The First Rain

NIHARIKA

It's raining. The first rain this year.

There's something very fascinating about rain. Like how they fall completely, hopelessly, irreversibly for the gravity. As if waiting for someone to hold them, contain them, validate their journey from up above the clouds. But the receiving end is not so kind, mostly. They end up clashing with dust just to form sticky mud, making people curse and grunt on the way.

But rain just wants to feel accepted, and none but ocean has the depth. Rain has to find ocean, that's where the journey ends.

But not all rains meet ocean, mostly they end up in shallow pond and drifts, which are incapable of appreciating their efforts to fall on earth.

Niharika always feels for the rain, there's something very similar between them. She always feels that she feels too much, so much that it scares her. Is there anyone out there who can contain the depth of her feelings? Shallow river is not for her, she needs ocean.

She likes when the rain falls hard, it sounds like music. It's peaceful.

"Nihar! Come on now...we gonnabe late!"

"Coming!" She says, running to squeeze herself inside the umbrella that can barely work for two persons.

"Why don't you bring yours?"

She lets out a chuckle in response to the irritated voice.

"Because I like getting soaked!"

"Well I don't!"

"But you still let me share anyways!"

"That's because I'm kind, idiot."

They both laugh, walking faster making the dirt jump and cover their shoes. Half walking half running they narrowly make it in time.

"The prof isn't here yet! Phew!"

They settle down in the usual spot, third row from front. The purpose is to camouflage in the background of nameless students. Teachers notice only two kind of students, those who sit in the front benches and those in the back. The middle ones are just students, nameless students. She likes it that way.

Niharika hates being noticed, being confronted, being in the limelight. It feels as if someone has peeled off her skin in the public. But she wants to be "seen". She cannot explain how these two are different because nobody seems to understand. Nobody "sees" her.

Not even Arohi, her best friend or, probably the only friend she has in college.

Arohi shines like a bright star while Niharika is the background night sky. Probably this is why they coexist in peace, because they don't interfere each other's ground. Arohi is like a shield that absorbs all the limelight so Niharika can peacefully mind her own business. Niharika doesn't feel suffocated around her because Arohi doesn't judge, or doesn't have the time to do so.

Her life is happening, every other day she has a new 'boy problem' she has to discuss with Niharika. Niharika listens, and she's ok with it. Because nothing happens in her life, and her inner ocean of conflict is not something she wants to share with anyone.

She absolutely doesn't think she's boring. Others might because they haven't "seen" her and Niharika makes no effort to be "seen". She doesn't want to ask for it, to beg for it. She wants ocean to crawl to her feet, the audacity!

"Hey!...uh I'm Rohan!" A guy comes up to their bench.

"Er..hi!" She says while Arohi is busy talking to someone in her phone. Niharika wishes she'd pay attention here because she's about to get all awkward with this guy.

"Mind if I sit here?" He blurts out her worst fear.

"Yeah sure," she smiles awkwardly shifting to make space for him, her toes curling inside her shoes in discomfort. 'Come on Arohi help me out here.' She screams in her head. She can feel his eyes on her as she tries to focus on the book in front.

"Goodmorning class!" The grumpy professor with thick rimmed glasses comes to her rescue.

"Hey you didn't tell me prof came!" Arohi whispers and elbows her.

Niharika rolls her eyes, 'serves you right,you left me with this stranger guy all alone.'

The lecture is boring as always. After a moment of trying to focus she starts doodling in the last page of her notebook as she often does. She also pretends the guy next to her does not exist for the sake of her mental health.

"You've quite the skills," the guy comments. Feeling self conscious she closes the notebook abruptly and tries focusing on the lecture instead.

"Hey! You're Arohi's friend right?" He whispers in her ears a moment later.

She nods, already assuming what's coming next. That's right, she's "Arohi's friend", that's how most people know her in college and not by her name.

"Sorry, I can't give you her number!" She says dismissively before the guy could open his mouth again, eyes focused on the PowerPoint presentation, even though she's not getting anything.

"No, that's not-"

" If you've anything to ask about Arohi you can directly ask her," she cuts him midway.

He then keeps quiet for the rest of the class.

"Hey! What's with that guy and you?" Arohi nudges her shoulders with a teasing smile after the class.

"Nothing! Just one more of your fanboys." She says rolling her eyes.

"No ways , he was clearly into you!"

"Arohi! See I'm not trying to sound like a mean bitch but you know it very well who among us is 'the attractive bestfriend' here!" She scoffs at her and storms off to the cafeteria. She's not sure what's gotten into her, usually this kind of incident doesn't stir her up, but she's a little pissed honestly.

" Hey! That's not right! Except the bitch part tho..." Arohi says running after her.

She rolls her eyes and smile, no she can't stay mad at her only friend in college.

It's raining again.

Niharika stares out of the window beside her favourite seat in the cafeteria. No she's not jealous of Arohi,she likes being 'the girl in the corner'. And she doesn't want 'just anyone' to casually approach her. When random boys on social media would tell her 'I like you', it hurts her. 'how can you like me, you don't even know me' she'd say.

People are shallow, superficial, insincere. If you actually like someone would you be able to tell them so casually? No. These people are just looking for someone, anyone who's apparently physically attractive. They want to show them off to the world like a trophy of possession, nothing else.

Maybe all the cliche romance novels she read growing up got her standards so high that she needs that 'one guy' to fall head over heels for her, like she's the only living entity in the world. Someone who can see through her shell. She wants to be worshipped, to be cherished like a 'human'. She wants to feel safe enough to lay down her defences.

But people lack the depth of ocean.

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