I Thought... I Thought It Was You

The sun went down, giving way for the moon to rise.

While the entire resort town was still bustling with people having fun, one particular villa was shrouded in silence.

Tsubaki and Ren had just finished their dinner. Ren was the one who cooked the dishes instead of calling for helpers from the management of the resort. They had a quiet dinner, one that they rarely did as neither of them spoke much.

"Go and sit at the lounge. The view there is beautiful, sweetheart," Ren led Tsubaki to the lounge that overlooked the scenery of the mountain resort, "It's a full moon night. You'd feel better to see it."

Tsubaki threw her husband a cautious glance. She unconsciously bit her lower lip. Her hand was weakly tugged on his sleeve.

"Come to me soon, okay? I..." Tsubaki's brows drew in as once again her throat felt clogging up. She forced the words out of her mouth, "I want to tell you something."

After the short time that she spent in the yard earlier, her husband coaxed her to take a nap next. Even though she obediently closed her eyes while Ren hugged her from behind, the truth was her heart was chaotic.

Tsubaki could sense how careful he was with her.

Maybe, somehow, he guessed she was keeping something from him.

Yet, Ren was Ren.

He would never force her to admit to it unless she took the initiative to tell him. Or, he would just persuade her and told her that as long as she was ready, he would wait until then.

While Tsubaki was drowned in her thoughts, Ren was quietly looking at her. The conflicted look behind his eyes was indecipherable.

"Okay," He answered faintly. Ren bent down and softly kissed one side of her temple, "Wait for me."

After helping Tsubaki to sit on the couch that sat opposite the floor-to-ceiling windows, Ren hurried back to the kitchen. He loaded the dishes inside the dishwasher, prepared a glass of almond milk for his wife and returned to the lounge.

From the hallway leading to the lounge, Ren saw Tsubaki was sitting while gazing out of the glass walls. Her look was obscured by her bangs but, somehow, an uneasy feeling scratched at his gut.

When she said to him that she had something to tell him, Ren felt his heart almost jumped out of his throat.

No matter what she was going to say, it wouldn't be a pleasant thing.

"Sweetheart," Ren moved forward from where he stood frozen a few minutes before, "Have your milk."

"Darling," Tsubaki gave him a soft smile yet, her eyes were already reddening at this point.

Ren was dumbfounded. He quickly placed the glass of milk on the coffee table opposite the couch before he hurriedly sat beside her.

"Tsubaki? What's... what's wrong? Since yesterday, you..."

Ren couldn't finish his words. The words he wanted to say were stuck in his throat. He could only helplessly stare at her.

Tsubaki reached out both of her hands and took his right hand over before she gently pressed his palm over her belly.

"Our babies are growing well," She blinked her eyes and smiled softly at him, "Darling, I never thought us both would reach this stage in our life."

"Sweetheart, what are you..."

Until now, he couldn't grasp what she wanted to say.

"Ren," Tsubaki breathed out the name of his beloved.

He was the only man she had ever loved.

No matter how she was tired or aggrieved of how her life was during the early days, it all changed after she met him.

He brought with him hope and love for her.

From the first day that they laid eyes on each other until now and forever.

With a tear ran along her cheek, she confessed, "What happened on that night five years ago, I remember, I remember it all."

I remember how painful I felt when I thought you died, right in front of me.

Once the words fell, Ren's mind turned blank with his eyes widened. His entire body froze, so did the palm that was touching her belly.

Seeing his expression made Tsubaki's heart ached.

"Ren, I remember that night," Tsubaki carefully repeated her words, "I remember everything. I now know... why did you cease to exist in my memory. I know it all."

Ren's eyelashes flickered yet he remained motionless.

It was as if his brain was trying hard to register the things that she said.

Tsubaki patiently waited for him to react. Another pain surged up from her heart as she realized the tips of his fingers began to tremble before it slowly spread to his entire body.

"Why..." The moment he finally opened his mouth, his voice was already hoarsened as his eyes gradually turned red, "Why did you forget me?"

