Chapter 3: The One with the Visit to the Doctor

(There was always something about hospitals that made Saitama feel queasy and restive. Either it was the bland egg-shell white wall in every room (except the nursery), or the mingled aroma of pharmaceutical drugs, alcohol, blood, armpits, and other nauseating bodily fluids that immediately struck his nostrils when he entered the hall.)

(The digital clock read 09:52 AM in the secretary's lobby, and he was proud of himself for living up to his word of arriving on time. Technically, he arrived at 09:40, but since Tatsumaki was in the washroom that exact minute, he pretended that he had come first and was the one who waited.)

(The odd pair sat next to each other on the brown leather couch of the clinic lobby. Tatsumaki read one of the magazines methodically laid out on the glass coffee table, paying no attention to the ticking of the clock, the humming of the air conditioner, and the tapping noise that the old hag of a secretary produced with every press of the keyboard.)

(Much like herself, her pensive companion had his attention on one of the 'homemaker' magazines that featured recent sales on common household items.)

Saitama: Damn, if only I could cut out the coupons on this magazine,

(Saitama thought to himself.)

Saitama: Maybe that wrinkly old lady wouldn't mind? After all, these magazines would just be thrown away after a week.

(The bald simpleton then made up his mind. With stealthy fingers, he folded the page in the magazine and silently creased it. He glimpsed at the secretary and at Tatsumaki, both seemingly engrossed with whatever they were currently doing.)

(Smirking inwardly, he adjusted himself on his seat and coughed into his hand as he simultaneously tore away the coupon. After another quick check, he swiftly hid away the coupons in his pocket.)

(The little bell of the doctor's clinic chimed, and from it emerged a middle-aged brunette woman garbed in a lab coat with a stethoscope around her neck.)

doctor: "Miss Tatsumaki?"

(she gently called out. Tatsumaki closed the magazine and returned it to the pile before floating towards the doctor.)

doctor: "Ah, and is this man your companion?"

(Tatsumaki glanced at the Saitama, who had a stare as bland as the hospital decor. She sighed audibly before nodding. The doctor then smiled warmly at the couple as she escorted them inside her clinic. A sharp contrast to the bleak customization of the lobby, the doctor's clinic had a bit more vibrance to it.)

(A pastel palette of polka dots adorned her walls, and a variety of succulents sat artistically on the top of her shelf. Tatsumaki sat on the white hospital bed placed in the center of the room. Unlike most cushions she's been on, this one was actually pretty supple.)

Doctor Sue: "Good morning! I'm Doctor Sue,"

(the brunette woman introduced herself.)

Doctor Sue: "I take it that this is your first time here and that this is your first check-up?"

(Tatsumaki wordlessly nodded.)

Doctor Sue: "Now, there is no need to be nervous. I'm here to help, after all!"

(Doctor Sue beamed.)

Doctor Sue: "Before we begin, may I ask how far are you in to your pregnancy?"

(Tatsumaki cringed. She wasn't exactly keeping track, though she knew that the last time she spoke with her sister, it could have been eight weeks.)

Tatsumaki: "Probably around eight or nine weeks? I'm…not exactly keeping track."

Doctor Sue: "Oh, joy! Your baby is probably about the size of a raspberry or a green olive!"

(The Esper raised a brow.)

Tatsumaki: Was she calling her child some damn piece of fruit? "Look, I came here to see how the baby's doing and ask what I should do next. Can we cut the crappy fruit metaphors and not waste any more time?"

(she spouted off.)

(While the doctor has heard of the S-Class hero's brash personality, she did not expect to actually be confronted so brazenly, especially when she was only trying to help. Nevertheless, the woman kept up a professional and cheerful façade.)

Doctor Sue: "Certainly, Miss Tatsumaki. So, what's going to happen is that we'll be doing a series of tests—that includes blood tests, a urine test, a genetic carrier screening, STD tests, pap smear, and a blood sugar test. Then while waiting for the results, we can run an ultrasound."

Saitama: "All that testing?"

(Saitama's sudden comment made the women realize that he was actually present in the room.)

Doctor Sue: "Uh…yes. While the pregnancy test gave a positive result, further testing is needed to confirm the gestation and, accordingly, the growth of the baby."

(Doctor Sue explained.)

(Setting aside her clipboard, he shifted her attention to Saitama.)

