Chapter 10: 2-2: Lust Archdemons Need Love Too part 2

I stepped through the Portal, and all light vanished. No more torches lined the walls, we were standing in pitch-blackness. I didn't mind, having designed the place specifically for this purpose. Every being I would consider letting down here was capable of functioning without light.

"…Big." Noa whispered.

I nodded quietly. We were in an enormous cavern, marked by hundreds of different alcoves. Within each alcove was a statue, silently staring down at us.

Many of my fellow Guildmates often wondered why I chose Alchemist for a Job Class when it seemed to serve no purpose. Sure, it gave me knowledge on plants whenever I entered a new area, but what other purpose was there?

This was my answer.

Golems.

Golems so small they could go unseen. Golems so absurdly powerful their form could hardly hold their strength without crumbling. Golems designed to create works of art, Golems designed to slaughter millions with ease.

If anyone with a Guild Ring entered this room, it would come to life. Every Golem was equipped with a full set of Divine-Class gear that any Player would literally kill for. Weapons so grossly overpowered that they bumped the border of World-Class. A core of pure Caloric Stone, giving them limitless Mana for as long as they could cast. I had made them all myself, grinding endlessly for the sole purpose of arming my last guardians.

Because even the treasure that was billions of gold coins' worth of gear paled in comparison to what this place hid within.

From within the darkness, eight red eyes opened. A creature solidified from pure blackness, examining us with the gaze of a starving predator.

It had a long, snakelike body with a vaguely humanoid torso. Six clawed arms with toxic green skin extended outward, each holding enough strength to tear a human limb from limb. The head was a truly gruesome work of art, with eight gleaming spider eyes over a tentacled mouth reminiscent of Cthulhu. The skull was elongated back, hairless and scaled, into a sort of helmet made of pure bone. Venom dripped from an unseen mouth, sizzling quietly against the ground below.

Eight eyes blinked in unison, and it spoke.

"Hello, Ancient-sama!"

The creature's voice was high and sweet, a gift from Bukubukuchagama to Tabula. The words were innocent and cheerful, belying her entire appearance.

My mouth twitched into a smile. "Hello, Nigredo."

Ah, Nigredo. Tabula's creation, based on the concept of unreachable horror influencing from afar. There can be no definite description of Nigredo, because everybody envisions her differently and she is always changing. When I say that, I mean it quite literally—her form is a procedurally-generated organism created using fifty separately-entered designs as references. At the moment she was in a land-based form, one of the many she had access to, but in a few moments that would change to something else.

It probably won't surprise you at all to learn that the madmen creating Races actually did include 'Elder God' as an unlockable, evolving into 'Great Old One' as soon as the ten-Level Racial Class capped. The Quest granting it had involved literally invading R'lyeh, though, so I'll skip talking about it.

Nigredo was hardly a front-line combatant, not like her sisters. She was the guardian of a place only I and Tabula even knew existed.

Rubedo could strike you blind, deaf, and dumb, but she relied entirely on those effects to throw you off. Nigredo lacked any of that subtlety. Her design had one purpose, and one purpose only—to scare the ever-loving shit out of you. One moment she would be a horrific chimera of dozens of creatures, the next she would be a spider the size of a school bus. It didn't happen instantly, either, you could literally see her skin splitting and her bones shifting every time she changed. Yet the whole time, she kept her gaze firmly on us.

"Hello, Nigredo-chan." Noa greeted, unphased by her design. "Are you doing okay?"

The troll-sized mosquito nodded, a mouth full of broken glass twisting into a smile. "Quite well, thank you. I've been overseeing the Golems as they work."

"Would you mind if we had a look around?" I asked, ignoring the crunching, squelching mass of flesh as it reshaped itself. "I need to make sure everything is still functioning."

The eviscerated woman nodded, turning around and revealing the horrifically shredded skin of her back. You could see her heart beating through the splintered remains of her ribcage, still dripping blood. "Of course. Follow me, my lord."

