Determination

I've never been in such a cloud of confusion before. Was I a fool? Or was I considered a fool? The next weeks Riki-kun avoided me like I had some kind of disease, and when I tried to talk to him about Kimimaro-kun, he only said that he didn't notice anything wrong with his behavior. Speaking of the devil, Kimimaro-kun continued to treat me with coldness and roughness. And because the training wasn't tough enough already, he added new things every day. He added more miles for the running part and more minutes of swimming to develop my stamina. After that, he put me to maintain my balance on a floating log from that damn lake, which resulted in me being wet the entire training. Well, only the first three days, after those I fell fewer times. And when I finally managed to keep my balance for good, he added a new challenge. I had to keep my balance standing on just one leg, which made me go back to where I was at the beginning - falling in the water like a fool.

The taijutsu part got heavier too, his strikes were even more deadly and when I was hit by them it was the end of the training. I always got injured after a direct hit, but he said that my pain endurance had to be trained too. Luckily Riki-kun was able to perform some basic healing techniques, which was the only thing I knew about his knowledge in ninjutsu. He avoided my questions about his fighting style and ninjutsu just like the questions about Kimimaro-kun, making me think that I misunderstood his behavior the day we met. He seemed so kind and friendly, I almost thought that we will be good friends, but he didn't seem to think the same with his indifferent and reserved attitude. Just like the situation with Kimimaro-kun, but with him it was a bit more. I misunderstood a lot of things. It was no wonder that I got so disappointed with everything, starting with myself.

Day after day I failed somehow at what I was asked to do. I put all the effort I was capable of in my challenges, thinking of how far I was from being strong. Yes, I learned some ninjutsu, but it was of no use if I couldn't do anything else right. And yes, I couldn't be defeated that easy at taijutsu, but I haven't defeated him even once. Was I weak? Was he ridiculously strong? And even though I trained to gain physical and mental strength, stamina, speed, and balance from a young age, it still wasn't enough. When I managed to keep my balance on one leg, he said that he'll be satisfied only when I'll manage to keep my balance standing on the tips of my toes with only one leg, which left me agape.

I understood that he wanted to make me the best and the strongest version of me, but I couldn't keep up with his expectations even though in the beginning I have been so excited about being a ninja and becoming stronger. I couldn't handle the things that I was feeling around him, even though I didn't understand them, especially that he acted like he had a stick up his ass. But the most, I couldn't handle the loneliness that I was feeling. I missed Orochimaru-sama, and the feeling from the first months after I arrived at the new hideout. I used to feel like home then, but everything disappeared with Orochimaru-sama when he left. All this left me with one choice - I had to work harder to gain everyone's acknowledgment, but most importantly, I had to make me proud of myself. I had to use my frustrations and anger in a way that will help me develop myself in the best way.

I woke up earlier every morning to do some warm-up before breakfast by myself. After breakfast I packed up some food for lunch, asking Kimimaro-kun to take the longest route he knew. If he was surprised, he hasn't shown it. I worked hard to keep my balance the way he wanted, it took me several days to make it happen, but I calmed down, remembering that Kimimaro-kun and Orochimaru-sama told me that it took time to learn things and get strong. Plus, Kimimaro-kun never put pressure on me to hurry with anything he asked, I was the one feeling that I was moving too slow with the requirements. Every time he said it was time to go, I asked him to go first because I needed more time to train. He only did as I said because I packed my lunch with me so I couldn't skip meals. Well, he never really left without me, I always found him near, sitting on the grass with his back leaning against a tree, resting or eating. I never dared to question his actions, but I wished to know why he never left. He told me once that I was not allowed to go far from the hideout on my own, but it was strange that he accepted to lose some of his free time to babysit me. Well, Orochimaru-sama made me his responsibility so he probably was only doing his job as my... sensei, I guess. Well, never mind. I had to concentrate on my skills, so for a few days, I focused on defense while we fought, making a plan in my mind. He used more patterns in his fighting style than Kabuto-san, so I tried to memorize some of them, making a plan on how to counter. I was preparing a surprise for him. The day that I will manage to have a perfect balance, he will have a hard time fighting me.

***

Almost two months passed since I made that promise to myself, and I felt that I was close to my strongest version, even though I was exhausted like hell. My entire time was used to train, eat, and sleep. Well, the sleeping part had some issues, because I shortened my sleeping time to meditate or to think about strategies. But it did worth the sacrifice, just to see his face. I was on the log standing on the tips of my fingers. I lifted a leg and stood still. He didn't seem impressed, standing as always with a bored look on his face and folded arms. Well, that kind of changed the second I switched my legs with my hands and stood on the log. First I tried to stay stable on both palms, and when I felt confident enough, I moved my hands closer to the center and lifted one hand. I could keep it only for like thirty seconds, but it was enough for my ego. I jumped in the air and landed on the water, happy that I synchronized my chakra just in time, so I didn't get wet.

"Where did that come from?" He asked with curiosity in his eyes.

