o You Even Lift, Bruh?

-Outskirts of Puente Antiguo, New Mexico-

-June 1, 2010, 1000h local-

"So he wants to call it 'Badassium'?" Phil asked incredulously as they watched over the small army of agents setting up a field observation tent at the center of the crater.

"Yup. Well, it's either that or Starkcium..." Naruto replied. "He's still running a bunch of tests if that thing is a compatible substitute to palladium without all the heavy metal poisoning drama."

"Yes, of course. That pesky heavy metal poisoning..." Phil commented sarcastically with that smile plastered on his face. "So. Is that the real thing?" He asked, referring to the 084 at the center of the crater.

"Hell should I know. I'm an alien in this dimension, remember?" Phil's only response was to stare at Naruto. "Fine. Fine..." Naruto's eyes changed to take a more comprehensive scan of the object than what he did passively. "It's like a conductor. Whoever uses it would have an easier time channeling their energy. I can see two types of energy that flowed through it, lightning and miasma."

"Miasma?"

"Death."

"There something like death energy?"

"Yup. I could show you or make you feel it, but we need a human sacrifice..." Naruto answered while thinking about if he should summon the Shinigami since he hadn't done it much in this world. "You got any death row, guys?"

"There's no need. So Mjolnir's real, huh..." Phil's smile got wider. "That's so cool!"

"Meh. Hammers aren't really my thing..." Naruto commented with a shrug. "Although, I still want to try lifting it. Have you tried it?"

"It's not professional..." Phil replied. "I'm just waiting for the tent to go up." He added.

"Mah men..." Naruto exclaimed before his eyes widened. "Well, that's interesting..." He turned towards Phil. "You got any agents in the town?"

"Yes, a few. They're confiscating the data and records of one Dr. Jane Foster and her colleagues. We don't want anything coming out, especially if the phenomenon is alien in origin."

"Hmm. We should go into town while they're still setting up."

"Why? Did you see something?"

"Yup, something awesome..." Naruto turned around and went towards the makeshift parking area. "Your driving and change into something with less men in black vibes."

-Puente Antiguo, New Mexico-

-June 1, 2010, 1130h local-

"Ok. Why are we here again?" Phil asked.

"We're havingggg..." Naruto looked around the small town "lunch in that diner. Where's Clint anyway?"

"On the way. How'd you know he's coming?" Phil asked while walking towards the diner Naruto pointed.

"Laura said so."

"Of course. When did you guys become close anyway?"

"I bring Nat over almost every week, and I visit the kids from time to time. It messes the shit out Clint." Naruto replied while opening the door in the diner. "I also left a couple of friends over there. The huge farm and forest lets them bide around there."

The duo immediately went towards an empty booth but not before scanning the room for possible threats, assets, and exits.

One thing Phil immediately noticed was the group sitting at the center of the room. Dr. Foster, her assistant Ms. Lewis, Dr. Selvig, and an unknown muscular blonde man.

Phil's eyes immediately cataloged as much as he could. One thing he observed was the distinguishable body language commonly found in experienced soldiers. However, his instincts have much to be desired.

"I'll have three orders of bacon, two orders of omelet, and a cup of large black coffee. He'll be having one order of each but make his coffee with two cream and one sugar..." Naruto ordered for both him and Phil. "Bag everything up please."

Phil wanted to ask how Naruto knew what he would order, but he decided just to let it go.

"Long, flowing, golden hair. Check..." Naruto started his checklist. For what, Phil was still trying to figure it out. "Defined and muscular body. Check. Understandable in partial Shakespearean English. Check..." Understandable? That's a weird phrasing Naruto used. "Do you see what I'm getting at?"

"No, although I have some suspicion. Continue."

"Alright. Let's get more on the nose descriptions—abnormally high vitality. Check. Body is a converter for some unknown but potent energy. Check. Lightning energy coursing through his body. Need I say more?" Naruto continued while pinning Phil with a stare.

Phil finally connected the dots.

"Oh. That makes things complicated." Phil let out.

"Don't forget the existential crisis half the people on Earth would experience if this gets out."

"I should send in more agents to monitor the situation."

"You probably should."

At the center of the diner, a group of four were waiting for their order.

Dr. Jane Foster. An astrophysicist from Culver University specializing in Einstein-Rosen Bridge or wormholes, although she hasn't come very far with her chosen field of study until recently. She's a very attractive 5'3" woman with brown eyes and hair. However, her slight 'obsession' with her work and scatterbrain tendencies prevented her from having any long-term relationships.

Dr. Erik Selvig. A world-renowned theoretical Astrophysicist also from Culver University. He's looking out for Jane Foster since her father was his close friend. He stands at 6'3" with brown eyes and whitish brown hair.

Darcy Lewis. An undergraduate of Culver University taking Political Science. For some reason, she decided to assist Dr. Foster with her research as an elective. She's a 5'4" woman with blue eyes and brunette hair.

