CHAPTER 14

I am an asshole. I know I am. I totally ditched Charlie by missing the play. She hadn't called me at all. Not since the night of the play. And I didn't call her because I made a promise to myself not to. ANd now I am suffering from feelings of guilt and need. I miss her. I really, effing miss her like crazy. Even when I sleep, I dreamed about her. And usually about her and some random faceless guy. But a guy nonetheless. I groaned as I sat on the bench in front of the locker. The boys' locker room was almost empty, save for a few swimmers like me, who were still in the shower. I did an extra hour of practice and my shoulders were a little sore. I know I overdid myself the whole week. I had to. I wanted to maintain my time, sure, but mostly it was so that I would be so tired that I'd fall over on my bed and just fall asleep. For hours on end. ANd to stop myself from calling her. It was so hard. It was especially harder on the night of Charlie's date with that jerk. I went out of my mind, making assumptions and trying to get the image of the idiot kissing Charlie. Eww.. So, that night I actually went out with the swim team for dinner and to hang out, to get my mind off Charlie. I stupidly ended up making out with this girl, Jenna, who's a Junior like Charlie. It was a foolish thing to do. Especially when she thought I was into her. Admittedly, she could be mistaken for a Victoria's Secret model, but she was not Charlie. And making out with her made me feel disgusted with myself.

I got up finally and got dressed. I ran a hand through my wet hair to somewhat tame it. I got my backpack and helmet and walked out of the boys' locker room, towards the parking lot. I buckled my helmet and started my bike. As I drove, I tried to keep my mind on the road but when I stopped my bike, I found myself in front of Howards Hall, Charlie's dorm building. I was a little surprised that I ended up here. I wanted to drive away, worried that Charlie might see me. But just as I was about to zoom out of the area, I saw Charlie walking up to the lobby of the building. Her face. Something's wrong with her face. Has she been crying?! I almost jumped off my bike before I could re-think my decision, but I stopped myself. She was already gone from my view but I knew she's already on her way up to her room. I parked my bike and strode up to her room.

When I got to her floor, I walked up to her room door, my mind already trying to think up of an excuse for bailing on her on the night of the play. I suddenly hesitated. I had promised myself that I would not be around Charlie anymore. And that I would forget about my crush on her. That I would let her be with whomever she wants to be with. But I'm only human. And seeing her the way she was just now made me throw my ambitious plan to forget her out the window. I quickly knocked on her door, not caring about anything except seeing her.

After about half a minute, the door creaked open and an auburn head peeked out, and I saw the red and puffy eyes. I sighed.

"Caleb? What are you doing here?" Charlie asked in a quiet, throaty voice. Only her fingers holding onto the door and her eyes were seen. She looked so fragile. Unlike the way she usually looked. She looked like she had just collided with something and it destroyed her.

"Are you okay, Charlie?" I went straight to the point. No use beating around the bush. Charlie's eyes widen a little and she looked away from me.

"Um, yeah. I'm okay. Just tired. I'll call you tomorrow, ok Caleb? Please?" Charlie pleaded and her voice cracked at the end. I went closer to her and pushed myself into her room. Charlie had no choice but to move away from the door and letting me in. The room was in semi-darkness and Lois was not in the room. Charlie sat on her bed, still in the jacket that she was wearing when I saw her just now. She did not look up. I put down my bag on the floor and crouched in front of her by the bed.

"What do you want Caleb? Can you go back to your room? I want to go to sleep." Charlie said in that cracked, snot-filled voice. I sighed and sat beside her on the bed. I sat close beside her, so close that I was practically plastered to her side. I could feel the warmth emanating from her and it caused tingles to run up my spine. Charlie tried to squirm away but I put my arm around her shoulder. She still tried to squirm away.

"I just want to apologize for bailing on you that night. I was so out of it I didn't realize I had missed it. I slept until morning Charlie. I was dead tired. You know how grueling my practice is." I said, not lying entirely. Just a little bit. To be honest, practice was crazy and I was dead tired. I just left out the part that I didn't want to go to the blasted play.

Charlie stopped squirming. She still didn't look at me, though. I peered at her. She was acting weird.

"Hey, Charlie. You alright?" I asked as I tried to look at her face. She didn't say anything but she finally looked up. Her eyes were still puffy but they were not red anymore.

"Hey, it's kinda late. You wanna stay over? Um, you don't have to sleep on my bed. You can sleep on Lois'." Charlie said suddenly, surprising me. Usually when I wanted to stay over, she would groan and complain, saying I was being a bother. But tonight she actually offered. Something is definitely up.

"Sure." I said simply and bent over to take off my shoes and socks. Then, I took off my jacket. Of course I want to stay over. Obviously!

Charlie suddenly stood up. She took off her jacket and pulled her hair in a messy bun. She walked to her closet and got her towel.

"Um, I need to get cleaned up. I smell like a yak. I'll only be a few minutes, ok." Charlie said as she moved to the door. I shrugged and just laid back on her bed. She went out then.

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Charlie's POV

I opened the door and saw Caleb sitting on my bed, fiddling with his phone. I went in and kept my shower stuff. I was wearing a white t-shirt and drawstring pants. I was suddenly nervous. I wasn't sure what to do all of a sudden. When Caleb came to my door, I wanted so badly to cry and hug him. But I held it in. He's going to compete in the semi finals next week, so I really shouldn't distract him with my stupid problems. I haven't seen him in a week and finally seeing him after what happened with Damien was a relief. I realized how much I missed his company. And I needed him to make me feel better. I know it's selfish of me, but I couldn't help it. I kinda feel a little scared that I've come to depend on him more and more. I was never this needy. I usually did okay on my own. But I never got my heart broken by a guy that I like. And that's because I never really act on it. And the first time I did with a guy that I was crazy about, it all went to shit. And Caleb's always been a rock. He's so sweet and understanding that I could tell him anything and he won't judge me. I didn't even tell Dara half the things I told Caleb.

