scent

I wasn't certain exactly how long I was sitting on the floor of the cabin completely unmoving, but I knew hours had to have passed as I sat there. I could have kept time if I'd truly wanted to, but the thing was that I didn't want to. In all actuality, I honestly wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to feel like doing anything again. After realizing that there was nothing left to hold onto or to hope for I truly felt like the whole world could have caught on fire and I wouldn't have noticed it. I'd thought I'd known what it meant to be hopeless before, but I hadn't had a clue.

I'd never felt more hopeless than I currently did. There was just nothing left to fight for and no reason to even try. I knew if anyone could hear those thoughts they'd probably state how pitiful that sounded – how there were things other than loving someone that were worth fighting for even... but the thing was that I no longer had anything. Everyone from my human life believed I was dead, the man I loved had moved on, the Cullens – the family I'd truly thought I belonged to, even if only on the fringes – had replaced me, and I knew Jake would be better off without me in his life. It left me with absolutely nothing, because I couldn't even live for the blood. My time in Europe had taught me that much.

I didn't know what to do or where to go from here.

Sadly, even though I could stop breathing, shutting off my sense of smell as a result, and also close my eyes to shut off my sense of sight, the same couldn't be done for my hearing. So I heard the pounding foot steps and the heartbeat even before I felt the hard shove at the door at my back.

Jake in human form was no match for my dead weight pressed against the door when I didn't want to be moved though, so I didn't move.

"Beau, are you in there?" There was a soft bang up a ways on the door that left me with an impression that he probably hit his head against the door. "Can you hear me?"

Somewhere in the depths of my mental facility I could almost hear someone – I was fairly sure it was a faded memory of my grandmother – telling me it was rude to ignore people, but I couldn't help it... I had no way to tune out the knowledge that Jake was there, but as I had utterly no will to breath in to reply, I just couldn't find it in me to do anything other than ignore him.

I heard him take a deep breath in.

"I don't smell anything burning. Please, please, please be aright, Beau. Please don't let my senses be missing anything."

There was a stark fear in Jake's voice I'd never heard before and part of me wanted to frown in confusion, but that part was fleeting... and ultimately, it wasn't enough to get me to move. He was important to me. There was no doubt about that, but – no matter how important he was – in the current moment, it just wasn't enough.

I heard as Jake walked around the cabin to the small window on the side with the glass – so clouded from being in the cabin for well over a hundred years without any cleaning to the point that it was almost impossible to see through – and I could only just make out his silhouette through it from the edge of my vision.

His fist slammed through the glass and he proceeded to break out all the glass before he came in through the window, feet first.

I saw it all out of the corner of my eye.

He quickly looked around the cabin before coming directly over to me and crouching down right in front of me. He reached out and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"What did the vampire do to you, Beau?" His voice was shaky and with him bringing his face down to my eye level I could clearly see the sharp fear in his eyes.

I knew – somewhere – that he needed me to reply to him, but the will to do it wasn't there, and the small part of my mind berating me for not replying to him, for not being a good friend, was nowhere near loud enough to break though to the rest of me.

He shook my shoulder. "Beau, tell me what Riley did to you!" he demanded.

I frowned internally, though I was sure it wasn't reflected on my face. What was he mentioning Riley for? It wasn't Riley that made me like this.

He pulled his hand away from my shoulder and quickly reached into my pants pocket. "That's it, I'm calling Edward."

My hand instantly clamped tightly around his wrist before he could pull his hand out of my pocket.

I pulled in a breath, recognizing only then what must have scared him as the scent of a vampire I didn't recognize registered in my mind. I could deal with that... later, much later, or perhaps never... whatever ended up working.

"Don't you dare call him." My voice was cold. "Riley didn't hurt me."

"Then what happened?" He pulled back with his hand and I let him go.

"Nothing."

"Beau, I might not have your IQ, but I'm not foolish enough to believe that, now what happened?"

I closed my eyes, swallowing. Then I forced myself to spit it out, because I knew Jake wouldn't let it go and I'd never get away with a lie with him. "Victoria was wrong, you were wrong... I was wrong. Edward cares nothing for me. My guess is he never did."

He frowned in confusion. "Beau... what makes you say that?"

"I finally found the strength to go and see him. He's with someone else. He's either managed to move on or I never meant anything to him to begin with. I'm guessing the latter."

"He went to Italy just a few months ago to die all because he thought you were dead. Vampires aren't really known to go to such extremes if they don't care," Jake grumbled

"Then he's moved on, it has been three and a half months since I left him waiting." I'd spent four months in a catatonic state over his letter and the next two months just barely surviving – mostly thanks to the help of Jake – followed by the last three and a half months in personal purgatory trying to find a way to be enough... But he was able to find someone else he loved in only three short months. "Or it was just guilt that drove him to try and kill himself to begin with and it had nothing to do with love at all."

