Picayune

I know very well what it's like to be afraid.

Hell my whole life I've felt afraid. Afraid I'd get beaten, afraid I'd fail in school and many other things. But after experiencing the many beating I did, I stopped feeling fear because I became used to it.

Well saying used to it wouldn't be right, I guess it was more so being numb to it, I became numb to the pain. Once you get hit a few times, the pain kinda dies down and feels more like a sting. Our bodies are quite resilient like that.

Of course they still hurt but I've found ways to ease the pain, so after that I never really feared my father again. Even when I knew I was going to die, I wasn't afraid. If anything I felt more so relieved.

So I was quite surprised at myself when I felt this fear for the first time in a long time because I finally thought I was incapable of being afraid after becoming numb to it. I realized that the man before was nothing like my father. Although he didn't have any malicious intent towards me, I couldn't help the shivers that rain down my spine and the goosebumps forming on my forearms. But of course I wasn't going to let such feelings be shown.

This man was the one person I didn't want to show my weakness to. These are kind of weirds thoughts for a 6 year old child to have but my mind was that of 17 year old, I have to say having a mature mind definitely helps in these kinds of situations because any other child would of fallen to the ground when faced with this man.

Maybe it was also because the body I was occupying was that of Simuel Grey, who was by no means a normal child the fear I felt slowly left and I felt at peace. I had the courage the step forward and greet him.

"Welcome back Father."

As soon as those words left my mouth I noticed there was a slight change in his expression but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

Hmm, I must've imagined it.

He gave me second look and immediately made his way into the mansion as if he'd never left for a whole month.

This was going to be a lot harder than I thought, I sighed to myself. I felt a slight pat on my shoulder and looked up to see Gwendolyn giving me a smile.

She then lead me back into the house followed by everyone else.

...…..

After that debacle, I made my way to the library to fetch some more books.

I had spent most of the night reading and doing research and completed my books shortly after waking the following morning. Since I didn't have much to do today, I decided to spend my time in the library.

The library is where I was most at peace. This time Gwendolyn was the one to guide me there and she let me know that she would be bringing some snacks at noon. I thanked her and made my way inside.

I decided to read a bit more history books to increase my knowledge of the world and piece together my memories of the novel with the existing memories I had from Simuel.

Even though Simuel didn't like to study, he still read quite a lot in order not to fall behind on his classes. Speaking of classes, Gwendolyn let me know that they would be resuming in 2 days since they were put on pause due to my being sick. I felt excited just thinking about it.

Again I was a nerd in my previous life and loved to study, so of course the thought of learning made me happy. I left the history section and made my way towards the martial arts section. It wouldn't hurt to read a bit about swordsmanship just in case I might need to learn someday.

Just the thought of it made my head hurt but I knew it wasn't something I could avoid. I am a Grey after and learning swordsmanship is non-negotiable. I selected some books that talked about the basics and sat at the table in front of me.

An hour later Gwendolyn came back with a tray filled with cute little sandwiches, some dessert and tea. She served me lunch and told me she would come back in another hour. One thing I liked about Gwendolyn was that she gave me a lot space, which I appreciated very much.

I wouldn't be able to concentrate if there was constantly someone staring at me. I started eating my snacks while reading and time quickly went by after that.

Meanwhile in another room ….

"How were your travels this time your grace?" Asked Emille the head butler of the Grey Estate.

"The usual." Replied Donellan curtly.

Emille was already used to his master's curt and simple replies. He had been serving the Grey family for decades. But just because he was used to it, didn't mean he liked it. He signed in heart. Just as cold as always he thought to himself.

"I take it you weren't able to find what you were looking for?" He asked tentatively.

Although he knew that asking Donellan this question could lead to trouble, he still wanted to take the risk.

Earl Grey had been looking for a solution to help his son's condition for quite some time now. But he either couldn't find anything or he had other pressing issues to deal with such as dealing with the annoying royal family.

Just thinking about it made him boil in anger.

Donnellan gave Emille a cold look which briefly froze him in place, he had already expected this kind of reaction so he wasn't surprised but getting stared at directly by this man still gave him the shivers.

The only reason why he even dared ask this question was because Emille was quite fond of little Simuel and cared for him deeply. He didn't want to see the young master suffer anymore. Donellan sighed and finally gave him the reply he was looking for.

"Fruitless, but I was able to find a lead." He said simply.

"A lead is better than nothing."

"Right. Tell me how is the boy?" Asked Donellan

Emille sighed once again in his heart. His master wasn't completely indifferent to his son since he always asked Emille for a report on his condition and his overall well being.

"Young Master Simuel is doing fine your grace. He has recovered from his cold and is doing much better." He said with a small smile.

He hesitated slightly and finally said "Gwendolyn actually told me that the little master has been going to the library quite a lot lately."

The Earl who was busy writing down reports finally looked up from his paper and gave Emille a look. This was quite the news for him.

Through the several reports he'd gotten over the years, it was noted that although Simuel was a bright child, he never chose to read willingly.

But Donellan never thought much about and chopped it up to him being too young. So he quite surprise to hear that his son was actually taking in interest in reading.

"He's reading?" Asked Donellan to confirm what Emille had just told him.

"Yes your grace, he's taken quite the interest in history and swordsmanship."

Donellan raised his eyebrow at what he'd just hard. What in the world has gotten into that boy he thought to himself. Donellan then remembered the scene that took place earlier this morning.

The boy who had never looked him the eye actually did for the first time. And he could see a glimmer of determination in those eyes as well. Donellan who had never smiled let alone laugh finally let a low chuckled under his breath. This scene shocked Emille to his core.

The Earl looked up at his head butler and let him know he could leave. As Emille closed to door to his master's study he couldn't help but pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"What in the world is going?!" He wondered out loud.