Doctor Sue: "If I may, I would just like to inquire if you…are the father of Miss Tatsumaki's child, Sir?"

(Saitama watched Tatsumaki's heated glare from his peripheral. Gulping, he answered.)

Saitama "That question is necessary because…?"

Doctor Sue: "Oh! I don't mean to pry, of course. I am sworn by oath to keep confidential matters between my patients and me. The Hero Association recognizes and respects these principles. I am simply asking because I have a different set of advice and guidelines to relay to the father. He does have a significant and immense role to play in his partner's pregnancy, you know."

(Doctor Sue adjusted her glasses.)

Doctor Sue: "So, that brings us back to the question: are you the father?"

(Before Saitama could even utter, Tatsumaki beat him to the chase.)

Tatsumaki: "He is. And I do hope you will keep your mouth shut about this. I don't want a scandal or I'll—!"

Doctor Sue: "Miss Tatsumaki, please relax,"

(Doctor Sue interjected.)

Doctor Sue: "As I do stand by my oath to never reveal any confidential information, to start a scandal is never within the line of my responsibilities! I could lose my license for even trying. Practically speaking, I don't care who my patients sleep with, but what I do care about is the health and safety of the baby and the mother."

(As much as Tatsumaki wanted to ignite another argument, she decided to pick her battles this time. The doctor seemed honest and passionate about her work, and perhaps that was enough to give her a chance. Tatsumaki nodded silently yet still with an ounce of pride.)

Tatsumaki: "All right, Doctor Sue, when do we start the tests?"

(she inquired.)

(As if no impassioned explanation had just occurred, Doctor Sue resumed her previous cheerful self.)

Doctor Sue: "Why, we can begin now! Just change into this lab gown, and while you're in the washroom, try to get a urine sample into this tiny bottle. Oh, and I almost forgot!"

(she exclaimed, before handing over a folded piece of teal cloth to Tatsumaki.)

Doctor Sue: "As protocol mandated by the Hero Association, there's an additional test that you are required to take. Every pregnant A to S-Class hero should."

(Tatsumaki folded her arms over her chest and glared. There were like six tests on that list.)

Tatsumaki: Now there's a mother-freaking seventh?! "What test is it?"

(she grouched.)

Doctor Sue: "It's an impericrobe test. Basically, like a blood test, but instead of determining your Rh status and checking for any signs of anemia, we'll be counting how many impericrobes are present in your child now, and perhaps predict a range after its birth."

(Tatsumaki was about to open her mouth when the doctor held up a finger.)

Doctor Sue: "I know what you're thinking—what in the bleeping world are impericrobes? As I would like to spare you from a lengthy and heftily jargoned explanation, impericrobes are units that could quantify an individual's power, whether physical, psychical, etcetera. The higher your impericrobe count, the more powerful you are. That's the best way I could describe such for now."

(Tatsumaki gave the doctor an interested smirk.)

Tatsumaki: "Hm, I wonder what my count is."

(Doctor Sue handed her the robe and bottle with a smile.)

Doctor Sue: "With what we've all seen, I could only guess that you've got a good billion count in your blood, Miss Tatsumaki. "Now, please go get changed. I will speak with your husba—I mean, with Mister…?"

Saitama: "Saitama."

(Doctor Sue nodded.)

Doctor Sue: "With Mister Saitama about his part."

(Just as she said, the good doctor asked Saitama to take a seat so she could properly go over the several roles the partner must do during the demanding nine months.)

(But even before they could begin, Saitama noticed the box of Darjeeling tea sitting idly on her desk and casually asked if he could have one. The doctor happily grabbed one teabag and handed it over to her client, until he then asked if he could drink it now while they discussed.)

Doctor Sue: "Uhh…sure,"

(was all Doctor Sue could say before she hesitantly poured some hot water into her own mug and slowly pushed it towards him.)

Saitama [muttered]:"Thanks," "So…now what?"

(Doctor Sue coughed in her hand.)

Doctor Sue: "All right, Mister Saitama. If it's not difficult for you, I would greatly appreciate it if you would be around in every appointment with Miss Tatsumaki. This means, every month."

Saitama [raised a brow]: "Is that really necessary?"

Doctor Sue: "Why, of course! You're part of this nine-month journey now. Since the first trimester wouldn't exactly be the smoothest for the mother, you should be around Miss Tatsumaki all the time to support her. I take it that you are both living together?"

Saitama: "Uh, nope."

