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Rambling and Random bullshittery

This be your most daring story; A rambling if you must, Of language most foul, of unexplored ways to curse. Of bullshit in every turn, in every twist, in every twists of tongues. As told by thine ol'hands and masterminded by the crude tongue, with all my tics and antics. Do-told tale of a vegetable who limbs and stumbled on a new realm of where creation was pierced in it's boundaries. Of a connoisseur who learns of ways of an unshackled breathing body, the occasional doggie styles and the utmost high of all forms of unequaled shag-getry, wooing tarts and thots and hoes, all manners of terms modern and old to name all wenches of all- the ripened titties; "Thine taste ranges from nymphs of florescent pure to flooded lips which hangs and are forgivably bonk-able with a passing thought riled up by the hard down under, Which in short means all!" Heinously wholesome in ways of the vile tongue which grew most crude, terribly heinous with every breaths more lived- after to after and then more, much much more. A rambling- to what he sees, to what he does. This is a story of a living, in a world of pixels; of new universe where a man could swim in lava, a world where such and such is deemed mundane. An epic where a naked fledgling dove in the heat of an avian war, baby-steps towards a destiny-, etched in the root webs of two worlds with only a goal; To be the Pirate Ki- nevermind! To live most free. Rejuvenation; maketh man a new being, now what would be his tale when all he knew of living was blinking a set of dead little eyes, what would such a virgin of a human ways do in a surreal world that explodes magics and bullshits. I'll tell ye all! Just listen to the ramble. (Stay with me, I won't ever drop this.) [Warning:] 1. Not for the faint of heart. 1½. Smut will be there but it will be extremely rare. 2. The english dictionary would require a thorough update after I'm done with this epic. 3. Fuckery most heinous most foul. (By decree of a certain fool) 4. Don't tell your mums you learnt (curses) from me. 5. No other warning just enjoy, If ye dares. Cover art not mine, thank you for letting me use it and sorry but pray tell if you ordered it removed. Will use it until I could afford a more authentic cover art or until boss wants it removed.

JF_Fanai · Kỳ huyễn
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32 Chs

Probability

"So how the fuck is this a good power?"

I heard chimes from the past-, of my bicker with the wisp ringing in the ear, our introduction in the box from mere minutes before, as the demon was inches away from my possible splattering death-.

Time felt like a hazy turtle, it seemed to move slow.

"Isn't it? You don't really really know what probability can do don't ya Mister Lock?" the wisp still annoys, somehow even-more-so in flashbacks.

"I don't care even if I could butt-fuck stones and make em moist and soft, nothing makes sense if its random… I wanna re-do!"

"Woah-Hoho! Language Mister Lock!" the wisp annoys as it always fuckens about.

"Making the probability of anything happening put to a Hundred percent means anything and everything could happen when using your power… Maybe even all of all, all at once, maybe even none…. A power unbounded by all living knowledge.. It means anything… Anything~!!"

The wisp almost sounded like a normal RPG NPC until it decided to annoy me yet again still in the end.

My afro aches as I started remembering my dreaded question, a cog which started the gear of my frustrated loathing of my guise when I asked, "What if I turn into a fish and what if the guy I'm fighting can turn into a cat or.. What if I summon a rock but guess what… they're armed with paper?"

With much an angry rant at the Wisp it clearly stated, "I'm sorry but it's your power and no-one elses, it is just simply You! I guess.." And with a pause it granted me a, "Head-Start!'' so it said, "Think of the strongest ever you've ever known!"

"What are you up-to with it?"

"I'll grant you something, a head start from all other players but give me a name, a person so I can understand what you want.."

"Very good!?~ Right?.. Ill do it just because I'm a very caring little ol'wisp but you will be sent down to the Fall right after.. and this will be our little secret okay?"

To which I finally could reply after a 'while-' guess,

" 'Bobby Rose' Bakijiro Hanayama!"

The 'Chad' of all men, the ultimate existence who pays a price for his strength with an awesome invulnerable afro.

He; the legend who bench-pressed continents hailed from a comic book titled 'Bobby Rose.'

And after it told me to calm the mind and prepare for the Fall for the first in this new life, the wisp's little "Head start." maneuver granted me a permanent invulnerable afro with not a chance to whine about it.

Now,

Regretfully here we are, nervous chuckles with an indestructible mighty afro.

Without a shoe and only armed with a barrier of little lightning fast trains.

I somehow felt I was brimming with luck. It was there-, a feeling originating from the right butt.

I had silently wished for some form of barrier and what twisted luck must I have got for this barrier.

The trains swooshed from everywhere inside the aura, they were utterly real and bizarrely physical, all were shining silver-, magically they allowed me sight yet radiant they were all, all in a blur; None touches none and none to me.

Then;

From first the Demon's half shattered face then its scaly body covered with molten rock armor-.

A mass murderer's spree of blood, splashed and sprinkled right above me.

It happened!- and as though the demon was slaughtered meat I act a meat crushing grinder as the edge of my aura acts as the meaty bloody showerhead.

Up above as I craned a neck, flashing full fucking trains only miniature crashed at the demon with not a will to stop and not even a space to let even the littlest atoms from outside my aura fall through their stirct uniformed madness.

The demon;

It was just there, for a whole full second in the air before he was all gone-,

It was the most of emotions I've felt.

Short rapid excited breaths were mixed with crazed eyes-, unblinking and a heart pounding in the rhythm of the thrill, a taste had inflicted me.

From head to torso to the last of its molten toes turned to mince with many blood for tears mourning in a heavy drizzle for it's host-,

A fate of being mince meat, being shredded and mowed to the point of having no tidbit leftovers for even a cesspool of maggots-.

