Baby steps

Both of them pulled away from each other after a few minutes. They stayed silent for a while as they waited for their breathing to return to normal; Manya had her eyes glued to the ground and Arjun kept staring at her with a lovestruck look, assuming that she must be feeling coy.

But before he could say something, Manya looked up and blurted out, "What do you think of yourself? The great great Arjun Chauhan who waited for twelve years to find the love of his life, and now the great sage has waited enough, so he can move on? Or go away? You claim to understand me, don't you? Then is this the extent of your understanding? Why can't you understand my fears and the darkness that  is always hovering over me like it is going to devour me at any coming moment? Why can't you understand the sleepless nights I spend, where I still wake up after terrifying dreams? Why can't you see the scars that were given by the people I trusted? How can you assume that after all this, I still have the courage to love anyone? I reject my own self in everyone's eyes. I am not loveable, I don't deserve love, but you still tell me that you love me. You still care for me, you still come to cheer me up; do you think it boosts my confidence about myself, or changes my perspective? No it doesn't, it just proves that I am the worst girl to ever exist, I have morals and standards of my own. I wanted to do many things, but here I am, running away from everything I love, everything that was once used to be my dream. I can't afford to ruin anything more than I already have. I was the reason behind the death of my family, I was the reason for Ishaan choosing the path of lies, and I am the reason Sia doesn't have her real mother by her side. Can't you understand that...I am jinxed or cursed, everything that I love...everything that I will go close to, will be destroyed? Please stay away from me, Juno, I can't lose you now. Why do you think that it is only you who loves me? I -"

*She took pause to breathe, and with it came the crushing realisation that she had already spoken enough to show him her vulnerability. Now, she couldn't portray herself as the same tough Manya in front of him, now he knew exactly how ugly and fragile she was, and that it was a coward and escapist that lived within this shell. She wanted to run away from there, from him- yes, she couldn't tolerate the thought of being under his scrutiny for a second more.*

She turned herself slightly and dared to peek a glimpse of Arjun, who was standing still as a rock and looking at her with an indecipherable look in his eyes. She took a step away and was about to leave, when she felt the grip of two strong hands on her own.

He turned her back towards himself and hugged her again. But this time, the hug was not a challenge, but her comfort place- to dispel her fear. She took a deep breath in the soft and delicate cover of his arms, in which he wanted to hide her the way a child can hide in the arms of their family members, where they don't feel scared, where they don't have to care about the foreign and strange world. A place where they can rest without any tension, anxiety, fear, struggle; they can just be themselves, without any need for a mask, and nobody told them to be perfect. *He wanted to tell her that she was not the reason behind anything, she was not cursed, or a jinx. She was the most perfect and beautiful girl to ever step foot on earth, in his eyes. She was the one he was willing to wait twelve lifetimes for, and it would definitely be worth it. But just saying all these things would not make her believe them, he needed to make her feel protected, and get rid of her fear of losing him first. *

He spoke in a very low and gentle tone, "Minnie, look at me, look at your Juno." Saying this, he lifted her chin to tilt her face upwards, and noticed the drops which were glittering in her eyes. 

*He reminded himself to not be distracted by those for now, and that he needed to continue, but again- his heart! Had it ever listened to him, that it was going to listen this time? He didn't know why or how, but he placed a peck on her forehead, and started voicing the things he had never imagined he would speak in front of her.*

"Minnie, you know what, you don't need to be perfect to be loved, and the best example in that category would be me! We both know how far I am from perfection, but you still love me, right? And coming back to your theory, you are already perfect- but the fact about whether you are perfect or not, doesn't affect me. Trust me, I can tell you hundreds of reasons why someone can fall in love with you, but there won't be any reason which includes your perfectionist nature. And once again, whenever you ask why I love you, I will only have one answer to it each time- because it's you. So please, leave the part of loving you to me, because you can't stop me from doing just that."

Completing his statement, he glanced at her eyes once again. She was not crying anymore, but the fear was still visible in her eyes. She was afraid, she was afraid to confess that she had already fallen, and fallen hard for him. 