Doctor Sue: "But am I right in assuming that you two are in a relationship?"

(Saitama gave her a blank stare.)

Saitama: "By relationship…does an acquaintanceship count?"

(Doctor Sue's eyes went wide.)

Doctor Sue: "Acquai—are you using such a term to conceal your 'friends with benefits' kind of relationship? Or are you telling me that you got her pregnant over a one night stand?"

(She placed a finger on her temple and let out a deep sigh.)

Doctor Sue: "Mister Saitama, the dynamics between partners during the woman's pregnancy can be crucial factors to the baby's development. Say, for instance, if Miss Tatsumaki gets extremely stressed, your job is to alleviate any of that. Of course, other people could be involved and help out, but you as the father should have the utmost sense of responsibility to do so!"

Saitama: "Look lady doctor, I don't even know if I really am the father! I was just accused by that woman's sister that I got her pregnant. I even offered to give that jerk some breakfast," Saitama bickered.

Doctor Sue: "What do you mean you're not even sure if you're the father?! Have you no recollection of when you jumped her bones?"

(Saitama was silent for a moment. Does he? Or has he already dumped that memory into the most bottomless, darkest abyss of his unconscious?)

Saitama: "I want a DNA test," he suddenly said. "If I really am the father, then I could promise you that I would certainly do my responsibilities."

(Doctor Sue glanced up at him. She slumped back against her chair and began to jot down on a prescription notepad.)

Doctor Sue: "After Miss Tatsumaki's blood test, hand this over to the technician. A sample from you would be required. We usually ask for a strand of hair but…"

(Seeing Saitama's unamused expression, the doctor feigned a cough into her hand and continued.)

Doctor Sue: "A simple cheek swab would suffice. Your test results should arrive along with the rest of Miss Tatsumaki's. Any questions?"

Saitama: "Uh, yeah…so if I'm not father, what should I do?"

Doctor Sue: "Well, you could leave and celebrate your freedom like what most have,"

(Doctor Sue replied, blasé. Then, she folded her arms and leaned against the desk, staring at the man across with sincere eyes.)

Doctor Sue: "Or you could do what a true paternal hero would: Help her out."

(The sound of a door opening seized the attention of the two that the Esper had finished changing. With a disgusted look on her face, she levitated the sample bottle to the doctor who received it with a gloved hand.)

Doctor Sue: "Thank you for this, Miss Tatsumaki. Please sit on the bed so we can get started."

(The doctor gestured towards the cushion before turning to Saitama.)

Doctor Sue: "Mister Saitama, would you prefer to wait outside? I can call you back in before the ultrasound."

Tatsumaki: "He'll definitely wait outside,"

(Tatsumaki blurted.)

Saitama: "Nah, I think I'll stay here."

Tatsumaki: "Well, we don't need you here!"

Saitama: "I won't do anything—I just want to watch and see."

Doctor Sue: "Perhaps it would be a good idea for him to stay and observe,"

(interjected Doctor Sue.)

Doctor Sue: "It is one of his roles, after all."

Tatsumaki [fumed]: "What?! Who said anything about him having some stupid roles? I'm not letting you touch me until that cretin gets out!"

(Doctor Sue sighed and turned to Saitama with a sympathetic smile.)

Doctor Sue: "Perhaps you can stay in on the next scheduled check-up. Nevertheless, I will provide you both a photo of the ultrasound after the procedure."

(Saitama frowned. He glanced at the doctor's side and saw Tatsumaki toss her head away.)

Saitama: "Well, I guess I'll see you later then, Tats. I'll wait in the lobby,"

(he said simply, before showing himself out of the clinic.)

(With the man out of the room, Tatsumaki could finally allow herself to breathe. What exactly was it about him that got her so riled up? The past few months, he was just some nobody to her; now, he was the alleged father of her unborn baby.)

__________________________

[Two hours later...]

Saitama: "So…I took a DNA test,"

(Saitama told Tatsumaki as she blankly sipped her iced white chocolate mocha. The pair found themselves a quiet corner in an isolated café near the hospital after Tatsumaki's exclaimed cravings for something cold, sweet, and caffeinated. After overtly scrutinizing the woman's selected place for its unnaturally expensive price tag on drinks and pastries, he was convinced to stay so they could resume their pre-parenting conversations.)

Tatsumaki [glanced up]: "And?"

