Great Escape

With a twist of her hips, Jako Langst caught the attention of half the people in the mess hall. They weren't used to new faces, and especially weren't used to new faces attached to bodies like hers.

"'Ey, more whiskey over 'ere!" called one particularly brave goblin, and Jako turned over to him.

"Right up, sir!"

Her voice had taken on a honeyed drawl for apparently no reason. As she swaggered back towards the kitchen, she heard murmurs extolling her virtues, both body-wise and personality-wise.

"Another mug of whiskey, if you pleaaase," yawned Jako to the attendant at the counter, who poured it without so much as a glance towards her. "Thank ya kindly," she sighed, receiving the mug and infusing her motions with what she saw as panache.

Suddenly, the crowd hushed and heads turned away from Jako, towards the mess hall door, where the captain now stood. His arms were crossed and his foot tapped threateningly against the floorboards- his eye jittered in Jako's direction.

"Well, good evening, sir!" mewled Jako, aware it was only midday.

"Ye were supposed to wait in yer quarters for me," he roared, and the room held its breath as if watching a shootout between two cowboys.

"Really? Now, I thought I was supposed to be in the scullery, like a good scullery maid ought to be!"

"This be not the scullery, wench."

"Really? Then what's a scullery, pray tell?"

"The dishwashing room!"

Strained giggles escaped the lips of a few pirates.

"Oh," gasped Jako, one hand over her mouth, setting the mug of whiskey down on the bar counter. "Oh, gosh, really? What a blunder. I tell you, I'll go there now-"

"No! Ye give me the treasure now!"

"Treasure? I'm afraid I don't know anything about a-"

"Don't play dumb with me," growled the captain, tramping across the room and snatching Jako by the hair, leaning into her face. "I know it be in yer backpack."

She gulped. No way out! Were those alarm bells she was hearing in her head? She couldn't tell.

"Uhhhh," she drawled, "Well, uh..."

His breath got hotter and his face got closer. What was his end game? She shut her eyes and reached into her backpack- maybe it was best to disobey Syldie's plan, just this once-

-She felt a ray gun being pressed into her palm.

"Fire in the hole," she whispered.

"Wh-"

She wrenched her hand from the backpack, bare-knuckling her gun and spraying an unhinged volley of laser rays across the room in every direction! Pirates hid under the tables and held up their plates. The captain lumbered backwards, setting off tremors with every step, mask singed by a stray ray, clutching his eye in anguish.

"Ye'll pay for this," he croaked, pulling a hand cannon from inside his jacket.

"I don't intend to, but thanks for the offer!"

The pirates- at least, those who hadn't fled the room at the first sign of gunfire- gasped and snickered at the comeback despite how nonsensical it was. This enraged the Captain, who charged towards Jako, hand cannon blazing! At the last second, she managed to fling herself out of the way, and the beam sizzled through the wall of the mess hall, burning a conspicuous porthole into the restrooms next door.

By the time the cannon was charged again, Jako had already taken off, firing the occasional ray backwards to deter any pursuers.

"What are ye waiting for?" hollered the Captain. "After her!"

Jako could hear a gaggle of pirates gaining on her! She just had to get to the exit, and luckily enough, she remembered where it was- from there, it was only a matter of trusting Syldie. Trusting Syldie... why was that so difficult? Why couldn't she shake the feeling that she'd just be jumping to her death?

Before long, the hatch was in sight, and as it slid open, her heart slid into her throat. The drop was massive! If she fell, she would die for sure, and worse, they wouldn't even be able to identify her body- it would be like ketchup, but the green kind they used to sell at the corner store in her Russet Belt hometown.

"Syldie," Jako puled, "You sure about this one?"

There was no verbal response, only a kick to the back.

Jako gulped. Just then, the throng of pirates spilled through the exit bay doors, headed by a muscular man with a visor that covered his entire face and displayed the image of a skull and crossbones. Just as the grunt pirates launched themselves towards Jako, the man held out his hand and froze them instantly in their tracks.

"Stand down," bellowed the man. "We must make it clear to this prisoner that we are not stupid."

Jako turned around, a dark silhouette in front of the bright sky beyond the hatch.