"Are you sure, Beau? I've spent a lot of time with him – with the whole family actually – and though the jealous part of me hates to admit it, he definitely loves you."

"I saw him kiss her," I spat the words in anger.

Jake flinched before focusing back on me sharply. "Who did he kiss?"

"A short red-headed vampire. I've never seen her before."

His eyes widened. "And it wasn't one of their cousins?"

"No, I've met all of them. Why?"

His eyes turned to flint. "Did he turn her?" Jake's words were like a whip.

Suddenly I knew what he was getting at. "No!" I shook my head adamantly. "I don't know who the vampire was but she definitely wasn't a newborn."

Jake scowled fiercely. "I'll need to talk to Sam about this."

"Why? What about?" I was confused.

He shook his head. "We can talk about that later. Now, did you and Riley fight. Did he hurt you?"

"No, I didn't even know he'd been here until you showed up. He must have been here when I went to try and visit..." I shook my head before I looked around the small cabin, my brow furrowing when I realized two things were missing off the cot. "My red shirt and the pillow are both missing." I forced myself to get up and went over my backpack, looking inside through my clothes. "My cloak and a pair of jeans are also missing."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know." I couldn't think of a single reason to steal a couple articles of clothing from me.

Jake sighed, closing his eyes. "Beau, can you meet me on the private beach in an hour, please?"

I almost said no outright as I knew I needed to get away from Forks and to put some distance from the Cullens and myself, but... "Why?"

"I'll explain everything in an hour, I promise. I just need an hour to sort stuff out. Then we'll figure out where to go from here, okay?"

I didn't really want to agree to stay... yet I figured I could give my best friend an hour. "Okay."

…

The instant he left the cabin I pulled out my cell and went through the list of contacts, calling a number I'd never thought I'd call.

"Hello?" Tanya answered after the second ring.

I swallowed. "Tanya, this is Beau."

"Beau, it's nice to hear from you. To what do I owe this call?" Her voice sounded genuinely pleasant, and hearing her speak without being in some sort of casual flirtation with Edward made it easier for me to talk to her in turn.

"When I came up for a visit a couple of weeks ago Kate said I was welcome to come live with all of you at any time – she implied that I'd have a welcome spot in your family – and I want to know if that's true. I know you are essentially the leader of your family."

"Kate told me that she invited you to come here, and yes, we'd be happy to have you here for as long as you want to stay."

"Thank you."

"Is there a particular reason you want to come here?"

"I think I need a change of scenery and it was beautiful there."

"I'll agree with you on that. We truly are blessed with where we live. When can we expect you?"

"I –" was so tempted to say in a couple of hours, but I'd promised Jake I'd stay to hear him out "– I'm not sure yet, but I'm guessing no more than a couple of days."

"Okay, we'll be waiting."

…

I arrived at the beach exactly one hour after Jake had left the cabin, but he wasn't there so I walked over to the water's edge, looking out at the ocean. It was stormy out on the water, dark clouds causing the water to appear darker than it really was. As I watched a giant wave crashed over a rock that was jutting out of the ocean about five hundred yards away. It was quickly followed by another wave hitting it.

Behind me, I heard footsteps making their way to me. I didn't turn to look at Jake though, just kept watching the water.

He stopped just to my right, and I saw out of the corner of my eye as he faced the ocean in the same fashion that I was doing.

"The elders are having a bonfire tonight. I think you should come," he said softy.

It wasn't the starter I was expecting from him at all. My brow furrowed. "Why?"

As Jake tended to sometimes be good at, he completely evaded answering my question. "The vampire you saw with the Cullens, did you see her eyes?"

"No," I answered automatically.

"And to your knowledge, only the Cullens, their cousins, and yourself are vegetarians. Is that correct?"

I had a sickening feeling I knew where he was going. "Yes."

Jake sighed. "So either they've created another vampire, which – as you know – is the one thing I really can't ignore. Or they've brought a human killer into our territory... and that isn't any better. Either way, Sam and I spoke, and we really only see three possible options. It's sort of up to you which one we go for though."

"Oh?" I wondered if he could hear the touch of venom in my voice.

"Yes. The first option is that we attack the Cullens with the intent to destroy –"

I spun towards him in a move faster than should have been possible. And hissed.

He turned toward me, raising his hands as if in surrender. "Just let me finish this spiel out."

