First day

Today's our first day of school, alam ko mabilis and all pero time flies fast and moves on. For the remaining months na wala pa akong pasok ginugol ko yung time ko mostly sa dance classes, Sa G force ako nagtatake either sa alabang branch or Qc branch. Dancing makes me feel relieved, kapag mabigat yung pakiramdam ko or pag may pinagdadaanan ako, all I could do is dance. Hindi ako umiiyak or masyadong pinoproblema yung matters kasi I can fully express my feeling through dancing, it's an escape eh, a talent na meron ako and i'll always be thankful for it. If ever naman na tinatamad ako I would mostly just stay in sa condo, watch a movie, eat out, all the cool stuffs to do na hindi nag rerequire ng kasama. Being alone made me more serious about how I manage my life, nung nandon ako sa puder ng papa ko I didn't know what being fully responsible for myself means. My dad was there to help and support me, ngayon I would do things on my own, starting to be a little less childish. May mga times where I would just stare blankly sa wall just thinking about the life I'm about to encounter, yung feeling na pagiging lonely makes you realize a lot more things, more space to wonder, more space for yourself.

Naglalakad na ako papuntang St. Mary's College, madami akong nakakasabay na schoolmate ko and for some reason they seem more glad and excited than me. I don't feel anything special for this damned school pero eto na yung kapalaran ko all I have to do is to face it, 10 months lang ang kailangan kong iendure then I'm out of here, pwede na akong magsimula ng bagong buhay na totoo para sa senior high, yung bagong buhay na sasaya ako. Pagpasok ko sa gate ay nakita kong mayroong ibang estudyante sa quadrangle, siguro nag aantayan sila para sabay sabay na pumasok, just like old times nung kasama ko pala sila Aica sa CCC, I miss them so much, sila yung friends ko ever since elementary palang, we started going out as a squad noon, halos hindi mapaghiwalay pero now lumipat na yung iba ng school and some remained katulad nila Aica at Mj. Building B ako 2nd floor room 204, it's not that hard to find pero I found myself stalling sa harap ng pinto, kinakabahan ako pumasok, hindi pa ata ako ready for this part. After a few minutes, inayos ko ulit yung composure ko then started entering the room, simple lang yung itsura niya, white painted walls, may dalawang whiteboard sa harap then the teachers table. Umupo ako sa third row sa gilid kasi malabo yung mata ko so I need talaga na malapit sa harap. Pinagmasdan ko yung loob ng room, madami na din students dito, yung iba nag uusap na, siguro magkakakilala na then yung iba naman like me is tahimik lang. Ang first subject namin is Science, lalaki yung teacher and he arrived 10 minutes late, not a very good start after all. "Good morning class! I'm your new science teacher for this year, please address me as Mr. Mendoza" panimula niya pagkatapos niyang mag settle in sa class, he seems jolly pero meron something sakanya na I don't like, maybe the way he looks like, mukhang teacher na chismosa. "So hindi na tayo dadaan sa introduce yourself, task niyo na yun to make friends on your own after all" medyo pabiro niyang remark. Throughout the whole time puro siya biro na minsan nakakatawa I'll admit pero mostly nakakainis and yung dating is bastos, mukha naman siyang magaling magturo pero the way he jokes around is not very pleasing, mukha siyang maissue at ang weird na parang malalapitin siya sa lalaki? is he gay?.

it's currently 9:30, recess time. I didn't bother na umalis sa kinauupuan ko dahil nagkanda gulo gulo sila sa paglabas kala mong mga gutom na gutom, sorry kung medyo judgemental ako pero it's really a scene to look at o baka naman masaya lang talaga sila today. Second sub namin kanina is Mathematics, lalaki din yung teacher and so far mas mabait siya sa nauna kaninang si Sir Mendoza, medyo mas comfortable ako dito. Magaling mag discuss si Sir Gullion, kalbo siya and maliit na tao, nagjojoke din naman siya pero hindi katulad nung nakakabadtrip na si Sir Science. I had too my Music class, sched niya is bago mag recess. Si Miss Mapas is malumanay and all, one word, nakakaantok. I get it matanda na siya so she's a little more cautious and doesn't joke around kaya ganun pero I don't think na may natutunan ako sakanya the whole time, salita lang siya ng salita pero walang pumapasok sa isip ko, siguro ganun din mga classmates ko kaya the whole room was silent sa time niya, atleast hindi siya matandang masungit at terror.

Tatlong subject pa yung natira after ng recess, Technoloy and livelihood, Filipino then English. Yung adviser namin is English siya si Miss Chester, fluent magsalita, pero strict at masungit magturo, wala naman akong magagawa dahil adviser ko yun pero ang Oa niya ha parang ayaw niya kaming hawakan talaga. Nakauwi na ako ng mga 2:30, it was an exhausting day, dati hindi naman ako ganung napapagod pero now parang ang shitty ng schedule na pinagdadaanan ko kahit hindi naman. Siguro effect na lang talaga ng nararamdaman ko, this first day of school for the very first time I felt lonely and out of place. I'm a talkative person pero wala akong makausap, I can't even start a conversation kasi don't they seem approachable at all, parang sa loob ng room jinajudge namin yung isat isa, wala naman akong magagawa kasi ganto na talaga tayong kabataan ngayon pero this time na intimidate ako, I shouldn't care pero naapektuhan talaga ako.

Meron akong goal, that is to finish this year as a valedictorian. Kahit sabihin pa nung principal na epal na iyon na impossible gagawin kong posible, I'm supposed to get high marks, I'm supposed to feel motivated to study pero I feel the exact opposite. It seems like na parang gusto ko na mag give up after experiencing this first day of school, it sure is going to be tough. Nag ring yung phone ko suddenly, it's a call from ate Dianne kaya sinagot ko agad, "Hey, ate bakit?" I tried to sound as casual as I can para naman kunyari okay lang ako, ang lahat. "Brie listen, ayokong magulat ka pero I think it's best that you know" medyo kabadong pagsasalita niya, I could sense it na parang nag aalangan siyang sabihin sakin, it must be bad kasi hindi naman siya ganito eh, itatanong ko na sana kung ano iyon nang magsalita siya, " Ken is back" parang napintig yung tenga ko sa narinig ko. Kaya pala kabado siyang sabihin sakin kasi she knows na hindi ko magugustuhan yung sasabihin niya, "I dont care" hindi ko na inantay pa na makapag salita siya, I quickly hung up the phone.