webnovel

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Ratio Bozo

Due to skill issue I'm re-posting this as a Fanfiction(did it as a Novel accidentally last time) This is a crack fic. That basically means it serves as an outlet for whatever I am feeling at the moment. Logic can be thrown out of the window here. As for the plot: This is a story of a person with lots of problems getting Transmigrating to another world, but he gets a power-up.

Megumon · Tranh châm biếm
Không đủ số lượng người đọc
11 Chs

Unit-01

 He's the strongest, of course not!

The pursuit continued throughout the ride to the Geofront, thankfully the Angel's IQ was that of a 3-year-old toddler. Katsuragi seemed too shaken to speak, holding the steering wheel with all her strength as she exhaled in relief. We were on a vehicle elevator, slowly going down. 

A grand sight of a naturally formed cave big enough to hold an entire city upside down. At the very bottom was a large inverted pyramid, with a smaller-sized normal pyramid at its edge. I knew that to be NERV HQ.

The elevator kept going down, bringing us to a complex under-- underground. It was a dome inside, with several dozen doors all around it, and with bridges connecting to one central structure. It was a headache to look at it. 

Getting out of the dark tunnel, a wave of bad vibes struck me. It was like a wave of uncomfortable heat, but worse. Every hair in my body stood up on its end, and my body began shaking like it was in the coldest place on earth.

I felt a mass of energy toward where we were going. To be more precise, it was below the place we were heading to. Assuming the mass of energy outside was the angel, I didn't have to think for too long to know what the mass -- which seemed to be larger and more dangerous -- underneath us was. 

I ignored the feeling as we slowly got out of the car, it was unneeded for the next stretch. 

Katsuragi parked her car in one of the lower levels and then got out of the car. With an exhausted sigh, she leaned against it, and finally, she spoke to me, "Not the greatest meet and greet, huh?"

She could say that thrice. I kept the fact the angel seemed to be attracted to my cursed energy to myself. Any more attention and I thought I might just die. "No... not the greatest."

Katsuragi smiled, then used her phone -- which looked about as ancient as the pyramids of Giza -- to call someone in the upper management to ask for a means of transportation to the NERV HQ. It didn't take long for a small cart to appear for both of us to get into. I stepped inside it, and Katsuragi decided to introduce herself finally. 

"Hello, I'm Katsuragi Misato, it's a late introduction," she nervously chuckled and scratched the back of her head. She looked back at the blue car and sighed -- probably in relief, she had three dozen payments on the lease according to the original series. 

"Ikari Shinji," I introduced myself and leaned against the railing while reading the manual. A lot of emphasis was put on not talking about things seen inside. Shinji broke several regulations three weeks into his life in Tokyo-3.

Katsuragi grabbed a piece of paper from her pocket and began examining it. I could tell she had no idea where to go from the blank stare she had while staring at the map in her hands. I could semi-understand her. The layout of this place was more chaotic than NekoArc's fanbase. 

"Chaotic first day am I right?" Katsuragi tried starting a conversation, but it was futile. The awkward silence that came to me should have made it clear that I wasn't interested in talking to her at all. 

Why? The answer was simple, I was too nervous about pretending to be Ikari Shinji in front of his dad. The nervousness kept my chest heavy and my breathing stilled. There was a sense of guilt in my mind in this circumstance, at the same time, I couldn't help but feel sorry for Shinji. 

I didn't like him as a character, but that doesn't mean I didn't understand him. A 14-year-old piloting a death machine and expected to risk his life for others... obviously, he would have a lot of problems. 

I bounced my foot up and down, fidgeting my thumbs as I looked down at the floor, reading parts of the booklet given to me by Katsuragi, which rested awkwardly on my lap. 

"Right, this is the first time you see your father in a long time. You are probably a little nervous right?" Katsuragi's comment took my attention, I looked at her and she smiled sympathetically. 

"Don't worry, it'll be fine." She looked back at the map in front of her and nervously looked at me. I leaned my head to look at the map, it did look very complex, but the path was not. There were hangars with letters and designated numbers depending on levels, and our path required us to go through one of them and keep going straight. In other words, nothing overly complex. The real question was... would I be able to tell Katsuragi that she was going in the wrong direction?

"Uh... Katsuragi-san... we have to go to B-20," Yes I would, I pointed in the direction of door B, and she looked at it, then at her map. "We just have to take an elevator over there right?"

"Just Misato is fine," She looked at the door, then at her map. Katsuragi put her fist over the palm of her hand and took an escalator to go up to that entry door. "Well spotted! Shinji-kun!" we traveled to door B-20 pretty quickly and Katsuragi's demeanor quickly changed. With a more confident attitude around her, she stepped inside a large command room full of technology I didn't understand.

