53. Chapter 53

Happy almost New Year! I hit a stroke of inspiration the other day so I might keep going with this for a bit AND have a potential plan for a sequel - are people into that? Let me know if you're down and I'll get it going ASAP :)

"Yes."

Yes.

Yes.

Erin's affirmation washed over Jay after what seemed like an eternity of waiting. The one word, the three letters that he had been hoping to hear since the question left his lips made him feel like he was floating. He kissed her lips gently, unable to find the words he was looking for. Luckily, his girl, his fiancé, knew exactly what he was trying to say. "I love you," Erin murmured, resting her head beneath his chin.

"I love you," Jay echoed, kissing the crown of her head, "Voight's not going to be mad that I didn't ask his permission first, right?"

Erin chuckled, "You remember what I told you after we had been partners for a month?"

"Any guy that needs to ask your dad's permission shouldn't waste his time?" Jay recalled, "I know. I just-"

"We're raising a child together," Erin looked up at him, "Don't worry about Hank, okay? If I'm happy, he's happy. And I'm happy, Halstead."

He grunted slightly in response, but decided to let it go. His girl was happy, and he was too. "I, uh, do have a ring. It's in my sock drawer."

Erin smiled, "I know, you mentioned it. But I don't want to move her." She gestured to the sleeping child in their lap, "She…just looks so peaceful. And she fit so perfectly between us."

Jay nodded in agreement, "Do you think she's going to understand what us getting married means?"

"Well, it isn't much different than what we've already been doing." Erin ran her fingers through Kate's hair, "And I think all she wants is for us to just be together. And that's what I want too."

When Jay awoke the next morning, he couldn't help but grin. Snuggled up beside him was his fiancé. After another hour on the couch, the little family migrated to their bedroom. And while the detectives would have liked to spend their engagement night just the two of them between the sheets, their little girl had just been returned to them and they couldn't bear the thought of her spending the night alone in her bedroom. She had barely let go of Erin since they had arrived home, and Jay knew that if Kate were to wake up all alone, she would be frightened to no end.

For what felt like hours, Jay laid in bed with Erin's head nestled against his shoulder and Kate's tiny body curled against Erin's stomach, feeling like the luckiest man in the world. His little girl was home, his girlfriend was going to be his wife, and they were all together and at peace.

After a while, Kate stirred gently. "Morning Squirt," Jay breathed, running a hand over the back of his daughter's head, "How are you feeling?"

"Good," Kate mumbled, turning over so she could look up at her father, "I'm glad to be home."

"We're glad you're home too," Jay kissed her forehead, "Are you hungry? Maybe for some scrambled eggs and bacon?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders, "I'm not hungry."

Jay frowned slightly, "What about some French toast? Or pancakes?"

She shrugged again, glancing over to her mother who was still sleeping soundly. "Do you feel sick?" Jay asked, gently stroking Kate's warm cheek with his thumb. He frowned again when his little girl managed a small nod, but was thankful she was at least able to tell him. "Can we go try to take some medicine?" He offered, breathing a soft sigh of relief when she nodded her approval.

Kate gingerly climbed off the bed, wincing with every movement. Jay felt his heart clench as he lifted her into his arms, trying not to take her rigid posture personally. "Sorry, kiddo," he whispered as he carried her to the kitchen, "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"'s not you, Daddy," Kate murmured, delicately resting her head on his shoulder, "Just when I move. But's not as bad as last time when I got surg-ry."

"Hopefully you'll heal faster too." Jay reached into the cupboard to get Kate's medicine, "Do you think you can have a couple crackers before we take the medicine? I could put some peanut butter on them."

"I don't want you to let go," she replied, tightening her grip around Jay's neck, "I can have them plain?"

"Whatever you want, kiddo," Jay kissed the top of her head again and maneuvered a package of crackers open with one hand, the other keeping Kate close, "I won't let go, I promise."

"How's she doing?" Erin murmured, settling beside her partner on the couch. She had slept an extra half hour and woke up in a brief panic when the sheets surrounding her were cool, "How long have you been out here?"

