A normal day with Lukas 2

"UGAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"OUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"GUUHHHHHHHHH!!!"

This is Lukas.

He's sitting on the toilet, his face drenched in sweat, his eyes bloodshot, clutching tightly, and his legs trembling non-stop.

"YIIIEEIEIEIIEIEIE!!"

*the sound of something dropping that I'd rather not describe*

He is breathing heavily, like he's gasping for air, and his shirt is soaked in sweat.

"FUCK!" He throws off his shirt because it's too hot.

"Hey!!! Again!!" He clutches his stomach in agony, grinding his teeth.

*I really don't want to describe that thing dropping, seriously.*

Why is all this happening?

It's simple, he just ate some cake given by an old lady who lives nearby.

It was a chocolate cake, and Lukas, being a sweet tooth, wouldn't refuse it.

But he had no idea the cake was expired.

So after eating it, his stomach suddenly made the most terrifying sound he'd ever heard, a horrible pain shooting through him.

He got diarrhea.

"GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Honestly, if you're eating, don't read this. Please finish your food first, that's the author's advice.

While struggling with diarrhea, he reached for toilet paper, only to realize it was gone.

How cruel! Why did it have to run out now?!

"Oughh!!" He continued to clutch his stomach, beginning to feel dizzy, like he might pass out any second.

Then, memories from his past started flashing through his mind.

His dad hitting him on the butt with a metal pipe, his butler feeding him only vegetables, his sister always looking at him like she wanted to lock him in the basement.

That house was full of demons! A living hell!

Mom!! Why did you have to pass away so soon??? I don't want to live with those demons disguised as humans!!!

For some reason, thinking about his family made his stomach hurt less...

Maybe because his family was scarier than diarrhea...

"I have to buy some anti-diarrhea medicine!!!"

He tried to find some paper and then looked at his money.

...

Money is paper, right?

B-But it's $50! Who would be stupid enough to use their money as toilet paper?!

He smiled, scoffing at his ridiculous thought, got out of the bathroom, washed his hands thoroughly, and checked his wallet...

My $50...

I hate my tiny brain!!! Why did I use that $50 as toilet paper?!

Aghhh, my dad was right; I need to study again to learn what to do...

No, calm down, Lukas! It was just $50! You can earn that back easily by working!

But still, it was $50...

No! It was just $50!

But that amount could buy a $40 game...

Lukas, lying flat on the floor in his house, clutching his head, struggling with his thoughts like he had multiple personalities...

***

Lukas, with a face that looked like he'd just lost over 10 kilos, was walking like a sick man.

His stomach still hurt, and he had to quickly get to the nearby pharmacy!

"Mom! Why does that handsome guy look like an addict?"

"Be careful, dear, he might be DrDis!"

"What?! Then we should call the police, Mom!!"

"DON'T CALL THE COPS! I'M JUST HAVING STOMACH PAIN, YOU JERKS!!!"

Lukas shouted, scaring the mother and child away.

Damn it, rude people comparing a handsome guy like me to that Fucker!

AUHH! MY STOMACH!!

Lukas clutched his stomach, trying to make his way to the pharmacy.

"Here's your bribe money."

"No need! Just keep it!!!"

Then he walked over to the water cooler, took some medicine, and drank some water.

Ahhhhh, much better...

His face brightened, and the girls around him couldn't help but whisper to each other.

Feeling cheerful, he headed home while thinking about his Pokémon.

Hmm, Croconaw and... what was the other one? Gigle? Whatever, I'll figure it out when I get home.

He happily walked on until he spotted a girl sitting on a bench in the middle of the park.

Normally, he wouldn't pay much attention, but this girl looked somewhat familiar...

That pink hair...

Could it be Farmqueen? (Dude, do you really just identify people by their hair color?)

But why is she sitting there alone? Did she eat something bad and is holding it in?

Suddenly, his brain went into overdrive...

Inside his brain

Joy: What should we do now?

Sadness: Ignore it, we have to get home and play Pokémon.

Anger: THAT'S RIGHT! WHO CARES ABOUT WOMEN?

Disgust: Chill out.

Fear: But she has pink hair; I remember all pink-haired people are homewreckers!

Joy: Where did you read that?

Fear: I watched Korean drama.

Joy: Since when does an emotion watch K-dramas??

"Hey."

Everyone jolted and looked at the sixth figure.

Ugh, it looked like something straight out of a found footage horror video, gross.

Demon: Go talk to her.

Anger: Why?

Demon: Look at the thight, do you see it? It's fucking bi-

...

Lukas, finishing his internal debate, decided to approach Farmqueen.

"Umm... are you okay?"

Lukas asked, causing Yuna to turn around and look at him.

Oh wow, her eyes were swollen; it seemed like she had been crying a lot.

"No..." Yuna quickly moved away, as if she were afraid of something.

Huh? What's there to be afraid of? My face is handsome, isn't it?

"Is there something wrong with my face?"

"...No, you just look like one of those bad boys who seduce schoolgirls."

????

What did I do?? I've never even had a girlfriend! (Skill issue)

Do I look like that sleazy blond guy? I only have red hair, I'm a good boi!

"I haven't done anything to you," Lukas said as he sat down and looked at Yuna.

'Wait a minute, I don't even know her name; I only know her in-game name.'

"Hey, what's your name?"

Upon hearing this, Yuna stood up, ready to leave.

"WAIT, WAIT!! I HAVE NO BAD INTENTIONS! I SWEAR!"

"Then why are you asking for my name? Only bad boys do that."

"What about me looks like a bad boy??"

"Handsome, red hair, earrings, muscular, well-dressed, looks like some gang member."

Wait, really? I thought this was just normal attire?

Sis! You tricked me!

And besides, doesn't she know me? I thought my in-game appearance was identical to real life, except for being aged down to 10?

"Hey, it's me, Cuckmaster."

Lukas spoke bluntly, causing Yuna to be surprised.

"Y-You're really Cuckmaster?!"

"Who else would I be, Farmqueen?"

"I thought you'd be some guy fatter than Caseoh and a mentally deranged Reddit mod!"

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT?!"

Unbelievable! She dared to think of me as a Reddit mod!

He sighed, watching Yuna sit back down.

"Your name?"

"No."

"Hello No, I'm Lukas."

"Are you kidding me? I'm Yuna, not No."

"Then why didn't you just say your name from the start?"

Lukas noticed Yuna seemed less upset, so he asked,

"Why were you crying?"

"None of your business."

"But I like getting into people's business."

"Shameless. I'm not even your friend."

"Not a friend? But we're in the same group chat, how can we not be friends?" Lukas look purely

...Are you really that naive?

"...I just broke up."

"My condolences to the one who lost."

"No one died."

"But seeing you this sad, karma is bound to come to whoever did this to you."

"...Why would you think that?"

"The demon inside me told me so."

"Weirdo."

Lukas saw Yuna smile a little, and feeling satisfied, he stood up.

"Hop on the game later, the other three are really worried about you, especially Fairygoth."

"..."

"What's wrong? If you're that upset, you could always hire me to punch your ex."

"Forget it. Who knows what you'd do to him," Yuna replied, standing up.

Wow, she's really short. Is she Asian?

Wait, I'm Asian too... (25% Asian, 75% German).

"Japanese?"

"How did you know that?"

"Who knows, just a guess?"

"You scared me."

Yuna backed away even further, making Lukas feel a bit hurt.

The first time someone as handsome as me gets avoided like this...

Wait, I was avoided back in school too...

And so, they said their goodbyes, unknowingly forging a new bond.