(she asked with mild interest, the paper straw still between her teeth.)

Saitama: "It's positive."

Tatsumaki: "Congratulations—you're pregnant,"

(she said, her tone iced with sarcasm.)

Tatsumaki: "Did you really think I would lie?"

Saitama: "Well, you and I both just wanted confirmation."

(Saitama argued, though sounding more patient than the Esper. A pressuring silence hovered over them for a while, and Saitama considered that he would buy himself a cup of joe if it weren't for those damn rigged prices. His typical expression still intact, he looked at Tatsumaki who seemed to have been staring at him.)

Saitama: "So, I really am the dad. Now what?"

Tatsumaki: "What'd you mean, 'now what?' I have to go through hell for a full nine months because of you! You stupid, wretched, insipid, brain-dead, half-baked, cock-eyed—!"

Saitama: "Do you just want me to apologize?"

(Saitama cut her off. Though it wasn't his intention to, the woman might never have shut her trap, and the leftovers he had at home would have spoiled.)

(Tatsumaki folded her arms and let out a grumble.)

Saitama: "Come on. Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that this happened to you,"

(Saitama began.)

Saitama: "But we both know it wasn't all my fault. I know it, and you do too. I know you remember what exactly happened that night."

Tatsumaki: "Can we not talk about that, please?" "Yes, I know the truth, but we don't have to remember all the details."

(Saitama nodded.)

Saitama: "As long as you acknowledge the truth, then that's a good enough start for me."

(When Tatsumaki cocked a brow, he expounded.)

Saitama: "I'll do what I can to support you and the baby. That includes hero duties. Since you can't push yourself too hard in fights now, I'll help you handle all your assignments from now on."

Tatsumaki: "You can't fucking do my job for me,"

(Tatsumaki asserted.)

Tatsumaki: "I can handle myself just fine—with or without a baby."

Saitama: "Have you ever been pregnant before?"

Tatsumaki: "The fuck kind of question is that?"

Saitama: "Then, no. You don't really know if you can handle yourself well enough while carrying a baby. That's why I should help you out."

(Tatsumaki was taken aback by his audacity. Who the hell did this bald-ass nobody think he was? She felt her face grow hot, and she wanted to splash the ice-cold coffee on his deadpan. Instead, she found herself unclenching her fists and fishing something out of her purse.)

Tatsumaki: "Anyhow, here's the photo of the ultrasound."

(she said simply.)

(Saitama slanted his head to the side. With a slightly raised brow, he took the photo of her hand and studied the black and white sonogram. The image was blurry, but he could make out a circular figure that could be the head.)

Saitama: "It looks like a gummy bear with its arms and legs bitten off,"

(he commented casually.)

Tatsumaki: "Hey! If you're calling it ugly, at least remember that it's your kid too,"

(Tatsumaki rebuked.)

Saitama: "I didn't say it was ugly. I just said it looked like a gummy bear."

(He then looked at the photo even closely. Somehow, the image of this small gummy bear that portrayed his child awakened what seemed to be a mysterious and dormant emotion within him. Was it excitement? Joy? It was as if his instincts were suddenly urging him to make this place safer for the child. Could it be that…maybe, just maybe, that this child would bring back the color to his graying world?)

(After the long pause with Saitama staring at the sonogram, Tatsumaki casually added.)

Tatsumaki: "You don't really have to worry about anything. I've got it under control. Let's just pretend that nothing happened and that when people start talking, you just let me handle it. No one dares to pry over my personal life. You just go on with whatever it is you were doing with your life. Got it?"

(Saitama slowly put the photo down and gazed at the Esper.)

Saitama: "I won't do that, Tats. Even if it were with someone like you."

(Before she could start another argument, Saitama continued.)

Saitama: "What I mean is…I don't care if I have to be involved in your life. I want to be there for my kid; like, I want to be involved in his or her life. You're not the only one who has a say in this, you know."

Tatsumaki: "No! You're just going to get in my way! You—!"

(Just then, cutting Tatsumaki off from her bickering was the sound of screams and cries for help from outside the café. Heading out, Saitama and Tatsumaki were able to immediately discern the source of the chaos to be some bloodthirsty humanoid monster. Even from their distance, they could perceive how its onyx bat-like wings stretch as far as Puri Puri Prisoner's own Angel-style. It had straight long hair that covered much of its face, and twig-like fingers with sharp nails that gave Saitama the creeps. What made it stand out the most was that it was cut in half from its lower torso, it's bloody innards dangling like Christmas lights.)

