Chapter 38

Hey Dad,

I know that I've told you I miss you a million times, but it's still true. It may be even truer now that I almost got to see you again. I have been in recovery from my accident for so long but I feel like I've been stuck in place like something is blocking me from progressing. It's so frustrating. Everyone is moving forward without me.

I saw you. Just before I woke up, I saw you. You looked so peaceful and happy. Seeing you like that helps me heal. I have spent so many years wondering if you were in pain, wondering if you were scared and lonely. But then I saw you and you weren't. You were okay. I almost didn't want to leave that place with you but I know I had to. I have people here that need me.

Speaking of those people, things have been interesting since I left the hospital. During the first two weeks at home, Foster wouldn't even let me go to the bathroom by myself. To be fair, I couldn't really go by myself because of my injuries but still. It was a lot. Mom hovered around a lot more than normal which was exhausting but still appreciated.

On a super happy note, I have been able to spend more time with Micah. I guess after what happened at the lodge she dropped one of her sports teams to be able to spend more time with the people she cares about. I see her and Joe more now. Thank God for Joe. He occupies Foster for a few hours while Micah and I talk girl stuff.

I love you and I am so glad that you aren't in pain,

Claudia

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"C. Come on babe, it's time to get up. You have your appointment today. We should probably get ready for that," I hear Foster say while rubbing circles on my back. I open one eye and see his wild fluffy hair pointing in every direction, his baby blues boring into me, his full lips just inches from mine.

"Do I have to get up? Can't we just stay in bed?" I rest my hand on his chest. He grumbles and looks away, a light tint of red coating his features.

"We can't do this right now doll. You have your appointment. We don't want to be late." I sigh and nod my head. I get up, shower, and get dressed, tugging on a pair of Foster's sweatpants and one of his hoodies. I almost trip over myself in the process.

It's crazy to think that just a few months ago I couldn't do these things for myself. I could barely move on my own. I had some broken ribs, a concussion, and compound fractures leaving my legs immobile. Thinking about all of that pain and that terrible accident cause my heart rate to quicken. I take some deep breaths and think about five things I see, four things I hear, three things I can touch, two things I can smell, and one thing I can taste. It slows my heart rate down.

Foster and I sit in the backseat of my mom's car, hand in hand. He gives my palm a reassuring squeeze. Everything is going to be okay. This is just a check-up. They just need to make sure that everything is healed properly and check in with me about my mental health progress. Then I can go home and go back to sleep.

A wave of nausea sweeps over me. My mom pulls over to the side of the road. I hop out of the car, emptying the contents of my stomach. Foster holds my hair back for me and rubs my back. I have been so nervous about this appointment that just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. Once I am no longer dry-heaving I get back in and buckle up. Foster drapes his arm over my shoulder, this time giving my shoulder a squeeze. It's okay. I'm okay. They are going to tell me that I'm doing fine and that I don't need to schedule any more check-ups. Hopefully.

The man behind the front desk passes a clipboard to me. I fill out the necessary information and slide it back to him. Once we are checked in and ready to go, the man motions for us to sit in the waiting room to wait for my name to be called. I turn my attention to the TV in the corner that's playing outdated kid's cartoons to take my mind away from the building anxiety.

"Claudia? Claudia Jones?" I stand up and follow the nurse to my room. Foster and mom stay back. I need to do this one by myself. It's the last one. I'm ready.

"The doctor will be in shortly," the nurse mentions before closing the door. I get undressed and into the hospital gown. The cold air of the exam room chills me to the bone. The only thing shielding me from the frigid temperature is the thin piece of fabric with an exposed back that they call a gown. I sit on the exam table willing myself to keep calm.

