37. Chapter 37

Enjoy...or try to :) Things will be looking up soon enough (or will they?)

"I want Daddy to come back," Kate whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks as Erin attempted to tuck the little girl into bed, "Why hasn't he come home yet?"

Erin sighed, unable to give her daughter an answer because she didn't know herself. "I-I don't know, sweetheart. I think he's having a rough time and needed some space. But he's going to come back."

"I don't want to sleep without him," she cried, pushing the covers off her lap, "I want to be with you and Daddy."

"I'm sorry," Erin replied lamely, attempting to readjust the blankets, "I-I don't know what to tell you baby. Uncle Will and I are trying to find him as fast as we can. He's going to be back any second now, and I'm going to take another look."

"You-you leavin?" Kate asked, more tears streaming down her face, "I don't want you to go, Mommy, please."

"I'll be back soon, but I need to find Daddy. He needs me right now. He's my partner, baby, I gotta find him." Erin wiped her little girl's eyes before her own, "Uncle Will is going to be right outside, okay? You've been so brave. And I'm so proud of you, but I need you to hold on for a little while longer, just until we find him."

Kate nodded tearfully, leaning forward into her mother's embrace. "You gotta get him."

"I know, I'm trying." Erin held her daughter closer, "Thank you for being such a good girl. I love you so much baby."

"She's still awake, Erin," Will murmured into the receiver, cradling the quivering child against his civilian clothes. It was well past midnight, and Erin had been on her second round of driving about the city in search of her partner. She had been to every corner of Chicago, some of them twice, but Jay was nowhere to be found. The people who were supposedly on top of tracing Jay's cell and locating his vehicle hadn't gotten a hit yet. Erin was now in a full on panic, and had called Will in the hopes that maybe Jay had gone home.

"She's awake?" Erin replied, her voice breaking, "Christ, it's past midnight. Did you get her to eat anything?"

"Wouldn't even go for ice cream," Will informed her, "I don't think she slept either, but maybe you could talk to her? I'm worried that if she doesn't eat anything, she'll get sick."

Erin sighed heavily. "I'll talk to her. P-put her on please." She listened intently as Will told the little girl on the other end of the line that her mother was waiting to hear from her.

"Mommy?" Kate whimpered into her uncle's cell phone.

"Hi baby," Erin cooed, swallowing her tears. Immediately, the child burst into broken sobs, harsh pants of distress almost causing Erin to drop her phone. "Oh, sweetheart, shh, it's okay. Take a breath." Tears streamed down her cheeks and she bit her lip hard enough to draw blood, willing herself to keep her emotions in check. "Kate, baby, don't worry."

"I…want…you," Kate sobbed, "I can't…I want…D-daddy and-and…" She dissolved into another round of sobs, the cell phone falling out of her shaky grip and onto the cushion below.

"Kate?" Erin asked to the muffled noises, "Kate?"

"It's Will," Will answered breathlessly, snatching up the phone with one hand and attempting to console his niece with the other, "You know what, Er? I got this. Just bring back Jay, alright?"

"You sure?" Erin whispered, wiping the tears off her cheeks that were quickly replaced by others, "I'll-I'll try to be back soon."

"We're gonna be fine," Will assured her, rubbing his niece's back as she wept into his shoulder, "Don't lose hope, Erin." He disconnected the call and turned his attention back to Kate. "Okay, kiddo, I need you to take a few deep breaths for me," He inhaled and exhaled, "Just like me, there you go." Will repeated the action while gently running his fingertips over Kate's pajama top while she struggled to regain control of her rapid breath. "Good girl," he praised, kissing her forehead, "I think it's time for some ice cream. How do you feel about a banana split?"

"I not hungry," Kate whimpered after taking a shaky breath, pressing her face into her uncle's damp shoulder.

"Not even for bananas and ice cream?" Will probed, "With strawberries and chocolate chips on top?" He lightly patted the top of her head, "You haven't eaten almost all day. Maybe just a little bit? I know it would make your mom feel a whole lot better."

Kate sniffed and after a moment lifted her head, "Okay. If it makes Mommy feel better."