*She was afraid to commit to something she might not be able to follow through on, and he was well aware of this fear- the fear of losing him due to any shortcomings or misunderstandings. He couldn't go back to the past and undo what had already happened, but he could definitely make sure that history wouldn't repeat itself again. He would make sure that their love story would be one worthy of being narrated to coming generations, not like the ones in fairytales, but one that would be just theirs and theirs alone, that of Manya and Arjun.*

He waited for her to say something, but she kept quiet, and Arjun spoke up again. He did not know how or when he would get the chance to tell her that all the things she had perceived about herself were not imperfections at all. He had both- time and courage on his side for now, and he started speaking again, not wanting to leave her in that wretched state of mind for even a moment longer than this.

“Minnie, I know you are afraid of losing everything that you have now. But trust me, you are not going to lose anything- in love, there is no concept of division. It only hovers around the concept of multiplication, and this is why love is supposed to grow day-by-day. We can always love our loved ones more than the day before- it is within reach, and every person who is associated with us in this journey tends to add happiness in our lives. This is why love is about giving, more than demanding, and you are someone who doesn’t hold back. So don't worry about anything, I am here now, and I will always be here to protect you from the demons you can't fight, because they know your vulnerabilities and make you forget your strengths. I am here to remind you of your strengths, for you to emerge as the winner in your battlefield!”

*He smiled and placed one hand on her head and the other on her back, patting her gently to assure her that it was okay to be scared, it was to be afraid, it was okay to run away, and it was okay to be you! There was nothing wrong in being yourself, as everyone in this world is unique in their own ways, so we don't have to be perfect in all aspects- everyone is free to define their own definitions of perfection. He could go on for ages, but he couldn't find the strength to tell her all these things now; he didn't know what she was thinking, with that blank expression on her face.*

All of a sudden, Manya placed her head against his chest, as the little child in her really wanted to hide from all the demons of the society, all the monsters inside her head. 

*Couldn't she get a magical sword to slay all the demons and the monsters in one go, so that this chapter in the Pandora’s box that was her life, could finally be closed. But unfortunately, we all are living in the real world and we have to fight with our own strength and after taking our own time, which would be perfect for each one of us.*

Thinking this, she murmured “I also love you...but I don't know how much, and to what extent. Or perhaps, I don't love you and it is just a liking or habit. I don't know anything, but what I do know is I am really confused about everything, apart from one thing. And that is, the fact that I can't stay away from you. Then will you be okay with me going to the phase of 'love', only to get scared and run back to the safe zone, claiming that we are better in the role of best friends? Or can you be okay with not forcing me to do anything I don't want to do in the relationship, and wait for me patiently as I get to your level? Or should I just step backwards and go back to somewhere you can't find me, and where I won't be able to reach back to you, so that you can have a perfect life with a perfect girl who deserves you and whom you deserve? Because I am only good at one thing- hurting people! I am just a broken soul, whose shards are sharp enough to draw blood from anyone who tries to love me, and make them bleed till death-"

"Shhh! Minnie enough, you have never hurt anyone, you can't do that." Arjun patted her head again, making her stop crying, knowing that she had already soaked his shirt with her tears.

He then continued, "You know what, I am okay with you taking baby steps: going on lunches with me, without me having to make up any excuses, calling me when you miss me, sharing your worst or best experiences of the day. I am okay with anything or everything you think will be good for our relationship, till you are discussing that with me, making the word ours in the real sense."

She looked up and asked hesitatingly, "Are  you sure about this?" 

"I am more than sure about this. I don't need you to kiss me everyday to prove anything to me, I just want you to lower your guard in front of me. And that would be enough to show me that you love me. This is the only dream I have, because I know that when you are ready to cross this phase, you will already have entered the phase where I don't have to fight for getting your love, and you will no longer have to go through the doubts of whether you love me or not…"

"You can't back off from your statement of me taking baby steps in our love life." She reminded him again.

"Of course I won't, have I ever?"  He asked, knowing as soon as the words left his mouth, that he had taken a flying arrow to his chest.

"Do you need a list or what?"  She replied sincerely.

Arjun raised his hands in surrender as he exclaimed, "Nothing! Nothing! I was a kid back then, I won't do it again. I promise!"

"Oh! Really, a kid who was aware of what the butterflies in his stomach meant and what they were doing there? I don't believe in your promise!" She spoke again, but she was laughing this time.

Arjun also took part in her laugh, and then prompted her by tapping her elbow and saying, "Should we sign our contract, now that we are already here?"

"Sure!"

After this they both approached the corner of the roof, where a small wooden box was placed. Arjun lifted that box and a plaster tile was visible, on which "Juno and Minnie, will be best friends forever" was etched in.

They looked at each other and started laughing again.

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