"Hi, Claudia." The soothing voice of my female doctor shakes me from my nervous thoughts. She talks through my vitals and other medical background info. She lays me down and checks over me and then we discuss any concerning symptoms I have been experiencing lately. I bring up the intense nausea but attribute it to my growing anxiety. She nods, still recommending I pee in a cup for them to examine and also get some blood work done just to make sure I am healthy. After that, she leaves the room stating that she will be back with the results of any lab work that can be completed immediately. I nod and pull my phone out of the pocket of Foster's sweatpants that are in a heap on the ground, trying to keep myself distracted while I wait. So far so good.

Eventually, a nurse shuffles into the room instead of my doctor. She closes the door quietly behind her and takes a deep breath, donning the cheesiest fake smile I have ever seen.

"Hey, sweetie. I got some of your results here but before we go into those I just have a couple of questions to get through. Okay?" I nod. Whatever gets this appointment over sooner. She clears her throat.

"So I know you are eighteen and an adult who can make her own decisions but is everything okay at home?"

"Yeah? Why wouldn't things be okay at home?" What a strange question.

"Okay, I just wanted to make sure that things are alright at home. Nothing stressful or bad happens? No one ever tries to . . . hurt you?" Something about the way she says 'hurt you' makes my skin crawl. I shake my head no. She takes another deep breath.

"Okay, I'm glad. I just have to ask these kinds of questions every time a young woman turns up pregnant. Did you know you were . . . pregnant?"

"Pregnant?" the word leaves my throat dry. It's hard to swallow. "I-I-I didn't know I was. Are you sure I am? It wasn't just some kind of mistake?" I panic. I can feel the tears beading at the corners of my eyes. I force them back, trying to stay calm. The nurse sits down beside me taking my hand in hers.

"Honey, it's okay. You have options. Have you been having intercourse recently? Did you use protection?" I think back to all of the intimate moments I've shared with Foster. My mom got us that giant box of condoms but I don't think we ever actually used any of them. Fuck.

"We didn't use any. What am I supposed to do?" The nurse rubs my shoulder with her other hand, trying to bring me back to reality.

"It is okay. I know this feels like a lot right now because it is a lot. But you are going to be fine. Do you have a support system at home?" The tears win and start trailing down my cheeks.

"I do. I have a great support system back home." The nurse smiles. She then pulls out a pamphlet that discusses some of the different options that I have.

"I am going to send you home with this. I want you to look over it, and maybe do some google searches if you have more questions. Talk with your family. Find out what's right for you. If you want to schedule a follow-up appointment with the doctor you can but it isn't necessary. She has already sent out the referral to an ob/gyn if you decide to go that route. Are you feeling okay? Do you need anything from me before I send you back out there?" I just shake my head no. The shock is starting to set in and I just want to go home. I have no fucking idea how to bring this up to Foster let alone my mother.

The nurse leaves me in the room, giving me privacy so I can get changed back into my other clothes. I avoid touching or even looking at my stomach, treating it as if there is some alien attached to my torso. Once I'm dressed the nurse takes me back to the waiting area where I meet up with my mom and Foster.

"How did it go? Are you healthy? Everything came back normal?" Normal . . . not quite. I just shake my head, telling her I'm exhausted and am ready to go home and so that's what we do. We just go home.

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Claudia doesn't leave her bed for the next few days. I guess the nausea is really getting to her. She has been a bit distant lately but I chalk it up to her not feeling well. All I can do is just be here when she needs me and remind her how much I love her.

Seeing how being at home seems to be doing more harm than good, I call up Micah. Maybe Micah will know how to help. One awkward phone call later and Micah agrees to come down here and take Claudia out to do some secret shit. She didn't tell me. I guess it's on a need-to-know basis. I'm assuming it's probably just a junk food trip and hanging out at Micah's for a while. Hopefully, it does her some good. Seeing her this way is almost too much for me.

Micah gets here and steals my girlfriend to go do whatever things she has planned for the day. Claudia reluctantly wore her own clothes today. Not seeing her swimming in my sweatpants and t-shirts brings a frown to my face. I guess I didn't realize how possessive I feel towards her. That's fucked up. I need to stop all that.

They are gone so now is as good a time as any to text Joe. Maybe I need a break too.