"It definitely will, I'll text her right now," Will grinned and shot Erin a quick text, indicating that he was finally going to get some food into the little girl and that she had calmed down.

"She's gonna come home, right?" Kate asked nervously after Will set her on the kitchen counter so he could get the ice cream from the freezer, "And Daddy too?"

"Yep," Will said confidently, "Don't you worry, okay Monkey?"

Erin breathed a sigh of relief when she received a text from Will. At least one member of their family was doing somewhat okay. She, on the other hand, was seated in the Sierra, two blocks from Hank's house, working up the nerve to go tell her boss and father figure that her partner and boyfriend left her and their daughter without giving a reason. She cursed loudly and pulled back onto the street, autopilot taking her to the front door of the only real house she grew up in. After another deep breath, she banged on the front door, shivering as the icy cold wind.

She heard the low grumblings of her almost-father as he approached the door, probably with the shotgun in hand. "It's me, Hank," she choked out, trying to sound as composed as possible, "And it's freezing. Let me in."

"You have a key for a reason, Erin," Hank pulled open the door and ushered her inside, "What's going on? Where's Kate? Where's Halstead?" Erin swallowed, tears already forming in her eyes as Hank's eyes softened, "Erin? What's going on?" he repeated, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, "How can I help?"

"J-Jay's gone," Erin choked out, her voice cracking and the dam breaking, tears spilling down her cheeks rapidly, "He, he had a nightmare and I woke him up, and he freaked out and he just left." She stifled a sob, "Will and I have been looking for him all day. We can't find him anywhere."

Hank nodded slowly, processing the information. He tenderly lifted his hand to wipe the tears off Erin's cheeks, causing her to cry harder, "We'll find him, kiddo," he reassured her, pulling his daughter into a hug.

Erin nodded into his shoulder, tears still sluicing off her cheeks. "S-sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Hank pulled back, "How long has he been gone?"

"Almost 24 hours," Erin whispered, wiping her eyes and nose with the back of her hand, "I had them track his credit card and tagged his car, but nothing's turned up yet. And Will's at the apartment with Kate, he couldn't find him either."

"How's the kid dealing with this?" Hank asked, reaching into the pocket of his sweats for his cell phone, "She's smart so I'm assuming she picked up on whatever's going on."

"He was so out of it," Erin mused, fumbling with her cell phone, "He shouted at her." Hank raised his eyebrows in surprise, "I-I don't think he knew what was happening," Erin rushed out, "He was in such distress, I wouldn't let him take his gun, but I couldn't go after him and leave Kate-"

"You did the right thing," Hank stated, "I wish you would have told me sooner, but you can't leave the kid. I'll make a few calls, and if he doesn't turn up by eight AM, we'll file a missing persons report, okay?"

Erin nodded and sighed again, leaning heavily on her sergeant. "Thanks, Hank."

"You look like you haven't slept. You wanna head upstairs?" He offered, gesturing toward the staircase.

She shook her head, "No, Kate's waiting for me. I have a feeling she hasn't fallen asleep yet. I'll meet you at the district tomorrow morning, okay?"

"We'll find him," Hank said in parting, "Don't worry, kiddo."

Erin shuffled into the dark apartment, using her cell phone as a flashlight. "Erin?" Will hissed, "That you?"

"Mommy?" A small voice called out, "Mommy?"

"Hi, it's me," Erin breathed, sighing for what seemed like the thousandth time in the last day. She flipped the light switch in the kitchen, instantly illuminating their apartment. "What are you doing up? It's really late."

Kate was seated beside Will on the couch, snuggled up against his rib cage. Her eyes were swollen and still red. It obvious that she had been sobbing, dried tear trails glistening on her cheeks. Will looked absolutely exhausted, probably not much better than Erin did. "Couldn't sleep," Will replied, rubbing his hand over his chin.

"No Daddy?" Kate asked, separating herself from her uncle's side and into her mother's embrace as Erin approached the couch.

