chapter 14: Ebb

"Miss." The robotic voice speaks into my mind.

Two out of three uses today.

That was, a shitty thing to do.

I'm really becoming paranoid. I just thought it was unusual for her to be close to me suddenly.

I clap my hands to applaud her landing.

"Good job, the judges say that's a 10." I walk down the stairs feeling relieved.

"Hey, I don't care what the judges say, are we eating lunch or not?" Her voice sounds urgent like she needs an answer immediately. She pulls out her phone and reads through a message.

"Oh, never mind. I'll take a rain check on that lunch, for now." She turns her heel and begins to walk towards the school lobby to the right.

"Carly's having some boy troubles, I'll text you in a bit, okay?" Then she's gone skipping down the halls. She stops halfway down the hall and comes back to me in a speed walk.

"Hey, as Mr. Radek said, we'll flirt later, kay?" Then she winks at me and laughs before walking off again.

I can't help but feel like I wish I could be as careless as she is right now.

After watching her for a moment, I take a left turn and walk down the narrow hallway and take another left. Walking towards the bathroom.

After entering the bathroom past the side exit doors, I immediately walk into an unoccupied stall. It smells like urinal cakes and shit in here. Nasty.

Sitting on the toilet, there's no seat cover, so I'm awkwardly perched on the toilet seat, beneath my buttocks is the open water of the toilet bowl.

Finally, I'm alone. Time to think.

I've got to think over all that's happened today, and what I can do about it.

Opening up my palm in front of me with a closed fist, I begin counting on my hand what happened.

First, I've become a part of some game where I'm meant to kill others. There's evidence of it being real by my blackout this morning and the sensor in my vision indicating there are players in my vicinity.

Second, I lost the initiative to act in the game by losing 2 hours of my time. Between talking to my mom and suddenly waking up in class, it appears that I acted as I normally do base on the texts I've sent to my friends.

Third, the mark. The mark works by thinking of the word "mark." In my mind while looking at someone. I've got to figure out if I've been marked by someone else, or if there are certain conditions to make this "power" work. But I don't have the chance to do it right now.

I won't be using the mark again today, there are only 3 chances to use it per day, and my last move on the staircase was incredibly risky. What would I have done if Emma was a part of it? If there was no miss, I wouldn't be able to form a team with her. I'd be forced to kill her. She would also know I was looking at her when I said it and have marked me back. Fuck.

There's no way I'll be able to survive if I act on every nagging feeling I have at the moment, I'm going to have to control my impulses.

God dammit. I don't know what to do.

Someone entered the bathroom while I'm thinking and started taking a leak in the urinal outside the stall, The rushing of their excrement against the urinal is bothering me.

Okay.

Lifting my other hand, I begin counting on that one.

First, I'd like to find someone who's part of the game and see if we can work together as a team, as that thing said. We're allowed to be on teams together.

To find them though, I'll have to be investigative. And probably be tactful in my approach, I can't just approach someone who I think could be a part of it. If I do, and I'm wrong, I'll invoke a penalty and lose a few hours of my time. I don't like the idea of not knowing what I've done in my own body.

There are my memories from my previous life I can use... but fuck. Those are no good.

Living as an addict, I didn't care what anyone did besides myself, I quit school around this time and never bothered to stay in touch, or had no way of staying in touch with my classmates. The only thing I was focused on was getting high. Fuck, I hate myself right now.

But that won't do me any good.

I wasn't involved with anyone in high school, I didn't even know something like the board game club existed, or the people in it.

Thinking back on it, I and Eli started to sell drugs together, at least we did in the beginning. Before he got me addicted and threw me away like trash after he started dating my ex, Sarah. He always had a thing for her, and now look at him. He's with her, just like he was in my memories.

No point in thinking about that right now. The first thing I've got to do is have a plan of action to find other players.

I've just got to think of what to do. But what the hell do I do? Where do I start? This is a barrier I can't immediately pass. Maybe I can find someone who also wants to be alone or are looking distracted. But that could just be how they are as a person. So, I can't blindly follow that logic.

Maybe not everyone can keep it together like I did. Firstly, they could have seen the sensor and called in sick or just skipped school today. I was forced into coming here due to my penalty, I hope I was acting as I normally would have.

There's also the chance they did the same thing as me and got a penalty.