Noa hummed softly as we followed the Lovecraftian horror, ducking slightly to evade the low roof of the tunnel that opened in the wall. Nigredo's voice floated back. "Are you enjoying the view, Noa-chan?"

Noa nodded, tightening her hold around my neck. "He's taller than me."

"That and she's a cuddlebug." I deadpanned.

Nigredo giggled, a downright disturbing sound coming from a tentacled abomination. Her head twisted a full hundred and eighty degrees, looking back at us from milky white eyes. "You two look so cute together."

"Ah." Noa blinked, looking down at me.

My lips twitched in amusement. "It's a compliment, love."

"I see. Thank you, then."

"No problem, dear." She swiveled her head back with a hollow pop, making me wince slightly at the sound.

Say what you will about hideous monsters or giant spiders, there's something viscerally disturbing about hearing the bones in someone's neck pop like a stalk of rhubarb when they're twisted.

"We're here!" Nigredo chirped.

The tunnel gave way to rough stone, and suddenly we were within the mineshaft.

The first thing you noticed was the sheer size of the place, so huge that it belied belief. The ground was uneven beneath us, chipped away by thousands of inhuman feet. Then your gaze shifted, and you noticed that all the shapes on the walls weren't bumps—they were tunnel entrances, each dug by a different creature. A different Golem.

The entire mineshaft was filled to the brim with Golems.

"I think you should know where you're going, my lord, so I think I'll return to my home." Nigredo said, her eviscerated face pulled into a mockery of a knowing smirk. "I'll leave you two alone."

Noa tilted her head, watching the creature slither away. "…What does she mean?"

"Do you remember what else I have down here?"

"Your hoard."

I shrugged. "Well, that's a bit of a medieval way to put it, but yes. Now tell me. If I'm carrying you into the mines, where I keep all my most precious treasures, while you're holding me in an intimate embrace…"

Noa blinked. "She thinks you're going to have sex with me?" A pause. "…Are you?"

"Yes, but not now."

"Dammit."

I chuckled, reaching up to ruffle her hair. "Calm down. You'll have your fair share of sexytimes in the future. I get that you're curious, but I don't want to hurt Archer on this."

Noa nodded. "I know. I don't want her hurt either." She shifted, leaning over my shoulder to give me a kiss on the cheek. "But still… she wouldn't have to know."

I rolled my eyes. "Noa, she's a Lust Archdemon. Even if we cleaned up every trace of evidence she would be able to smell it on you from across the room."

...No response. Figures.

I followed the path, going by memory. The Celestial Uranium was mined here, of course, but that meant nothing. A simple glance at the slowly filling minecarts told me that it was still generating for some reason, but I still had to check the storage blocks in a month's time to see if it would convert to Caloric Stone.

If Caloric Stone was something only YGGDRASIL provided… then I had to use my stash more sparingly than ever.

"Would you like to visit, at least?" I asked the Spirit on my back. "My vault, I mean. I need to check under the piles of gold to make sure my most valuable and dangerous Items are still there."

Noa nodded, perking up. "Yes, please."

"All right then." I stepped into a side tunnel, this one large enough to fit several dozen elephants.

Or one rather large Dragon.

I casually deactivated the traps as I went, humming to myself. The set of huge double doors swung open, revealing what lied within.

A cavern of gold, supported by ornately carved pillars. A room so large that one could barely see the other side. Piles upon piles of coins covered the ground, completely obscuring whatever lied beneath. All of my gold from YGGDRASIL, enough to turn me into fucking Smaug. I grinned, feeling Noa slip off my back. "Do you mind?"

She shook her head, stepping back. "Go ahead."

"[Trans Form: Dragon]." I stepped forward, flicking the mental switch that disabled the Skill keeping me in my weak, defenseless form. One moment I was human, the next I was the size of a small mountain. Gold sprayed every which way as my weight hit the ground, my momentum gradually slowing as I spread my wings for balance.

Despite my size, the room was more than large enough to hold me at Level 200, which left me more than enough space to stretch comfortably at half that Level.

