Handshake

Roger was taken aback by her words.

'Alone? Why did she feel alone?'

He was going to ask the question, but couldn't through his anger. It made him feel like his ego would be wounded if he attempted to comfort her after saying everything he did.

Lila lowered her face into her knees to hide it from his view before continuing.

"I didn't expect things to be so much more difficult when you passed out. I had never experienced anything like it. I wasn't sure if you would ever wake up, if you would die in your sleep and leave me here to fend for myself. Growing up I heard so many stories of people losing their lives to mana exhaustion, and when I felt how cold your body was I thought you would be next."

A layer of sadness and loneliness coated every word.

"That first day was the hardest. I barely slept, instead focusing on trying to keep you alive. You seemed to breathe more easily when warm so I kept you near the fire, which meant I had to keep it running. The wood didn't last long, so I went into the forest to find more."

Lila shivered, making her look even smaller.

"I thought every sound was some kind of beast sneaking up on me. I must have summoned Vronti a dozen times, ready to fight for my life, only to turn around and realize it was nothing. Each time it happened I was reminded what it would be like to survive out here with no one else nearby."

Roger listened intently. Her story wasn't making his points less valid, but it was showing him a new side of her. 

A more vulnerable one.

"Growing up, I was rarely alone. If it wasn't my parents, it was tutors, or my brother when he would visit."

The word brother piqued Roger's interest. He remembered how she had previously stopped in the middle of a sentence when mentioning him.

At first, Roger had thought he was an awful sibling like his own adoptive ones had been, but the tone with which she spoke about him seemed to indicate otherwise. 

'He must be special, but why? Why does she not like to talk about him?'

"Coming to Avar was already a surprise. The doctors who saw me said it wouldn't happen till I had turned sixteen at least. It happening a few months before then put me off balance, and then being faced with the wilderness alone almost broke me."

She finally looked up at him, her eyes glistening with tears.

"The only reason I kept fighting was the hope that you would survive so I wouldn't have to go through this by myself. I thought about how I had been treating you and I regretted it, but you have to understand I don't know what I'm doing! To you, I must seem like I know everything about Avar, but I really don't. I'm scrambling to learn just as much as you are, so every time you asked me a question it felt like a reminder of how little I have figured out."

Her words resonated with Roger. 

It didn't make him jump to forgiving her, but it at least made sense to him. He doubted he would feel very good if the responsibilities seemed to rest at his feet, especially if he felt as lost and blindsided as Lila claimed she did.

He sighed, the tension leaving his shoulders as his muscles relaxed.

Roger looked at her and understood that he would have to work with her, even if it wounded his pride. Accepting her apology, even though it wasn't really an apology, would be the first step to make that happen.

'Gods, why is it so difficult to just throw the towel in? I know it's the right choice but it still hurts!'

Gritting his teeth and swallowing his first choice of words, Roger spoke in what he intended to be a flat tone, but it still contained the remnants of his irritation.

"Look, I didn't mean to constantly remind you of our situation. I want to get out of here just as much as you do, but I can't do that when I know nothing about this planet. I also didn't mean to make you feel alone by getting myself in that coma. I'm just trying to survive, and clearly you and I have to work together to make that a reality."

What he said wasn't entirely true, especially the part about him wanting to get out of there, but he thought it was better to lie to her rather than explain his past.

Just because she was sharing hers doesn't mean he was obligated to do the same.

Lila watched him for a moment without moving.

Trying to figure out how to assuage her fears even more, he thought back to when he saw two prisoners fight over a misunderstanding. Once they figured out that it was all for nothing, one of them had extended a gesture to the other.

Roger stuck out his right hand.

"You were right earlier. If we learn to fight together and trust each other, then we stand a shot of killing some of the monsters roaming these woods. I didn't mean to snap at you earlier, it wasn't the right time to let all those emotions out. What do you say we shake hands and try to start over?"

He once again lied to her, feeling he was justified in his prior anger, but knew it wouldn't help his case to double down on it.

Lila seemed to appreciate it, as she only hesitated for a second before placing her own thin hand in his, giving it what was most likely her attempt at a firm shake.

'I can see why people do this. It feels like there's more of a connection after shaking her hand.'

She wiped away the tears at the corner of her eyes and sniffled once, slowly letting her legs extend back out. 

Her hair had become tangled from her movements that evening, making her look messy. It didn't help that her once-white clothes now had multiple brown stains from the dirt and mud they lived in.

When she spoke, her voice was soft, but Roger could tell she felt a little better already.

"I'd like a restart too. From the start this place has been pushing us around, I don't want to have to face it on my own."

Roger flashed her a small smile, hoping it came across as comforting.

Deep down, he too appreciated having someone around who wanted to help him overcome the challenges the forest presented. 

At least until he had his own strength.

'I don't like this feeling of having to rely on someone else. If I had my way, I'd rank up to the point I could fend off the government and then find the kind of people who know how awful Earth can be.'

It was a little cruel to think such things after telling Lila he would trust and work with her, but it was the truth.

She would always be from a different world than he was. Maybe the planet they grew up on had been the same, but she didn't have to survive in a concrete box just because her parents were criminals. 

Lila had said it herself, she had been able to occasionally see a show between her lessons. 

Roger would have done unspeakable things to get that opportunity.

Thinking back to his time in prison, he remembered some words that the warden had said to warn them against fighting his authority.

"You don't get to be old by being stupid."

Outwardly he smiled, but inside he hardened his heart to her, making a silent vow to not trust her completely.

Not until she earned it.

Finally letting her hand go, he looked up at the sky. 

The sun had disappeared, leaving a dark tapestry of stars interwoven with three moons, one larger than the other two combined.

Roger didn't know what their names were, and didn't want to ask Lila, so he decided to leave them nameless.

"It's getting pretty late. We should go to sleep so we are well rested for tomorrow. Then we can start training to take on some of the forest's creatures."

Lila nodded wordlessly, her energy lost in their argument.

Roger turned away from her to eat his dinner while she stood and took her own to where she slept.

The meat was finally cold enough to hold but still felt warm to the touch. Taking a bite, Roger thought it tasted better than usual, before remembering the spice Lila had been excited about.

'Not bad, not bad at all.'

He finished his meal quickly, hoping it would give him some fuel for the next morning.

Roger had a feeling it was going to be a very busy one.