There could also be people who may have more information than I do. Like a student who was observing everyone's actions and is a part of the game, or an adult or teacher that has a better memory than I do. Maybe they'd seen me in a different light in my previous life. As an addict, or maybe they have no memory of me at all. I'm hoping for the latter.

If they did know me and saw me as a shitty student in the past, and now I'm doing better and making my presence known by becoming someone else, then I'll be a target just by being here and doing well in school.

But I also can't stop doing well, and revert to the old Dan. There's also the fact that that thing from my dream said "They're all similar to you." Or something. So, it could be safe to assume that other people are just as crappy as I was. Fuck, this is getting confusing.

I'll just have to pretend to be normal for the rest of the day for now. And when I get home and can feel calm, I'll be able to relax and think of a plan.

It's way to hard to be alone like this. There's so much to think about right now. I just wanna see my mom and hug her again.

Let's just stay in the bathroom until the lunch period is over.

To pass the time, I looked through my phone. There are tons of photos of me and my friends. Times when Anna would grab my phone and take selfies. Pictures of us hanging out at Josh's place. There are even pictures of Kelly making a weird pose, he made a peace sign with his hand and put it over his eyes. There are pictures of us playing chess and games, and going for walks together. Ah, man. That's nostalgic. I'm glad they're in my life right now. They gave me a lot of good memories, things I didn't really have in the past.

After finishing up in the bathroom, the bell rang starting the 3rd-period classes.

Walking out of the stall door, there's a loud squeak of the door hinge as the door swings open, it's not very hard to push the swinging doors of the stall.

The sinks look rusted on the taps, and the puke-green countertops they're resting on are unappealing to the eyes, couldn't the school have picked a better color?

Whatever let's just wash our hands. I feel dirty just being in this bathroom. After starting the sink, I lather my hands in soap and then look up at the mirror. It's me. I mean, of course, it is. But it's me, before everything. I haven't taken a good look at myself yet. There are no wrinkles or sores on my face from the drug abuse and sleeping outside. No scarring along my arms. I look like me. I take my now-washed hands and pry open the side of my mouth to reveal and examine my teeth. It's strange to see they're all still there.

Looking down at my body, I flip my hands up and down, it's like I'm having flashbacks to my own death. There are no track marks, no open wounds, or large scars that didn't heal correctly due to skin infections and continued drug use on them. There used to be scabs that I'd itch at until they became open wounds, but now they're all gone. I'm free from it, that kind of life.

There was a fleeting moment when I woke up in the class where I thought I'd wanted to do drugs, but after seeing myself, I've reconsidered that idea completely.

My muscles actually started growing too, after fighting with Austin's brothers and working out with them. I feel like my general fitness is starting to accelerate. It's liberating to feel strong; I know I'm no bodybuilder with a peak physique, but I'm happy with what I have right now.

There's another recent memory that comes to mind, Thea was saying it was gross for me to look at myself in the mirror, she had seen me one day posing while flexing. What a little sister thing to say. My dad complimented me for the first time in a long time too. He said: "Look at my boy, becoming a man!" or something like that.

It made me happy.

Things have gotten better between us, my family. I remember all the regrets I had when I was dying, but at least I kept true to my intentions of getting better and being better. Becoming someone.

I've got new friends now, a new life. Something worth protecting, and I've got my sanity. I'm not sure how I can protect this life, but I'll have to figure it out.

Enough thinking about my appearance, I noticed that I left the faucet running this entire time and quickly shut it off.

After walking out of the bathroom, I almost slipped on the gross, yellow-tinted floor tiles. That would've sucked, imagine if I just busted my head open after having a moment with myself.

As I leave the bathroom, I notice that the hallways are empty, except for a few transient students walking in and out of classes they don't belong to.

I take two right turns in the halls and walk up the stairs to Ms. Simmons' classroom. As I'm walking, I begin to daydream about the beautiful Ms. Simmons, her golden hair extravagantly flowing in the wind. Her skirt pressed against her skin where you just barely make out the figure of her curves. The ebony color and texture of the tights she wears underneath her skirt. The youthful smile and energy she

Now I know why I was always more attracted to Ms. Simmons, being inside the body of a pubescent kid lies an old man. I mean, I'm technically 20.

After being caught up in my delusions about my teacher, my worries about the game I'm a part of comes to a ceasing halt.

