Gaze

November 20.

Cloudy, windy.

After meeting Aideen the days went by so fast and so slow it was maddening. I still feel like I'm dreaming every time I remember our talk about all the strange things that happened in my past. Now I look at my grandfather and I feel like I owe him an apology like Nikki. I have no idea why. I just hope that in that gloom I haven't done something that deserves it, although when I realize that they don't seem to know more than I do, I rethink the fact of being crazy. And it’s when I have weird dreams again.

In one of them it was as if I had been in some kind of trance during the surf festival, something was taking control of my body; in a short time I reached the Seameet breakwater. The waves were big, strong and terrifying, for a few moments I regained consciousness, when someone pushed me while running towards the beach. I felt chills, there was too much noise between the sea, the crowd and the beach, my mind went blank.

"You are close"

Again the voice similar to Aideen's was calling. I turned among hundreds of faces, nothing familiar, looking for a particular gaze, one that had the intention of waiting for me. Nothing.

“Come to the beach”

A tightness in my chest.

"Do not worry"

That was one of the phrases from the book that I read so many nights, it was from the first page. The only sentence on the entire sheet.

Contrary to what I would have expected, my body returned to normal, a strange conviction impelling me to make my way slowly through the crowd and walk beyond the shore until I reached the waves of my own will. Then the dream ended, just before being towed by the salt water.

Other times I dream of a stranded sailboat and the panorama is monochromatic on a beach so calm that it seems more like a lake than a sea since there are no waves, and that tranquility becomes disturbing as I explore the area.

I haven't spoken to Aideen. I see him go by from time to time and he just watches me from afar, he doesn't say hello or come closer, he looks at me for seconds and walks away again, and now he's a tangible shadow anywhere I go. As if it had a radar to locate me. Of course, after everything he said that day that possibility doesn't sound so crazy anymore... It still seems incredible to me that it's real.

The month ended quicker than the blink of an eye. On rainy nights June looking out the window just in case he saw Aideen again, there was a flickering light in the distance, like a lantern. Something slightly illogical since it did not come from inside the sea but from the forest. Again curiosity bubbled under his skin, he traced a drawing trying to specify the origin of the light to enter during the day. He was not very successful since his walk took him to the point of the bluff where there was nothing more interesting than the currents of salty air.

- … we could, couldn't we, June?

Dylan could see that his grandson's attitude had recently taken on a different aspect, less morose, expectant and slightly restless, not to mention how distracted he became, just like at that moment.

Connor had sent a Christmas gift and an invitation to the New Year's Eve dinner.

- Shouldn't we bring something? A dessert would be ideal. What do you think, June?

A nice dessert would go down well, especially since Nikki loves sweet things.

- Eh? Oh yeah it could be some cake. Grandfather are there night hiking trails?

Dylan was the best person to ask about the night lights.

- They are not common, there are legends that talk about vengeful ghosts, specters that if you are unlucky enough to find them, they will curse you. Obviously someone invented it but nobody wants to venture to deny something like that. Why?

- Oh it's nothing special, sometimes I think I see lights at the bottom of the forest.

- Or it could be lost cars, the intersection is often confusing for those who visit the surroundings.

Not very satisfied with the explanation, he decided to ignore it.

June decided to spend the New Year’s Eve dinner with his grandfather, and with the surprise that Ray sent gifts, in addition June's parents had invited them to meet at their home in Laencaster, but as always the celebration would be between June and his brothers. He even though he was sad not to be with Evelyn and Alex. He would come back in the summer.

In mid-January Aideen returned to find June, who was meditating under the tree in her backyard.

- It is nice weather, ideal for meditation.

June didn't answer, he kept concentrating on his breathing.

- Can I accompany you while you look for answers?

- I'm not looking for answers, I'm looking for mental peace.

Aideen stood to the side of the tree making sure to leave enough space so he didn't interfere or inconvenience June.

- Have you had nightmares or regressions?

June took a deep breath, trying not to lose concentration.

- No.

- Liar.

And that was as far as his attempt at meditation had come. He snorted loudly and looked slightly annoyed at the opposite of him.

- What do you want now, Aideen?

- I'm just watching over you, so you don't do anything reckless.

- How the hell am I supposed to do something reckless? I don't know and I don't remember how to do that dream thing. Why does it suddenly become important to you again?

- Never ceased to be relevant.

- Yes, of course, that's why it was enough for you to look at me from afar without even getting close. I feel that something changed for you to do it now.

Aideen's look, though undaunted, was one of surprise.

- Why that expression? Looks like you saw a ghost.

- June, before I didn't want to pressure you to make a decision, now I see myself leaving you no choice, unless of course you want to…

“Finish like last time”

Aideen didn't want to finish that sentence, he was aware that it wasn't the way to say things either.

- Forget it, I'll take care of it while we keep trying to get you to recover your memories.

- What are you talking about?

- You don't need to know yet, everything will come in due time. For now my priority is you.

Something warm and effervescent sprouted from his subconscious, staying in his chest; it was such a familiar phrase that he didn't know how to interpret it.

- Have you thought about what you saw and felt after that session? I am not going to pressure you, I am not without the willingness to guide you. I'll just remind you, it's an emotional bomb.

- Aideen What are the consequences of being able to remember everything in a single session?