Forty-five

It has been weeks since Inara and Jed were born, weeks since I had felt Lucas's pull, weeks since any of us had seen a sign of Marin, and I was beginning to go crazy with worry. I didn't know when Lucas would make his move. I didn't know where he would try to get me alone. I was scared, but tried to hide it from my brother and Aspen. They didn't need to worry about my sanity again, not when they seemed to be happier than ever before.

However, I couldn't hide from June. She noticed my distracted thoughts as we sparred one day and I nearly got impaled on a spear of ice. She stopped last second and stared at me, then pulled away and sighed. "Zahra, let's go on a walk."

I nod absently and get up from the ground, following her down a path into the forest.

"You're scared," the woman said softly.

I blinked and hugged myself. "Is it that obvious?"

June chuckled. "Maybe not to everyone, but to me, yes." She gave me a sympathetic smile. "It's okay, Zahra. Being afraid means you're alert."

"But I feel paranoid for no reason. He has only shown up once. There's nothing about that saying he'll come back."

"No, but you said he promised to get you back, right?"

"That could be arrogance, though."

June shrugged. "Could be, but Lucas isn't one to make empty threats."

"So, you're saying that me being paranoid is a good thing?"

"I think you're being alert and prepared, Zahra. You're doing everything in your power to survive without hiding in a corner and breaking down." June sighed and tipped her head back. "You're doing fine for someone who has gone through so many changes."

I smile a little. "Even when I wasn't myself?"

June laughed. Looking at me, her brown eyes twinkle merrily. "Roan finally got the little sister he missed watching grow up. It was all the more better when you looked to him for help instead of anyone else."

I blush. "Please tell me I didn't do anything too embarrassing!"

June grinned and I knew that there were stories going to be told.

Later, we return to the village and June goes her own way while I go find my children, who were supposed to be with Aspen, but were with Cat instead. I took Jed into my arms, as he was fussy, and looked around. "Where are Aspen and Roan?"

"They are probably doing some guy talk," Cat said with a roll of her eyes. "But it doesn't matter."

"Why?"

She smiled. "Because, I get to spend time with you!"

I laugh as she spreads her wings and flaps them with a sigh of contentment. "What about the children?"

She shrugged. "Zahra, you need to have a little fun! We'll give your two beautiful babies to their uncle Sorrel while we fly for a bit."

I raise a brow. "And Sorrel knows he's babysitting?"

Cat shrugged. "He will when we leave the babies in his arms."

Shaking my head, I decide to go along with her plan. We hurried over to the white-haired man and Cat shoved both babies into his arms before dragging me away without a second look back.

Soon, she had me in the sky and soaring above the trees. I thought that maybe Cat was right in saying I needed some fun, because as soon as the wind was whipping my hair back, I relaxed and forgot about everything and everyone. All my worries and doubts flew away, as if the fresh air cleansed my mind. I stopped thinking. I stopped being mother, scared girl, sister, friend, foe, daughter… I stopped being Zahra.

Until I felt it…

My eyes snapped open and looked around, searching for any signs of the being who caused such a pull from my body. But everything was too small as we were too high up to make out anything beyond trees.

I tried to open my mouth, tried to warn Cat that something was wrong, that I needed to go home and find Roan. But my mouth stayed shut. My body didn't move a bit as my brain raced. I needed help. I needed Roan. I needed someone to anchor me so that I wouldn't be pulled away.

But nothing came from my mouth as Cat continued to fly for another hour.

When we landed, I stood rigidly, my fingers curling into my palm until I felt the skin break and blood begin to ooze. The pain did nothing to lessen the pull.

What was happening?

"Zahra?" Cat was in front of me, staring at me with confusion. "Zahra, are you okay?"

No, I was not okay! I was not anywhere near okay! But my body refused to let me beg her for help. Instead, my lips curled up and my mouth began to work. "Yes. I am just a little unsteady."

Cat arches a brow. "You have never been unsteady before."

My shoulders lift in a shrug. "It must be the after affects of being pregnant."

Cat shrugs and walks away to talk to someone else. I want to beg her to come back and help me, to free me from this hopeless hold over me that I can't shake off.

I begin walking, unsure at first where I was going until I saw Inara in Roan's arms, being rocked to sleep. I willed my body to stop, to turn around and leave the vicinity. I failed.

However, Aspen appeared before me halfway to my brother and took me into his arms, embracing me. "Sorrel told me you were with Cat. Did you have fun?"

Again, my mouth worked against me. "Yes. I had a lot of fun."

Aspen pulled back and smiled down at me. "You look better than I have seen in a long time."

"I think the flight helped my mood. But I do feel better," I say.

Inside, I am screaming. I want to break the hood and cling to Aspen with everything I've got. I want to tell him that he was not talking to me, but his father. I wanted to beg him to help.

Aspen leaned down, as if to kiss me, but I held up a hand and stopped him. "I need to check on the babies. I haven't seen them all day."

Aspen looks momentarily hurt, but smiles and steps aside. "Sure."

As I continue to Roan, I can't help but feel defeated. I had hoped Aspen would see, would know something was wrong, but he was blind.

Then, I'm grabbed by the wrist and spun around. Aspen puts an arm around my waist and uses his free hand to cup my face. His blue eyes are searching mine. "Zahra, how did we first meet?"

"I ran into you."

Aspen shakes his head. "No."

All of a sudden, the hood on my body disappears and I'm left gasping, clutching Aspen's shoulders as I shake violently from the violation and intrusion.

"Aspen?"

"Hold on!" Aspen makes me look up at him. "Zahra?"

My hands cling to him tighter, possibly digging my nails into his skin, but I didn't care. "Aspen-"

I shut my eyes, shaking my head as I feel the pull again. It's forceful, defiant against my pleas and weak efforts against it to be free.

Then, it's gone as Aspen presses his lips to mine in a gentle kiss that made my body liquify. I was once again lost to thoughts and worries as everything faded and I plunged headfirst into the pleasure I was feeling.

After a few moments, Aspen pulled back and looked down at me. "Are you back?"

"He's stronger," I whisper shakily.

Aspen Carrie's me over to a fire and helps me sit down. "Zahra?"

I give my brother a weak smile. "I'm okay, Roan."

Aspen kneels in front of me and cups my face with both hands. "You're pale."

"I'm also shaky," I say with a small laugh.

Roan appears beside Aspen and takes both my hands. "What was he trying to make you do?"

"I think grab the babies." I squeeze my eyes shut and try to settle my body down, but it's only getting worse. "I don't know, but I need a few minutes, please?"

Roan nods and Aspen lets him pick me up and carry me away. I don't have enough strength to hug my brother, so I curl up against his chest and absorb his heat and breathe in his scent.

Once we are in his shelter and he has me laying down, I burst into tears. I can't stop myself. I just cry.

Roan cradles me close and whispers into my hair, letting me get my emotions out. It was good since I had been confining them for a while, but it also felt like I had confessed how weak I was. And I didn't want to be weak, no matter that I had my brother willing to be there for me whenever I needed it.