"Not long," Jay assured her, running a hand over Kate's back as she snoozed against his chest, "She woke up with a bit of discomfort, but we had some crackers and medicine."

"Mm," Erin kissed his neck, "So we have the day off."

"We do. We took the whole week off, actually," Jay turned his head to meet his fiancé's lips, "So we have lots of time. To ourselves."

"Mm," she repeated, kissing him again, "Maybe…we could jump into the shower for a bit? While she's still sleeping?"

Jay grinned and carefully stood, hoping to avoid waking up his little girl. She stirred slightly but remained asleep as he settled her into her bed. "I think we have some time," he whispered, "But we should be quiet."

"Take your own advice then, Halstead," Erin replied huskily, pinning her partner against Kate's doorframe, "I seem to recall it was you who had trouble keeping it down last time."

"Couldn't...help…it," Jay replied between kisses, boosting Erin up into his arms so that she was straddled around his waist, "You just make my t shirts look so sexy."

Erin pulled the shirt Jay had donned over his head and tossed it on the living room floor, "Yeah?"

"Mm-hm," he confirmed, kissing her again as he carried her toward the bedroom. "Wait. Pause."

"What?" Erin whined, pulling back, "Why?"

"I gotta give you something," Jay reached into his sock draw with one arm, the other still banded around Erin's leg as he balanced her on his hips. He popped open the ring box and fished out the diamond ring. "I uh, really should be on my knees for this."

"Later," Erin insisted with a smirk, as he placed the piece in her palm. Jay had put the ring on a chain so that she could wear the ring around her neck.

"I figured you're not much of an engagement-ring type girl, so I uh, put it on this chain so that you could-"

"It's perfect," she breathed, kissing him again. She put her feet back on the ground and lifted her hair off her neck. Erin handed him the ring and spun around so that he could fasten it around her neck. Gently, Jay clasped the chain and allowed her messy locks to tumble back down her shoulders before kissing the side of her neck again. She shivered and ran her fingers over the simple band and elegant diamond, resting perfectly against her heart.

Slowly, Erin turned back around to face her partner, her fiancé. "You look incredible, Er," Jay managed, in awe of the woman before him. She was dwarfed in his Academy t-shirt, his mother's ring hanging daintily around her neck, hair tousled from sleep and eyes shining with tears, "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."

"Jay," Erin rolled her eyes, but he cut her off with a kiss. In one swift motion, she slipped off his shirt and jumped back into his arms so he could carry her to the bathroom.

"Are you sure we can leave her with Platt?" Erin asked while Jay adjusted the Velcro straps for the vest on her shoulders, "I mean, we were supposed to take a week off so she could heal and it hasn't even been two days."

Kate had been positively wiped from the entire ordeal, and spent much of her first day back with her parents asleep, giving Jay and Erin time to reconnect in every sense of the word. They spent the day together, but also found time for cooking and cleaning the apartment as well as talking about their little girl and what they could do to make her feel more at ease again. After Kate woke up again, unfortunately not feeling well, the family spent the day back on the couch while Jay read from Harry Potter, as neither Kate nor Erin had seen the movies or read the books.

They hadn't yet told their little girl about their engagement, partially because they weren't sure how she would take it or if she would understand, and partially because they were enjoying keeping it between just the two of them.

"She'll be okay for an hour or two," Jay reassured his girl while fastening the strap, "Kate was totally fine with it. And she's safe, she's in the breakroom and if anything goes wrong, Platt will call us."

Intelligence caught a break in a case that had been dormant for months which Jay and Erin had been running point on even before Kate came into their lives. While Hank insisted that the rest of the team could handle it while they were home with their little girl, the detectives felt the need to see the case through. Despite having just returned to her parents, Kate was unusually calm when Jay gently mentioned that they would need to step out for a bit and that Platt would be taking care of her. There was only one confirmation of "You gonna come back though, right?" and no tears at all.

"I hope you're right," Erin mused, turning around to face her fiancé. She reached beneath the vest and pulled out the engagement ring which hung around her neck, "And maybe when we get back, we can tell Hank about this? And Kate?"

Jay smiled and pressed a kiss to her lips, "Deal."

