End My Life
Luna's POV
"It's time to kill myself" I whispered unto the thin air inside my room while exhaling the smoke out of my lungs. Sitting on my bed looking at the window trying to remember what good things have happened in my life, wait, there are no good things that have ever happened since Mom died. Today is a very sunny Sunday, a perfect time to go out and hang out with friends, too bad because I don't have a single friend. I smoke once more with my eyes roaming all over the place reminiscing the time I had been sick and mom would take care of me and my dad would play me a song. I wonder if I should leave some letter if ever this whole thing would turn out bad but I know there's no point in leaving so, no one will ever read it since I'm alone and my body would already be decomposed if someone would come in here. I stood up and look for my box which contains a notebook filled with songs my Mom composed, I hugged into it curled myself making my body wrapped in my long jet-black hair. "I missed you", I sniffed and I look once more at the box I saw my old Kermit doll which I would always embrace whenever I go to sleep, I can't believe I forgot about this, I have been way too caught up on how to make money on my own since my Dad would always drink himself up with alcohol and blame me for Mom's death.
I really did take much time thinking about this and I'm ready, I don't care about anything anymore, nothing matters to me, well except for that one arcade game which I always get the highest score, it was the only thing that made me feel good. I smoked the last of my cigarette and threw the butt out of the window, "All right let's do this", it's already 8 A.M., I opened my rusty drawer and took out the rope to place it on the ceiling, I tied it real tight and I grabbed on to it testing if it can carry my weight and it did. I placed my broken stool and just for a second, my tears stopped, my mind is completely blank, I can't sense if I'm breathing or not, and without a single thought, I mindlessly put my head on the rope with my knees shaking while standing up on the stool and suddenly, the stool broke down leaving my body hanging with both of my hands on my neck as if I was some sort of cloth. "S-shit, I-I'm dying!" I screamed and also suffocating from the tightness of the rope. My neck hurts, my vision is dark and blurry, I feel like my head is about to explode. I never wanted this and I also hate pain, I wish this would end immediately; the pain is too much I don't like this but I have to do this, just a few more seconds. "M-mom." I cried. I just want this to end; this is taking too much time than I thought. Ugh, this is too painful I hate it, "Just die already!" I'm at my limit this I can't handle this. "S-scissors." I tried to reach for the scissors in my pocket, I let my left hand go but the rope tightens, I can't breathe at all, the tips of my fingers are numb but I didn't stop as I struggled to take the scissors out and I did! I swiftly cut the rope above and I fell to the ground.
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"What the hell happened?" I groaned. My body is lying on the ground, I stare above me and I saw the rope that has cut, I placed my hand to my face remembering all the things that have happened, "I'm such a coward". I tried to sit up and suddenly, an intense pain banged to the back of my head. "Arrgh…" I moaned in pain gritting my teeth and my knuckles punching the floor. "What time is it?" I spoke with my voice cracking, I looked up and saw the clock "10 A.M. huh?". I just notice that there is blood on the stool and I touched the back of my head and there was also blood that's almost dried up. I thought this would kill me but it didn't, all of my efforts were wasted because I was such a coward. Why can't I kill myself? What's stopping me from ending my life? If there's no reason for me to continue living then why? I need to kill myself. I have to do it. I wasted a lot of effort I'm so useless. I should've died. I can't do this anymore. Why was I born anyway? What did I do to deserve this kind of life? I'm tired.
A bunch of thoughts popped into my mind making me anxious and unstable. I'm panicking. I hate this. "I hate myself", I huffed. I tucked myself in trying to comfort myself since I'm shaking and afraid for my thoughts. I grabbed my Kermit doll wanting to be warmed up and to ease up my mind. My neck still stings and my head also hasn't healed, I need to do something to cure this aching brain of mine. I stood up and walk out of my room to go to the bathroom and look for the medicine kit. I opened the bathroom door and to my surprise, the smell of piss, cigarettes, and alcohol slapped into my face and it made me nauseous and dizzy. "That darn old man…" I complained and I quickly went inside to look for the kit and I saw myself in the mirror having bruises and marks from the rope, "Pathetic," I spoke hoarsely glaring at my reflection. I opened the cabinet above the mirror to get the kit and rushed my way out because of the smell. Why the hell is he, my dad?! Oh, wait he's not, he's just a step-stupid-dad that does nothing good but gamble and drink alcohol. He also abused me, he hit me with a belt, threw anything that's he's holding to me and things get extra scary when he's drunk, he destroys everything and spouts nonsense.
I went back to my room and started to mend my wounds, good thing the wound at the back of my head isn't that bad, the problem is the bruises on my neck. I guess I could cover it up with some bandages and wear turtleneck sleeves. I now then covered my neck with lots of bandages and wore my black hoodie and picked up pants. I got out of my room and went to the kitchen to see if I can eat something but it's empty, I went back to my room to get my wallet and proceed to go to the convenience store where I work as a part-timer and bought potato chips and a chocolate bar. Thank goodness my perverted old boss isn't there and no one noticed me. That guy would always stare at me whenever I work and I also saw him peeking in the staff room when I was changing clothes. I feel like there's no safe place for me, I can't even call our rented apartment my home anymore since that asshole came. I only work at night because I'm still 17 and I have to go to school during the daytime.
I went to the arcade to play some games there to relieve my stress and agony. I sucked at games but there is that one game where I am the only one who has the highest score for 3 years straight and that is Pac-Man, this is the only old arcade game left here since Space Invaders and Street Fighter II broke down. Street Fighter was really good I usually choose Chun Li because she was so pretty. I and both of my real parents always go here every Sunday. Man… what a good memory to remember in such a terrible situation. I entered the mall with the cool air breezing to my face and it felt good, I saw some guys who go to the same school as I do, I panicked and swiftly covered my head with my hoodie and went straight to the arcade facing downwards hoping they didn't saw me. I think I went far from those guys already, I turned my head checking if they're still there and they weren't. "Okay good", I grinned and faced in front, and suddenly, someone bumped into me and I lose balance and fell. "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't see you there." A man spoke with his voice sounding as clear as a sunny day and it sounded very pleasant. He offered me his hand and I tried to look up but I remembered about my appearance so I nodded and ran off. I bet he thinks that I'm weird, "I'm sorry I hurt you! I'm in a rush you see!" He shouted at me and I was very nervous because there are a lot of people, I'm scared if they're staring at me. I nodded and continued to walk. What the hell is up with him? He suddenly shouted like that, does he got any idea how embarrassing that was? Gosh, he's so annoying. It's not my fault that I fell, it's him because he's blind, and how can't he see me? Am I that short?! "So annoying" I complained. I need to stop thinking about what happened; this will make my situation worst. Can this day ever be good? I should play by now, it's pissing me off.
I played Pac-Man since I don't know how to play other games, if I can remember correctly my highest score would be around 98,773 and I feel so proud about that. Today, I'm going to surpass that once more, I scored 99,001, my hands are still shaking and my eyes are sore. "Okay, let's see." I excitedly look on the screen to see the score list and to my surprise, it felt like everything is about to collapse, my eyes are filled with rage, I'm at my worst, this is bad, and how could this happen?! There's no way! People rarely play this game because they're a lot of new games, no this can't be. I'm second?! Also who the hell is SolarBeam33?! That is the lamest name I've ever seen!