, licking dryness off her lips. “I mean how did they – yesterday was the anniversary, right, of when they –”

Kara laughs softly, shaking her head and moving around the counter to where Lena’s standing. “You can say died,” she says with an amusement in her tone at odds with the topic of conversation.

Lena blinks. “Right,” she says, feeling foolish as warmth creeps up into her cheeks. She doesn’t know why she’s turning into a stuttering idiot right now. It’s not as if she’s any stranger to death or to serious conversation on the subject.

Turning to the picture in question, Kara smiles, a sad look on a usually happy face. “Yesterday was fifteen years. Sometimes it feels like days.”

A tight squeeze takes hold of Lena’s chest and she spares a thought for her own father, for the way he looked before he died and how sometimes she’ll wake up and just forget he’s gone. “I know what you mean,” she says, reaching out to tangle her fingers with Kara’s.

The words pull Kara’s gaze away from the picture and she looks at Lena as if she’s seeing her for the first time. “Your dad, right?”

Lena nods, doesn’t trust the thickness in her throat, but manages to answer, “Yes.”

“How did he die?” Kara asks, fingers squeezing Lena’s in a firm gesture.

Lena shrugs. Never knows how to answer that question other than, “He got sick.”

Another sad smile crosses Kara’s lips before she looks back at the picture of her parents on the wall. “Mine died in a fire,” she says softly and it takes Lena a second to realize she’s getting answers to questions she had been itching to ask before.

“Your house?” Lena asks, remembering the small crumbs of information she’d already gathered.

Kara nods. “Yeah. We were all asleep when it happened.”

The next question comes out before Lena can stop it, “Why aren’t you dead then?” It’s brusque and perhaps too blunt a question to ask someone on the anniversary of such an event, but it’s already out there and Lena can’t pick the words back up.

Kara, however, doesn’t seem affected, just laughs softly. “My mother threw me out a window,” she answers, something like mirth widening in her eyes. “Can you believe that?”

Lena can’t, honestly. “She what?”

“She threw me out a window,” Kara repeats. “Like full on threw me out. I landed on the lawn, blacked out and woke up with a wicked concussion and orphaned.”

“Wow,” Lena breathes out, an ache in her chest twisting out towards Kara with the unstoppable desire to protect and comfort.

“Yeah,” Kara agrees, blowing out a low exhale. “That’s how I got the scar on my chest, actually,” she says, bringing up a hand to her collarbone. “The glass on the window.”

Lena squeezes the hand still holding on to her own and breathes in and out against the emotion pounding against her ribcage.

“They said that popping open the window was probably what killed them,” Kara says, this time so impossibly soft that Lena nearly strains to hear it. Blue eyes have taken a glossy, lost look in them as if Kara’s recalling the memory acutely. “Fire races for an escape, you know?”

There’s a childishly broken quality to Kara’s voice now, and Lena regrets bringing the entire thing up, wants to do anything to take away the look in Kara’s expression. “I’m sorry,” Lena says when she can’t think of anything else more useful. She brings her free hand up to thumb at the well of tears threatening to escape Kara’s eyes.

 “Don’t be,” Kara says quickly, a quirk of a smile making her face take on a bit of her usual attitude. Lena can’t think of much else to do other than step closer and press a comforting kiss to Kara’s jaw, her hand coming up against Kara’s chest, right over her heartbeat.

Kara lets out a soft sigh that does something to Lena’s brain and before she knows it they’re just standing there in a loose embrace, Kara’s hands on her hips keeping her in close.

They stand there so long that it’s not until the doorbell is ringing with the promise of food that Lena realizes what they’re doing.

They both startle, break apart and exchange soft laughs before Kara kisses Lena’s temple and goes for the door. Lena looks once more at the picture of Kara’s parents and tries to steady the beating of her heart.

They don’t fuck that night. Not for any reason other than that they stuff themselves with far too much food and Kara has the worst taste in movies and that’s why Lena ends up falling asleep on the couch, head slouching down to bump into Kara’s shoulder in a pair of sweatpants and oversized shirt Kara had leant her.

At least she thinks she falls asleep on the couch, but she somehow wakes up in Kara’s bed, fully clothed yet entirely comfortable. It doesn’t occur to freak her out at first. Not really.

Instead, she sinks in to the plush feeling of Kara’s massive bed and doesn’t shrink away from the way Kara’s hand suddenly reaches out for her the moment Lena shifts.

It’s not until much, much later that Lena thinks seriously about what happened. Not until after they wake up together and Kara makes them coffee and some ridiculous fruit smoothies. Not until she’s kissed Kara’s cheek goodbye and headed back to her own apartment to get ready for work. Not until she’s sitting at lunch about to take a bite of the sushi she had Jess grab for her that morning.