The last one on the table was one of the most famous men in the connected galaxies. Thor Odinson. Crowned Prince of the Asgardian Empire. God of Thunder and Lightning. Standing at 6'3" and with a muscular body, he takes for an intimidating yet impressive sight. His long flowing blond hair, baby blue eyes, strong jawline make him more than just attractive. You could say he looks divine.

"If you're really the real 'Thor'..." Jane's skepticism couldn't be more apparent. "Then what are you doing here?"

Thor adopted a pained expression, and the girls, especially Jane, somehow felt like they kicked a dog. A golden retriever exact, as weird as that is.

"My father banished me to Midgard after I tried to make him proud by ridding of the frost giants for good." Thor replied.

Selvig decided to remain at the sidelines to keep an eye on the arguably insane 'guest' and to have someone catalog everything that he was saying on the off chance that Thor is actually, well, Thor.

"Uhmm. Can I say something? Hello?" Darcy tried to interject with Thor and Jane's conversation, but she was getting railroaded by the duo's 'chemistry.' Time for some drastic measures. She reached for Jane's cheeks and shook her face hard. "Jane!" She whisper shouted.

"What?" Jane asked through gritted teeth.

"Somebody's watching us." Darcy whispered, which immediately got everyone's attention on the table, as well as Naruto a few tables away. Phil, on the other hand, didn't hear it, but he could see that the group's demeanor changed.

"Everyone's watching us. Have you seen this guy?" Jane reasoned while pointing at Thor.

"No. Don't look now, but the old guy and the blondie have been looking over here ever since they came in..." Darcy replied. Naruto couldn't help but giggle when he heard Darcy described Phil as the old guy. "The blondie's laughing! He must've heard me."

"How'd you know even if it's real?" Jane asked.

"When you need to maintain you're position as the queen of the social totem pole from high school to college, like yours truly, you need to develop some skills. Like knowing when a group's talking about you or somebody else or they're staring at you funny..." Darcy explained with a shrug. "You know the usual."

"What the hell's happening in high school and colleges these days." Jane commented under her breath.

Erik risked a glance toward the duo Darcy mentioned and momentarily locked eyes with the 'old guy'. That confirmed Darcy's suspicion in Erik's mind. He was about to suggest for them to leave when the duo walked towards them with the blonde flashing a bright smile.

"I haven't heard someone call Phil an old guy before, Ms. Lewis..." That put everyone on alert. Well, everyone except for Thor. "Let me pay for your meal..." Naruto pulled out a small bundle of cash and placed it on the table. "Have a nice day, Dr. Foster, Dr. Selvig, Ms. Lewis, Your majesty."

Thor flashed a bright smile for meeting someone who finally recognized him while the rest kept on staring at the duo.

Naruto followed Phil out of the diner while laughing his guts out.

"What the hell was that?"

"That's the universe saying fuck you to SHIELD academy information gathering courses. Should have just toss the lot of them to high school."

-Outskirts of Puente Antiguo, New Mexico-

-June 1, 2010, 1500h local-

The field agents have finally finished setting up the field tent surrounding the hammer. All the equipment was set up and ready to go. All that's left was the go signal from the highest-ranking agent to turn on everything. However, Phil didn't give the order. Instead, he ordered everyone to clear the tent and stay outside until he gave the order otherwise.

There were only two people left inside, Phil and Naruto.

"So, Captain America's number one fan can't lift it. That means I probably can't lift it too." Naruto commented with a shrug.

"Why don't you just try it?" Phil asked.

Naruto reached for the hammer and tried to lift it to no avail.

"See. Nothing..." Naruto said before eying the hammer again. "But, I wanna see what's the limit on this thing."

Naruto turned off all the seals holding back his body. He never turned off ever since he arrived in this world, so it was quite a novel experience.

"Step back. I may break this thing, and Fury would hate if you get barbecued by lightning."

Phil's sense of preservation seems to be on point since he didn't even think of arguing with Naruto.

Again, Naruto reached for the hammer and tried to lift it from the rock formation. He couldn't confidently say that the Mjolnir was one of the heaviest things he ever tried to lift. Spider fractures were radiating from his feet, so he pumped earth-natured chakra to the ground to keep it from buckling.

Slowly but surely, Naruto lifted the hammer, causing the rock formation to collapse. Lightning was shooting out of it in every which way. Phil couldn't even see lightning surrounding Naruto. It's like the hammer was doing everything in its power to fight off Naruto.

Naruto unceremoniously dropped the hammer after almost a minute of lifting it.

"Woo. That shit's heavy. 10/10 would use it again for weightlifting." Naruto said while wiping off some imaginary sweat.

Phil walked towards Naruto while eying the aftermath of Naruto's 'weightlifting.' Fractures and scorch marks litter the crater.

"This mess could mess up with the analysis. Oh well, they wouldn't be worth what our techs are getting paid if they complain about this..." Phil retrieved a small radio unit from his pocket and pressed on a button. "Open the generators and get in. We got some work to do."