Chapter 1: Shae in the Rains

It was 5 pm on a rainy, dank, overcast day. Shaina was sitting cross-legged at the neighbourhood coffee shop impatiently swinging her left leg to and fro and looking at the watch every 2 minutes.

Her blind date was late. 15 minutes late at this point in time.

The waiter had made several rounds of her table with an annoying smile pasted on his face to know if she was ready to order yet and if someone else was joining her. She was doing all she could to maintain her composure as it is.

She rarely left Aarav with the nanny if she could help it. Being a working single mother came with a secret invisible Superwoman cape which every woman of her like had to don in order to power through life.

At the earnest insistence of one of her friends, she had agreed to go on this date. It had taken a lot of convincing on the former's part and a lot of self-motivation on the latter. Everyone who knew her knew that Shaina was the 'Once burnt twice shy' girl and she had been burnt bad the once. So typically as is the case, she had sworn off dating and relationships and had devoted her life to her son and her work.

As she was sitting there ruing her decision to have agreed to the unfortunate proposal, the waiter popped by again to inquire her order and if someone else was coming along. Shaina snapped. The humiliation at having been stood up, the still unhealed wounds of her disastrous marriage, the utter loneliness in her heart, all overwhelmed her all at once.

She got up at the speed of Flash, picked up her purse and headed towards the door trying her very best to not burst into hysterical tears and create a scene. The waiter was standing speechless in confusion and before he could move his stance to apologize or ask her if he had done anything wrong, she had stormed out.

Standing outside in the rain, she realized, she had left her umbrella behind her. She would rather have drowned than go back inside for it. Flinging her bag over her head she turned left and turned the corner of the street and tried to put as much distance as possible between herself and the dismal coffee shop.

All around her she could see people rushing to complete their errands in order to return home as soon as possible to be out of the rains, but not Shaina. Shaina loved the rains and everything about it. She loved the cloudy, dark weather, the smells of the damp earth made her heart stop, she relished getting wet on occasions and she lived for sitting by the sea, when she could get the time, and take in the mesmerizing beauty of the rains, the sea, the tides, the birds, all together.

So for Shaina to step sans an umbrella in the rains was neither uncommon nor uncomfortable, besides this was just a light drizzle which felt actually pleasant and soothing to her skin. Despite the rains, the clouds and the smell of the earth, Shaina found herself crying silent tears. The rain water and her tears were indistinguishable on her face and she did not bother to wipe either off. She continued walking, looking ahead with her unseeing eyes and continued to brood on nothing in particular.

The what, the why, the how of the things that she had experienced in the past few years weighed down her mind, her footsteps and her spirits. Her beliefs, her outlook on life, her personality had changed drastically in the past two years. She had become morose from her once chirpy demeanour. Her views on life, which were always hopeful, positive and full of life were now careful, hesitant of being hopeful and matter of fact. As she was drifting into thoughts of Karma, she twisted her ankle on a stray stone and grabbed for something around her to steady herself. She apologized to the motherly woman she had unintentionally groped in her attempts to prevent her fall and steadied herself. As she was arranging her composure, she paid attention to her surroundings.

She realized to her utter amazement that she was standing opposite one of her favourite places in the world and stood transfixed on the spot for a whole minute wondering what could possibly explain her feet carrying her here without her conscious thought esp at a moment when she felt so lost, in life.

Thinking that miracles do happen, she crossed the street and stood with bowed head and teary eyes in front of her Alma Mater. Her high school was the place where she had first started living her life, made everlasting friends and memories and felt at home even after fifteen years of passing out.

She entered from the side gate and took in the sights and sounds of the beloved grounds till she was actually smiling and feeling herself again. As was her daily routine after school, she turned towards the garden path and started making for the one place where her presence did not make any sense to her friends back then.

Her mind emptied of all thought, just like it used to when she was walking on this road. Our body is conditioned in so many ways and doesn't forget old habits, however old they may be. She noticed the blossoming rows of roses and marigolds and her spirits lifted consoled at the happenstance that certain things in life had not changed.

She entered the Church and headed to her old place in the pews- the corner of the third row of the left side. As she dropped down on her knees she shed the fifteen years that had happened to her since she was last here and her high school self gave her a warm and embracing hug. She blanked out and went into a trance letting go of her sense of time, place, person and space. The quietude of the Church suited her very much. She was neither praying nor seeking forgiveness, nor repenting or regretting. She was just calm and one with herself. She was not Shaina Nayar, single mom, Business Development Manager in xyz company but she was Shae, the spunky basketball champ, a firm feminist and a deist who came to Church to meditate but not pray.

Several minutes passed by and neither Shae nor a dust particle stirred in the sanctum of the Church. Then finally there the was a usual hustle bustle of sisters entering the church for their evening prayers and Shae's trance was broken. She stood up and acknowledged the sisters, searching for familiar faces, but unfortunately there were none. She felt rejuvenated and inexplicably happy. She picked up her purse and made her way down the aisle. Suddenly the memory of one her basketball matches flashed in her mind and she marveled at the details that she could recollect. Smiling to herself, she directed her steps towards the Basketball court. She mentally noted that she would setup a hoop in Aarav's room right away.

That's enough for the day, thought the darkest mystery of Shaina's life. He waited for her to exit before coming out from behind the alcove for the Hymn books. He made for the garden and took an alternate path which cut through the garden and took him directly to the exit gate of the premises.

Shaina had puzzled him immensely today. It was the first time that he had ever known her to display religious sentiments. That was saying something, considering that he had been following her closer than her shadow for the past five years.

Once outside the school, he shed his jacket and hailed a passing cab. Settling himself down on the backseat, he opened his laptop, typed the password and started updating his log; the log he kept on Shaina's daily activities and his own pursuit of her for the day.

Sometimes he seriously thought he was deranged. A look at the log would be proof enough for anyone. But he had stopped entertaining any such thoughts a long time ago. His obsession with Shaina, his stalking of her, his diabolically executed plan of her divorce, his meddling in her date today, was not madness or insanity.

It was his unconditional, undying, irrevocable and unassuageable love for her. She would know all and understand and love him back one day.

He had it all planned, like he did her past five years. It would work out as he wanted, he thought, with immense satisfaction.