"From my training," I said innocently, being so excited on the inside.

"Hm, well done. Now let's go back."

What? That was all? A 'well done' and a neutral face? Oh, he annoyed me now... Was he never truly satisfied with my development? Was he even satisfied with something at all? What in the world happened to him? I didn't accept the version in which he faked his nice self. Something must have happened. But even so, he had no excuse to act like that. Couldn't he see that the way he acted made me feel awful? He was either blind or careless.

He got me so frustrated that I skipped lunch. I didn't give a damn about what he said about skipping meals, I was already full of disgust anyway. I spent the time I had left until training sitting on a branch, breaking the bark of the tree with brutality.

"Hey, Mikura-san. What did this tree do to you?" I heard Riki's voice.

"Mind your own business, Riki-kun," I said angrily, remembering the way he avoided me every time I wanted to talk to him.

"Oh, someone has a bad day."

"I'd rather say a bad year," I mumbled to myself.

"What happened?" He asked with a bit of concern in his voice.

I jumped back on the ground sighing.

"Does it really matter? It won't change the situation."

"Of course it matters, you are one of us."

I looked around and tried to feel some certain chakra. He wasn't around, so it was safe to talk.

"Will you avoid my questions this time too?"

"I did n..."

"Don't you even try. I'm not a fool, Riki-kun."

"OK, OK. I'm really sorry, I had no choice," He said, scratching the back of his neck.

"It's alright, but I just want to know some things."

"There are some things that I can't tell you, so I'll answer the questions that I can."

"I understand. Well, can you tell me what the hell is wrong with Mr. Attitude? I mean, he used to be so kind and friendly, but now he acts like he has a stick up his ass or something."

Riki-kun started to laugh with tears for a few seconds, but soon he regained his composure.

"You really have a good sense of humor. Now to answer your question, I've never seen the kind part that you're talking about, so for me, he doesn't seem different at all."

I took in what he said, trying to process the information. So I've been right about the faking part. That was truly disappointing.

"You seem sad."

"No, Riki-kun. Everything is just fine," I lied.

Well, shinobi must never show their tears or weaknesses, right? He was my mentor after all, his only job was to make me strong, not to be my friend.

"One more thing..." I said remembering something. "Why are some things hidden from me?"

"Orochimaru's-sama orders." He simply said.

"Thank you, Riki-kun," I said with a fake smile.

"You are wel... What happened to your hands?" He asked, looking down.

I took a look too, shocked by what I saw. Dark red blood was dripping from almost all my nails. Stupid tree bark. I've been so angry; I didn't realize I got hurt.

"Give me your hands, I should heal you," he demanded.

I put my hands on his, green glowing chakra surrounding them. It felt so relaxing and it tickled in a good way.

"What's happening here?" I heard a familiar voice close to us asking.

I looked at him and almost got scared by his glance. I didn't understand what was in his eyes, but it was freaking me out. It looked like he had killing intent.

"She got injured and I'm healing her," Riki-kun answered with some sort of a mean smile. "Done," He said, releasing my hands.

"Why aren't you more careful, Mikura?" He scolded me.

"I'm fine," I said, coldly.

"Good, let's start the training then."

Oh, I will so enjoy this. I was the first one to enter the meadow, I just couldn't wait to beat the living daylights out of him. But I didn't unleash my plan from the beginning, no matter how tempting it was. I started with defense. I had to see which of his patterns was he going to use and to think about the weaknesses. I blocked all his attacks successfully, and when I thought it was the moment, I hit with all my strength. Unfortunately, I missed. Well, my plan wasn't as brilliant as I thought yet. I knew that using clones or substitution was out of question, he wouldn't fall for something like that again. It was like he had no blind spot. He was way too smart to be tricked and I was running out of ideas while getting all bruised and cut by him. And then it hit me. This will definitely work. It took me a few minutes to gather my courage, but when he attacked me again, I just left his sharp bone to stab the palm of my right hand. Blood dripped the next second, accompanied by unbearable pain, but I didn't give a damn about it. Utter shock was all over his face. I gripped the bone tight, hurting myself even more and I punched him hard in the guts, making him lose his balance. He let his weapon go, making a step back. Not even a second later, I used his state of shock to my advantage and my kunai was glued to his throat. His widened eyes were full of shock and something I couldn't decipher. I stayed there, looking at him intently.

"Mikura-san, are you out of your mind?" I heard Riki-kun somewhere in the background.

"Shut up and hurry. She needs to be healed." Kimimaro-kun said, taking a step back.

My kunai fell on the grass and my grip around his weapon softened. They both approached me, Kimimaro-kun trying to take his weapon out of my hand without causing me too much pain. He looked at my hand with disbelief. Once it was over, reality hit me. The adrenaline rush was gone, so pain, exhaustion, and blood loss reached all my senses. My knees started to tremble and I felt like my legs were made of jelly. What in the world? The image of them started to be blurry and after a few seconds, everything went black.