"I am first mate Aerel," he said, "And I wish to remind you of your rights; that is to say, I wish to remind you that you have none. You signed them all away in your employment contract. Of course, I doubt you read it."

"I read it," affirmed Jako. "Duh."

"Then you know you're on an Edgeworld, and thus outside of the Governing Bureau's jurisdiction."

"I know, and by the way, I understand what all of that means," Jako said, trying to sound educated but failing miserably. "I just didn't sign it."

First Mate Aerel's whole demeanor changed. His poise shook for a second, and his teeth gnashed.

"You... didn't sign it?"

"No- I wrote, 'sorry, I disagree to the terms' in Russet Beltish. And I drew a smiley face, too, because-"

"You idiots!"

Idiots? Jako realized he was no longer talking to her, but to the crowd of pirates, who shrunk back at the sound of his angered voice.

"None of you checked the contract? There's not a single person here who can read Russet Beltish?"

No one spoke up, and Jako took the opportunity to stick one foot out of the hatch and feel the air. It was air, alright- thin air, half a kilometer of thin air down to the ground.

"Go ahead and jump, if you'd like," said Aerel. "You'll die. We'll take the treasure from your corpse."

"Thanks for the permission," said Jako, voice cracking.

Then, thinking only of Syldie's face- Syldie's little, red, angry face- she let go of the hatch edge and plummeted backwards towards the ground,

air whistling past her ears,

wishing desperately for a way out of the inevitable,

eyes shut, seeing only red.

And then it stopped.

The whistling quieted, and it was replaced with the distinct sound of a roaring engine below her. She wasn't moving- she was still. Had she died? What was that squeezing sensation on her waist?

She cracked one eye open. The sky was above her- or below her, she couldn't tell.

She cracked the other eye open. Suddenly, the reality of her situation clicked into place, and she thanked the universe for keeping her alive. Maybe she should thank Syldie, instead?

"Thanks, Syldie," she tried to say, but it came out as a squeak."

"It's not over yet," said her partner from within the backpack. "We still have to get off this planet somehow! What can you see from out there?"

She looked around. Two of Syldie's precious rocket gloves grasped her by the waist, keeping her airborne, and another glove held up the backpack. They were about a quarter of a kilometer off the ground- at least by Jako's folk measurement techniques- and were hovering above an industrial-looking area, looking down on tightly-packed barracks, factories pumping out toxic smoke, and a giant hot dog with 'NOVADOG' printed on the side. No ships in sight, except for the pirate ship she'd just leaped out of.

Far above her, the exit hatch snapped shut, and Jako exhaled with all the force her subconscious mind could muster.

"Uh," muttered Jako, "A bunch of little gray buildings and a giant hot dog."

"WHAT?"

"A bunch of-"

"I heard you! It's just... did you say a giant hot dog?"

"It says Nova Dog on the side."

"Oh, so it's a ship shaped like a hot dog, I'd wager?"

Now that Jako had a closer look, maybe it was. There were windows lining the sides and what looked like an entry hatch where the sausage met the bun- unusual for an actual hot dog, for sure.

"Uh... I think so-"

Syldie managed to wrestle her head from the bag. She looked a little silly peeking out like that, but Jako was too exhausted to laugh.

"Yep, that's a ship... but it won't do. We should probably get to some sort of civilian district and then borrow a smaller one."

"Riiight, borrow," said Jako with a wink.

"No! We aren't stealing a ship! That's illegal!"

"This is an Edgeworld, remember? The justice system here is village-auntie based... vigli-an..."

"Vigilante. And I know, but we don't want vigilantes after us either. The pirates will probably send a ground crew out for your corpse soon, so... augh! Why am I saying all of this? Stupid, stupid! We need to get outta here!"

The rocket hands sped up and pulled the duo rapidly away from the pirate ship. Jako felt a clunk and they abruptly dropped in altitude.

"...Are we going down?"

"That wasn't intentional! C'mon, c'mon... C'MON! Work, please work!"

The gloves dropped in altitude again, jittering and jostling. They sputtered as their grips got looser.

"No! Okay, okay, we need to stop!"

In one last reeling motion, the gloves tugged Jako and Syldie down towards the roof of what looked like an apartment complex, then gave out entirely, clanking to the ground, engines fizzling out.