Erin couldn't find the words to confirm what Kate already knew: she hadn't been able to find Jay despite her best efforts. "Grandpa Hank's gonna help," she whispered finally, hoisting the little girl into her arms and cradling her against her chest, "He's gonna help us find him."

"I'm glad you comed back," Kate sighed, her small body going slack against Erin's as the exhausted young detective sank onto the couch beside her partner's brother, "I got worried that I would have no daddy and no mommy." She tilted her head up so that she could look at her mother, "I'm so glad."

"I love you, baby," Erin kissed the top of her little girl's head, "And you're always going to have me, okay? No matter what, I'm going to be your mommy."

The next morning, or really just later that morning, after convincing Will that it was alright for him to head back to the ED, Erin strapped Kate into her car seat and headed for the district. She had barely slept, though Kate finally was able to get some rest after being up until well past two in the morning. Will spent the night on the couch. Erin was incredibly grateful for his support and especially for his help with her little girl, especially because Kate had been so consumed by anxiety that Will was worried about her harming her stomach. Though it had been eight weeks since her surgery, Kate's stomach was still healing.

"I'll come by the district later, okay?" Will said, giving Erin a hug before she got into her car, "You'll get him. I know it."

"Thanks Will. For being here. It really means a lot to me. And to Kate," Erin smiled tiredly, "I'll text you as soon as I have some news?"

"Sounds good," Will nodded, giving her non-injured shoulder a reassuring squeeze and heading for his car.

"Ready baby?" Erin slid into the driver's seat and ignited the car, shivering slightly.

"Mommy?" Kate asked reluctantly, looking nervously at the back of her mother's head.

"Mm-hm?" Erin turned around, "Are you okay?"

The little girl nodded slowly, "What-what if Daddy doesn't come back?"

Erin froze. In all honesty, she hadn't even considered the possibility that Jay wouldn't return. Throughout their relationship, she had always been the one running. Jay was her rock, her beacon of light, her safe place. In her mind, there wasn't a scenario where Jay wasn't there for her. She swallowed thickly and forced a smile for the sake of her child. "He's going to come back, my love. I know you're worried, I'm worried too, but I know Jay. He wouldn't just leave."

"But what if something happened to him?" Kate whispered, her voice so quiet Erin had to strain to hear her, "What if, what if he got hurt, or someone got him?" Her nervous tone became more fearful, "What if he needs help and-and we aren't der to help him?"

Erin winced, forever impressed by Kate's brilliance. Deep down, Erin firmly believed that Jay wouldn't have stayed away from his family for so long without there being an extenuating circumstance. The fact that Kate recognized this as well only made Erin's heart ache harder. "That's why we're going to see Grandpa Hank over at the district, right now." She gently placed a hand on Kate's knee, "We're going to do everything we can to find him and bring him home, okay?"

"I know, but what if we can't?" Tears welled in the little girl's eyes for the umpteenth time in the past twenty-four hours, "What if he's gone forever?"

Erin cleared her throat and looked directly into her child's fearful eyes, "Kate, baby, no matter what happens, I'm going to keep you safe, alright? You and I are going to be okay, I promise. But we're going to find Daddy, I know it."

"Have you heard from him?" Ruzek asked as soon as Erin stepped into the bullpen, holding Kate's small hand in her own.

"Do you think we'd be here if I had?" Erin snapped, instantly regretting her attitude as the young officer widened his eyes. "I'm sorry, Adam. I'm just…exhausted. I haven't."

"No need for apologies, Lindsay." He gave her shoulder a squeeze. Erin clenched her teeth, trying not to flinch at the contact on her bruise. "We'll get him."

"Thanks." She made her way toward Hank's office. He was seated behind his desk, talking in low tones with someone over the phone.

"Hey, kiddo," Hank greeted, "Thanks," he hung up the phone, "Hi Kate."

"Hi Grandpa Hank," Kate whispered, leaning into Erin's leg, "You gonna find Daddy?"

He nodded, standing up from the desk and approaching his two girls. "You bet." Hank brought Erin into a hug, "I filed the missing persons report about an hour ago. We've got a bunch of people across the city looking for him. We flagged his plates. We'll find him, Erin."

