V12 - CHAPTER 2 : I’VE ALREADY SEEN HELL

"So that is how Lady Emilia returned with Crybaby Barusu in tow…"

"Somehow, that sounds like the title of a fairy tale or something…"

Subaru had bawled his eyes out, and Emilia had consoled him. The time of warmth and being pathetic had come to an end.

When their legs brought them out of the tomb, Ram was there to greet them, and having listened to the circumstances, she made the aforementioned kind words. Unfortunately, Subaru, well aware of how pathetic he was, had no mental energy left with which to refute her.

"After having raced inside in such dramatic fashion, he faints just like he did during the day, causing trouble to the Lady Emilia he was supposed to save… Why are you alive exactly?"

"I said I have no mental energy; that's not a reason to come after me even more, you know?!"

"That's right, Ram. Subaru was worried about me. Those feelings are precious."

Ram, unable to conceal her scorn, emitted a heavy sigh as her shoulders fell. When Subaru lodged an objection about her demeanor, Emilia, completely recovered, offered him reassuring support.

Emilia stood at Subaru's side, angling her refined eyebrows in a dignified manner as she continued.

"Though given that he went out of his way to help me, it is really disappointing that he ended up collapsing all of a sudden and broke down crying from worry after—"

"Emilia-tan? Emilia-tan? I'm going to cry all over again."

"But—! Lately, Subaru's done nothing but help me…so a part of me is relieved that Subaru showed me his weak side like that…"

Touching a hand to her chest, Emilia's words caused Subaru to unwittingly catch his breath.

Emilia had an overinflated view of Subaru's worth. Up to that point, Subaru had showed her his pathetic side on more than one occasion—this time was only the latest example in the long list of embarrassing moments since they had first met.

"I'm both happy and embarrassed to hear you say that, Emilia-tan, but I don't really want to show you stuff like that much…"

"Eh, why not?"

"That's because I always want to show Emilia-tan my cool side. I want you to forget that I'm really a weak, pathetic, totally unsalvageable guy."

"Sheesh. I won't hate you just because you show me a few moments of weakness, Subaru."

Emilia put her hands on her hips, cheeks puffing up in indignation. Subaru tried his best to smile to gloss things over.

Emilia's words were kind, but Subaru's vanity didn't let him gain any comfort from them. His displeasure was completely unrelated to Emilia's personality and it certainly wasn't because he was worried about disappointing her—this was simply Subaru's stubbornness talking.

"Ha! Aren't you full of yourself? Seeing you act this pigheaded makes it difficult to believe you are fresh from bawling your eyes out."

"And there Big Sis goes pouring cold water on right when things were going nicely…"

"Now, now, do not say that, Mr. Natsuki. Miss Ram's demeanor belies her concern. When she had no idea what was occurring inside, Miss Ram was particularly worried out of… Hiii!"

Otto looked quite pleased with himself, but one cross look from Ram instantly made it fade away. No way she's seriously acting sour because of an adorable reason like that, thought Subaru as he squinted at Ram.

"What?"

"…No, ah, nothing at all."

But her sharp glare made him beat a hasty retreat as well. Unlike Otto, the damage to him was light because he was more accustomed to facing off against Ram. Either way, Ram and Otto had been there to warmly greet Subaru and Emilia upon their return. That being the case, the remaining issue became quite simple—

"_______"

His averted gaze fell upon a golden-haired youth standing nearby with his arms folded—Garfiel. The sight made Subaru's cheeks harden, and he strove to conceal his emotions behind them.

Subaru's feelings toward Garfiel were exceptionally conflicted. It was a fact that he had temporarily cooperated with Subaru in the battle against the Witch. The memory of his gruesome death was still burned on the back of Subaru's eyelids. And so Subaru accepted that fact.

—But he also remembered the great many he had cruelly killed in the world prior to that.

That was the reason Subaru couldn't lower his guard. Especially not right after a Return by Death. The reason for Garfiel's hostility, the Witch's miasma, would currently be at its thickest.

How would he move? With Subaru under that tension, Garfiel clacked his fangs and spoke up.

"When ya charged in there, I wasn't sure what was gonna happen, but I'm relieved ya made it out safe 'n' sound. I can't laugh at ya for it; 'the wind can't bring down Gafgari on fruit' 'n' all!"

"Ow! Hey, wait a— Ow! Owww!"

Garfiel laughed heartily as he violently swatted Subaru's shoulder.

The slap was hard enough to make Subaru's entire body go numb, which made him shudder and think, He's gonna do it with everyone watching?! But he sensed no malice coming from Garfiel's smiling face. He was simply welcoming Subaru and Emilia back after they returned safe and sound. The reaction was a little—no, absolutely—beyond his expectations.

"That's…it?"

"Aah? Wha…? Are ya such a crybaby ya need me to rub your head and say it's all right?"

"Like that'd make anyone feel better. That's not what I meant but…nah."

Subaru pulled back his tongue, on the verge of saying something that risked stirring up a hornet's nest. After all, the current Garfiel didn't seem to bear him any ill will. That, at least, was something to be welcomed.

"I was kinda worried if I'd stuck around you, you'd look down on me for my body odor…"

"The heck are ya…? Me, I really don't like bein' associated with body odor like that."

"—. Just take that as meaning it's an issue with my body, would you? More importantly, let's sit down somewhere before discuss all the fine details. Talking while we're standing like this isn't great, right?"

"That's true. Subaru must be tired from crying so much, after all…"

"Emilia-tan!"

Emilia agreed with Subaru's point of view while adding further fuel to the crybaby fire. She responded to Subaru's sorrowful voice by sticking out her tongue. "I'm sorry," she offered in a cutesy apology.

Forgiving her teasing because of how adorable she was, Subaru harbored a different set of thoughts within his chest.

—This time, unlike all prior runs, Emilia had not become terribly despondent due to failing the Trial.

The trigger for that change was the pathetic reality of Emilia recovering from panic faster than Subaru, but either way, this time she had confronted her past but still retained a strong heart.

It was not set in stone that her mental state would have a positive effect on the Trial going forward, but—

"It's worth giving it a shot, huh?"

"Mr. Natsuki? Is something the matter?"

"Nothin' really."

As the group started to change locations, Otto called out to Subaru when he began lagging behind. Responding with a shrug of his shoulders, Subaru quickly caught up to them.

Emilia's heart was still unbroken by the Trial and Garfiel remained neutral.

The circumstances surrounding the Sanctuary had shown him different faces upon every repetition. This time proved no exception, but Subaru was keenly aware how this was the most solid starting situation to date.

"After that, it comes down to what I try and what I get out of it, huh?"

To hell with dying for nothing. I have to use death more effectively.

All the death until that point had meaning to it…even the repeated deaths of the world and the Sanctuary.

Hence—

"Making it back from inside that shadow has gotta be worth something."

His head complained of slight pain. In a corner of his mind rested a lingering memory of being mixed with other people.

Surely something in there could provide some meaning to his death and that chance encounter with the Witch.