12.1.5

His consciousness floated upward.

As if in struggling to reach the water's surface in search of oxygen, he frantically clawed against the darkness, desperately moving higher, higher.

His consciousness was enshrouded in darkness. It was as if he had sunk into a swamp. His mind was immersed in weight and weariness, yet Subaru earnestly pressed on even so—

At the end of his struggling, his field of vision suddenly opened. Subaru's mind had floated back up to the real world.

He had returned from the world of shadow alive—but that did not mean he had escaped peril by any stretch.

"Hagh…! Haa…ah?

His breathing was clumsy. There was some kind of shadow stuffed in his throat. His feet were not on the ground. Bound by shadow, his body was being held aloft at an angle. He could not move. He was not being allowed to move.

But as if clinging to it, he touched the handkerchief wrapped around his right wrist with his left hand.

"…Petra's handkerchief."

In that world covered by shadow, Subaru's field of vision was dyed the color of darkness. Amid that pitch-blackness, Petra's handkerchief alone dazzled, radiating a white light as if trying to drive off the dark.

The feelings with which Petra's handkerchief was imbued had granted this miracle to Subaru—no, such a thought was hard to justify. Subaru had a different culprit in mind for the crafty trick that had saved him.

—Namely, the Witch of Greed who had touched that handkerchief upon the occasion of his departure, leaving words of deep import with him.

"That damn Echidna… Did she know this would happen, damn it…?"

It's insurance. Just to be safe, he could almost hear the Witch's face say as it floated up in the back of his mind. That one time, he was well and truly grateful for that inconsiderate, boastful Witch.

If not for that light, Subaru would surely have been engulfed by the shadow, vanishing without a trace.

What was happening inside that shadow? —It was a blender. The shadow was dissolving Subaru's very being. It was melting him and mixing him into something else: everything that had been swallowed by shadow.

—Mixed with all the many, many things that had been swallowed whole by the Witch's shadow.

Becoming one with those who had been melted before him had exposed Subaru to a great many emotions. Coursing into him were sensations, feelings, memories, knowledge that was not his own. It became natural to be instantly aware of those things as they let themselves in, carving into his body, his mind, and his soul.

He'd escaped by a hair's breadth. He'd escaped with his life with only fractions of a second to spare. Being engulfed by that shadow was not death. Subaru Natsuki would be stirred into something else, erased through becoming part of a heterogeneous whole.

That was an intolerable defeat, one from which even Return by Death could not bring him back.

Had it not been for Echidna's aid, Subaru would have come to an end, unable to slip out of the shadow's embrace. It was because he could feel that in his bones that he wanted to call the Witch right back to thank her.

"Guu…agh…"

But delaying the inevitable with Echidna's aid had gone as far as it could.

Slowly, Subaru's body was being engulfed by the shadow once more. As if his lower body was sinking into the ground, as if his extremities were being meticulously digested bit by bit, the Witch's shadow was consuming Subaru.

He was gradually losing himself. Not only was the sense of loss frightening but the relief.

There was relief. There was joy that he would be swallowed, dissipated, and erased, his fate arriving at its end.

Accordingly, he was certain in his belief. He could not die from being engulfed by shadow. He would continue to be "loved"—forever.

"Damn…it all…"

The light created by the Witch had bought him tens of seconds, but that postponement would not save Subaru's life.

It was only a brief matter of time until he was pulled in and erased. Just what did Echidna want there?

"That…shitty Witch…!"

The instant he arrived at his conclusion, Subaru cast aside his gratitude from the moment just prior, tearing at the light with his left hand.

The single saving grace was the light that had saved Subaru, brushing aside the shadow engulfing him—and it was here that Echidna's desire rested.

Echidna had a goal. Echidna had left in Subaru's hands the means to accomplish it.

It was a lifeline. A lifeline not for saving Subaru but to let him take his own life.

"_______"

As if sensing his tragic resolve, the light changed shape, transforming into a radiant dagger.

She had no doubt thought it would be difficult to accomplish with nothing but a single handkerchief. Her polite consideration brought tears to his eyes.

It was just, though they were tears, what coursed out were tears of blood.

He closed his eyes, let out his breath—and with that impetus, he thrust the dagger of light toward his own throat.

"—gh."

Though the sharpness of the blade of light was unclear, it penetrated his windpipe with ease. Blood coursed backward into the fatal wound, and as it flowed from his throat down to his lungs, his consciousness began to drown.

—The protective charm of light was not a weapon. Echidna had put it in his hands so that he could take his own life.

That was what the postponement of tens of seconds was for, so that he might realize, so that he might carry it out, so that he might Return by Death.

Echidna had most likely anticipated that the Witch of Jealousy would appear outside of the tomb. The reason why remained unclear to Subaru, but he had to pay for it with his life.

"—!"

For the first time, Subaru's suicide caused the Witch of Jealousy to shout something other than her love.

However, drowning in his own blood, already having let go of his consciousness, Subaru did not comprehend the words.

But he stretched his hand toward the face of the Witch covered in shadow as if it was the natural thing to do. It seemed right.

The dagger of light fell away, and the fingers of the final vestiges of light touched the shadowy veil.

The veil came apart, and the half of the Witch's face hidden by the shadow was exposed to him.

She had purple eyes that were like gemstones. She had shimmering silver hair that was like moonlight. And she had a lovely and familiar face—

Seeing that face twisted in grief, he felt not so much surprise as pain within his chest. Sadness had impaled his chest.

With his throat filled with blood, he could not form proper words.

Nonetheless, to the one before his eyes, the sad girl who spilled countless tears, he made a declaration…

"I will—"

—I will save you.

The instant he stated it, Subaru Natsuki lost his life.