I hissed at him again, but didn't attack the way I wanted to.

"– destroy the new one,' he continued as if there had been no interruption. "Of course, if Edward has really taken the new one as a mate then he'll likely fight to get revenge... and then the others will get involved as well. We total ten – eleven if you helped – to their eight. It would not be an easy fight if we went that route and I suspect we would lose some of our ranks, but between the fact that Alice can't see us and your gift... we would have the advantage."

"Not an option," I snarled.

He smiled wrily. "I suspected you'd say that. Our second option is that we can drive them out of Forks, make them leave and never come back. That would be easier than the first option. Neither them nor us really want to fight, so it should be relatively easy to convince them to leave and never come back."

"Or?" I asked, not commenting on it. It was as much of a non-option as the first one as far as I was concerned.

"We do nothing – assuming the new one chooses to adhere to the 'vegetarian' diet while she's here than it is an option. Of course, if she kills a human all bets will be off on that end."

I held up one of my hands and slowly started raising all four of my fingers and my thumb – one at a time.

"I know," he said harshly. "But you didn't do any of that here. Besides..." He shrugged, leaving the sentence unfinished.

I got it though. He'd never be able to kill me. He already knew my darkest crime and though he himself had voiced it as being unforgivable, he was choosing to ignore it.

"They should stay, Jake, because I plan on leaving and going to their cousins. They offered me a home there when we visited and it will be a good place for me."

"A good place for what?"

I shrugged.

"Why do you want to go to Alaska, Beau?"

"I can't stay here, Jake. Just because they've chosen to replace me it doesn't mean that I can turn off my emotions, and having to watch Edward be with someone else... watch the Cullens include this woman in a way that I was never able to be included... I can't do it. I may deserve that kind of pain and punishment, but I can't deal with it. I'm glad that he's happy, even if it leaves me and everything I feel for him in the dust. I'm glad they've finally found someone that actually fits in with them... but there's no way I can watch it."

"Then we make them leave, and you stay."

"And do what?"

Jake looked back out at the ocean. "I know we talked about you needing to get closure before you could decide your place... and I know this wasn't the closure you wanted. It wasn't the closure I expected you to find either. But if he's moved on than maybe it's time that you do the same –"

I cut him off, but didn't get very far before he spoke over me. "Jake –"

"Just hear me out, Beau. I know you aren't in love with me. I know that even if you were, we truly aren't a compatible couple – what with you being deadly to me and all. But for all that... I am in love you. And sometimes a relationship doesn't have to be based around the realm of the physical. You can stay here, in La Push, and we'll protect the tribe together. As long as I continue shifting I'm as immortal as you, and the only reason I'd ever have to stop shifting is if I imprinted... which isn't going to happen."

"You don't know that, Jake."

"I do though. I know what Alice told me, that you were always meant to be a vampire and therefore there was no way you could be my imprint. Maybe Alice's right... and maybe she's wrong. I don't know. But what I do know is that for me to imprint I'd have to be able to see the person in question. And that's just not gonna happen. Because I don't see them – their faces, that is. All I ever see is you."

I closed my eyes because I didn't want to hear this, didn't want to have it all laid out in a way that there was no way for me to avoid it. "That's all the more reason for me to leave, Jake. I can never give you anything but pain. You have to know that."

He shrugged. "It's my pain to take, Beau, and I'd rather have you around."

"But..."

"But nothing. I do know what I'm doing. What's going to be in Alaska if you go there? A group of vampires that will constantly remind you of everything you lost? Is that really what you want? Let me drive the Cullens out of Forks. We can burn the house down after they're gone. Then there will be no reminders here. That way you can be here when your father and my father get married. You'll get to have him in your life again. I know it isn't everything you want... but at least here, you'd have some amount of piece. You know you would."

Jake always knew exactly what to say to get me to want to see his side, but I was still extremely torn and in more than one way. Firstly, it wasn't fair to Jake, no matter what he insisted, and secondly, I truly didn't want to drive the Cullens away.

"I don't know."

"Promise me you'll stay, Beau."

I'd seen that one coming, but I couldn't give him that. "I promise I won't go to Alaska if you don't run the Cullens out of Forks."

"I can agree to that." He turned back towards me. "The bonfire will be starting soon." He jerked his thumb behind him.

I looked in that direction, immediately spotting Collin, Brady and Seth up on a cliff with an elderly man who I'd never seen before.

He held his hands out to me but didn't take mine immediately the way he normally did, instead he left them open with his palms up. "Come on... stay the night with me."

"Okay." I placed my hands in his.

He gripped them walking backwards along the beach as I went with him.