She nodded against his shoulder, still holding Kate's hand tightly. "Thanks, Hank."

"How about some breakfast?" he asked, putting on a smile, "Kate, what do you think about heading to the diner? Maybe we could have an omelet or pancakes?"

"Daddy made pancakes the odder day," Kate murmured, looking up at her grandfather sadly, "We ate them with choc-lit chips."

"I'm sure they have chocolate chip pancakes," Hank said, furrowing his brow when the little girl shook her head.

"I don't want breakfast. I just want Daddy." Kate turned her face into Erin's leg, "I not hungry."

"Sweetheart, we have to get some food in you," Erin ran a hand over Kate's head, looking worriedly at her father-figure, "Remember what Uncle Will said? If you don't eat, it could be really bad for your tummy."

"I'm too worried to eat," she whimpered, sounding close to tears as her voice was muffled by Erin's jeans, "Erryone is so worried 'bout Daddy, 's makin' me scared."

Despite her exhaustion, Erin leaned down and hoisted her little girl into her arms, settling her on her hip. "I know you're scared, baby, I'm scared too. But I don't want you to get sick, so can you please have a bite to eat? It would make me feel so much better."

Hank's cell phone rang shrilly before Kate could respond. "Yeah? Thanks, I'll be there in fifteen," he hung up and turned to Erin and Kate. "Change of plans. Kate, kiddo, I am going to head downtown to see a tech guy who may have found your dad's car-"

"I'm coming with you," Erin interrupted, whipping her head around and motioning for Ruzek and Atwater to join them in Hank's office, "Baby, do you think you would be okay to spend some time with Ruzek and Atwater? Grandpa Hank and I won't be long." She looked pleadingly at the two officers, who nodded to indicate that they were willing to take the little girl off Erin's hands.

"But you come back?" Kate asked immediately, pulling back alarmed from her place on Erin's hip, "You gonna come back?"

"Of course," Erin reassured her, "They'll just take you for some breakfast, and then I'll be back okay? I promise."

"What do you say Kev, I'm thinking…French toast. With strawberries," Ruzek winked at Kate, "How about you, little lady? Kev doesn't like to share so we'll definitely have to get you a whole pile of French toast with strawberries…and maybe bananas? What do you think?"

"Doesn't that sound delicious babes?" Erin asked, "I think that sounds so good."

"We bring some back for Mommy?" Kate asked, "She didn't eat e-der."

"Great idea," Hank confirmed, "Okay, Erin, we gotta go. We'll be back soon, kiddo."

"I love you," Erin whispered into her little girl's ear, holding her close against her chest, "Don't forget it. And I won't be long."

"One piece of French toast, I call that a victory," Ruzek said to Atwater as they entered the district. Atwater was holding Kate's hand gently and nodded in agreement. They had taken the littlest Halstead to the diner and convinced her to eat one slice of French toast. She has been practically silent the entire trip, only answering questions when she was asked. Kate was extremely fond of Atwater's gentle-giant persona but was clearly not feeling up to bantering with Ruzek like she normally did.

"You think Erin's gonna like the French toast?" Atwater asked Kate, shaking his hand lightly to get the little girl's attention, "I think the blueberries were a good choice."

Kate shrugged, "Is she back yet?"

"Not sure," Ruzek headed for the steps up to the office, "I didn't see Voight's car, but they'll probably be back any minute."

"Excuse me, do either of you know where I could find Sergeant Hank Voight?" A well-dressed woman stood from her seat on the bench, "It's rather important."

Ruzek and Atwater exchanged looks, Kate instinctively moving closer to Kevin's side. "Well, he's our boss, but he's out right now. What can we help you with?"

"My name is Margaret Cunningham, I'm a social worker from DCFS. I'm here in regards to the missing persons report that was filed on a Detective Jay Halstead," She glanced down at Kate, "I need to take his daughter into our custody. Are you Kate?" The social worker smiled kindly at the little girl.

Kate didn't say anything but stepped behind Kevin's leg. He put a protective arm in front of her. "Uh, ma'am, we've got things pretty much under control over here."