The tip was bad and the stash house was empty, which frustrated the members of Intelligence to no end. Ruzek's CI, who had provided the tip, was now nowhere to be found. "That was a waste," Jay grumbled, shedding his vest in the locker room.

"Atwater said they're trying to track Ruzek's CI now, so hopefully we'll have something tomorrow," Erin informed him, peeling the Velcro straps off her shoulders, "Help me, would you?"

"You think Kate's awake?" He looked at his watch, "We've been gone about three hours."

"She's awake," Platt's voice rang out. The detectives turned to see their sergeant holding a very sleepy little girl in her arms. "Heard the tip was crap."

"Yeah," Jay nodded, "Hey Squirt."

"Hi Daddy," Kate murmured, extending her arms to her father, "No bad guys?"

Erin smiled, "We missed them today, but we'll get them tomorrow. Did you have a fun time with Sergeant Platt?"

"Uh-huh," Kate nodded, resting her head on Jay's shoulder, "We writed all the reports for the patrolmen's report cards."

"She's a great little helper," Platt told Erin and Jay, "But I think she's probably ready to home."

"I bet," Jay agreed, "Thanks for taking her Sarge. Really appreciate it."

"How're you feeling baby?" Erin asked as she tromped up the stairs to Intelligence, "Ready for a nap maybe?"

She just shrugged, still resting against her father's shoulder. Jay raised his eyebrows at Erin and cocked his head slightly toward Hank's office. She nodded in response and made her way toward the door. "Who's that?" Kate asked sleepily, glancing at the man in a suit who was speaking with her grandfather.

The conversation looked serious, so Erin turned back to her family, "Maybe we just head home for the evening. We can chat with Hank tomorrow."

Jay cautiously took a step into his daughter's like he had done countless times before. "Kate," he whispered softly, "Wake up, kiddo, you're just dreaming."

The little girl continued to struggle against the covers as she was trapped in the horrific depths of a nightmare. Soft whimpers escaped her lips as she shifted in her sleep, pulling at Jay's heartstrings.

Erin had completely forgotten that she and Annie had arranged to get drinks weeks ago, so she reluctantly left her family with the promise of returning quickly. Kate had luckily been so exhausted that she didn't get too upset, but still clung fiercely to her mother until the last possible second.

"Kate, wake up." Jay eased himself onto the bed and put his hand on her quivering shoulder. "Wake up, you're alright. Come on back."

"No!" Kate shrieked, freeing her arms from beneath the covers as she was pulled back to reality. She sat up rapidly, wincing immediately at the pain in her stomach. Gasping, crying and disoriented, the child looked around, unsure of her surroundings.

"Kate, it's Daddy. You were just having a nightmare," Jay reached a hand out to comfort her but Kate drew back. "It's just me. You're at home now, you're safe, everything's okay."

"Daddy?" Kate whispered, then promptly burst into tears. She covered her face with her small hands as she cried. Typically, after a nightmare, the little girl only wanted to be held but tonight she sat shakily on the bed, refusing to meet her father's gaze. She held her arms tightly against her chest as she wheezed, the entire bed almost shaking with the force of her tremors.

"What's going on, Squirt?" he asked, rubbing her quivering back in a soothing motion, "Why are you so upset?" He brushed some of the tears of her pale cheeks, and tucked her sweat-dampened hair behind her ear. "Are you scared?"

"I…I…" she choked out, her words suppressed by sobs. She inhaled sharply and coughed, resulting in another grimace due to the pain in her abdomen. Kate let out a pained hiss and continued to cry in broken sobs.

"You need to breathe, kiddo," Jay told her as calmly as possible, continuing to rub her back, "In and out, okay?" He demonstrated for her while he could feel her little heart racing beneath his palm. Kate whimpered again, tears still rolling off her cheeks.

"Do you feel sick?" he asked, "Is it okay if I look at your tummy?" When she didn't immediately answer, Jay gingerly lifted Kate's pajama top. Her stomach looked normal, but the contortion of her face suggested otherwise. After a few minutes of listening to the child breathe heavily, Jay tilted her chin up so she would meet his gaze. "Do you still hurt?"

