only two days......
BRUKK
"OMG, DO YOU LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO MY CLOTHES?? IT'S DIRTY. DO YOU THINK IT'S CHEAP??" Lin was angry when I accidentally bumped into her , um more precisely, someone deliberately put her foot down while I was walking, which made me trip. and hit Lin...
'I'm died ' whispered my heart,
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I can wash it for you" I said to her ,
It's impossible for me to buy a new one, my salary for a year is not necessarily enough to buy a new one...
"Ugh, you washed my clothes? With that cheap soap of yours? NO" she got angry and walked away, I could only lower my head, guilt engulfed me.....
"Blair, it doesn't matter what Lin said, she's Always like that.. " Lia said trying to calm me down...
I just smiled in return, is it really insulting to wash clothes with cheap soap? If you use expensive soap, does it smell heavenly?
"Alright, let's go shopping for new food" Maya said while pulling my hand to the food counter
I just give up, I don't have the energy to fight, even if I fight, I will still lose...
____________________________________________
"Blair, why didn't you go back home?" Aunty Ery asked when she saw me still brooding on the bench enjoying the night sky
"Ah, if Blair comes back , my mom gonna beat me" I said holding back her tears remembering my growing wounds
"Blair.....if you don't come back now, your mom will hit you even worse later... Aunty doesn't want she hit you again like 2 years ago.." said Aunty Ery trying to persuade me
"But Aunty....Blair is scared, lately mom always comes back drunk" I said expressing everything
"Promise with aunty, you will survive okay?" said aunty Ery trying to please me
"Alright, i go back first, good night aunty" I quickly left from there so my tears wouldn't spill in front of aunty
___________________________________________
I didn't go straight home, I just walked enjoying the night breeze while listening to my favorite music, something I really like....
In the quiet night, I walk alone, without fear if someone catches me or kidnaps me...
But I was not calm when someone patted my shoulder from behind... I tried to see the figure and damn-.... MAYA?!!
' what is she doing out in the middle of the night like this.. i mean what is she doing here?!! ' whispered my heart when I saw her smiling in front of me but... Her eyes were watery as if she had just cried??? What happened..
" Maya? What are you doing here?? " I asked confused...
"I just went out to enjoy the night breeze..." She said smiling but it was a forced smile...
"your lying , your eyes are watery, don't force that smile, it looks fake, if you want to cry, just cry, if you want to express a problem, I'm ready to listen" I said as if I knew the problem she was experiencing...
Suddenly maya stopped while looking down, I saw Ade tears falling drop by drop.....
I immediately hugged her as if I knew the weight of bearing it myself, I tried to give soothing words...
"My parents... never understand me... they always force me to do things I don't want, if I don't follow them, I will be beaten..." she said in tears...
"You... getting Hit? " Blair asked quite surprised by Maya's confession...
"What about you? Why do you walk alone at night, it's dangerous haha" Maya said trying to change the topic..
"Well, I'm the same as you, getting hit by my own mother, I like to go out at night, again when I'm sad, I'll go out to breathe fresh air, without thinking about the past problems, this thing makes me calm again, I'm not like you, I don't have a father anymore, my mother has changed since my father's death," I said calmly even though my heart was still hurting...
The two of us sat in the chair relaxing while enjoying the beautiful night sky... Listening to the song we liked...
{ I wish I had her life }
Look at her in the spotlight
I love her purple hair
She can do what she wants to
As crazy as she dares
She doesn't need to be polite
I wish I had her life
Then I would be so free
I wish I had her life
I'd be another me
Look at her in the throne room
Every hair just right
She has tea in the morning
And bonbons every night
Wouldn't that be nice?
I wish I had her life
Then I would be so free
I wish I had her life
I'd be another me
They'd do my nails
I'd stroll the grounds
I would wear whatever
And then I'd rock
Have time for me
It just might happen
Never
I wish I had her life
Then I would be so free
And everything would suddenly
Be just the way that I dreamed it could be
I wish I had her life
I wish I had her life
I wish I had her life
I wish I had her life
Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
So beautiful and bright
I wish I had her life
( End Song )
____________________________________
"Maya you ever thought of not wanting to end all this..." Blair said suddenly
"Ever, always" replied maya without looking away
"I... I miss my father." Blair said without realizing that her tears started to drop...
"Heyy, it's okay, you'll be with him soon..." Maya said trying to calm me down...
"I... am afraid to go back, if I go back I will be beaten, cursed, I hate all of that" said Blair trying to calm down...
"Promise me, hold on, hold on for me pleaseee, for all" said Maya trying to strengthen me...
"It's getting late, let's go back," Blair said with a thin smile, not wanting to linger here, afraid her mother would be angry..
Maya and Blair went home after giving words of encouragement to each other...
' I'm sorry... I'm not sure if I can still survive or not... '
________________________________________
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN GOING, JUST NOW YOU WANT TO COME BACK? WHO WANTS TO WASH THAT PLATE AND BOWL"
' I already guessed... '
It's as if she's expected to be scolded by his mother for coming home late, she can only look down and listen to all his mother's insults...
Will she survive??
But how long???
A year??
Two years???
Or....
Two days???
