K R I S L I N

BELLONA

'They will be expecting you at 9:30, it’s twenty minutes away from your home.’

‘They will kick me out..I have no experience.' I groaned frustration growing inside me.

'Be positive.' Her munching voice came through the phone.

'I am being positive that they are going to kick me out.' I snorted.

A wave of laughter followed by multiple curses were thrown at me. I glanced at the clock as it ticked 8:00, one hour. I had this thought yesterday, rethinking everything all again. Everything I felt would be left behind, I will try to control my emotions, I will try even if I fall. My heart did hurt when I let go but I want to forget, I want to wash away the past, I want to live.

I want to breathe.

So I made my mind, determined to move forward. It's sometimes hurts more to hold on then to let go, the pain it never leaves you, your grief never leaves you because you grief in love, in memory, between shedding tears you remember the person you are missing, that you once cherished but you still love.

No matter how many years would pass, I would still grief and remember the one and only, my mother.

'Ouch!' I cried stubbing my small toe into the table, yelping I stood there rubbing it. Furiously glaring at the table like a child I cursed under my breath and continued to talk on the phone.

'You okay?'

'Yea... I stubbed my toe!'

There would be times when I wondered if moving on was the right decision, it was indeed through a third person's point of view but it was worse for me to get up and then fall back down again. I didn't want to see the black clouds again, scattering all over me capturing me in a cage of fear. I didn't want to face it all over again, at least it was something I hoped for. I looked towards the future thinking it may be in my favours.

I got dressed up after talking with Freddie, she was happy for me. And that's the thing which made me feel at ease, I still was broken but I pretended to be okay until I forget it all, until I would no more cry, until I would no more be broken and stand strong.

This was a story of fighting my monsters that once crawled inside me, making me fear. I would get scared by the silence, the dark like a child trapped, lost, without his mother, crying and begging for someone to take him back to where he belonged.

Wearing my nude heels and the black blazer I tied my hair in a fine ponytail, breathing in, calming myself down. The girl in the mirror was a whole new person, it looked like she wanted to face the fears. It was me living a new day, a new life.

I took my car keys from my table, finally staring at the picture of me and my mom, hanged up in the hallway in an old violet frame, matching the other pictures.

I smiled at her.

My each step contained so much hope, for something better. Something new which would change this fearful soul inside of me. All the way I thought of my mother's words when we used to talk together, she would always smile when I would tell her that I loved my job, she would answer,

'When you do things you love you do them with your heart, with passion, with glee. I wish you all the happiness in this World.'

But things change, they might not go by the plans we make. I could never in a gazillion years would guess that today I would be standing as a new person who was no more a detective who loved her job, no more a joyful person or no more a person who would not have a mother by her side, whose hand would pat her daughter's shoulder and support her no matter what she wishes to conquer. But God sees things differently and he plans them because he knows things we don't.

Upon reaching there I looked at the tall building in front of me, the sunlight was reflecting on the glistering glass. You could see the hustle and bustle going on as everyone was engulfed in their own work.

Stepping inside a warm air hit me, I stepped on the shinny marble floor clicking my heels. There was this atmosphere of calmness, everyone was engulfed in their work, I could see how well-designed this building was. The huge chandelier hanging in the middle to the classic looking black couches that occupied half of the waiting area. I walked over to the wooden desk that had bold letters on it as reception.

'Good morning!' A Chirpy voice welcomed as a girl in her mid-twenties came into view, she had glasses on her nose. Red hair and flawless skin, suited and professional.

Assisting me to a hallway she instructed me to wait as I told her I was here for the interview, she smiled politely before calling my name after few minutes and wished me luck before I went inside. There was this black interior that looked breathtaking, the interview went great, their questions weren't too hard for me. It was possible for me to get this job but I hesitated on working for something I never experienced, I would say everything was going fine..I politely bade them goodbye and whirled like a child dancing.

Exiting the same gates I felt a moment of relief, the weight on my chest felt lighter. Walking towards my car I looked up at the birds chirping, their voice being a melody to my ears.

All our life we are confused about some periods of our life in which we grow, we feel uncanny, we feel disheartened. Because the pain we go through makes us grow, makes us live and teach us difference about what was good for us and what was bad. And at that times staying determined is the best decision, it's up to you whether you can endure the pain or not but there is truly a light at the end of of a dark tunnel. You have to be strong because the journey is not easy.

I drove to my home and parked my car, gripping my hands on the car door I came out and saw a figure standing near my door, a man. He kept on tapping his foot on the ground facing her door.

I took a few steps towards him as he flung around revealing a man in his late-twenties, he had a tan skin, shaved face, his raven black hair were pulled back. The grey coloured orbs staring into my soul, his eyes made him stand out. Lips in a thin line and eyebrows frowned, he stood there with hands in his pockets, clothed in a black long coat. He moved his feet stepping forward. Before I could ask him who he was, he questioned in his deep husky voice.

'Bellona Campbell?'

My words barely came out, cracking at the end.

'Who are y-you?'

'I am Kris...Kris Lin.'