I've already made my ascent up the stairs and begin to make my way to the open door at Ms. Simmons' classroom. After walking in, I fully expect to hear the blissful sight that is Ms. Simmons and hear her say:

"Hey Danny, it's so good to see you!" in her angelic and feminine voice. Like a cherub singing notes of harmony.

Reality can be so crushing.

There's a man sitting in Ms. Simmons' chair. I remain standing in the doorway; I check to make sure this is the right class. I peek my head out the door and read the nametag stuck to the wall of the hallway.

"Ms. Simmons." Says that plaque.

I've got the right class...

I look back at the male teacher, almost glaring. It's hard to hide the immeasurable disappointment I'm feeling in this current moment.

"Where's Ms. Simmons?" I begin to interrogate the middle-aged teacher.

"She's sick today. I'm your substitute teacher, Mr. Hitchcock. And what's your name? I've got to mark your attendance." He says back to me and grabs a pen on Ms. Simmons' desk, ready to mark me as an attendee of this classroom.

I don't even want to answer him, who is this dude?

Man, fuck this class. I should just walk out right now, but I know I can't do that.

"Daniel Burks, that's my name," I say while grimacing towards his way and walking to my usual spot beside Anna and Claire.

But neither of them is here today either. Fuck, I've already walked into class. I can't just run out and never return. I'll sneak out in like 20 minutes; I'll grab the work I need to do and take it home with me.

After sitting down, I notice that the sub is reading what I assume to be, Ms. Simmons' day planner.

How dare you peer into her personal items like that.

That should be me.

before I can daydream the kind of life I would live together with Miss. Simmons, both of us frolicking in a field together, holding hands. My free hand holding her day planner, my daydream ended shortly.

Mr. Hitchcock begins the lesson. I didn't pay attention, and only thought about grabbing my work and getting out of here.

He spends about 5 minutes explaining to us that Ms. Simmons' left a plan for us to work on our previous assignments, boring. I'd have rather seen her smiling and talking enthusiastically about biology. This dude doesn't even look like he wants to be here. The class is silent, abnormal for Ms. Simmons' class.

Claire and Anna walk in a few minutes late and sit in the empty seats beside me. When they sit down, I look past them at the various visual aids meant to describe organisms and plant life. There's a poster that says, "The mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell!"

There are other posters dedicated to the biology subject matter, as well as lame jokes plastered along the walls. They're what I expect of Ms. Simmons.

"Danny, I'm talking to you," Anna says, interrupting me while I'm staring at the walls.

"Sorry, what. I wasn't paying attention." I reply in a whisper.

"Where's Ms. Simmons?" While she speaks, her hands are moving in her bags, and the sound of zippers and rustling cloth-like material are heard.

"Oh, she's sick or something," I say in a standoffish tone.

"Aw, are you sad your favorite teacher isn't here today?" Claire chimes in.

"Shut up, I wanted to see Ms. Simmons. That's my favorite part of school. If it weren't for her, I'd have dropped out at the beginning of the semester." I say while looking defeated and trying to muster up the motivation to continue staying in the class.

If it wasn't for Mr. Radek wanting to see me after school, I'd have left already. He probably doesn't have anything important to say to me anyway.

"You're so dumb sometimes. You're just a kid compared to her, and she's nice so she treats everyone the same way." Somehow, she already has her books out and is looking at us while keeping one hand on her binder and the other on her cheek.

"You're right that she's nice. That's exactly what's so appealing about her, it makes her attractive you know? Never mind, you wouldn't understand a mature woman. If Ms. Simmons is a butterfly, then you would be in your larval state right now." She takes great offense to this.

Our talking sparks the rest of the class to begin talking to one another.

Claire is squinting her eyes at me with contempt in her heart.

"Pfft. As if. I've got my own charm, right? Anna? Tell him." She says defiantly, and insecurely.

Anna takes this as a sign to invade her personal space.

"Oh yeah, you got charm for sure. Look at these beautiful locks of hair. These glasses with tape along the hinges, and your quirky little astronaut hairpin. Aren't you just a cutie?" Anna begins gently holding her hair in her hands before taking a huge sniff out of it.

"You change your shampoo?" She asks while looking into Claire's eyes. She moved so quickly; she was suddenly sitting on top of Claire's desk.

