My Good God

"Do you feel sorry for him?"

"..."

"Or do you feel remorse on being unable to protect your ideal world?"

"..."

"Say Seraph, are you...angry?"

"..."

"Why aren't you saying anything?...Do you hate me?"

"Cut it out already."

"Well...that's better, ain't it?", she grinned.

Indeed, I hated her guts, goofing around like that. This isn't what I was here for. I gritted my teeth, suppressing myself with every shred of constraint in my body. I bet it was visible enough, though she seemed to be enjoying this.

"Prophet isn't the one you should be feeling this way for, you know", she whispered.

I guess that did it for me. I grabbed her by the collar, lifting her off the ground easily, as tiny as she was. I really meant to hit her really bad. I wonder what stopped me right there. I could feel the hungry eyes of Chopper on me, he was ready to rip my head off but Lady forbade him from interfering. He was standing at a distance, keeping an eye on me.

"Its not a good view from here, Seraph", she finally uttered.

I let her go, disgusted and angered.

"Just say what you wanted to, I've had about enough of you", I turned my back to her, curbing my feelings aside.

"Sure", she fixed her heavy fur coat, "Its a long story though."

She began.

"When we first found him, me and Sight, he was living in a rather huge mansion, all alone. Can you guess which mansion it was?"

I remembered the castle we had seen in the underground. I looked at her through the corner of my eye.

"Nope! Not the castle! It was in his father's estate. That place where he killed his parents 15 years ago", she grinned. I couldn't understand what she found so amusing. It was deeply disturbing to me.

"Prophet killed Ausirne, his own mother and his father. He still believes that it was Lucy who killed them. Seraph, you don't have to look away. I bet you've known all along."

"I don't."

She sighed, "Lucifer, Lucy and Prophet...they are all the same. Ausirne did give him a name and she did everything she could to save him. We knew it from the beginning, Prophet has never been someone we could save. He lived 15 years in that hell where you went down. He's had enough life for one lifetime if you ask me."

"And that's enough reason to kill him? Is it about what he did or just that he's lived too long? Are you the one making those kinds of judgements now? Didn't you say atonement was the reason for Valhalla? Where do you even draw the line?"

She stayed silent, I turned to look at her face. She had a blank expression, distant like always. Sometimes, I wasn't sure if she was even listening. It was like staring into a void.

"You can't reason with Lucifer. When Lucifer awakens for real, he will kill us all. None of us possess the power to defeat him. And even if we went all out together, the collateral damage would be far too big than we could ever atone for. Prophet isn't in charge anymore, Seraph. Whatever God he so strongly believes in, decided this for him. He doesn't get to have everything...Lucifer wanted a human body, and he got it. But with that, he also gets to taste death. If anything, its better for him if he-"

"Did he ever tell you what the real hell is like?", I interrupted.

"What?"

"He told me. Its a place that has everything you could ever dream of. The most beautiful place that could ever exist...and you know the only thing that's missing there? Freedom. You can't have anything, you can't hold anything. You can just watch from a distance and admire...for eternity. And then you get to die. But nothing ends, the void continues forever. You just wake up the next day, to live again. Its endless, the most subtle kind of pain, there's no escape. Can you imagine that, Lady?"

She silently stared at me.

"When he told me that, I knew he'd been living in that place far too long. And all this time, he'd been seeking an escape. Just to be able to feel, to belong, to have...but you'd deny him even the beginning of all that. And then you stand here to ask me if I hate you? Are you stupid? Of course, I do!"

She smiled gently, "That's good."

She then walked down the mound and went toward the back of Valhalla. Chopper went after her too. I stayed a while and then followed.

When I got there, Prophet was praying in that oddly familiar way he always used to.

"Lucifer asked God why he was made this way, with such pride and fire. But it wasn't pride at all, he was jealous. He wanted to be like the man. Perhaps then, he could earn God's love again. Its not too much to ask for the love of your creator. I wonder what Lucifer feels now. As a human, he found the greatest pain beyond anything he'd ever known. Was he satisfied? Do you think, Seraph?", Lady asked as she smiled, looking at Prophet praying.

The sun was beginning to set. It spread its crimson light in the sky. I was reminded of the sky I'd been watching all those years. It was painful to even think of it. Chopper patted me on the shoulder.

I nodded and went over to Prophet.

"You know Seraph, sometimes I'm really scared", he was smiling weakly, "I feel like I'm losing God and that just makes me feel empty. The distance...It makes me afraid of myself. I don't want to lose myself. I want to be saved, when I'm powerless like that."

"Do you think God will save you?"

"I'll know if he takes me back. In a place where I can see for as long as I want, a place most beautiful...if I can just be lost in a place like that, then I'm sure...I'm sure I'll..."

He was already halfway there, in a dreamlike state. I turned my back to him and walked back, intending to leave that place for good. I could hear it in the distance.

"~Out here...I can barely see my breath, surrounded...by jealousy and death~"

Chopper stopped me with his hand before I could do that. Lady was standing beside him.

"You are the only one...", Lady spoke to me in a low voice, not averting her gaze from Prophet, "...that can kill him."

I stared at her wide eyed. She had to be joking.