2.16 ARTIFICIAL LOVE: Fixture

Before Beomseok knows it, he's attending his mother's funeral.

And before he knows it, he's sorting out legalities over his late mother's property. 

And before he knows it, Kang Siwoo becomes a familiar fixture in his life, officially going on hiatus for who even knows how long. He claims to be working, scribbling down lyrics and recording half-baked melodies on his phone when he thinks that Beomseok isn't looking.

There's just so much happening in his life that Beomseok doesn't even realize that spring ended and summer came and was ending soon too.

Where did the time go?

What even happened? 

The thought barrels into him when he comes home one day and is welcomed back with a sweet waft of food. Fried rice is becoming a staple in his diet because Siwoo keeps cooking it. 

After the first month of Siwoo's loitering, Beomseok had jokingly told him to make himself useful around the house if he isn't going to pay rent. Siwoo pouted with those wide-eyed puppy look of his but by the next day, he had done both; magically deposited a suspicious sum of money in Beomseok's bank and also actively started doing housework.

It's become the norm ever since. 

Beomseok took a job after being referred to by his brother. It's just at the corner store nearby and they accept him because everyone in town already knows Lee Beomseok. They don't really see his tattoos and piercings and instead see the same old snot-nosed brat that he was over a decade ago.

"Seokseok!" A voice singsongs from the kitchen, "You're here just in time! Food's hot and ready." He hears the clattering plates and Beomseok has a strange moment where the lights glare and become over-saturated. He watches the way Siwoo shuffle over from the kitchen to the dining room with food in hand. The table is already set, there's nothing for Beomseok to do but sit there.

"…" A sigh of annoyance leaves his lips and he settles down because the food smells absolutely amazing. Siwoo is wearing a casual t-shirt and shorts with a dumb pink apron on top. It looks absurd but what's even more absurd is how good it looks on him.

They pray at the dinner table before digging in. 

Beomseok wolfs down his rice while Siwoo eats slowly. 

"Beomseokie," Siwoo chirps casually, "how was your day at work?"

He feels like he has nothing to say and shrugs, "Same old. Nothing changes in this old town, same people same shit, day in day out."

Siwoo laughs at his words even though they're nothing special, "But isn't that the charm of a small town like this? Ah, I think I've already told you but my grandmother lives in the little town close by. I used to go to her place pretty often. It was like a second home to me, the clear country sky and the fresh air without all the city noise."

Siwoo grins at him. He has one arm against the table, propping his head up his hair is a bit overgrown. It's fluffy, Beomseok thinks absently. There's a light sheen of sweat on his brows because their a-con sucks and summer's merciless.

It's merciless because there's no way for this strange, dream-like landscape to last. Beomseok's mind is elsewhere when he blurts out sharply, "Why are you here?"

Siwoo is taken aback at first, jolting upward with those pretty wide eyes of his. He blinks slowly before wearing a smile again. There are times when Beomseok gets these outbursts. His emotions are still a mess after the death of his mother. So Siwoo practices patience, "I'm here to stick around with Beomseokie of course," he winks. 

But Beomseok maintains a narrowed glare which makes Siwoo falter and rub the back of his neck. "I just needed a break from the city. There was…" he sighed a stuttered, "to put simply, there was a mess back in my company. And I'm sorry…when you called me I was truly worried about you, Beomseokie. But when I got here…I guess you could say it was a convenient escape."

There's a pause between them and Siwoo visibly deflates, he's like a poor beaten puppy with ears flopped down and tail between his legs. It does things to Beomseok's heart that should be illegal. "You know, here out in the countryside, no one even recognizes me. It's like I can finally breathe again," the idol confesses.

Beomseok nods because Siwoo's words make sense, but only partially. It doesn't stave off all of Beomseok's suspicions nor does it quell his paranoia. He just cannot understand why Siwoo stays around, especially not when Beomseok's heartthrobs for him and yearns for him and he's so close that Beomseok can almost hold him.