"Never mind, get off me. You're just a weirdo like Daniel." While looking downwards, that made her really flustered. Which was probably Anna's motive, to begin with.

"Don't be like that, even your sense of style is cute. Look at your big frilly shirt, it's perfect for you." While pressing Claire further into her shy state, she begins tracing her fingers along Claire's shirt sleeve and then bursting out laughing.

Through her cackling Anna spits out the words:

"Okay, okay, I'm done. I'm getting too personal with you now. But yes, you're right. You have your charms, unlike our unoriginal Danny. Look at your shirt, that's the same style Charlie wears, right? You got a crush on him?" She turns her attention to me.

"Nothing is original in this world," I say while hoping she doesn't get all touchy-feely with me.

Anna gets off of Claire's desk, pokes her in the cheek with her index finger, and says "boop" before pushing her cheeks together, back and forth. And begins making a blooping fish sound.

Claire attempted to wave her hands in front of her face and block the attack, she wasn't fast enough. Anna's already finished her offensive and is on the retreat.

I'm never asking you anything, ever again. never ever." Claire says and looks down at her work. Her face is red, I don't think she likes being the center of attention, and others are looking at her.

I can't help but laugh at them.

Mr. Hitchcock interrupts us and says "You guys, c'mon. Let's just do our work for now." While looking at the computer at Ms. Simmons' desk.

I decide to stay in class.

Afterward, Claire doesn't immediately get up to go to her next class and instead puts her head down on her desk. Apparently walking around on Halloween was too much for her. They almost helped me to forget the "in vicinity" thing. Almost.

I parted ways with them and walked toward my math class. Anna asked me if I'd come by to play games with them tomorrow. I told her I had to go to work.

After making it to my math class, Austin sent me a text, after what, 3 hours.

"Hey bro, nah, I ain't coming back to school today. Been hanging out at that chick's place with her friends. You should've come. You could've hooked up with one of them, they were talking about you."

Another text after that.

"I can't spar either, don't know when I'll be home."

Gross, I don't even care about things like that. I needed to know what I was doing this morning. I won't be getting that answer anytime soon though. I text him back.

"Don't skip out tomorrow then."

Fuck, okay. I walk into my math class.

After getting settled in, there are only about 5 of us in class today. All students I don't know. Emma's friend Carly is in this class, she's usually flirting with that dude who asked out Emma a few months ago. But they're both absent.

I grab a calculator from the front of the class and say hello to my apathetic teacher, he doesn't bother responding to my greeting and only hands me an assignment. Whatever man, he never really bothered talking to us unless he was half-assing his answers for how to do the math.

I waste 30 minutes trying to solve quadratic equations by factoring. I don't know what the hell I'm doing though, and when I asked the teacher he just gave me a paper to read about solving them. I didn't bother doing the rest of my work and just laid with my head down and rested my eyes until school was over. I missed Austin being here, he makes the class fun to be in. And understands the math, I don't know how he does. He's usually high when he does the math, but apparently, that helps him focus.

The words "getting high" makes me forget the last thought that went through my head, and gives me anxiety.

I hope he's doing okay; I hope he isn't doing hard drugs right now. Fuck, I wish I could do more for him.

After the bell goes off, I immediately leave the classroom.

The hallway after school is difficult to navigate, there's the rush of students all walking towards the front exit doors, trying to catch the bus, or just leave as fast as they can. They're all trying to get to their destination as quickly as possible. There's the loud chatter and laughter of my classmates, as well as the sounds of lockers being opened and closed.

My stomach begins to rumble in response to the sudden movement I made after class ended, I forgot to eat today. The weight of my backpack on my shoulders isn't helping either,

I can feel the press of bodies around me as I make my way towards the 2nd-floor stairs, there's a certain energy and excitement in the air after school ends. I feel my pockets to make sure I have everything, there's the smoothness of my phone against my pants pocket, and the muffled jingle of my keys in the other. And my lighter, I've kept it way too long at this point.

The floor beneath me is hard and strenuous to walk on, I want to take a nap. There's a slight dampness on the staircase, probably from spillage or kids bringing in mud or the dew on grass blades in the fields outside. My neck is perspiring from the constant paranoia I've felt all day, so worried I'd have to kill someone, or that I'd be killed. But the day was uneventful.