She nodded her head, finally leaning into her father's embrace and turning her face into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, kiddo," Jay gently stroked her back, "I know it hurts. We can give you some medicine in a few hours though, alright?"

"I don't want no more medicine," Kate mumbled, "I-I'm sorry!" She erupted in another round of distressed sobs. Jay felt like he took a knife to the gut as his baby girl wept into his shoulder, so emotionally and physically spent from the past few days that she could barely breathe.

"You gotta breathe," Jay practically begged as he held a shaking Kate in his arms, "I know you're feeling sick and you're scared, but I need you to take some deep breaths, okay? I don't want you to pass out."

It took a few more minutes of Jay's gentle ministrations, but Kate slowly stopped sobbing. Unfortunately, tears continued to flow down her cheeks too quickly for Jay to brush away all of them. With the child still shuddering in his arms, Jay headed for the living room. Sometimes when Kate couldn't fall back asleep, letting her rest against his chest while he sat on the couch would lure her into a slumber. "We're going to watch a documentary, okay?"

Again, Kate didn't respond but Jay settled against the couch and turned the television on at the lowest possible volume. Kate didn't bother to turn around to face the screen but remained clamped to Jay's chest while he continued to try to comfort her.

As the program wore on, Kate rested against Jay's chest, her once-harsh pants becoming less painful. He slowly stroked her tiny head against his shoulder but when he leaned down to kiss her cheek, he realized she hadn't stopped crying. "Are you still hurting kiddo?" Jay carefully readjusted the little girl so he could help her sit up, but she collapsed against him, like she couldn't support herself.

"No, no, no," Kate wailed, crumbling against her father, "No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Shh, shh, it's okay." Jay was at a loss. Normally the efforts he had made to bring his little girl some relief would have worked, but tonight was not the ordinary. "Are you scared?"

Kate replied with a stifled sob, "W-where's Mommy?"

"On her way home soon," Jay said calmly, trying to keep the little girl from spiraling out of control, "She just went out for a little bit, but she'll be back soon. And I'm sure she'll come give you a kiss good night."

She shook her head vigorously, "No, no, I want M-Mommy."

"I know, I know, she'll be home soon," Jay tried, remembering the time he had to work violence reduction right a few days after Kate had surgery. She had gotten so worked up that she tore her stitches, landing her right back in the ED with a frazzled Erin. He wanted to avoid that call at all costs. "We can give her a call, how about that? I want to hear her voice, too."

"I-I want her to c-come home now," Kate begged, pushing herself away from her father. She scrambled off the couch and scurried toward the front door, "I want her, I want her!"

"She's coming, kiddo," Jay reached his arms out to the little girl, who was now shaking against the coat rack, "Mommy'll be home soon, don't worry."

Kate shook her head again, body wracked with sobs, "No, now, now, now!"

"I'm going to call her right now, okay?"

She replied with a harsh wheeze as she quivered against the jackets, so Jay fished his phone out of the pocket of his sweats and dialed his partner. "Hey babe, everything okay?" Erin answered on the first ring, muffled noises of a crowded bar coming through the speaker.

"We were just missing you," Jay spoke softly into the receiver, still squatting in front of his daughter, "Just checking in."

"How's she doing?" Erin murmured, "Still in pain?"

"Yeah," he replied, "Squirt? You wanna talk to Mommy?" He held out the phone to the little girl, "She's on the other end."

Kate stared at the cell phone like it was covered in worms. "I can put her on speaker," Jay suggested, pressing the button, "Babe, you're on speaker with Kate and I."

"Hi baby," Erin cooed, "Are you hurting?" Again, the child didn't respond but tears streamed down her cheeks. "Jay? Are you there? Is everything okay?"

"We're here," Jay confirmed, looked concernedly at his daughter, "We're okay."

"I-I want Mommy," Kate wept, tears continuing to fall, "I want her."

"I'm on my way back," Erin decided. Rustling could be heard on the other end, along with her asking for the check, "I'm coming home, okay baby?"

"See, Mommy's coming back," Jay tried to brush the tears off his daughter's cheeks, but she pulled back with a squeak.

