Your Voice is Beautiful

She drank it slowly to make sure she could keep it down. It was possible that she needed to up the amount of Comfrey she took, but she still had a few minutes before she knew if what she had taken was enough. Trif and Lisa were debating over herbalist views. Soon their voices started to raise. The sound was making her headache worse. Then the next ripple of pain came and she dropped the glass she was holding.

It broke on the floor, silencing the debate.

"Alexandra?" Trif asked.

"Tired," she signed, head hanging. Her left hand reached for the glass pieces, but Lisa caught it.

"You rest. We'll take care of the cup."

"Thank you," she signed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Lisa said. "We should be supporting you instead of arguing."

Trif picked her up and laid her on her bed.

"Thank you," she mouthed.

"You're welcome. Rest now."

Trif left the room as Lisa was cleaning up the broken glass. He wandered into the garden thinking about Alexandra's pain. Why didn't she take the painkillers? They would help her while she was healing. Yes, it stopped the pain signal from being sent, but wasn't that better than lying in pain because the body had been wounded? As for her voice, he hoped it would choose to use it since the final exam was fast approaching. Trif stopped in front of the little patch of herbs that Alexandra had been standing by the day she was taken to the hospital.

There was so much he wanted to do for her; so much he hoped to never see again. Yet, Alexandra was an independent spirit. She had become more so since he had been away. Her determination to only use the herbs was stronger than his own. He didn't understand why she was willing to put up with the pain. Slowly, he turned and walked to the fountain. The running water was comforting, and he lie on the edge for just a moment and closed his eyes.

When he woke, he was lying in his bed. He still felt tired and closed his eyes once more. The steady chime of the clock told him it was dinner time. When he walked into the dining hall, he was glad to see Alexandra up, but she sat at the main table and not at the little table in the corner with Robert and Lisa. Didn't she want to converse with the few friends she seemed to have made? Trif joined Lisa and Robert and listened as the professors asked Alexandra many questions. For several questions, she remained silent.

"Are there any words you can say?" Professor Apple asked.

Alexandra shrugged then left the dining hall.

Trif started to follow, but Lisa stopped him.

"Trif, Alexandra has requested to be left alone."

"When was this?"

"Before dinner started."

"But she could need help!"

"Leave her alone."

Reluctantly, Trif sat back down and finished his food.

For several days, Trif saw little of Alexandra as she recovered from her surgery. At the end of the week, he saw her sitting in back of the lecture hall by herself. It was the first time she had come to class. There were only ten more days until the oral exam. Professor Cherry and Lisa were standing next to her, so he couldn't approach her. Their voices were low enough that Trif didn't understand what they were talking about, but the silence between sentences seemed to indicate that Alexandra still didn't have her voice back.

Alexandra signed responses for Lisa and Professor Apple since her voice would not be coming back. As she signed, Lisa shifted on her feet a little and Alexandra saw Trif waiting by the door. He probably wanted to talk to her, to see if her voice had returned.

"We can change the exam from being oral, Alexandra," Professor Apple said.

She shook her head. "It was announced as an oral test, so keep it so. I'll figure something out," she signed.

"If that is what you want."

Alexandra nodded.

"Alright." Then he turned to Lisa. "Thank you, Lisa, for translating the sign language."

"You're welcome, Professor Apple."

He left and Lisa sat beside her. Trif came up the stairs to join them.

"How is the Comfrey working?" Lisa asked.

"Fine," Alexandra signed. "I tossed the painkillers since I won't take them."

"Understandable. Will the Comfrey be enough?"

Alexandra nodded.

"Alexandra," Trif asked, "have any words come back to you?"

She shook her head. "The words will never return," she signed, looking at Trif.

"The words will not come back, Trif," Lisa said.

"Why not?"

She shrugged then she turned to Lisa and signed, "I'll be on the balcony."

"Okay," she replied.

"What?" Trif asked, as Alexandra left.

"She won't be able to speak anymore, Trif. I'm sorry."

"No, that can't be." And Trif turned to follow.

Alexandra went to the library. She knew Trif would want more of an explanation, but she wasn't ready to give him one. She climbed the stairs and slipped out the window without anyone noticing her. The setting sun was beautiful as the clouds turned from a golden orange to pinks. When the sun was out of sight, Alexandra remained sitting where she was. She would try to get her voice back, but she may need to have Lisa translate for her as she would be doing for Robert. When it was almost completely dark, she slipped back into the library and moved down the stairs.

"Alexandra," Trif said, moving from the chairs next to the stairs. "Where have you been?"

She just shook her head and left for her room.

"Are you doing this on purpose?"

Alexandra didn't respond.

"Are you still upset that I asked you to take the painkillers?"

She shook her head then waved her hand when they reached her door.

"Wait," he said, as she started to close her door.

Alexandra waited a minute. When Trif said no more, she closed her door and went to sleep.

The days prior to the exam, Alexandra spent in the garden trying to see if her words would come back if she talked to the plants. She tried each day despite her lack of progress up until the night before the exam. If her words were never to come back, she wanted to at least give this last presentation without the help of another.

When she woke the next morning, she was late to the exam and had missed several of the presentations already. As she stepped in the door, she was informed it was her turn. She still felt tired and could only manage to keep her eyes half-open. Then she opened her mouth to try and speak.

"Today, I would like to share with you more about the herb Lobelia," she said aloud, though using her hands to sign.

There were many surprised gasps as she continued. In her mind, she could hear her voice, but wasn't fully aware that she was actually speaking.

When her presentation was finished, she felt sick and left the room. Lisa followed her to the bathroom.

"How did you do that, Alexandra?" she asked. "I thought your words were never going to come back."

"They haven't," Alexandra signed.

"What are you talking about? You spoke your entire presentation just now."

She shook her head then returned to her room where she slept.

Trif was sitting next to her when she woke again.

"Good evening, Ladybug," he greeted her. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," she mouthed.

"Say it out loud. Your voice this morning was amazing!"

"I told you, Trif," she said, her lips moving without sound, "my voice is lost."

"That's wrong. You spoke your presentation well."

She just shook her head and rolled over.

"Ladybug." Trif touched her cheek. "Don't be so stubborn, please. Just a few words. That's all I'm asking for."

Alexandra buried her face in her arms and Trif leaned over her.

"Please?"

She shook her head.

Trif brushed his hand against her cheek.

Alexandra pulled the blankets over her head, and she would not respond to Trif anymore. She waited until she heard Trif leave the room before she rolled to her back and stared at the ceiling. Her voice had come back for the presentation? She didn't recall feeling her vocal cords vibrate, only the voice in her head, just as it had been when she practiced her words with the plants the week before.

Alexandra lay there until the dinner bell rang, but she didn't go to dinner. Instead, she packed up all her stuff. As she was emptying the nightstand, she pulled out a small box with the journal she had finished the first few days at the school. Opening the box, she found the blue and gold handled dagger she had used to destroy the clothes of Ladybug. Tears filled her eyes. She shouldn't have been so stupid, but the choice had been made and now the consequences were coming to fruition.