But he cannot.

And he will not.

Because if another wonderful miracle happens again, he's even more terrified of karma's consequences.

And yeah, he knows, he knows. It's the paranoia talking but that doesn't stop the feeling from festering and growing in Beomseok's heart, to the point where he really can't bear it anymore.

He can't bear it anymore so he spits out, "Why don't you just go to your grandmother's hometown instead? You said it's close by."

Siwoo's eyes widen like a deer caught in headlights. "But there's nothing left for me there… Not anymore."

"There's nothing here for you either," Beomseok retorts.

The way Siwoo smiles is a bit shy and a bit sad, "There's Beomseok."

Ah, Beomseok realizes that his heart can no longer take this abuse anymore.

It needs to come to an end. It's not like this dream was meant to last in the first place… Kang Siwoo will inevitably be swept away by his life and Beomseok will have to let him go.

Later that evening, when Siwoo is sitting on the couch, surfing TV channels, Beomseok joins him and says, "You shouldn't stay here."

Siwoo doesn't answer right away. For a second, Beomseok thinks he's being ignored so he says, "Hyung—"

Kang Siwoo snaps towards him, his eyes look bitter and almost panicked, "Why, Beomseok? You don't want me here? Did I do something wrong? Have I not been good to you?"

He's really cute, Beomseok thinks. He sighs and reaches over, patting down Siwoo's messy hair. Just a few weeks ago, he would never think such a thing possible but now it's just part of his norm. A norm that is doomed to crash and burn. "You've been good. Hyung's been really good to me."

"Then…" Siwoo chews his lips and Beomseok pulls his hand away. There's a shitty drama playing in the background, the male lead begs for the female lead to stay.

"I…" Beomseok starts but doesn't finish. It's too difficult to confess. It's too difficult to say I like you. He doesn't know what kind of answer Siwoo has for him and Beomseok decides that he doesn't want to know.

Siwoo looks away, visibly sulking. He's clearly unhappy when he says, "Fine."

Beomseok feels guilty but he remains resolute. He's convinced that this is necessary. "Sorry."

Siwoo sighs and shakes his head, "No…I…I think I understand." He brings up his legs and sits in a fetal position and Beomseok feels his heart lurch. Does that mean that Siwoo knows of his affections? But he's too scared to ask to make sure. So the two of them sit in awkward silence. The drama continues on the TV screen. No matter how much the male lead begs, the female lead ends up leaving him.

…

It's raining the next day but Siwoo packs up his things anyways.

"You don't have to leave today," Beomseok says. The weather is quite intense, with wind gusting and rainfall that threatens to flood the fields.

Kang Siwoo only smiles wryly, "I don't want to burden Beomseok any further."

There's a sour feeling that grows in Beomseok's heart and he doesn't know what to do with it.

"One or two more days isn't going to do much. At least until the storm passes."

But Siwoo is resolute and stubborn. He shakes his head and says, "No, I already contacted my company about my return. They're expecting me to be back quickly so I have to leave now."

"Oh…" Beomseok can't help but feel apologetic. He thinks that maybe he made Siwoo feel uncomfortable or something. But there's nothing to be done about that now. "Let me at least help you then."

Thankfully, Siwoo doesn't hate him to the point of rejecting his aid. The two of them get soaked as they load up the car. Siwoo returns to the front door with him one last time to say his farewells.

"Beomseok… you'll stay in contact with me, right?"

Beomseok nods stiffly. A part of him doesn't want to. But he knows that it's impossible to say no.

Siwoo sighs like he's relieved. "Oh. That's good. That's good," he mutters something to himself that Beomseok doesn't really catch. "Then, I'll be off now. I'll…see you." He strains a smile.

Beomseok does his best to smile back, "Yeah. Goodbye, Hyung."

The car pulls away and Beomseok can't seem to fully stave off the feeling that he did something wrong.