His rocky armor, his tough scaly skin all down to his soft reptilian dick, all-and-all broke to microscopic chunks of meat, gone from all naked eyes existence-, right there at the edge of my measly little aura.

It happened in a jiffy, in a slow whipping snap, a quick muted scream from the Demon until the tip of his toes were eradicated to oblivion, leaving only a bloody perfect circle around my aura.

I was then shown a message.

<Seventh Prince Raks'shassa of the Fire-fly: Slain>

"Slain?! Ha-Haaa.." I stood there embracing the reality of it all, jitters for my first kill, lucky sighed the part of the brain which knows that this is a game, thus it soothes me in a state of calm in the combat but still I was shaky, a mix of emotions even if it was my victory I knew this feeling is joy but how this body shakes don't feel like joy, nervous with mucus-trains from the nose tunnels; the other side longer and more salty than the other and once more the reality aspect of this game never ceases to churn my virgin heart to give a mighty erected salute. It was a salty experience.

I was invincible or so the smile which creaked and declared their taste of delicacy dictated.

Because I saw it now-, Probability-, and dumbfounded I nodded a smile uttering, "I'm strong right?"

Right then and there, my once tortured lungs, lifted of its burden and tasting the high of power it screamed victorious uproars, unlikely death-blow that I horridly dealt made this heart that was shunned from ways to rejoice erupt with joy-, spewing spits and shouts.

"Un-fucking believa--- Whaaaat??" only right to hear me so.

Arms boldly raised; a champion's celebration.

"Ye-ah! POWER BITCH! Woo!"

Lazarius stood-by idly, his silver gaze saw it all, to them I was a Stars-Descent, a curios being of power as we all were known.

I might've felt special right then, when four seconds had gone the impossible trains pixelated as they turned to pieces of digital blue dissipating in the air much like the corpses I saw earlier.

I was a virgin starter who killed a 'Legendary' Demon, although the Demon's HP, the ol'reliable red bar was running low with 4% being the case.

From up the road near the tree, near the baldy, near his noddle legs and his hanging jaw-.

Lazarius brushed his cape, turning his tall board back at me, his keen eyes met my happy delighted blues,

It was accidental from my joyous part; meeting him in the eye in the while as I danced and skipped around; his ever so humbling gaze, I saw him saw me seeing him seeing me seeing him and halting me in the middle of my happy little dancy-dance, those eyes from the very first I was laid their burden; they felt as if they looked past and through to my naked soul, not I were afraid but they were always heavy in a way.

A dumb smile and an awkward pose I froze and nervous the eyes saw;

From past his shoulders and hair which draped down and along his cape-, He said, "Here too.. Interesting!"

With not much a word, not much any emotion from the beginning even when he pointed a jury's finger at the baldy-. when then he declared as I faintly heard, "Turn your ways Swine!"

Then he left, golden specks of mana and all, he grew four-feathered wings, radiant silver like my trains and with supersonic gusts when he flapped for his ascend;

He vanished.

I might have dwell in a thought or two in his awe if not for the sweet-sweet loot which the demon dropped.

In this game, if you slay another- all theirs is now yours.

Bodies decay leaving behind cores reeking with the untamed and untapped mana it left behind, a core which could be used to boost one's mana.

"More butter for your bread anyone?"

What devilish luck maybe since the one who really murdered this poor demon SOB did not care for the cores of someone as low as a Legendary rank.

Lazarius likely didn't care, maybe he did? But he flew away so he didn't?

Fuck that-,

"Shame demons don't wear armor!"

Sparkled my greedy eyes, embezzled they were when I saw the core floating right before me.

Cores;

Of which I know very little of, except the fact that it belongs to a demon and cores were treasured, also they are of-sorts like your miracle pill in all those thousand burning sects and all.

"Fuck money!" said I as I gazed into the untapped power inside that demon's core, I was set on absorbing it.

<Demon Core>

<Rank: Legendary (Unique)>

<A core is the heart of mana. Can be absorbed on an Ascension Slab.>

<Do you want to absorb the core?>

"Ascension slab? Isn't this place a small one?" mumbled I as I looked down to where I stood with my two feet which never moved, not once, not at all from first the moment I descended in the Fall.

"How do yo--~?"

I reached for the core; a black shard with murderous red mists oozing from inside and out the core.

All the while the baldy stood, his feet never dared to stop shaking.

I did not bother to abide time to feel his presence, not at all. He was just a bland background, like the winds who never shows but are always felt, he was like the wind, unseen but in his case he wasn't even felt. He was irrelevant, he was air.

I till now am never sure-, for why I took a random uncalled-for turn at the baldy who still stood mum, he nearly yowled when thine eyes bullied the poor soul with just a meaner glance. I was sure to be an arsehole if you could pray tell. A mean glare, mad, letting him know that they would strike in any sudden moment.

The core I had in my hand, not to my heed had glowed a murderous ray of light, "Are you saying you're ready?" I flirted at it.

It seemed to glow more and as I grabbed it's warm crystalline design the mana oozing inside were much reminiscent to the mana of the Demon when I came to caught on.

Widened eyes then screamed as I brought it closer to thy face, "Ye-a!! Get ready Baldy!!" with a joyous finger pointed at the baldy.

I was ecstatic for I knew it was now bound to give me more power in the form of my mana intensifying, until I was rudely interrupted.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!"

Thanks again good chaps!

Hope I jerked that imagination of yours,

On second thought thats sounds not too lovely but anywhos thanks again cunts.

A short message from Lock.

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