54: Guilt

Inside the house, I found my mother cutting and grinding the leaves of lettuce for dinner. Also my sister is helping her.

"I'm home!" my father said.

"How's the father and son?" Mother greeted.

To give away my attention from my parent's affection, I distracted my sister.

"I have a present for you!" I said.

I gave her the doll and immediately, she hug it with the obvious excitement in her smile. I was convinced not to bald it this time just by seeing her happy.

I lean my elbows on the table, exploring my eyes on the laid food ingredients and found a ham. I snatched one and rush going to our bed room.

"Haris! Urgh!" my mother ranted.

This was suppose to be for our dinner. My special role for preparation is to lay and wait for the dinner call.

I love this ham!

※ ※ ※ ORC ※ ※ ※

A night with my father is always special. He's a loyal night-shift in his job. Whenever the house is complete, during night, my mother is a story teller. We always have bed time talks and laughter. Sometimes, my mother plays a role of a white lady to creep us. And the most fun is a battle of pair.

My mother is my partner and my sister to father. Simple, we play pillow-fight. My father is the home's joker and he's always teasing our mother just to make us children laugh. We made a lot of activities. We made a lot of memories. Or maybe to define explicitly; we made a lot of happiness.

So why can't I be?

Once again, I felt the peace in my sleep. I am the sweet dreamer in this home. As expected, I woke up late again. Alone in this room, I can smell the food's aroma in the kitchen. I'm scrubbing my eyes to clear my sight when someone hissed at me from the window. Just like before, Jacofuz is there, calling me to leave this room.

I stood up and run going down stairs. "Hey! Where are you going? This way!"

"No. I need a proper consent from my mother," I said then left the room.

I step down slowly on the stair, squinting my mother either in the kitchen or dining but not even my sister is here. I stand on the chair to reach the sink and wash my shining face. I came outside and I found my mother sitting on a log with a loaf of bread in the basket beside her. I took one before she notice my presence.

Also, all of my childhood buddies even my sister are here playing tag.

"Good morning!" I greeted.

"Haris! Finally you're awake. Your friends are waiting for you."

After she said those words, I think I got the advance consent. And that pushed my feet to play with them. My mother yelled again.

"Hey! Finish that food first!"

I simply waved at her.

Davih grabbed me to my throat from behind whilst am munching the soft bread. I choke! Bullying is his hobby so he pinch until the bread split and he ate that piece.

He's the tag and now passed to me. I finished my cute breakfast before I chase the most laggard among us, my sister. She got the chance to pass the tag to Davih when he stumbled.

Then passed to Jacofuz. He's a loser since he can't pass it to anyone. He's running tired and we're laughing at him. He always shouts, "That's unfair!" And he's the only one who's not having fun.

When he chase me, I bumped to an old lady resulting for the both of us to stumble.

"I'm sorry!" I exclaimed.

I was startled when I found her bleeding and... dead. Not just her, everyone around me. The sky turned dark; the castle is burning and when I looked back, my home is completely eradicated.

"Haris don't just stand there! Come on!" my sister yank my arm going to the tunnel where everyone can hide. I saw how a knight defended and fought for the people. And I can't stop wondering this question in my head.

Why?

We found our mother waiting for us to arrive. A burden like a yoke was eased after seeing us safe. Her extreme fret is the worse I've seen until now. We entered inside the tunnel leading to the forest. Congested. Overloaded of panicking crowd. Stuck in the midst of tumult, my hand slip from my mother's hold.

I was separated.

She's trying to get me but in this obstreperous state, we can't. Looking behind, I saw the knights of this kingdom using their given-gift, the rigid body, to fight the Callions. Three knights used the shields and the other two used their fist. According to the numbers of Callions, unfortunately, they will lose.

Amid my daze, my mother got me and she's totally out of her control due to panic. We got into the first gate. A thick and heavy grill. Another batch of knights are guarding this. While all the people remained on their stance for thinking that everyone will be safe in the first gate, we fit ourselves to step away from the crowd and reach the second gate.

The turmoil continued when the Callions are on the first gate. We're lucky enough to reach the second gate earlier than those people who remained near the first.

They were all eaten.

The knight lost their chance to wait for the left ones and closed the gate. I saw it, again, how the people who failed to reach the second were eaten. Not even their beg and arms stretched could help them nor lift the gate. Now their blood flooded the tunnel.