Monster: "I SMELL…BABY…FRESH BABY…"

(it screeched.)

(Tatsumaki felt her blood suddenly rise, and was riled up for a fight. Glowing a vivid green, she started to levitate. The ground beneath her trembled. Saitama noticed her suppressed energy slowly loosening, warned her to watch herself.)

(Just then, as the sirens blared and the Hero Association announced an emergency evacuation, about five more of those flying horrors appeared.)

siren: "To all citizens in the City A southeast area, please evacuate immediately! Monsters have appeared in the vicinity. Threat level: Demon. Again, please evacuate immediately!"

(A teenager who went scampering to safety accidentally bumped an elderly woman.)

teenager: "I'm s-sorry, ma'am! Please, let me help you—we have to get out of here!"

(he panicked. Then, in front of the youth's very eyes, the old woman slowly morphed into one of the monsters. The teenager let out a cry for help, and just before the beast could pull his eyes out of its sockets, it was bound by some green light and was violently thrown against one of its comrades. The frightened youth had no time to thank his rescuer as he ran away.)

Tatsumaki: "So, they're shape-shifters,"

(remarked Tatsumaki.)

Tatsumaki: "This would be way too easy if they'd only come out of their disguises."

(As the hoard of flying monsters appeared to exponentially grow in numbers, a much larger and bulkier manifestation of some evil entity stomped its way over the city, destroying buildings and infrastructures in a single step.)

Giant monster: "DON'T KILL ALL OF THEM! WE NEED SOME ALIVE TO RESTORE THOSE WHO HAVE FALLEN IN OUR COLONY,"

(it bellowed. While the bat-like creatures hissed at its orders, they seemed to have complied as they started carrying citizens instead of killing them.)

Tatsumaki: "I don't have time for this! I—!"

(Tatsumaki yelled until she felt a churning in her stomach. With the morning sickness suddenly hitting, she hurriedly hovered to a trash bin and spewed out the expensive coffee along with whatever she had for breakfast.)

Tatsumaki: "Ugh…damn…shit…"

(Saitama rushed over to her.)

Saitama: "Hey, Tats! Are you okay? You sick?"

(Tatsumaki replied with an annoyed pout before witnessing people being grabbed by the shoulders and flown away.)

Saitama: "Yo, what the hell?"

(Saitama exclaimed his surprise, and hurriedly decided to change into his yellow Caped Baldy uniform. Tatsumaki could only watch him with an odd, peculiar face as he attempted to force his zipper down to reveal that he had been wearing the suit inside all along.)

Saitama: "Okay, you go help the people, and I'll go deal with that giant chub with the pink nips. The people's lives are the priority."

(Tatsumaki didn't want to open her mouth and speak after having vomited, and Saitama, regarding this as a consensus, ran off without another word. Tatsumaki narrowed her eyes. She could have done this all by herself! Who the hell did he think he was, ordering her around like that? Even if she hasn't fully assessed the full potential of his strength, he still was just an A-Class.)

(But then again, he was right. The citizens come first. With lightning speed, she soared above the buildings, even above the tallest towers and skyscrapers, and with a graceful wave of her hand, halted the monsters in mid-air. Then, pointing downwards with a single finger, controlled each and every one of those flying nightmares to gently lay down the humans they were carrying. Confident that every person was safely on the ground, she painfully contorted every fiber of muscle of the monsters' bodies, twisting them like a drenched cloth, before making them diminish into particles to be dispersed by the breeze.)

(Her work finished, Tatsumaki flew around the city to find her companion. There, she saw him, along with a crumbled, bloodied person of the now un-living giant. She zipped down and stood beside the man, who was holding up a clenched gloved fist.)

Saitama: "Oh, you're done? So how was it?"

(She shrugged, folding her arms.)

Tatsumaki: "Uneventful. Those flying floozies were nothing more than houseflies."

Tatsumaki: "Wow. You really are strong."

(Tatsumaki glanced up at him. Saitama's attention was still on the gross dead piece of blubbery on the ground. She watched as he finally relaxed his fist and rested it on his side. It was apparent and clear as day. She need not be there to believe that he had slain a behemoth three-hundred-foot mass of a monster with a single punch.)

Tatsumaki [mumbled]: "You too…"

[To be continued...]