Never did Ren expect this matter was the one she wanted to tell him.

His brain froze as if it was short-circuited by an unseen force. It took him a long time before he could properly lodge the words that flowed out of her mouth.

When did she start remember?

Why did it happen?

Was it because of the accident yesterday?

Did it wake up her dormant memory?

But...

The most important thing was...

Why did she forget him? Was it as how he had expected?

Ren lunged his hands forward, desperately grasping her arms, trying to hold her just so she wouldn't disappear.

"Why did you forget about me? What happened that night? How did you remember?"

He sounded so frantic, so much in fear as he stared at her.

Tsubaki felt a lump in her throat. Her entire face was wet with her warm tears.

"That night, I waited for you... But, you never appeared," Tsubaki sniffled.

She was waiting for him for their date night. They planned to watch a movie together at the local cinema. It was just a small one but she was giddy with expectation because that plan was to compensate for the honeymoon that they couldn't go.

"Someone told me, a man was kidnapped by a group of men... Someone else said your name so... I rushed with a taxi to look for you..."

Tsubaki paused. She bit her lower lip hard. The horrifying images of that night came to her mind one by one.

"I saw a black car, rushing out of the village... I saw you from the windows then... Then..."

When Tsubaki recalled how fearful she was on the split second she saw him as the taxi passed the car, she was on the verge to break down again.

The taxi driver made a U-turn because she demanded him to chase after the black car. They lost sight of it before they met the car again.

At that time, the car collided with a van. The driver managed to steer the car away but it met its doom by hitting a tree on the side of the road.

As for Tsubaki...

The van lost control on the road. At the moment she thought death was waiting for her, the taxi driver escaped from being hit by the van at the last second. Her body shook as she was thrown upside down due to the collision but she survived.

"Ren... I thought... I thought it was you..." Tsubaki choked as the words were forced out of her mouth, "I don't know why... that car wasn't the one you're in but... the car was on fire... I got out of the taxi and... and tried to go to you but..."

Another gush of tears streamed down her face.

"The car exploded! The car... that I thought had you in it exploded!" Tsubaki began screaming. Her state mirrored her messy appearance last night. She grabbed his arms and forced herself to talk, "I really... I really... I thought you died! I thought you left me! The car exploded! I... Huh... Huh..."

Tsubaki gasped. She frantically pressed her chest when her breath ragged.

"Tsubaki! Tsubaki!"

Ren was horrified when Tsubaki started to hyperventilate again. He quickly cupped her mouth, using the same way the doctor had done.

"Slow down your breath, Tsubaki, calm down... Follow me, one, two... One, two..."

Tsubaki's eyes opened and closed repeatedly, her gaze was losing focus yet she tried hard to comply with the instructions.

After what seemed like a long time, her breathing became normal.

Tsubaki coughed a few times, she hammered her chest again and again.

"Tsubaki, drink... Drink first..."

Ren was anxious even though Tsubaki's condition wasn't as severe as last night. He pressed the glass to her lips, persuading her to drink.

Tsubaki shook her head. She pushed the glass away.

She still had so many things to say to him.

"That night, I thought you died and... maybe, I didn't want to remember the pain so... I forgot about you..." Tsubaki burst out crying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I'm sorry for forgetting you..."

"No, don't say sorry..." Ren felt his own eyes hot with tears, "As long as you don't hate me, I'm fine... I'm fine, sweetheart..."

Because what he feared most was the truth.

Tsubaki concealed her memories because she thought something gruesome fell on him.

It was the same as he had expected.

Yet, he didn't expect it happened because she thought he exploded together with the car.

Tsubaki's cries continued echoing in the lounge.

In actuality, Tsubaki really wanted to be calm and compose when she revealed it to Ren. She really didn't want to cry again thus alarming him.

But, once she was engulfed by her emotions, she could only cry while attempting to explain to him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to forget you but... I was so scared... if it turned out... that you're really... died... what should I do?"

Tsubaki didn't want to remember the pain again.