Memory Lane

You tried to act unaffected as you looked at Loki who seemed to still be recovering from your make out session. You felt too exposed like he could reach into your head and touch your heart in a way that would end up hurting you greatly. Since you were unable to process your emotions while he was regarding you with such soft eyes you did the only reasonable thing and ran. You quickly said goodnight and rushed out of the Time Theatre before he had the chance to say or do anything.

Once back in your room you spent a long time lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling, trying to sort through your feelings towards Loki. You couldn't stop replaying the kisses in your mind and you kept coming back to the tender look on his face afterwards. You told yourself that Loki was simply wondering what his counterpart on the Sacred Timeline had seen in you but you couldn't ignore the flutter in your heart when you considered other possible options.

The next day you decided to be braver than the previous time and actually acknowledge that something had happened between you and speak openly about it. You knocked on Loki's door and after a row of Asgardian curses he opened the door with ruffled hair and his shirt hung loose across his shoulders. You were looking directly at his pale defined chest and you swallowed hard as your thoughts immediately wandered to less than savoury things.

Loki blinked at you and when he smiled in greeting you almost forgot what you had come to see him for. "About last night," you started carefully and he frowned in anticipation of your words, "I don't regret it but it can't happen again." You sounded more resolute and confident than you felt and you hoped that he couldn't tell how much this was the opposite of what you really wanted. You saw a flash of disappointment cross Loki's face before his expression morphed into a gentle smile and he nodded at you "As you wish."

You stared at his chiselled torso for a moment before clearing your throat awkwardly and excusing yourself to go and get some breakfast. "I'll see you in the library afterwards," you said in what you hoped was a cheerful tone and your heart fluttered in your chest when he enthusiastically agreed to meet you. Once you were sated and back at your shared desk Loki leaned over to get your attention and you gasped when he asked "What was he like? Your Loki?"

You instantly felt a stab of sorrow in your gut at the memory of the man you had lost but there was also a strong urge to indulge his interest and potentially connect with him further. You told him that in the beginning Loki carried a lot of bitterness due to the experiences of his past and the failure of conquering Midgard. He was quick to anger and needed a lot of space to work through his own issues as well as how he connected to other people. "He never hurt me though," you said with a smile and you watched the demigod in front of you let out a sigh of relief.

You elaborated on Loki's development throughout his time with SHIELD and how spending time with you managed to give him a whole new appreciation of humanity. "Without his magic, he was practically one of us anyway," you joked and you laughed at the disbelieving expression on Loki's face. "Being inside the TVA gives you a small taste of what that was like," you added with a smile and he had to admit that you made a good point.

You told him that even when Loki was granted his magic again, he didn't forget how humbling it had been without and he even managed to make a few friends among the Avengers. "The day he chose to stay on Earth with me rather than returning to Asgard was one of the happiest days of my life," you said wistfully and you were stunned at the wide array of emotions swimming in Loki's eyes as he regarded you. He looked like he was listening intently but he didn't interrupt and waited patiently for you to continue your story.

You sighed heavily and when he gave you a questioning look you told him about Frigga's death and how it hit Loki incredibly hard, especially since he hadn't been there to protect her. Thanks to his hard work and improved emotional regulation his coping mechanisms had evolved into much healthier ones and with your help he managed to move on reasonably well. You smiled at the memory of the beloved Queen of Asgard and you looked up at Loki who seemed to be watching you closely and you swore he was blushing faintly.

You took a deep breath and summarised the adventures and difficulties Loki and Thor went through when they crash landed on Zakaar and ended up fighting their sister Hela on Asgard. "Their relationship improved massively and I know that the resolution with Thor brought him a great amount of happiness," you said with a bitter smile and you stared at the paper in front of you without even registering the words.

Loki was gazing at you with something akin to fondness in his eyes and you looked away with a wildly beating heart before bursting out "It was just not fair." He raised an eyebrow at you and his expression turned to concern when you started crying. You reached up to wipe away the tears staining your cheeks and you tried to focus on breathing to avoid painful hiccups. "We can stop," Loki suggested in a low voice but you shook your head despite the sobs making your body quiver. "He worked so hard to find his place in the universe and in the end it didn't even matter," you whispered and you felt fresh tears falling at the injustice of it all.

Loki reached out with a warm hand and you almost fell off your chair trying to scramble into his arms. You ended up sitting on his lap and he held you close while rubbing soothing circles all over your back. You leaned into his chest and you instantly felt a sense of calm and contentment rush over you. "He was lucky to have you," Loki said quietly and you were glad he couldn't see your face since his comment made you blush furiously.