That’s about when she realizes what happened. Or rather when it occurs to her how much more emotionally compromised the evening made her feel than the thousand hookups before it. How even though she didn’t sleep with Kara – a plan she’d been attempting to execute for weeks – it certainly feels like they did so much more than that.

Her heart starts to pound as she thinks back to the night, to the way Kara’s eyes had looked as she talked about her parents and to a sleepy recollection of being coaxed to bed at some midnight hour, Kara’s hands resting on her hips and pressing a quick kiss to her lips as they climbed in bed.

A flush takes place in her cheeks and she sets her chopsticks back down into the container, eyes trained on the far wall of her office, but not really seeing anything.

“Fuck.”

--

It isn’t until the itinerary lands on her desk one morning that Lena remembers she’d bought tickets to Tokyo for the Olympic Games.

It had been a late night decision after half a bottle of wine with Jack and one too many pictures of Kara on her Instagram suggestions page, after a phone call from Kara on the road.

Luthor Corp owns enough facilities in Japan that it’s easily written off as a business trip. Lena had been to the country multiple times, in fact, just for that reason. But she knows that’s not why she’s going and something unhinges in her chest at the thought of why she’s really doing it.

It certainly doesn’t help that Kara spots the itinerary on her kitchen table that night and gets this unstoppable excitement in her eyes. Things have felt different between them lately. Dangerously different, and Lena knows she’s playing with fire the longer she puts off some kind of conversation about where their relationship is going.

But it’s too hard to start that discussion when Kara’s grinning like she is and her hair is pulled back into a messy bun, glasses just slightly askew in that attractive, dorky look she always manages.

“So you really decided to go?” Kara asks, eyes bright. She’s already dressed the part of the Olympic athlete – a deep blue collared zip up with TEAM USA on the back – and she’s leaning against Lena’s kitchen counter in that casually irresistible way she has.

“I have some work meetings scheduled. We have a lot of infrastructure in Japan.”

Kara’s lips press into a smile and she nods her head up and down even as her eyes take on a disbelieving narrowed look. “Right, yeah, totally.”

“The Olympics being in town is a happy coincidence.”

Kara laughs, sets the itinerary she’d been reading down and skips forward to press a quick kiss to Lena’s cheek. “Totally,” she repeats and before more conversation can be had, Lena steers Kara’s attention away by a well placed hand low on her hip and a blinking of her eyelashes.

It does the trick just like always, and Kara’s face goes from playful to serious moments before she’s nosing forward to kiss Lena heavily and lift her up onto the countertop.

--

Domestic training camp for the Olympics starts at the end of the July and Kara becomes what can only be described as giddy. Lena comes over one night to help Kara pack, though she mostly ends up supervising Kara’s haphazard throwing of things into her suitcase while drinking a glass of wine.

“I haven’t seen Iris in like forever,” Kara is gushing much as she has been for the last hour as she details USA’s Olympic roster and how excited she is to be playing with them. “And Diana!”

“Diana Prince?” Lena asks, remembering the photos she’d seen of Diana lifting Kara up into an exuberant hug.

“Yeah, she plays for Greece.” Kara’s blue eyes seem to go brighter than normal.

“You’re very excited,” Lena comments for lack of anything better to say.

“Well yeah,” Kara says with a shrug and an awed looking smile. “It’s the Olympics. And I get to represent the country. It’s like…” Kara’s eyes go wide and she makes some kind of explosion gesture around her head, cheeks puffing out in a manner that just makes Lena laugh.

“Mind-blowing?” Lena ventures and Kara nods.

The moment goes quiet for a few seconds before Kara’s face turns serious. “I’m really glad you’re coming.”

Lena is too. And she’s trying to blame that on soaking up some of Kara’s excitement for the games and not the realization that if she didn’t go, she wouldn’t be seeing Kara for nearly a month. “It should be fun,” Lena says softly, struggling against the heat in her cheeks.

“I don’t know how much we’ll be able to see each other,” Kara says. “Coach Waller is way less strict than Coach Grant about off-time activities, but you never know.”

“Don’t compromise your run for Olympic Gold on my account. I assure you I know how to entertain myself in Tokyo of all places,” Lena says, leaning back slightly on the bed, palm propping her up on the mattress as she sips at her wine.

“Hardly,” Kara says rolling her eyes and throwing a sweatshirt in the vague direction of her open suitcase. “Tokyo is going to be overrun by athletes and – ” Kara turns with a mischievous grin, “ – sports people. I know how much you love those sports people.”