The second gate was annihilated when we came into the woods.

I'm running slow, hesitant for thinking that I could save them. But I'm scared. My chest hurts and that made my mother carry me with her arms. I hold on tight on her while seeing the people from the tunnel being eaten. I cry.

After we've reached farther, a Callion from behind pushed my mother down to the ground. Swiftly, I pick up a stick to batter it away from biting my mother's leg. She can't stand anymore. Yet I'm pulling her arms up to continue on running.

"Nheia, Haris, you should run now!" I shook my head. Wincing and weeping. My chest ache even more. "Please... live," she said for her last words. My soul was fed to guilt. I'm still holding her even if Nheia is pulling me away to run. I know it's difficult for her as the eldest, but despite the unacceptable, she pulled me and we run.

It's difficult to run with my eyes blurred by tears. I fell and my knees and got bruises.

"Hurry up Haris!"

"No! I'm going back!"

"Back? You're crazy! We can't!"

"I will. Let go of me!" I can't loose her grasp from me.

"You'll die! And I can't let that happen to you neither!"

I bite her arm to loosen her hold rather than be stunned with her warm care for me. I run going back to my mother. She didn't chased me, only calling me to come back.

I run as fast as I can just to reach my mother alive.

But I didn't.

She's dead with her half body eaten. My chest aches with every single steps I make going closer to her. Tears are shedding like approximating the faucet. I knelt down hopelessly in front of the corpse of my mother. I feel too numb with the pain I couldn't describe. I feel sorry. Sorry for failing to save her, everyone.

I feel sorry for neglecting the purpose of her sacrifice.

I smile for knowing it's not too late to continue my journey. I said to myself, this time I promise, I will obtain justice.

"Painful isn't it?"

Ms. Tough said, she's sitting with her arm wrap on knees in front of me.

"Severely," I said. "The fact that the pain diminished... lends me a glimpse of hope."

"Impressive. But not enough."

I listen to her carefully. While watching the motion of her lips, gradually I'm seeing my reflection on a mirror.

"Your parents' death isn't the only poignant memory in you. Also... his'."

She's gone after the last word. I'm facing the mirror and my age grew older around ten years old. This room I'm in is a dorm of the village of Leylicendie.

"That looks perfectly great for you!" said the inborn jubilant person.

"Mr. Holland?"

"Yes my dear?"

The question I uttered is only a matter of surprise. And I stammer, not knowing what I should answer.

"Ah~ nothing!" I answered.

He strikes my head gently four times along with his words by the cane, "Nothing means you're hiding something."

I touch my head and while I'm caressing, I noticed that the place we're at altered. Both of us are standing on the cold vast grass on top of a hill. This place is where Ashti and I trained for a pair-battle.

"I will show you something," he look above and I followed his gaze. "Meteor shower!"

The sky is deep in dark. "Mr. Holland, the stars aren't falling."

"Maybe later!" I think he was a bit embarrassed. "But this wonders in universe will happen again after more than eight years," he added.

He's sitting in the air then invited me to sit beside him. I simply imagine I'm going up the stairs and I really did tread something in thw air yet when I sat, I fell. He caught me and laugh.

"Just kidding!" he exclaimed. He pulled me up and I'm finally capable to sit beside him. Silently, I stare at the sky until Mr. Holland noticed something from me. "There is something missing in you."

His firm look at me with a smile reminds me of the happy moment with my family and laughter we friends did.

"Here you go! You're smiling! I love that."

I didn't recognize my smile while recalling that in my mind. He taught me to smile always.

"I want you to meet Elaiyh!" he shew the seal tattooed on his palm. "The real name is El. Call upon its name and he will provide you the needed succor. But, don't do that often."

He press my right hand between his two palms, as a result, the seal tranfered to mine.

"A seal necessary for the prophecy," I said to myself.

"How did you know?!" he asked delightedly. Of course I knew, I'm just reviewing the past. "That's true! The seal will put an end to the said prophecy. And you are the instrument! So keep the power preserved. Use it in kindness and wisely."

He pulled out the cane from his sleeve. "Another one," he gave me the cane. "Use it like I do for the meantime. Be brave and cunning."