After making it up the stairs, I stand in front of Mr. Radek's classroom as students are still inside and speaking with the chemistry teacher.

I'm leaning against the wall with my shoulder, looking off into the distance. Feeling the fatigue of having made it through the day.

When suddenly, which is her style, Emma pokes jumps on my back, and yells: "Boo!" while pushing my head down as I try to fling her off, gently fling her off. I don't want her to actually be hurt.

After she gets tired of being, herself, she hops off my back.

"See, I can't kick you in the legs anymore since you started working out, but I can still jump on your back." She punches me in the shoulder before I have a chance to protest.

She's aggressive but always means well. Mostly.

She leans up against the wall with me and stares at me with a smile. It freaks me out.

Her ginger hair falls in small soft waves around her heart-shaped face. Her striking green eyes seem to change color depending on the light. Her skin is smooth and silky, with a hint of freckles dotting her nose. Her smile would be contagious if not for how today has been, she navigates life with such confidence, commanding attention wherever she goes, if I could be normal, I'd be completely drawn to her.

"What's wrong Danny, you being tempted by my womanly charms? it's okay. You can look all you want, but if you keep staring, it'll cost you a kiss." She sticks her tongue out to me when suddenly we hear the voice of our teacher, Mr. Radek.

"I said you two can flirt later, but I didn't mean in the school. Do it at home, you animals." He laughs and pats me on the back before signaling us to come inside the classroom.

The main classroom lights are off, and the room is dimly lit by the smart board behind his desk. There's a lamp on his desk which is on, it's focused on a stack of papers on his desk.

After we sit down at his desk, he begins to tell us about the school trip. How he'll need some extra hands for moving things around like chairs, low maintenance sort of stuff. It almost feels like he wouldn't need volunteers to begin with. He'd like us to carry things for him, basically. We're little pack mules.

He also wants to make sure no one is sneaking off and dicking around, basically, we're gonna be snitches. That doesn't sound fun. The trip is to some refinery or something, I wasn't paying attention. I'm easily distracted.

"I CAN trust you two to do that for me, right?" he asks, his deep voice bellowing making me feel alert. I get the feeling he was mostly talking to me when he raised his voice.

Emma immediately answers with:

"Oh, for sure. Watching these students? Pfft, easy. I can do that with my eyes closed. I got your back, Mr. Radek." She then flexes her bicep and slaps it, its almost like she wants to kiss her own bicep.

"Right, you're the muscle between your twos' dynamic then, I take it? Make sure to keep scatterbrain here in check, alright?" They book to look at me.

"Yes sir, I'll keep him on a short leash." She says while laughing with him.

What a couple of jerks.

"Alright, well you can be excused for now, Emma." He says to her.

"I gotta talk to Daniel about his last assignment, he got almost all the answers wrong." Then he looks at me.

"Sorry son, it'll be brief, I just wanted to go over a few things here with you." He says with an authoritarian voice, his voice deepens as he speaks.

"Oooh, I told you. I said you did it wrong, and you didn't believe me." Emma says while wearing an "I told you so." Type of look on her face.

"You gotta pick up the pace buddy." She laughs and grabs her backpack off the floor before exiting the classroom.

"I'll text you later, kay? I got my volleyball practice to make it too." Then she wanders out of the room.

After she leaves, Mr. Radek begins flipping through the stacks of paper his lamp is focused on.

"So, teach, what questions did I get wrong?" I ask while I start pulling out my binder from my backpack. Hoping this meeting will be quick.

Mr. Radek stands up without answering my question and walks towards the classroom door.

"We need a little privacy to discuss these sorts of things, don't you think?" His voice sounds deep, maybe even a little frantic.

Why do I feel this sudden sense of urgency to leave? Mr. Radek is a nice person, but he seems, different.

Let's just ignore that feeling for now, I bring my binder out of my bag and place it on the desk. He also turned off the whiteboard behind him.

He takes a seat, his broad shoulders are tensed up, he brings his hands together and holds them in front of his forehead, it almost looks like he's leaning against them. His eyes are closed.

But only for a moment, he opens his eyes to look at me.

"I know you're a part of this game, Daniel." He says to me softly but with affirmation in his voice.

I feel a shudder go down my spine, why did I not consider Mr. Radek to be a contestant?