"Ugh," groaned Jako. "I guess I understand why... you... don't use those things..."

"At least you gained something from this whole experience," Syldie retorted.

As Jako's eyes fluttered open, she rolled onto her side and caught sight of a clothesline on the roof. The garments were far too bulky for her physique- and therefore too bulky for Syldie's physique at well. But she had seen a movie with a scene like this...

"Syldie, I have an idea," Jako rasped, rearing up onto her knees. "But you won't like it."

"Save your breath."

"Okay. I'll just show you, then."

Half out of morbid curiosity, Syldie opened her eyes and watched as Jako stumbled over to the clothesline and tore it down. Why did she have to do everything in such an ungainly way? Why not take down the individual clothes?

Syldie was too out of breath to say any of that, though, and so she resigned herself to the plan, which she could now understand.

In a silent expression of her camaraderie, she pulled down a dress ten sizes too large and draped it over herself like a kid dressing up as a ghost on halloween. Jako was climbing into a set of monster overalls and stuffing the biceps with fabric. With a sigh, Syldie heaved the charred and beat-up rocket gloves back into her bag, which she brought with her underneath the dress.

"Now we need to get to a civilian area. I'm not doing anything else illegal-"

Two voices carried over the wind. First Mate Aerel and another, lower voice, probably one of the grunts.

"What...? They're not here, boss!"

"Not there? What in the universe does that mean?"

"It means they're not here!"

Syldie's heart sank.

"There's no time," she yipped. "I'll get back in the backpack, and..."

"And?"

"...and I'll trust you to get us off their radar." It was an unfamiliar sentence and an even more unfamiliar sentiment. "Don't let me down, dummy!"

"On it, boss," replied Jako, giving a mock salute and picking up the backpack as Syldie slithered inside. "And what if I need you to pick a lock?"

There was a deep sigh slightly muffled by the fabric of the bag.

"Just put my hand near the lock." Syldie stuck her hand out of the little hole created by the zipper not being fully up. "I can do it with my eyes closed."

"You don't have to have your eyes closed. I'm sure the bag will have basically the same effect."

Syldie sighed again. "Look, I'm trusting you, okay?"

"Okay."

And with that, Syldie was silent and still, just like before. Using the Russet Belt guesstimation folk measurement system, she scanned the area for any ship she could reach in under five minutes, but found only one- the hot dog, which towered over nearby buildings.

"Forgive me, Syldie," she whispered.

"What?" Syldie whispered in response.

Jako didn't repeat herself. Instead, she sprung between roofs, treaded carefully along precipices, and vaulted off ledges towards the NovaDog ship. As it got closer, it became clearer and clearer that it was not, in fact, a real giant hot dog, but a ship shaped like one. For most people that would have been obvious from the start, but not for Jako.

With a perilous leap, she landed next to the entry bay. Locked.

"I need your skills," she said, grabbing Syldie's wrist from the backpack and directing it to the lock. Twenty seconds later, dread hung in the air, and Syldie's fiddling was proving useless.

"Uh, Syldie...?"

"Let me focus!"

Jako gulped again. Her throat was getting sore from all this gulping.

Ten, nine... why was she counting down? Nothing was going to happen. But she'd freak out if Syldie didn't finish. Sure, that'd work-

Eight, seven, six... sweaty, biting her fingernails.

Five, four, three... almost hyperventilating. Looking left and right. Becoming paranoid.

Two...

Pop!

With the world's most satisfying noise, Syldie pulled her electro-pin from the lock and the hatch swung open into a dark chamber.

"Woo-hoo!" Jako pumped her fists as she swung inside, almost dancing. The door shut and plunged her into total darkness.

"Where's the light... oh!"

Her hand found the switch and she flicked it on... to reveal two employees, sitting up in their little beds and staring right at the duo.

Both of the pairs were the headlights, and both of the pairs were the deer in said headlights.

Think fast!

Think fast, Jako thought, and she acted fast, too. With a theatrical flick of her wrist, she reached past Syldie's exposed head and pulled her raygun from the backpack!

"We're with the Governing Bureau's investigation department," she said, brandishing the weapon towards the frightened employees, "And we're commandeering this vehicle!"