Your Name Without Us

"Because love is all I can give her."

My father gave this answer to me when I asked him why he loved my mother. I think it was unconditional love he was talking to me. But even to a child like me, it seemed that love was one of those very impossible things that I couldn't ever hope to achieve. Maybe it was another form of magic that everyone but me had.

If so, I wonder if now, after I've become a part of a demon, would I have been able to love just like my father? It seems to me, and very bitterly, that that wouldn't be the case.

After awakening Nasty, my fight with Serena was once again one-sided. This time I wasn't the one being pursued. Serena did dodge me for quite a long while. She was absurdly fast and flexible. In another world, I'd have to be careful where I swing my sword, lest I should erase the world around me. But in Shamballa, even if I did delete the place, the memory of the place, the data still remained in the form of numbers in a computer. It would just reload and even if I did cut down anything in my way, it could be restored.

That made it even more clear to me why Nasty and I wouldn't be able to exist together in any other realm but this one.

Serena tried to attack me too, but soon she realized all her attempts would be futile. She had realized the outcome of this battle. And as someone who's foreseen their demise, she struggled with all her might. I needn't explain what our battle entailed. As far as battles are concerned, it was rather unimpressive. I did feel pity for her, seeing her wriggle so much, desperate to make a difference.

When she finally did stop struggling, I stood before her, ready to deliver the final blow. That was when something fell on my head. Like a brick or something. I looked behind me, startled. But then another one hit my head. I looked up. The sky was falling. The chunks were materializing into something I couldn't explain. But the thing was, they were only falling on me.

The system had perceived me as an abnormal entity and was trying to get rid of me. Soon enough, I understood, the place would collapse on me, in hopes to destroy me. I looked back at Serena who stood frozen in her place now. I realized she was the last safeguard. After her, the system would seek to eliminate me. And perhaps, even I couldn't resist if the realm decided to go against me. Regardless, Serena had to go.

"Do you regret your life?"

I asked her before my sword impaled through her metallic chest. Her single light flickered about in a last effort, but gave out very soon.

"I regret...", her words escaped without her moving her lips, "...her life. I haven't become anything yet. I haven't...I...love her."

I wasn't sure this regret was really hers to have. But I was reminded of my father's words. I understood them better now than ever before. I think when people can't make a difference, they ought to stop trying. But that wasn't what Serena and my father chose to do. Even if my mother and Doctor Ema couldn't be saved from their failures, they still chose to love them because that was all they could do to still leave them with something worthwhile. I'm not sure if my father was successful, because I know my mother died embittered from life. But I do believe, in some odd ways, I managed to save Doctor Ema.

I'm not really sure if it was Lubbock, Serena, or me. But since I put an end to her shackle, I feel like I'd settle on myself as her savior. That said, I've never been proud of that fact. To be honest, I've realized that being a savior is seldom something to be proud of. Though I bet, that isn't what it looks like to the world.

I destroyed the server. It wasn't so hard to do even if the system was trying to destroy me. It didn't take long for me to shut everything down.

**************

"He finally did it."

Lubbock and Doctor Ema stood side by side on the mounds, overlooking the city. The deletion of the chunks had stopped just in time. The remnants of their battle lay all around them. The sky was beginning to fall now, like snow that disappeared before it reached the ground.

"I'm glad I didn't have to kill you, Ema", Lubbock admitted.

Ema's eyes had dimmed, realizing her only reason for living must have vanished. She couldn't remember it.

"This is a beautiful view. I'm glad to have lived to see this", Ema said weakly.

"Do you regret anything?"

Ema remained silent, perhaps not so sure where to begin.

"I'm sorry we didn't save you. I'm sorry we never managed to escape Agartha. I'm sorry we never found our freedom. I really wanted to go outside with you and Argoll", she looked old, like she'd never been before.

Lubbock looked at her, with his big twinkling eyes, as pure as the day they had first met. It sent a shiver inside her, but she felt rejuvenated. He smiled, reassuringly.

"It's okay."

She couldn't hold back from smiling either, accompanied by her eyes welling up.

"I'm glad to have lived in the same world as you."

Lubbock's hair that were now an artificial green, glimmered along with the pieces of sky. He shone as brightly as he had back then. Ema's tears rolled down her cheeks as she noticed the faint scar that went around his neck. But she couldn't help remembering the child she once knew him as.

"I want you to take all our data. As long as you still have us in your memory, we'll all be able to continue to live. Could you spare us that kindness?"

"I'm sorry, Ema. But it's time for you to die."

If it weren't from him, this would have sounded very cruel.

"I see. Well, it's true that all of us have gotten used to the idea of living forever that we even forgot what it was like to stop existing. But still...we still haven't seen anything in the world out there."

Lubbock kept smiling, without looking her way. He continued to gaze out at the crumbling city.

"I see", she felt broken, yet it was just something she had to accept at this point, "Then, would you see everything in our place. Please tell us your stories when you meet us again, both me and Argoll."

He turned her way, "I've already seen so much, Ema! I promise I'll see everything there is to see. I'll go all around the world. For the three of us!"

Lubbock grabbed her shoulders and peered right into her eyes as he promised her. He was beaming. His innocence seemed the same to Ema as all those years ago. She painfully smiled back.

"I'll see you then, O-"

She suddenly lost her words. She stared blankly at Lubbock, whose expression had dimmed down as well.

"Your name...", she muttered, "Wait...don't take that away. Your name! Please don't take that away from me! Your name!"

"I'm sorry, Ema. I can't do that either."

"Why...?!", she was crying, "Why are you...so cruel to yourself?"

Lubbock smiled again. That was his answer. Ema seemed to have run out of tears. She just stood helplessly.

"I'll find you", he said.

"Always. Always the same...", she said as she caressed his cheek before becoming a part of the chunks that disappeared into nothingness.

Lubbock stood alone. His conscious all there, alongside him as he watched his friends disappear once again.