I yawned cavernously, enjoying the sensation of muscles rippling down my back. It felt like I was stretching my legs after a long car ride, or lowering my arms after holding something heavy for hours. My form gradually relaxed, wings folding and body losing its tension. I laid down with an easy grace, winding myself along one of the walls of the room and placing my front talons in the center.

Noa smiled, a slight expression that my eyes easily picked up despite the distance. "I like you when you're like this."

I chuckled, reaching out with my front talon and extending a single claw. "How so?"

"You're big."

"Hmm." I glanced down at my scaly bulk. "I hadn't noticed."

She stepped onto my claw, which was easily twice as long as she was tall. I gently brought her close, setting her down on the ground near my chest. She sat down, settling against my front leg.

"Thank you for taking me." Noa said, craning her head to look up.

"It's not a problem." I fell silent, contemplating something. "Would you mind answering a question on something that's been bothering me?"

"Nope."

"All right. Noa… tell me." I rumbled, resting my head on a foreleg. "Why is it that you're so desperate to get in bed with me?"

She leaned back, reaching up to touch my jaw. "Because I love you."

"That's a reason to cuddle." I poked her gently with my nose. "Not to want sex."

"Isn't it?" She tilted her head. "What's the difference?"

"To you?" I chuckled. "I suppose… none at all. Now, would you mind helping out? The World Items I didn't let the others near are hidden down here, and I need to make sure they came with."

"Of course." She nodded once. "I would love to."

I spent the rest of the afternoon poking around, checking in with various Servants to make sure everything was running smoothly. I had put a decent amount of time into making a working system of self-government for the Servants that would function without me driving it, so if I could just get everything running, I would be able to leave it be for as long as I needed.

Now. I'm sure you're wondering why I didn't just take Momonga's position once he vanished. Why I seemingly gave up all of my control over the Guild for no reason at all.

Think back. Exactly what did I say?

I said I wouldn't involve Nazarick, not that I wouldn't do anything.

I have plenty of plans in the works, plans I'm more than happy to put into motion as soon as I have a decent area of World Map filled in. I'm not sure if my Shabti are capable of updating it from afar, but if they are, I'll have a direct path anywhere I want to go. Instantly.

Therein lies the main problem with Nazarick without Momonga. My original plans had him taking care of things while I was away, but in the absence of him, I was forced to reconsider my strategy.

I could hand over control to Demiurge or Rubedo, but that could backfire horribly. I could leave it to one of my Maidens, but that would mean I'd have to leave one of them behind every time I left. I could make a Shabti to take my place, but what if it ever had to fight? Sure it could take a few hits from a low-Level scrub, but anything above that? Toast.

I wouldn't be sitting in the throne room and making decisions that would affect all of Nazarick, thank you very much. No, that's what I had subordinates for.

I've already begun forming the chain of command, setting different Servants up in positions they would be suited for. If one of them fell or elected to 'step out' as it were, their duties would simply shift down a peg. The harsh pragmatism of Rubedo and Demiurge can be deadlocked by the innocent idealism of Pandora and Innocence, meaning that any decision made in my absence will have to pass all four of them and the acting head of Nazarick security before it gets put into motion.

Oh. And I have total control over the process and can veto anything I like for any reason at all. Did I mention that bit?

I may not be the leader in name, but I have all of the power and none of the responsibility. I can still maintain an illusion of surrendering power, a counselor that lets the Servants develop more personality and learn more about free will, all the while calling all of the shots.

And when Momonga returns… if he returns… the system will have become so well-established that his position as Guildmaster will be only as powerful as I allow it to be.

…

…

…

…Okay, you caught me, I came up with the damn plan just because I wanted more time to slack off.

Yes, the plan has its flaws. Encouraging the development of free will in the Servants might very well be a terrible idea. If one of them goes rogue, there's no reset button. But, at the same time, if I don't escape the burden of their impossible expectations now, I'll wind up exactly where Momonga was. Pretending to be an almighty ruler while continuously being forced to take more and more drastic actions to reconcile myself with their image of me.