"Don't hurt me!" Kate yelped, cowering against the coats. Jay dropped his arm in surprise. Kate hadn't been in a panic like she was in months and he had forgotten just how heartbreaking it was.

"I'm coming now," Erin's voice echoed from his phone, "I'll be there soon."

Jay had never felt so helpless.

His child was in pain, cowering in fear while he sat three feet across from her, unable to do anything to soothe her. Her tiny body convulsed in sobs, each strangled cry breaking his heart into smaller and smaller pieces.

He heaved a heavy sigh of relief when he heard the familiar sound of the lock turning in the door. "Mommy's home," Jay whispered to his daughter, as Erin stepped into the apartment breathless, "It's okay."

"Hi," Erin murmured, unzipping her coat and dropping it to the ground. She kissed the top of Jay's head and turned to her little girl, "Hi baby."

Kate glanced up at the woman who entered the apartment, tears still streaming down her cheeks, "It's been like this for an hour," Jay informed his partner, "I-I've tried everything."

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Erin asked, sinking down beside Jay, "Are you feeling sick?"

The child let out a pained whimper, followed by more tears. "Are you scared, too, kiddo?" Jay tried, "Mommy's here now. We're together, everything's okay."

Erin extended her arm out to the little girl, "I'm here, baby. You're safe."

Kate continued to cower against the coat rack and refused to meet either of her parent's gazes. "It hasn't been this bad in months," Jay whispered, trying his best to remain calm, "She's afraid of me, Er."

"Remember that book I was reading back when we first met her?" Erin cocked her head slightly to the side, "It said that when children come from traumatic experiences, often the only way they can feel in control is when they have a tantrum. And while Kate's never been angry, I think this is her way of protecting herself. She's been through so much, especially with men, and this is how she's able to feel safe."

Jay nodded after a moment. He had read the book on foster children as well, which advised to not take every outburst personally. Over the past nine months, he had done his best to not interpret Kate's nightmares or fears as failures on his part, but the current situation he found himself in did not make it easy. "Kiddo," he attempted, "I know you had a really rough nightmare. And I know it's been a bad few days, but it's just me and Mommy here, okay? We're both here for you."

It took a few moments of silence as Kate leaned against the wall, tiny body shivering from the mid-March chill and marathon panic attack. "P-p-please don't go," she begged, finally meeting Erin's gaze, "I-I-I'm sorry."

"Oh, baby, it's alright," Erin assured her, extending her arms again. Kate threw herself into her mother's embrace with another sob, soaking her top with tears.

"I'm sorry," she choked out, burying her face in Erin's neck. "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry, Squirt, we got you." Jay tentatively stroked Kate's hair, "You're safe."

After a few minutes of holding Kate on the floor, Erin carefully tried to stand. "No, no, don't go!" Kate wept, pulling back from her mother in panic, "I-I'm sorry."

"Shh, sweetheart, we're just going to sit on the couch for a bit." Erin stood and followed her partner. Jay led his girls back to the couch, enveloping them in a hug.

"Mommy and I have some news for you," Jay started, continuing to run his hands over Kate's head. "And it's good news, so you don't need to worry."

The little girl lifted her head off Erin's shoulder and glanced up at her parents suspiciously, tear trails standing out on her pink cheeks. "I get to stay still?"

"Absolutely," Erin kissed Kate's forehead. She lifted the engagement ring from underneath her top and held it in her palm, "Daddy and I are getting married."

She widened her eyes and looked from Jay to Erin, "I-I dunno what that means."

Jay smiled as Erin laid her head on his shoulder, "Well, it means that Mommy and I are going to exchange some rings. And that we're going to be partners at home forever."

"I-I thought you 'ready were?" Kate sniffed, "You still be my mommy and daddy?"

"That's right," Erin affirmed, "Nothing's going to change. Just means that instead of boyfriend and girlfriend, Daddy and I are going to be husband and wife."

"I still be your kid though?" Kate asked worriedly, "I still be both yours?"

"Mm-hm," Jay kissed the top of Erin's head, "Ours forever."