This time it’s Lena who rolls her eyes, but she laughs at Kara’s grin. “Well I hear these sports types come with their own condom sponsorship, isn’t that what you said? That should certainly keep things interesting.”

A barking laugh escapes Kara as she stands from her dresser and drops four pairs of sweatpants on the floor next to her suitcase. “That’s just in the Olympic Village,” she says, pointing an accusatory finger at Lena. “Where you are not allowed.”

Lena arches a challenging brow. “Because of all the condoms?”

“Will you stop saying condoms?” Kara asks, propping her hands on her hips with a laughing grin. “You’re ruining all the good that dress is doing for you.”

Kara makes a gesture up and down as if to indicate the casual navy dress Lena had worn over that night. Lena glances down at herself and when she picks her chin back up, Kara is suddenly considerably closer. Startling at the new proximity, she nearly spills her wine until Kara plucks it out of her hand and sets it onto the bedside table.

“Kara,” Lena says, drawing the name out slowly and feeling a heat at the intention in Kara’s smile.

“Yes, Lena?”

“Don’t you need to pack?” Lena asks even as Kara comes close enough to start to push Lena backward onto the bed.

“You distracted me with all that condom talk,” Kara replies, nosing forward until she’s pressing a quick kiss to Lena’s lips.

Lena’s nose scrunches a bit in distaste. “I thought you said that wasn’t working for you.”

Kara shrugs. “I’ll muddle through.”

“You really know how to charm a woman,” she says with a soft laugh that Kara returns before kissing across Lena’s jawline. A feeling flutters across Lena’s chest and settles lower in her gut.

“Yes,” Kara says, running her palm up Lena’s leg until it’s pushing up the fabric of her dress. “You seem thoroughly uncharmed.”

“You know, your ego is really –” Kara’s lips cut out the rest of her sentence and Lena forgets what she was going to say anyway because Kara’s body presses more firmly on top of her own and her thigh pulls Lena’s knees apart and all her brain power goes to ignoring just how much she’s going to miss this while Kara’s at training camp.

That night, after Kara procrastinates far too long with Lena in bed, Lena lingers there, lets the satisfaction of their coupling pull her against the mattress while Kara stands and half-dresses.

It’d be far too easy to stay. Lena can feel the desire in the depth of her bones. Kara’s pulling her tangled hair up off her neck, pulling a tank-top off a pile of laundry and observing her barely-packed suitcase with hands on her hips.

It’d be easy to just laze in Kara’s bed and watch her pack until she’s finally ready to rejoin Lena under the covers. They’d tangle up together, kiss goodnight, fall asleep. The fantasy is right there whispering in Lena’s brain.

But she resists. Manages, just barely, to find the strength to sit up and pick her discarded dress up off the floor. She must give it a look of enough distaste that Kara notices with a laugh before throwing Lena a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt.

“Safe travels,” Lena murmurs politely and Kara smiles, kisses Lena deeply once more before letting her retreat out of the apartment and into the night air.

George is waiting for her on the curb, black car tucked discreetly next to a tree outside Kara’s building. He looks disturbingly unaffected by being kept out so late and Lena spares a thought to up his pay, but for now she just slides into the back seat of the car and slinks down, trying to lick the taste of Kara off her lips.

--

It’s mostly radio silence the moment Kara leaves for camp.

They don’t get a chance to talk on the phone at all, but Kara sends a few text messages here and there – pictures of the team and comments about how they’re going to dominate the games. Kara attempts to ask how Lena’s doing, but it’s hard to even form a conversation with how busy Kara seems to be at camp.

On Thursday night, Kara manages to sneak away from some team bonding activity to give a thirty second phone call and it takes everything in Lena not to let out a miserable-sounding I miss you. Kara doesn’t seem to have the same reservations, blurting out a, miss you see you soon I have to go Babs is about to tackle me for hiding - before the call cuts out.

It’s impossible to ignore the ache she feels at Kara’s absence and she curses herself for letting it get this far. Missing Kara Danvers is certainly something she’d been trying to avoid all these months, but here she is, sitting at her office desk and daydreaming about what Kara’s doing down at camp, wishing their reunion in Japan would come sooner.

She should have ended it before the Olympics began.

Dropping her head into her hands she blows out an exasperated breath, internally berating herself for being so weak.

After a few moments of contemplation, she sits back up and stretches out her neck. No use overthinking it now. She’s certainly not going to drag any personal drama with her to Japan while Kara’s competing on the biggest stage in the world. No. She’ll wait until they’re both back stateside to break things off officially.

For now, all there is to do is go to Japan and enjoy her last few weeks of Kara Danvers.