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My Toilet is a Wizard

"After your tasty soup I am not moving my butt of the toilet. That soup had milk in it. I am allergic to milk, and now after suffering a horrible death on the toilet I myself was reincarnated as a toilet". The main protagonist Vadim, an Otaku must navigate a tricky cyberpunk new world as a Toilet! Will he piss and shit himself? Or will he actualy manage to achieve something? Find out by reading!

helixedo · Thành thị
Không đủ số lượng người đọc
9 Chs

Reality but less of it

So many questions yet so few answers.

I lay on my bed in the medical ward and sighed like a bitch. When the hell am I going to get answers? It also didn't really help that I suddenly started feeling very hungry after that nurse brought food that I couldn't eat.

'Ah screw this, I'm feeling well enough cyka' I thought to myself. They can't hold me here. If I'm not going to get my answers then I might as well get them myself. I stand up, feeling a lot more confidant having my crystal.

'Damn I wish I could put this somewhere instead of just carrying it around in my hands' I thought to myself. 'If only I could have a pocket!' Feeling angry I lash out kicking a wardrobe down and shattering it to absolute oblivion.

*Ping* 'New skill gained, Hando'

'When the hell did I become this emotionally unstable?' I wondered before noticing the large amount of clothes that have spewed out all over the room out. Oh this is what they must give the patients. Among all of your standard boring one-piece robes I find multiple pants. I know what you're thinking. How are you going to put on anything when you're a toilet huh?

Well fuck you. I'll try my best.

I take the largest XXXL pants I find and try my best to put them on. Suprisingly they fit quite well and sit just under the seat, well I do have to keep the zipper open so there's that but otherwise all's well. I put my crystal in my front pocket and walk towards the wall where the nurse disappeared through, and I end up hitting my bowl on the wall.

'No unauthorised access allowed, please speak with you medical proffesional'

Yep looks like there is a force field, well the wall is a force field. I could try using that spell thingy I used back at the warehouse.

'SShriiiizzzzzooonnnnnnuuuuu' shines the symbol I trace over the wall but nothing happens.

Okay then, 'How to get through this?'

*ping* 'No results'

I step back and take a deep breath. feeling all of the rage inside me, well I say rage its more like mild annoyance. While I'm in this process of thought recollection I accidentially miss-step and slip on a shirt. falling backwards the impact of my massive ceramic body causes a mini earthquake in the room that displaces a bottle from one of the selves, which then very luckily hits my flush handle.

In that instance my toilet lid opens up and a whirlwind literally sucks in whatever was not bolted down in the room in front of me.

I stand motionlesss, like someone who accidentally broke a priceless object in a musuem.

'Well tha-' I say as the wall in front of me collapses.

'OH YEAH!' I think to myself, not even caring anymore about all of the unexplainable things that keep on happening to me. Its like I'm an anime protagonist who keeps on pulling out bullshit abilities to defeat a great evil.

'No wall will stand in my way' I say proudly as I cinematically walk out into a hallway in my oversized pants. 'Now where to next?' I wonder. Looking both ways I see the hallway extend in both directions, I notice the nurse from before carrying a bottle of what looked awfully like piss, or beer or hell maybe even both. The nurse drops the bottle, obviouly startled by my presence.

'What the hell is that I say? Don't tell me you brought me piss!?' I feel enraged. I may be a toilet but like hell was I going to stoop this low.

The nurse looks horrified, 'How could something like that even come into your mind? You absolute degenerate, I was going to bring you some notes on a spell to convert MANA to nuritients from the library!'

'Oh shit' I say and just waltzed the other way, unable to face my embarrassment. I would say my brain is in the gutter, but I am basically a gutter. So in reality my behaviour is not really my fault. Or at least thats how I tried justyifying it in my head as I ran screaming of embarrassment.

Had some feedback on the writing.

Decided to change the voice to be more comedic

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