5. Mr. Richards...

"Well then Miss, I hope to see tomorrow morning, Until then, enjoy the rest of your day" I charmingly said then then ended the call.

"Are you flirting with someone you haven't even seen?" Barb as the usual busy body asks.

" Barb, I'm not flirting with anyone. How did I flirt? I just told her to have a nice day, what's wrong with that. And besides I've seen her, I'm looking at her photo right now. That equals to seeing her."

" So you agree that you're flirting with her?"

"No Barb, I'm not. And even if I am, it's not..."

" Talking to your Siri again?"

I hear his voice, and all my morals crumble. I just feel the urge to cut open up his throat. I mean you all heard him call call Barb Siri.

Seriously Siri? How can he compare my Barb to Siri. Siri can't even do one quarter of what Barb does, and he calls her Siri.

Well I can't blame him, no one actually knows the full potential of Barb. If they did, I don't think I'll be able to tell you this story.

Because I'll probably be in a Maximum Facility like a supermax prison. Or maybe in an unknown, underwater lab, forced to work for the government. Yuck.

"should the director of the team who hasn't been able to come up with a new design or anything worth looking at for almost a year now be leisurely talking to Siri?"

At this point I wished shout and say 'For heavens sake, she's not Siri,' but then it leaves my lips as a muttering sound instead.

"What?" he asks as he hears me mutter.

" I said Good morning Mr. Richards"

"what's so good about this morning. You are the leader of a twelve man team, and you or any of your followers can't come up with anything that would benefit the business in any way. All you do is ride in with a luxurious car. Sit here all day talking to Siri. I don't even know why you deserve an office of your own. You've done nothing in the last one year to warrant one."

Okay, that's it. This motherf*cker is starting to piss me off. I'm not Siri. How is that hard to get. Should I just hack into his bank account to let him know the f*cking difference? I am Barb, a Co-narrator of this story.

" How are you going to ever get a promotion if you continue failing? I wonder who the next CEO of this company will be." He always ends his sermons this way. Wondering out loud about who would be the next CEO, and then walks out.

And I always reply with this "I'm really sorry sir, I promise to work harder." it's like our daily routine.

His name is Gordon Richards. Short Jack-ó-lantern looking man. The head of my current department. He's a sixty-eight year old man who just refuses to kick the bucket.

I wonder what he's holding on to life for. He's a sick womanizer, he disgusts me. He has like tons of mistresses, he's like a living and breathing STD. Like there's a new woman every night.

I don't know how to hate people, but if I did he would be like the first on on the list. I just dislike him. He gets on my nerves sometimes, but it's okay. I need someone to keep me in check sometimes.

But I also sometimes wonder, just sometimes though. I wonder what the inside of his skull would look like.

"Ahh, the boss says I should be a good team leader, so I think it's time I address my team members. Right Barb?"

" Barb what are you doing?"

"Geez, take a look at this Bruce. That motherf*cker is as broke as hell. Where the f*ck does all his money go?"

I turn on my laptop to see what Barb was talking about.

"Barb!! Why did you hack into Mr. Richard's account. How many times have I told you to stop acting on your own. You are not to make decisions on your own."

"Why would you hack into his account" That's what I say first, but then..

"My God, just fifty-six thousand dollars and seventeen cents? This man needs help. He's spending all his money in bars and on women."

"I know right. This douche is totally broke."

"but still, stop acting on your own. Now leave the man's pennies alone. I said as a good leader, I want to go talk to my sheep. What do you say?"

"Do you even know their names?"

"Is it necessary? It's not like I'll have to call them all one after another. I just have to look like I'm telling them something inspirational. That's all."

"But at least know the names of two persons. What if you have to personally talk to one of them. What then?"

" I guess you're right. Bring up two people let me see"

"Already did." And the picture of a young man was displayed on the screen.

"This one is. Michael Miller."

" we've got M 'n M working under me wow."

"Yes, and he's been trying to get your attention for ages. Actually he's trying to get everyone's attention. He's there at your service if anyone calls."

" oh, I know him. I think I can remember him now. The dude that always stands up as soon as I step out of my office, he always looks at me in a funny way. I think he's gay. I think he likes me."

" uhn-uhn. No he's not. I'm inside his phone right now, and these are pictures of him and his girlfriend." Barb displays the pictures of MnM with his girlfriend on the the screen.

" I think he's just trying to suck up to his bosses. He's one of those who think act nice and the boss will favour you. So that's what his doing."

" Okay, so MnM. Got it. The next is..."

"Evelyn Briggs."

" Ahh, I know this one too. She's the girl with the ear piercing voice. She sounds like dolphins laughing into a microphone. I sometimes feel like opening up her throat to know if she has some kind of speaker in it. Maybe one day I will."

"So her name is Evelyn."

"Yes. So that's two. Now you're set for your speech"

"So MnM and Evie. Okay. Let's do this. Tell me how do I look?" I instantly drop the fun guy vibe I have around Barb, and put on a lame and weak guy vibe.

" You look like you just got a depressing and unenthusiastic blowjob. You look like a f*cking loser"

"That's the perfect look"