Chapter 27: Openness

Ashur's eye slowly opened.

That dream with him and Boreas arguing was something that happened in reality. It was roughly four months before the coup in which Astra, their father was murdered by Boreas.

He wondered, what if he had said something different back then?

In hindsight, it seemed he never truly understood his brother, and maybe his brother didn't understand him either. It might've been an issue on perspective.

His thoughts on a different outcome faded away like the memories of his childhood, things that had brought him joy and taught him many things.

John was fast asleep, along with Annerose, who sat on his lap.

Ashur directed his gaze outside of the carriage, his eye widening at what he saw. That glade of grass was familiar. That's when he'd realized.

He raised his hand, balling it into a fist before knocking behind him, getting the rider's attention.

"You can stop here." ]

The rider obeyed Ashur's command, snapping the reigns tightly.

The abrupt stop jolted John as well as Annerose awake. The man shot up out of his seat. "W-what's going on!?"

Funnily enough, due to his sudden awakening as he spoke hastily, his left eye was still half-closed so despite his words of panic he didn't seem to be that attentive.

Annerose had fallen from his lap with his sudden standing action however she didn't hit the ground, opening her eyes right before touching it.

She was floating mere inches from the carriage bottom before slowly rising and releasing a yawn.

"We here yet?" She asked through squinted eyes.

Upon exiting the carriage John's eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. What's going on? He thought.

In front of him was a split path.

The one dirt-paved road they'd been riding on the entire time was now diverging. One path was to the left while the other had a path to the right.

Once Ashur, the last person in the carriage stepped out, the rider took that as his cue to leave. He snapped the reigns, starting to head down the path to the right, leaving John and company to feel obligated to travel down the left one.

Ashur, without a word, started heading down that path. Right as John started to open his mouth, to fully voice his confusion his eyes naturally gravitated to something, cutting off his initial thought.

Eyes wide-open, Annerose was looking all around, her head following her gaze which was zipping from spot to spot rapidly. She couldn't believe what she was seeing.

The sudden split path, that glade of grass, and the smell in the air, all of it meant one thing, that they were close to home.

Without a word, she practically swam through the air from how fast and smoothly she moved. A smile grew on Ashur's face as he watched her pass him, going headfirst up the path.

She entered the forest clearing ahead, and a moment later John lost sight of the spirit.

Not wanting to be the odd one out he skipped over until he caught up with Ashur, now walking alongside him.

After entering the forest clearing, there was silence between the two of them.

John's reasoning for the silence was based on curiosity about what got Annerose so riled up while the other half was on Ashur's cryptic wording prior to the trip and silent treatment currently.

The silence didn't last long however as Ashur spoke.

"So. It'll be a little bit before we reach it but I was wondering, do you trust me, John? Truly?"

"Of course."

He'd almost scoffed at the man's question.

If he didn't trust him how could he have agreed to join the Black Jack raid alongside him as well as enter dangerous mission after mission with him?

"Why do you ask?"

"Well. It just seems like if you did you would open up a little more."

That statement, if not for Ashur's almost timid delivery, could've come off as brazen or even rude. However, here John knew it to be from a genuine place.

Regardless, he found himself unable to respond. Not wanting silence to overshadow his intentions, Ashur continued.

"Know when I say that I don't mean to be intrusive. I understand that some things are better to keep to yourself, and if you reiterate your unwillingness to share I won't pry. I just… wanted to say that I fully trust you as well."

Those words felt like a rock being dropped onto John's feet, causing him to stop walking forward.

Ashur, noticing his pace drop suddenly stopped as well, turning to face him.

His face was conflicted, unsure if it wanted to display the warmth he held for his comrade or to keep the doubt in his heart for all to see.

It made sense to John.

From his perspective, at this point, he saw Ashur as a friend and even a mentor in some instances, with him being his senior and all.

But, from Ashur's perspective he could see John as nothing more than a comrade, however, after the dream he'd had on the carriage, which reminded him of the regrets as well as loneliness deep in his heart, he wanted to change that.

He wanted companionship.