Three holographic screens showing the general map of the area, the topography, and the elevation were right in the middle. Several radars and data were being pooled into screens with complex machinery behind them. It looked like your average sci-fi spaceship.

"How do you have holograms, but still haven't made a smartphone?" I let my thoughts out loud in a whisper walking into the room. In the back of the room, behind the entrance, there was a small panel with a man sitting confidently in front of a screen.

He had short hair and pronounced sideburns that connected with his chin beard. He wore round orange-tinged glasses and sat down while leaning forward with both hands in front of his face while interlocking fingers -- in other words like an anime villain.

"Prepare Unit-01 for launch, bring Akagi Ritsuko up so she can guide the Third Children into the EVA!" My supposed father's tone was cold and uncaring. I was expecting it to be bad, but with the way he stared at me and then ignored my general presence you'd think we weren't even acquaintances. 

"But Ayanami Rei is injured and is not apt for piloting!" Katsuragi's concern was touching. I looked at my father through the pane of glass. 

"I'm the replacement," I spoke while staring into Gendo's eyes. I clenched my fists and took a deep breath. I felt nervous, my heart wouldn't stop beating, it was like I was in a business pitch meeting that could change my life entirely. "I'm the one who will pilot Unit-01, am I right?... Whatever that is." I snuck that last part in there just in case but it probably sounded a lot more suspicious when I did.

"That's right," Gendo looked down -- which wasn't hard with my height, but the little isolated tower was unnecessary. "In a few seconds, Dr. Akagi will come up to lead you to the EVA--"

"While she comes up, let's catch up, talk a little even," I told him, it took a lot of bravery to say it, and when I did I felt my heart sink with the sheer silence. Clearly, the person I was talking to was more socially dead than I was, so I was forced to take the initiative, "Ahem. I'm not piloting anything without getting paid --"

"Is that all?" Gendo's interruption caught me off guard. Our gazes met and we stayed silent for a little while. 

"Uh... yes?" I awkwardly looked at Gendo, who stepped back from the glass pane, as if he had something else to do. 

"Your pay will be that of a Major while you are working with NERV," someone approached me and tapped my shoulder. They handed me a piece of paper, a contract with the NERV logo on the top right corner.

I quickly read through it, my medical fees were taken care of, and housing and food would be provided too. I'd get a Major's salary until my service, which could be terminated whenever Gendo felt like it according to the contract. 

Although I had the salary of a Major, I didn't have the status or authority of one. 

I had to be available whenever they needed me, in other words technically I'd work 24 hours a day. I got no holidays and would have to run tests, practice drills, and more during the afternoon. 

I signed the contract and the person there grabbed the piece of paper and went back to his station. Soon after, an elevator ding took my attention from the most awkward reunion of all time to a Blond Doctor. She had blond hair reaching her shoulders which was clearly dyed, green eyes, and under her doctor lab coat, she had a one-piece swimsuit. 

"So you must be the Third Children, Ikari Shinji," I nodded at the call of my name, she stepped forward, "Come with me, we don't have much time. My name is Akagi Ritsuko." She began walking back to the elevator. "Come, we are in a hurry." 

I took a step toward her but was stopped by Katsuragi who looked at me with worried eyes. I was flattered -- especially since she seemed to not care for Shinji at all in the first chapter, well, when he entered the Eva at least. 

"Don't worry," I told her, clenching my fist and bringing it to my chest, with a shaky fist and breath I tried convincing myself, more than her, after all, with my Innate Technique and Cursed energy, "I am the strongest!" I told her with 0 confidence as I quickly caught up to Akagi and went into the elevator. 

"Are you confident?" Akaigi asked, looking at me with the corner of her eyes. "The other two spent a large portion of their lives preparing for this you know." Akagi probably didn't notice, she was probably trying to make my expectations stay realistic... but it was really psyching me out. 

We reached a large artificial lake with red water and immediately got inside a boat. It sped across the crimson liquid until we reached a hangar, a large space with a bridge. The mechanical door closed behind me and I was in complete darkness. 

I could feel it though. A big mass of energy to my left called out to me. I turned toward it, and the lights turned on. A sci-fi horned samurai helmet met my gaze. It's sheer size made me take a step back. Just its head was the size of a three-story house. Just like the Godzilla outside, it was the size of your average skyscraper. Purple, black, green, and hints of yellow. 

It was only staring at it, that I felt the magnitude of the situation. I had to get in that thing, and fight Godzilla. 

With an imposing face and scary presence, it fit the description of an "Angel Murder Machine". That was EVA Unit-01.

This chapter was longer than usual.

I'm probably not gonna write a lot of chapters that go beyond the 1.5k word line.

This chapter was fun to write though, so it gets a pass.

Megumoncreators' thoughts