I sat on Lois' bed awkwardly. Caleb looked up from his phone. His eyebrows raised, in a question.

"Okay, um, I gotta sleep. Pretty tired. Got class tomorrow. Goodnight, Caleb." I said without looking at him.

"What are you doing?" Caleb asked as I was about to get under the covers of Lois' bed. I looked up at him.

"Getting into bed. Why?" I asked as I looked at Caleb weirdly.

"Well, isn't this your bed? Come here. I'll sleep on Lois' bed." Caleb said as he stood up and went to me. He took my hand and led me to my bed. He helped me into bed, like a kid. He pulled the covers up to my chest and looked at me as he crouched beside my bed.

"Look, I know there's something up, even when you don't want to talk to me about it. That's fine. Just stop thinking about whatever that is bothering you and just go to sleep. I'll be just across your bed, if you need me ok." Caleb said as he patted my hand. I felt a little comforted so I smiled and nodded my head.

"Okay, thanks Caleb. Goodnight." I said as I smiled. Caleb just nodded his head and smiled. Then, he got up and walked over to Lois' bed. He lay on top of the duvet and looked across at me. I lay on my side, facing him. We just lay there, not saying anything. Slowly, my eyelids became heavy and I let sleep come to me.

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I kept myself busy and barely had any time to do anything else except completing my assignments and hanging out with Caleb. I've started to spend a lot of time at the sports complex. Every day, after class, I would go to the water sports department and do my assignments or study at the bleachers while Caleb was having his practice. Most days, I would be there for 3 hours, since that's how long Caleb's practice lasts and I really don't mind. It was nice. The sound of water splashing is very calming. Even Coach Winters' whistle did little to distract me. After practice, Caleb and I would go out together to grab dinner. It was really nice and comfortable. I never really told Caleb about Damien and he never asked. I guess he thought that I'd tell him when I'm good and ready. But I know that I will never, ever tell him. Ever. It was humiliating to tell him that I was rejected that way. I don't want Caleb to feel sorry for me. He will never know. I will carry this secret to my grave.

It was almost 7 pm. And I was hungry. I started packing up my things when I saw a freshly showered Caleb was walking towards me. He was smiling, carrying his backpack and that worn leather jacket that I gave him a few years ago. As I looked at him from a distance, it was like I was looking at a person I didn't really know. I just realized that Caleb's very dazzling. Like, super gorgeous. And I was looking at him with a new perspective. His dirty blond hairs, cut short and was wet at the moment. His eyes were hazel and damn that guy has some long lashes. Even longer than mine and Dara's combined. Which is so not fair. And that smile..wow, that smile. And don't let me get started on that body. I don't know how it happened, but Caleb's been hit very vigorously with the hotness stick. And that made me realize what the hell is he doing with me when he should be out there dating all the hot girls on campus. But seriously, the boy is so seriously beautiful. Oh, good God! Wake up, wake up! That's just Caleb! Dara's YOUNGER brother. The kid who I babysat for years. I shuddered at my impure thoughts. Every day I see Caleb in his swim tights, so I guess I'm starting to lose any objectivity. I am not attracted to Caleb. Not even a little. Wait, what?!

"Hey, Charlie. You ready to go?" Caleb asked as he stood by me. I got up, not looking at Caleb. The revelation that I was sorta attracted to Caleb has left me feeling very awkward and uncomfortable.

"Yeah, let's go. I'm hungry. Can we get chinese tonight?" I babbled as we walked out of the pool area. We walked out of the building towards Caleb's bike. I didn't drive today because I was lazy and yeah, I wanted to ride Caleb's bike with him. Oh God, what am I doing?! My mind was in a muddle. What the hell am I doing?!

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Caleb's POV

I smiled when Charlie's arm encircled my waist. I started my bike, the smile grew wider when her arms tightened around me. Instinctively, I put my hand on top her and grasped a little bit.

"You're ready?" I asked and she said yes behind me. I gave her hand one last pat and started to drive my bike through the streets. As I drove, the smile lingers on my lips as I recalled how surreal the whole week had been. Ever since I spent the night in Charlie's room when she came back resembling a down-trodden cat, things had been changing. For one thing, Charlie has been hanging around with me during practice. A lot. Almost every day. Okay, it is every day. And I couldn't be happier. We'd have dinner together every night and just hang out. Sometimes I'd hang around in her room until Lois come back or until Charlie throws me out. Something had changed. I can feel it. Maybe Charlie's starting to like me? As in more than her best friend's little brother? Maybe? I don't know. She's pretty vague but she's a lot more affectionate now. She even hugs me more now. Every night before I left her dorm in fact. And that's a good sign, right?

I really shouldn't think about this too much. I have to concentrate on my swimming. Which reminds me. The semi-finals is happening this Saturday, that's 2 days away. I kinda have to focus on that more than on Charlie. But then, if I don't know any better, I'd say that ever since Charlie has been hanging around during practice, my time has improved tremendously. Maybe thinking about her helps me focus. At the stop light, I absently put my hand on hers and grasped softly.

"Huh? What is it Caleb?" She asked suddenly. I suddenly realized what I was doing. I let go of her hand and said rather awkwardly.

"Uh, nothing. Thought you might be cold." Urgh, really Caleb? That was so lame.

"Oh, um, well, I am, a little. My hands are a little icy." Charlie said and I grasped her hand again, loving the way her soft skin felt in my rough calloused hand. Even her hand is sexy. Damnit, how the hell am I going to go on like this and remain platonic to Charlie. But the way things are going, I might have a ghost of a chance after all. Who knows...