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Rambling and Random bullshittery

This be your most daring story; A rambling if you must, Of language most foul, of unexplored ways to curse. Of bullshit in every turn, in every twist, in every twists of tongues. As told by thine ol'hands and masterminded by the crude tongue, with all my tics and antics. Do-told tale of a vegetable who limbs and stumbled on a new realm of where creation was pierced in it's boundaries. Of a connoisseur who learns of ways of an unshackled breathing body, the occasional doggie styles and the utmost high of all forms of unequaled shag-getry, wooing tarts and thots and hoes, all manners of terms modern and old to name all wenches of all- the ripened titties; "Thine taste ranges from nymphs of florescent pure to flooded lips which hangs and are forgivably bonk-able with a passing thought riled up by the hard down under, Which in short means all!" Heinously wholesome in ways of the vile tongue which grew most crude, terribly heinous with every breaths more lived- after to after and then more, much much more. A rambling- to what he sees, to what he does. This is a story of a living, in a world of pixels; of new universe where a man could swim in lava, a world where such and such is deemed mundane. An epic where a naked fledgling dove in the heat of an avian war, baby-steps towards a destiny-, etched in the root webs of two worlds with only a goal; To be the Pirate Ki- nevermind! To live most free. Rejuvenation; maketh man a new being, now what would be his tale when all he knew of living was blinking a set of dead little eyes, what would such a virgin of a human ways do in a surreal world that explodes magics and bullshits. I'll tell ye all! Just listen to the ramble. (Stay with me, I won't ever drop this.) [Warning:] 1. Not for the faint of heart. 1½. Smut will be there but it will be extremely rare. 2. The english dictionary would require a thorough update after I'm done with this epic. 3. Fuckery most heinous most foul. (By decree of a certain fool) 4. Don't tell your mums you learnt (curses) from me. 5. No other warning just enjoy, If ye dares. Cover art not mine, thank you for letting me use it and sorry but pray tell if you ordered it removed. Will use it until I could afford a more authentic cover art or until boss wants it removed.

JF_Fanai · Kỳ huyễn
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32 Chs

Deeper, Deeper, Deeper to the forest

A voice came for the many'eth time-, startling my saint's heart from behind the cliff of the Fall.

From whence it came entices the mind to conclude the direction being the same as back when I let out my aura; back to that tingling feeling felt on my right butt cheek.

It sounded untamed, that crude piercing voice- it was closely similar from the voice who kind of saved me, yet more ferocious than the last I'd heard her berate-, assuming it was her who said it, turning a quick reflexive neck from whence the sound came but I saw not but clear skies and yonder past the cliff of the Fall were only the noisy greens and all colored leaves of blurry squiggly trees.

"Maybe down the cliff?" I pondered as I tried walking towards the cliff but there would be no time to turn my charred broccoli head or even make me my first special steps since forever from thine birth-,

As the tingling hairs on my neck stood still, a dark sinister cloud seemed to petrify my body, crawling from the hand, from the core and not long after I felt bounded as if my heart was grasped by a scaly hand, at its mercy too were my senses-.

It was as though I was haunted by the demon, it's half broken face draws itself an image in my head, growling at me in a pathetic form of black fart- clouds, the air grew dim then dark around me, it was a thick black mist oozing from the core and swallowing me in a slow suffocating smog.

There were lines of red, like lightning they etched around the smoke, they were red bloodthirsty mana-, gnawing me all throughout, grievously yearning for a bite, a literal cloud of torment black.

I felt paralyzed, my body squirmed to all the grim years my shattered body spends, its sad way of life, all those suffocating aches, torment showered me as I remembered them all in a flush.

The ears were deafened, numb, the skin feels none but chills, Oh how I do not miss this feeling.

In that instance, I remembered me feeling that same ticklish feeling as I did just before and at the same spot too; my right butt cheek.

Like a random unrelated pause of an episode etched in a nightmare- like a water break, quenching that whorish throat when it moans along with the deed as I'd seen in videos- this how the quenching feeling of that ticklish butt felt like.

With that, I could breathe proper for a moment but still it was not for even a second as the suffocating, punishing spawn of a nightmare would still burden my all.

But clearly now, from whatever holy or vile be-coming from that ticklish right butt, I was lifted with the spirit of an angry naked and defiant William Wallace, lifted from the jailing by the cloud for a moment, balls out and all.