"Oh, Mr. Halstead has been located? Excellent, I just need to speak with him and I will be on my way," Ms. Cunningham looked around, "Do you know where I could find him?"

"He's, uh, indisposed, at the moment," Ruzek attempted, ever so slightly pushing Kate further behind Kevin's legs. The woman narrowed her eyes at him slowly.

"So he's still missing? In that case, I do need to bring Kate into our custody." She squatted down in front of the little girl, who was now trembling beside Kevin. Ruzek and Atwater exchanged nervous looks. "Hi sweetheart, do you mind coming with me? Just for a little chat? I work with a lot of kids, and when their parents aren't around, I come to help."

"Her mother is coming right back," Ruzek piped up, reaching into his pocket to dial Erin, "She's just out right now, but I'll call her."

The social worker stood and looked curiously at Atwater, "Kate's file shows that her mother is deceased."

"Uh, her biological mother. Detective Erin Lindsay is her mother, she's on her way back here, right now." Kevin reached down at lifted Kate into his arms. She buried her face in his neck, unwilling to look at the woman who wanted to take her away.

"Can we see your credentials?" Ruzek asked, extending his palm for a business card or another physical confirmation of Cunningham's employment, "And Lindsay will be back momentarily."

Margaret Cunningham reached into her purse and produced a business card. "And I can show you my social license as well if you like. But unfortunately, Ms. Lindsay is not a biological relative of Kate Halstead, therefore I cannot leave the child in her custody."

"Detective Lindsay is her mother," Atwater argued.

"This kid has been through hell and back and you want to take her from her mother?" Ruzek was incredulous, "I'm sorry, but that is complete crap."

"I'm sorry officers, but until Detective Halstead returns or is found, the state says I need to bring Kate into our care." At that, the little girl whimpered slightly, tightening her grip around Atwater's neck. He could feel the tears dripping onto his shoulder and held his ground firmly, unwilling to pass the child into the social worker's waiting arms.

"You're going to have to wait until Detective Lindsay returns. She'll be here soon," Ruzek stated, turning to the door as he heard it getting pushed open.

"Kate?" Erin called, hurrying into the front desk area. Immediately, the little girl lifted her head off Kevin's shoulder and faced her mother with tear stained cheeks. "Oh, baby." She accepted the little girl from Atwater and cradled her against her chest, "I'm here, don't worry."

"She's trying to take me away," Kate wailed, bursting into tears, "I don't wanna go, I don't wanna!"

Erin faced the social worker angrily, "What is the meaning of this?"

"Detective Lindsay, my name is Margaret Cunningham, I'm here from DCFS to take Kate into our custody as her father was listed as a missing person this morning," the social worker said calmly, "And seeing as you are not of biological relation, I cannot leave the child with you."

"Bullshit," Erin spat, holding Kate tighter, "I'm her mother. I'm in the process of adopting her."

"While that may be the case, you are not currently her legal guardian. Legally, the state requires me to take this child and I am asking for your cooperation on this."

"You don't have it," Erin sputtered, "This is my daughter. You cannot just take her from me." She was dangerously close to tears through her fury, glaring at the woman menacingly, "You can't."

"I'm sorry, but I have to. Her father is missing." Margaret Cunningham reached toward the little girl.

Kate elicited a shriek and clung tighter to Erin. "No, no, no! I'm not goin'!"

"Just until your father returns," the social worker said, "Only for a little bit."

"No!" Kate sobbed, "No, no, no!"

"I can't let you take her," Erin shook her head furiously, tears now trickling down her own cheeks, "She's my daughter."

"I'm sorry, I really am. But it's required by law." The woman reached out again.

"Erin," Hank said. He had entered the district but had been standing quietly by the door, "I think you need to let the woman do her job."

"No!" Erin and Kate said simultaneously. Erin glared at Hank, "She stays with me."

"It might be for the best, until we find Halstead," Hank reasoned, "Keep her away from everything."

"No, no, please!" Kate wept, "Please don't let her take me away, Mommy, please!"

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