' no... I have to survive... Even if only for two days.. '
"DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME, I'M TALKING TO YOU STUPID, I KNOW ALL THE WORK IS FINISHED, TOMORROW IF I WAKE UP , YOUR WORK IS NOT DONE, YOU WILL DEADLY" said my mother with a curse that never left her mouth....
"alright mother..." I said weakly...
________________________________________
"Hey guys" I said with a smile, trying to be happy, just for two days..... Just two days.... Hang in there Blair
"Heyy, are you happy today? Did something happen??" Lia said
"That's it, I'm feeling weird too," Maya said with a frown on her forehead...
"Is it wrong for me to be happy with you,? stress" I was angry at both of them, they just laughed at me..
"No, I'm just happy to see you happy again, not like before... I'm just depressed," said Lia, approved by Maya....
' forgive me... Maybe just for these two days... only... I'll try to smile for both of you... '
"You guys, I'm happy because I found a cat earlier, SOO CUTEEE, VERY CUTEEE" I said as if excited, just to divert my sadness....
"I seeee , that's was the reason you happy today..., eh wait , is your homework done yet?" Maya said
"PLEASE I FORGOT, GIVE ME ME YOUR BOOK" Lia whined to Maya...
I just smile Seeing the two of them... If only I could see this every day .. every moment with them
Going through happy days with them without problems ruining my happy days ..
It's not my fault if I become selfish for a while, I just want this world to be filled with the three of us, I can't afford it.... Maya... Lia.. why are you always involved in happiness, even though there are many problems you guys hide it
But....why can't I be happy like you, why? Why do I look so sad, Like a fool who wants sympathy from others, even though it's all in vain
I thought, is there still time for us to be together, if I leave you, will you scold me? Cursing me?? Like my mother??
Or .....
Will you cry for my departure?? Will my mother regret it? Will all the students apologize to me?? Sometimes I think, apart from you, are there still people who love me?? Like you love me?
____________________________________________
"You guys... If only, I would go one day right... Are you sad?" I asked suddenly
"What stupid question are you asking?? It must be sad, why are you suddenly asking such a question? Do you want to leave us?" Lia was angry when she heard my question..
"No, I just thought... Hehe" I tried to smile, the truth is that I feel guilty in my heart....
"Don't ask questions like that again, we don't like it," Maya said.
"Yes...sorry..." I said smiling to cover my guilt....
___________________________________
"WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?? WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE,. I'M TIRED OF LIVING WITH YOU, I HATE YOU" my mother was angry... When I accidentally broke her plate... No, I didn't mean it...
"Why do you hate me so much, I'm so sorry mother.. Forgive me " I said with non-stop crying, when my mother continued to hit me non-stop,
My body hurts, my back feels like there's no feeling, I'm sick... But not as much as my heart that hopes my mother will change, the truth is that is just useless, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE....
"GET IN THE ROOM" directed my mother and immediately left the house.. I immediately got up slowly and walked to my room.. slowly...
I cried as much as I could...trying to close my eyes to get rid of this pain....
_________________________________
[ Silent scream ]
I'm caught up in your expectations
You're trying to make me live your dream
But I'm causing you so much frustration
And you only want the best for me
You wanted me to show more interest
To always keep a big bright smile
Be that pinky little perfect princess
But I'm not that type of child
And this storm is rising inside of me
Don't you feel that our whole worlds collide?
It's getting harder to breathe
It hurts deep inside
Just let me be
Who I am
It's what you really need to understand
And I hope so hard for the pain to go away
And it's torturing me
But I can't break free
So I cry and cry but just won't get it out
The silent scream
Tell me why you're putting pressure on me
And everyday you 'cause me harm
That's the reason why I feel so lonely
Even though you hold me in your arms
Wanna put me in a box of glitter
But I'm just trying to get right out
And now you're feeling so so bitter
Because I've let you down
And this storm is rising inside of me
Don't you feel that our whole worlds collide?
It's getting harder to breathe
It hurts deep inside
Just let me be
Who I am
It's what you really need to understand
And I hope so hard for the pain to go away
And it's torturing me
But I can't break free
So I cry and cry but just won't get it out
The silent scream
Can't you see how I cry for help
'Cause you should love me just for being myself
I'll drown in an ocean
Of pain and emotion
If you don't save me right away
Just let me be
Who I am
It's what you really need to understand
And I hope so hard for the pain to go away
And it's torturing me
But I can't break free
So I cry and cry but just won't get it out
The silent scream
My silent scream
[ End Song ]
____________________________________
My days at school were full of laughter with Lia and Maya, unlike at home, as usual I would be locked up, angry, that was like my daily life...
I can still survive, it doesn't matter, survive as long as I can, I know this is only temporary, soon I will follow my father, maybe I will be happy in the next life....
It's okay to cry now, so that in the future we will smile, be happy without thinking about past problems, I'm still happy because I have friends who can understand me..
Even if I leave, I will still remember them, after all... I have never met friends as good and beautiful as them, even if they have their own problems, they are still happy, and make me happy...
Their burden is also heavy, but they chose to make me happy, with me, but I chose to give up... I'm tired of holding on, holding on for the people I love, holding on thinking everything will change
Actually no.. as long as I survive, nothing changes, everything is the same, I'm tired, I'm tired, I don't want to survive, I can't afford it, I can't look happy like Lia and maya, I'm just a sad person.. ..
Very sad....