If they rule themselves, even just in a puppet democracy, then their decisions are allowed to be flawed. Actions they take will be imperfect, and they will accept those imperfections. If I slip up, make a mistake, rather than me having to up the ante and pretend it was my plan all along, the Servants will simply assume I'm testing their ability to cope with disaster.

Not bad for a lazy asshole, huh?

"…My Lord, are you certain of this?" Demiurge adjusted his glasses. "It's not that I doubt your plan, merely that I doubt our ability to carry it out. Are you certain you aren't willing to assume the title of Guildmaster, even temporarily?"

I shook my head. "Demiurge, as much as I despise the idea, the fact of the matter is that this entire incident is a grim reminder that one day you won't have anyone to rely on. Perhaps it's not some bizarre teleportation, perhaps it's just that I'm across the world in a diplomatic meeting when something here goes critically wrong. A system that fails utterly without a single component is doomed to self-destruct."

The Demon sighed, nodding reluctantly. "I, too, despise the idea. But your words hold merit. I will speak with the others… though I will warn you, your plan will not go over well with them."

"They don't have to like it, Demiurge. They just have to accept it."

And like that, I officially became the Director of the Tomb of Nazarick. Beholden to no one, yet in charge of nothing.

Fuck you, universe. I've done enough back-breaking labor over my lives. I'm not signing on as a glorified supernanny to a Tomb of chaos monsters that would give me grey hairs faster than you could say 'stressed'. Their unrealistic standards and expectations probably would've been the death of me anyway.

Demiurge bowed low. "As you command, my lord. Do you have any other orders for me?"

"No, not now." I smiled faintly. "That's kind of the point, isn't it?"

"Of course, my lord. I'll finish setting everything up soon." Demiurge straightened. "Might I be excused?"

"By all means, go ahead."

He turned and left the room, the door clicking shut behind him.

I chuckled to myself, shaking my head. Soon enough I would have more free time than I knew what to do with. Not all of my time could be taken up by my girls, sooner or later that would get boring for all of us. Immortality means forever, and that means I need to figure out what I'm going to be doing with it.

What exactly did I do back in YGGDRASIL when I was bored? Work on my preparations, I suppose. But aside from that, not a whole bunch. I would feed Harold from time to time—

Harold.

Holy shit, I almost forgot about that overpowered tortoise.

'Might as well pay him a long-overdue visit, I suppose.'

I grinned, raising my Guild Ring. "[Teleport: World Turtle]."

I felt my surroundings shift as the Magic took effect, the air becoming drier and heavier. The wilderness was a good thirty degrees Celsius compared to the room-temperature air-conditioned mansion, a sharp transition I hadn't been expecting. Not bad, just… different.

"[Trans Form: Dragon]!" I bellowed, crouching to launch myself into the air. The Transformation hit and suddenly I was flying, the air rushing past my scaled face at incredible speeds.

I banked, laughing, and turned course to fly back to the place my pet World Turtle rested. "Good morning, Harold!" I bellowed, landing. "Glad to see you made the trip!"

The ground rumbled, and the Turtle sleepily poked his head out of his shell. He warbled softly, and I reached out to rub his head.

Technically speaking my pet was a tortoise, considering he had feet instead of flippers. But from what the Developers said, they were basing him more on the mytheme of the World-bearing Turtle than actually trying for accuracy. To be fair, they were game designers, not zoologists.

"Looks like things are a bit different here." I told him, booming voice echoing through the empty forest. "But I'm sure we'll all get used to it."

The giant snapping turtle yawned, shifting. The mountain range on his back slowly rose along with him, the World Turtle taking in his surroundings. I turned, leading him to the nearby lake placed specifically to feed the great turtle. It was deep enough for him to stick his entire head down, which he did with great relish. A veritable forest of fast-growing edible plants grew at the bottom, regrowing every few days to once more give nutrition to the turtle.

"Hey, Harold, I brought—eep!"

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