Remembering

I set my hands over my uterus. I muttered what I was seeing of the uterus itself and the surrounding tissue. I shivered in fear as the tissues started to warm. Fear that something bad was going to happen had been stuffed here. When the tissues warmed enough for me to see what was underneath it, I felt frozen. I felt my heart rate kick up in panic. My awareness left the hologram room as the memories of multiple, non-consensual, pregnancies rolled through my mind.

I laughed as my panic oscillated with the love and joy I felt for the man who raped/made love to me and the healthy children that flooded my system with oxytocin. My laughter dove quickly into hellish grief as all of my babies were taken away before I could see them. I curled to my side, pulling my legs up and wailing. Hytler ran his hand up and down my arm as he continued to watch the holographic image. He watched the tissues start to repair as they should have once I miscarried soon after my arrival on the Aequos Patrius planet.

"How are you doing that, Lexian?" Hytler asked, amazed.

"It's a technique known as Emotional Release, Hytler," I sniffled.

I pulled my hands away from my uterus—the feel of my uterus normal once more—and fell asleep. My unconscious processed the work I had done in my dreams.

My guides whispered comforting words to me, as I watched my body grow and give birth to fifteen healthy children within one Earth month. Fifteen that still lived. Sixteen children including my miscarriage when brought to the Aequos Patrius. Sixteen children I grieved for. Sixteen children that I still desired to see. Fifteen I still wished to raise.

I woke up late-morning. My head was pounding. I took in and let out a deeper breath before I heard Hytler talking with King Bosnan.

"If she continues to heal as quickly as she has, she'll be able to return to the Viator in a few days," Hytler said.

"That is quick. Do you think it is her gift that allows her to heal so rapidly?"

"It's more than just her gift, Your Majesty. She muttered a lot while I was checking her hologram. Something about the muttering expedited her healing."

"How?"

"Perhaps we can ask her when she wakes."

"If it is something that can be taught, I want you and your staff to learn what you can. Inform me the minute she wakes."

"Consider yourself informed," I exhaled.

"Are you awake, Blessed Lexian?" Hytler asked.

"I am." I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at them.

King Bosnan sat on the edge of the mussel. "How are you feeling?"

"Not half so ill."

"I'm glad. Hytler was telling me you have a technique that speeds up one's recovery time."

I nodded.

"What is this technique? Can it be taught? We have no knowledge of a muttered technique that heals in this manner."

"The technique you are referring to is a meditation like work called Emotional Release. It is what I did when I still lived on Earth. The work itself is simple enough, but to get some of the nuances down will take longer than a few days."

"I see." King Bosnan got a thoughtful look on his face.

"King Bosnan."

"What is it, Lexian?"

"Since you were kind enough to ask, I will bear Queen Teryn a child."

"And the questions you have regarding your gift?"

"I hope that by going through the process of another pregnancy, I will find the answers I seek."

He nodded. "Teryn has expressed concern for your well being if you were to fulfill our request."

"I will be happy to address any concerns she may have before going forward."

"Then we will come tomorrow to discuss."

"Okay."

He patted my hand before leaving to speak with Hytler for another minute. I had no idea what I was going to tell Queen Teryn, but I hoped more of my memories would return so I could satisfactorily answer any and all questions Queen Teryn had.

When Hytler returned, he looked exhausted. But he helped me sit up enough to eat a shell full of sea vegetables.

"Did I keep you up, Hyter?" I asked when I was almost finished.

"You didn't keep me up," he replied. "I stayed up to review what you taught me and to watch the healing your Emotional Release did. Do all of your pregnancies cause that much damage?"

"No. That was the result of sixteen consecutive pregnancies within a thirty day period."

"The Viator really have used you ill," Hytler said.

I lowered my head. An ill treatment that would likely continue once I returned to the Viator. To Unmar.

Hytler took the shell from me when I finished.

I lay down and closed my eyes for just a moment.

I was in my bedroom back home. I was lying on my stomach, exhausted and grieving over the birth of my first Viator child. Metto, my golden retriever, entered the room and jumped up onto my bed. His nose lifted my skirt and he sniffed me. His nose and tongue teased the tissue between my legs. I pulled my legs under me and pushed myself up onto my hands and knees. Metto stepped on my legs a few times as he set his front paws on my back and moved close enough to penetrate.

I gripped tight. Releasing only a little as I felt him shift behind and inside me before holding tightly once more. My head lowered. I felt sick, but my entire body relaxed with his release. Metto remained inside me for twenty minutes, my uterus had changed to mimic that of a dog's, trapping the ballooned head of Metto's penis inside my uterus. When he could finally slide out, I collapsed into a ball. My energy felt different as Metto lay beside me, his head resting on my back.

When my ill feelings passed, I rolled over and pet Metto's face. He rubbed his head against my chin, pleased with my conception.

"You mated me," I said, becoming more aware of the last twenty two minutes.

Metto barked once, panted happily, and wagged his tail.

I pressed my lips together and chills ran down my spine. "I cannot care for your pups, Metto. You need to find a female that can."

He gave me several kisses before running from the room.

I left the room sometime later. Metto sat on the front room rug next to a Cocker Spaniel/Terrier mix. They both turned to me and Metto wagged his tail.

"This is the female you want?" I asked softly, crouching beside them.

Metto barked once.

The Cocker Spaniel/Terrier slipped her head beneath my skirt and sniffed me before her tail wagged and her head came back out. Something shifted in both of us, but I didn't know what. But each night for the next 60 days, the dogs slept with me.

The estimated day of delivery arrived and I lay in bed feeling miserable. My legs were bent up as I lay on my back. The Cocker Spaniel/Terrier lay under my legs like a bolster and Metto sat on the floor with his head resting on the edge of the bed. The contractions I felt were different than the ones I had when I birthed my first Viator child, but I knew when to bear down.

A placenta encased puppy slowly started to leave my body before it finally slid down to the bed. The Cocker Spaniel/Terrier shifted to bite open the birth sack, eat it, and lick the puppy until she could nudge it to her engorged tits. Several minutes passed before the next placenta surrounded pup came. This repeated for four pups. But as the minutes passed, the fifth would not come. The Cocker Spaniel/Terrier licked my vaginal opening as I bear down, but the pup would not come out.

Tired and feeling a little heavy, I slowly shifted so I sat on my knees before relaxing my pelvic floor and reaching inside for the pup. I scooped it up in my hand and lay it in the spot where the other pups had landed. Metto jumped up on the bed when the pup didn't move after the Cocker Spaniel/Terrier had cleaned it off. His nose pushed it around and his tongue stimulated the body until it moved on its own and latched on to feed.

Metto then turned and gave me lots of kisses.

"You're welcome, crazy mutt," I said softly.

I opened my eyes, fully awake. I thought about my dream. I thought about the golden pups I'd given birth to. I didn't cry for them. I did not miss them the same way I missed my Viator children. I cried. I rested. I cried some more. Finally I got up to check on Genaw.