The line between friend and partner was very thin, the differentiating factor could often be summed up in how much the person knew about the other.

Things like their favorite foods or likes and dislikes were fine, but if you didn't know their origin, or what they aspired to achieve in their life there was no way for the chasm of distance to close.

If they were to go on this journey, if John was shown time and time again to put his trust in Ashur, by knowing his past, present, and hopes for the future then it was only fair for him to return the favor by telling him his own, allowing the man to understand him fully as well.

John raised his hand up to his chest, taking a deep breath in. A second of silence passed, then another, and another before he opened his mouth, his breath finally escaping him.

Now his eyes were locked with Ashur's.

It would've been an understatement to say doubt was held in them, but it also would've been a disservice if Ashur didn't acknowledge the courage held within them as well.

John opened his mouth, ready for whatever pain would leak out alongside his words.

That's when he told him.

About what he had gone through, from the deaths of his friends and family, his entire world being ripped apart in an instant preceding the death of his teacher, including his rising from the dead.

He even told him about Pride, along with everything that he'd learned from the woman colder than ice.

The entire time he told of his experiences his gaze was fixed on a tree, one further behind Ashur. He was unable to meet his gaze because he felt that he'd waver in that case.

Ashur was the first, and so far only person John had told about what happened to him. Thinking back on his memories made his legs feel weak, however, he did his best to continue standing.

It was a struggle to speak, to stand, to persist, yet he did it all anyway.

John felt that he owed it to Ashur, who had been alongside him for many moons and himself, to open up even if it was for a moment.

If he never talked about the incident, only kept the experience locked within his mind and heart then could he really say he had overcome it?

When the final word left his lips and silence filled the forest once more, he finally lowered his hand from his chest.

"John…"

He clenched his teeth. What would he hear from the man?

He didn't quite want pity, or for him to even say he understood, just as he hadn't said he understood Ashur's pain.

He could relate but that was about it. He could never fully put himself in the man's shoes, so he hoped he wouldn't try to put himself in his.

"I want to apologize. Way back when I told you about The Bush and how they ruined my life I…couldn't have imagined something worse. To think you experienced all that yet could muster up the compassion for my minor plight. That's…truly admirable."

A tear rolled down Ashur's face. His one good eye held so much sorrow in it.

The root didn't seem to be from pity, however. His words didn't carry a woe is you energy. It was full of respect for John, the man who endured so much pain and hardship that carried him all the way here, where he stood in front of him now.

Somehow he was still able to stand tall and even put his life on the line for others, that same life that had been spared once by the mystical power that is known as a blessing.

There was no guarantee that if he were to die again he would come back to life yet he lived that same life, seemingly unafraid of whatever fate may have laid out for him.

He looked forward and while looking back occasionally, he realized that what was in front of him deserved the full effort he was capable of outputting.

John felt his lips curl into a smile, it was an uncontrollable reaction. He never expected someone to look at him like that.

Looking at him with a gaze filled with so much compassion, and sorrow, yet respect that didn't attach the victim label to him.

It wasn't a look that couldn't have been faked, it was truly genuine and that's all John wanted.

"Don't apologize. Your listening was…enough. Back then when I found out about your situation I realized how much it must've hurt. How you must've felt like losing everything if it meant avenging your father. That's when the realization came to me that we were similar. For both of us, revenge seems to be where our stories will end, but how we choose to get there doesn't have to be a path of hopelessness and rage. Our paths can be the kind where we can hold onto everything we currently hold dear while eradicating whatever may threaten it."

Ashur gave a silent nod.

Saying it out loud helped John to truly understand. Just as heavy as that grief weighed upon them, the need to blot everything out by overcoming it was that much heavier.

Ashur reached out his hand, his eye glimmering with admiration.

"I can say now, that I truly trust you, John."

John had to stifle back a chuckle. The man's honest and straightforward nature was one of his most admirable traits.

He couldn't help but find the man indistinguishable from the radiance of the sun as his nature shone through. He hoped Ashur would never lose his shine.

John returned the shake, his grip being tight and firm.

"Sounds good." He said with a wide-tooth grin.