A slight moment of being Scot-free.

Thinking back, had it not for that touch of shag-calling in the butt I would not have swam to shore away from my demons as my whole, my existence right then and there whispered me 'No!' to protest.

NO! To these chains which once binds me.

"NO!" I protested profusely, screaming with all might of the veins pumping blood and words in the neck and all even through to thy soul.

"NEVER AGAIN!" I roared, when suddenly I felt-, like expelling that wastes after days of constipation-, the darkness, the demon's will meets a greater force of will, my utter refusal to be a prisoner yet a more.

T'was to me my dreaded maw of death-, and my unyielding defiance to be again jailed under those bars and its constraints of paralyzing binds proved mightily enough to expel the clouds away as they seemed to warp more like a slurped and back to the core in my hand.

Joyous nose danced when it caught a scent-, like treasured perfume of spring and youthful air they seemed to be.

The soft light of the sun fell- welcomed on the skin, it was as though a quick fleeting bad dream, a hellish sleep session where one slept abnormally contorted and waking with his balls tapered on his brows or something synonym-ing along; The a message popped;

Opaque screens, light blue in a box told me that;

<You have tamed the essence of the core>

A message which I completely failed to not ignore, even if it really was projected into thine sight.

Caught in the shock of a short-lived dreaded nightmare which I curiously managed to quickly escape from, a sigh of relief of peace, "Fuck that…." I thawed words, I was mentally tired, physically my eyes were worn with the shock of it all.

Fucked-up things keep happening.

Curious miracles kept on saving.

I felt I was chosen as I stared at the dirt below, wide-eyed to these roller-coaster of an introduction but this could be the final thing was what I thought, 'Finally… a breather..' peace, a start to a slow-start which I aimed to do.

Peace-,

It was never to last.

No not even for a moment-.

The core which my palm thought it grasped was no more in my hand.

Like a robber with hellishly polished sleight of hand, a thief who could steal a TV when it is being watched, maybe even when the whole family is watching a movie, someone who could steal the TV during.

And like to bright TV my eyes saw, that core which I grasped was now glowing black; need me explained how it did, it was dark indeed yet crackling bright and red and hovering above the ground.

"When the… why are you there?" said I with burdensome breaths.

I had not yet put an ounce of thought to try and contemplate or make even a mere hair's sense to all these things happening, I was not meant to breathe through all this.

Still bare-footed, the barren ground which was like a balding head of a man tickles the feet at times but I was tired with all ways that defines and fits the word tired, "I'm fucking tired.." I tired, eyes tired, all's tired and had given up on trying to find a reasonable clarification for all these streak of bizzare events.

Once and again tis proved-, I was not made a shock proof man, be may thy afro-, I was just five foot four.

I need not know why my desires wanted me to add that last bit in but I was just five foot four while a string of unlikely events kept stitching its ugly strings at me once then more and morer more of their fuckening.

Then- in disrespect for my wishes to just sit and lay and breathe;

The fucking core exploded but I did not bide time to know that it exploded in the meantime, but felt I did indeed as a deafening blast bullied the eyes shut and blinding maimed they remained.

Brain jerked to whatever keeps on happening, no pain me felt but I heard whistles-, of winds with mean swooshing sounds-, never ending, like train-pushed winds they shoved the ears.

<You have tamed Raks'shassa's will.>.

"Great! But first lemme close the window.." I thee claimed am always witty-, joked I to the winds.

Winds which proved curious for the last I knew my feet were nesting in the barren spot of ground now it feels as if I'm floating.

Heavy folds of sheets the lids were weighed and the brows gave their all to lift the sheets just to let me see,

I then saw traffics of clouds hurrying off to their jobs-,

Three blinking lids later then I figured, "Fuckin- Hells? I'm fucking about in the skyyyyy???…." I shrieked gracefully, not a man's to-do but still graceful as a drunken snort-grunting lady.

I was blown airborne and away, way yonder past the cliff of Star-Fall.

Nothing made sense but it does, adding up the blinding light from just then and the curious crackling core I knew a blast did happened further proven by the ears who files a complaint but nothing makes sense on how a newbie kept on surviving these rather un-rhythmic pace for an introduction to the game.

I was not given time to duck and quack about and I was pretty sure my luck had ran out, it rightfully seemed like I owed Lady-luck at this point.