In my past, I asked why. Until now, I don't know why. He didn't gave me the answer but he gave his attention above, to the sky that cries meteors. It's a lovely scenery.

Gazing carefully to the dark, I saw one meteor falling to us.

"Mr. Holland, it's coming towards us."

"Hoho~ the enemy is coming towards us!" He acts the same excitement to everything.

Half of the fire submerged to the ground. A burning dragon. That fell in front of us rather to our exact spot. We're both intimidated when it emits fire pushed to us.

I spin the cane once through my fingers and it became an umbrella to shield myself. My worries for Mr. Holland's absence beside me stole my focus on the fire.

It ceased. I found Mr. Holland sitting on a levitating sofa above, clapping his hands.

"Splendid my apprentice! That's what I expected!"

He stood and throw the sofa to the dragon and explodes in intense manner! The impact pushed me away. I look at Mr. Holland with a big confusion in my head, his gift decreased in might. I never sensed that during my past.

"Mr. Holland! You need this cane!"

"Nope! You do."

I wasn't able to respond. Specially when my eyes found the notorious King.

"Greetings to my dearest Frie-nemy!" he assimilated with his arms stretched.

King Nemesis instantly made a sword of diamond. "Fight me fair!" he said.

Mr. Holland opened his mouth and his tongue released a hilt, he pulled it and the blade from his throat. "I will," he said.

With the wielded swords they began their own sparring. They exchange invasions and evasions. However, according to their current strength, King Nemesis has the advantage. He cheated, covering his whole arm and hit Mr. Holland's sword away from his hand then cornered his throat.

"You're not a good sword fighter, god of magic."

A blade of a sword that threatens King Nemesis' throat came from behind. He look back and startled when he saw it was Mr. Holland. And now, the Holland in front of King Nemesis is gone.

"You're not good with tricks my friend."

He slid the blade behind King Nemesis, and his next attempted move was faltered when the King summoned two knight Mounts. Mr. Holland was distracted. He's only defending himself until the knights vanished. Yet Mr. Holland is still moving in a defensive way.

That King is making the same death to mine, hallucination.

I shout his name to warn him. My steps going to him was withholded by Gordon, the Orc Chief.

"Stay away from here kid, you'll not like it," he said.

Then came his wife to take me out of this place but I'm desperately liberating myself from her grasp when I saw Mr. Holland fell down to the earth with a knife in his chest.

"No! Mr. Holland is in danger, he need this cane!" I wept, again.

Still, she insisted to take me inside the safe room in the village. I'm begging for her not to lock me until the twin, Twinkle and Princkle pacified me.

"Please stay safe here. Mr. Holland doesn't want you to get hurt," they utter together.

And the Chief's wife concluded, "That's right. He gave his trust to us that we will protect you."

Protected me... to live.

That's what the important people did for me. And I don't feel the pain in my chest, the guilt does. I sat here patiently with the twins comforting me with their offered cookies. I declined.

※ ※ ※ ORC ※ ※ ※

The commotion that frightened the villagers finally came to an end. Things are recurring. I'm standing beside the dead body of my beloved master. The rain falling made my tears invisible. I can feel the sympathy of the whole villagers for me. And I'm just looking straight at Mr. Holland.

I hate the process of fate, leaving me bereaved. Yet grateful for the wealthy knowledge he left me. I look from afar with a smile. The tears dried on my cheeks and the Earth faced our continent to the sun. The body of Mr. Holland is gone and I'm standing in the middle of the village's crowd.

"Hey! Don't just stand there! Spare your melancholy somewhere in the corner!" said the arrogant orc. He's always acting that way to me since he hate humans.

"Stop that rudeness!" An old female orc yank him far from me. I smiled at them.

Then the twin spake to me together again, "Amazing! How can you smile like that despite of your lamentation?"

I didn't answer right away. I bit my lip.

"He taught me to smile often. Not because I'm crazy. But because there's a lot of reasons to smile, and those reasons are only waiting for recognition."

My reply made them gawk. The overly-feminine orc approach me while caressing her hair through fingers. "Where... will you go now...?"

I shrug. "Nowhere. Or maybe, everywhere."

"You can stay here!"

"Hmm... no. I almost forgot, I have a journey to finish!"

My thighs and arms are extremely aching. And my conscious is slowly fainting.

"Haris!" the Chief called me. But I lost connection to everyone.