2: I wish I was her

A week after I had a one-night stand with that stranger, my mom called me in to meet her at the nearest coffee shop in her home. Trying to make me feel okay ever since she learned about Erron and I are getting divorced.

I sat down on the seat, took out my phone, and dialed my mom's number.

She told me to meet her at 7 in the morning and so I left early because I knew how much she hates latecomers. That's why she hates me.

"Where are you?" I asked after she answered the phone.

"Wait, I'm driving, I'll be there in a minute." And she hangs up.

I waited for another five minutes but still haven't arrived. So I decided to get a cup of coffee and bread to eat first.

I walked in at the counter and ordered. As I was making a payment, a familiar man came into the coffee while holding a familiar woman's hand. Then I realized, it was my husband and his mistress, Julie, who came in as a happy and lovely couple.

I quickly hide in the back area as they walked to the counter to get coffee.

Why do they have to come to the same coffee shop where my mother and I will meet? Is it a coincidence or did my mom tell them?

"Miss Lucy!" A bartender shouted out my name and smiled after he waved at me.

I didn't want to greet nor look at them but this goddamn bartender just announced that I was here. It wasn't his fault but yeah, who can I blame? Fucking coincidence. I saw how they both looked in my direction and so I quickly walked into the other side of the counter to get the food. Just to avoid having eye contact with them.

I acted like I didn't know them and passed by them. This is the best thing I could do. If it's someone else, they might throw fists and slap and pull her hair. But it's me. The most stupid person you'll ever meet.

I was lucky enough that the two of them decided not to greet or call me or even join me at a table. Because that would be the most awkward thing and irritating thing they would do.

I carefully looked outside and hoped that my mom will arrive soonest so we can go and leave. Because I swear, I feel so suffocated.

"Luciana!" Not long after, another person, my mom, shouted my name, more like telling them that I was there.

I saw how my mom turned to face them and greeted my husband politely without greeting the woman. Treating her as a ghost that she can't see. I hurriedly took a sip and bit at the bread I had bought, held my mom's arms, and drag her out of the coffee shop.

I let out a heavy sigh when we hop into her car. Looking at me like I am the weirdest person she met.

"Why are you avoiding them?" She asked as I get to fasten my seatbelt.

"I don't want any argument, Mom." I started off her car and drove away.

She shook her head. "You're telling them that I haven't moved on yet."

I nodded, "Isn't that the case?"

She hit me on the shoulder. "But you shouldn't act so obviously!" She chuckled. "How brave of that woman to even smiled at me. How dare she."

When we arrived at the mall, she started with the Cotton On shop to buy clothes, not for her, but for me. Using her card.

"Why are you buying these things?" I asked, pointing to all the paper bags the cashier is packing securely.

"Because you're going on a trip."

"Trip where?" Asking while my eyes widened.

She took out a ticket from her sling bag. "A Les Vacances 7-day Cruise Ship. You need to have fun before meeting Erron at the courthouse."

"You're out of your mind."

"You need to meet a guy, sign the paper, and remarry him. You got to be happy."

I wasn't able to protest or even refuse the expensive ticket she and Dad had bought for me. It would be nice if the whole family would attend or come with me, but they tell me to go alone on that trip.

That night, I am in my bed, looking at the papers on my table. I mean, I do this every night. Thinking if I should just let him go or beg him to just ignore me so I still have his last name on mine. People say it is stupid, to do all this stuff just to satisfy myself that I still own him when in fact, I don't anymore 5 years ago.

It still hurts me every time I will receive a text message coming from him saying and reminding me to sign the papers. Telling me that he's done with me, he doesn't love me anymore, and that he feels suffocated. He would say there's nothing wrong with me. But I bet there is. Can't I satisfy his sexual desires? Can't I be a good wife?

Tears started to roll down. It's been five years but I still cry like it was the first time. It still hurts like hell. It's unbearable. it's unacceptable. The fact that we were a university couple. If I know that this is going to happen between us, I shouldn't have to say yes and I do. Imagine putting your life for him and dumping you like trash. It was something that I wish I could do. Tell him "fuck you, you ruined my life." "You're a trash" like I wasn't affected anymore. I can't do it. Because I still love him after all that he did. After all that broken vows. After all that broken promises.

We went shouting at each other all night when he came back home, telling me it was a business meeting outside of the country, only to see that Instagram post his woman posted on her account.

"I saw you, Erron. I saw you. Beside her. On a hotel room in Osaka. Don't you lie to me and tell me the truth!!" I shouted.

He threw the vase to the ground and made a loud sound that made me feel so afraid of him. It wasn't him. The gentle and caring husband I know. It wasn't him. "Oh yes, I cheated. With Julie. The one whom I truly love." He shouted.

I was stunned. I can't move. My heart started to beat so fast. And I can't even breathe properly because inside of me is shattering. Like someone bit my heart it started to feel pain.

"Wh—what did you just say?"

I know I heard it right but my mind can't even understand each word.

"I don't love you. All these years, I don't love you!" He shouted. "So please, stop to pretend that you also love me because you're not. I know everything you did behind me." He added. Then left. All I did was sit on the couch, look at the shattered vase he gifted me, and process all the words that came out of his mouth. It can't be.

A few days passed, and he still didn't come back. Days, weeks, months. No news about him. And then one day, a moving company rang the doorbell. I quickly went out thinking it was Erron, but just to be disappointed and got hurt when the moving guy told me, "We're taking all of Mr. Erron's things. Please let us know where we can retrieve his things."

He never came back. Missed calls, text messages, and chats. He didn't answer. He even left me on seen. I miss him and miss him and miss him every day and night, and I become worst each day. Drinking all day long, trying to reach him via phone call, wanting to ask him what happened to him. I long and longing. Without communication. Without answers. Until one day, she posted a photo. With him. With a caption, "Our new home." He with the biggest smile he would ever have. A smile I had never seen. The happiest smile. Tears came rolling down, without stopping. I was waiting for him for 8 months, only to find out he build a new home with someone else. All the questions I had in my mind and my heart, got answered with just one photo. While I was at home alone.

Suicidal thoughts came in almost every day. Drowning myself in the bathtub, hanging myself, overdosing myself, and all other things I can do to stop the pain that has been lingering on me. For a year, I was like that. Drinking, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't eat and sleep. All I did was stalk Julie's social media accounts. And looking at his photos she was taken inside of their house.

I wish I was her...

The one he truly loves.

The one he wanted to build a new home.

The one he stays with.