'Won't hurt to use it again..' thought I of my power as I nervously pondered, being blown to butt-fuck nowhere is never a sought for ride.

To praise a critique of the game as I just then came to understood it's claim, "Palpable that it is vexing knowing truth that it is calming. Knowing this makes you an incredible existence in this corporeal realm."

'Calming indeed, I don't know how would my vegetable body scream from all these.'

My focus shifted to my powers, 'The timing for the power.' I tried to calculate the perfect moment for my power before I could hurl.

When suddenly the change of the blurry scenery from blue and cotton clouds to seeing shades of what I saw were bound to be-, and it rings a bell as the great tall sunder-trees of Sunder-bloom-, the shades of its thick leaves of all hues of colors showed me a pep talk, "I need to use that shit!" I immediately made up my mind.

Not much difficulty in letting out my aura, it came just as the other senses does-, naturally.

Rainbow hue of mana in little specks flocked along, was it my afro I did not know but when I did in fact turn a slight to get a peak of the trees I started uncontrollably spinning and nauseous was the gut, all senses couldn't tell left from down and right and up, however the afro still remained an awesome afro but the eyes screamed for life seeing flashes of the dirt smeared ground below and a curious lizard like monstrosity, "Now? NOW!! DEFINITELY FUCKING NOW!!"'

Before I passed out or worse eaten I thought.

"SOMETHING SAFE!!"

In a jolt and a puff of blue smoke, I turned into a sparkling diamond with an afro, round with no edges-, spherical, a twelve footed rotund belly-diamond in the sky.

And as that ball of pure diamond in the sky fell-, a ladykiller's comet, unbelievable eyes of blue popped from the fat belly of the diamond, below it came a widened mouth who screams, "What in the fu---~~~~!!"

I was being drawn to a crash more quicker as I grew thicker but it rather came in advantageously for my dumb-ass forgot my powers lasts only four four seconds.

Not a typo!

So the faster I dropped down the better and what better more would be than that thick skull of the Wyrm from down below.

Wyrms; Kin of Dragons they are; all-powerful, wing-less and not as strong as Dragons but not far off. Technically these are brought in game for mid ranks to get them a feel of what an end-game exclusive Dragon's breath feels like.

Particularly mine was a Sunder-Wyrm, earth blessed Wyrms from the cracks of the Middle-Peninsula.

Yellow scaled, like thick plated armor; A high-mid ranking Wyrm from how it was-, Sitting, solemnly peaceful in a neat little raise of a very small hill, it seemed like it was passing out a massive brown pile of murder and digested prey, a top the neat lifted land- a short climb from the plains below but with a tall flat steep on the other side, down to which it aimed its bin-, its hind leg bent and were shaky in its makeshift toilet whilst its long sturdy tail- to the side it paved a way down for that poop-pile to murder the wildlife below with its stench.

Another stroke of luck, as it was in the heat of its passing process as all muscles it had were used in letting go of the corruption of its belly, making it close its staggering glare- its eyes.

"This is perfect!" said the smile, of sadistic curves.

And right as it mustered all strengths to let go of the past-, its past meals, the unloading Wyrm stiffened its neck up, I could see the surprise and shame those big reptilian eyes blinked but I! - A merciless fat diamond with a smile crashed down in a mighty crackle of scales and bones and an arsehole which finally clenched shut and fell a massive pile of poo.

The scene depicts, I need not jot a message from the system, in all due respect for the Wyrm I will not write the message saying I killed it. I owed it, that shit-luck Wyrm.

Another pool of chunks and blood and with my last second ticking, there I stood in a crater, ankle deep in thick warm blood.

In front on me was the Wyrm's headless corpse, it's skull crushed to a flat whatever beneath the puddle of blood, I could only feel it's slippery scales and with still an upset stomach even as it died- it farted with extra coughing blows in the end and the trees down the steep swayed back in utter disgusted respect.

"A farting demise!" I laughed, I was rather cool-headed thinking back yet I indeed did a deed, killing a thing much higher in category then I, in ranks, "WOOOO--!" I howled, might I had shouted too ferociously for my jaws fell numb, the wind blows cradles my chin, swaying it left to right, "HA Fphucking ONE HIT!!" I rumbled over it.

Thanks again.

To the man reading this;

I have a joke for all but before I tell you I first pray that you could recover.

In a missionary position during the deed, men even the most hard-boiled is in truth Twerking his ass over his mate.

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