Sixty-seven

I woke warm and comfortable on a soft bed. My mind remained my own, my body too, and I felt joy lift my spirits as I open my eyes and saw I was home. Sunlight filtered through the window, and I heard people outside. It was one of the best things I had heard in a long time.

I got up and drank some water and ate some food, then stepped outside myself. Immediately, hands grasped my waist and picked me up, spinning me around. At first, I was startled, then I saw Roan and smiled. "About time!" he said up to me, then set me down. "You've slept for almost two days."

"I needed it."

He embraced me, and I let myself be comforted by him, let myself gain strength. "How are you?"

"I feel better than I have in a while, but it may take time to get back to myself."

He pulled back and looked at me. "As long as you let me know how I can help."

I smiled. "There is one thing right now that I could use."

Roan and I entered the cave and sighed. It was our spot. A spot where we could talk, we could be free, we could let everything in the world fall away and be ourselves. While I knew Aspen wanted to ask me questions, and Jed and Inara needed my attention, I needed to break away.

"Mother would have been so proud of you," Roan whispered, watching me carefully.

I smile a little and sit on a pile of blankets. "She would have been proud of you too."

"Why do you say that?"

I glanced at him. "I saw her."

Roan stilled. "Are you sure it wasn't Marin or Lucas?"

"No, but she made me come back when I wanted to give up. I don't think Lucas or Marin would have tried to get me to stay."

Roan shrugged. "I just don't want your hopes up. I don't want you believing something if it isn't real."

"I will never know if that was real, Roan. But I know you are." I smiled. "I know you are my brother and you love me. That isn't my mind playing tricks on me. And because of that, I don't want to let go. I don't want my mind to wander. I only told you so you knew. So you could tell me exactly what you did."

"You wanted me to tell you it was probably a trick?"

I nod. "So that I don't want to try and see her again. I don't want to die."

Roan nods, understanding. "I don't want you to die either."

I lean my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. "I love you, Roan."

We stayed in the cave for the night and returned home the next day. I didn't know what would happen next, but I knew Roan would be by my side the whole time. He wouldn't let me go, and I appreciated that.

I hugged my brother then went to find Inara and Jed. They were with Cat, who was cradling Jed while Inara slept. I thanked Cat and took Jed, swaying gently. That is how Aspen found me five minutes later.

Cat excused herself and I lay Jed down beside his sister. Aspen came up beside me and took my hand. "How are you?"

"Okay."

Aspen made me turn to him and cupped my face. "Zahra, I'm serious. Marin wasn't a very good man and he hurt you. It's okay to be not okay."

"I'm just not thinking about it."

"For how long?"

"As long as I can."

Aspen sighed. "Zahra-"

"I can't Aspen. I am grateful for your help, happy we got through it, but I want to forget. I don't want think about it unless I have to."

"And if I make you?"

My eyes narrowed on him. "Don't, Aspen. I won't forgive you if you make me do something I don't want to do."

He raised his hands and stepped back. "I won't force you, but you won't heal unless you confront your fears." He left.

I looked down and caressed Jed's cheek. Aspen may be right, but he didn't understand. He didn't understand exactly how much Marin hurt me in those final moments. No one did. And I didn't have to confront it if Marin was dead.

I would find peace. And I would do it without any more suffering.