MSL - A Hard Forgiving

Who said that the hard thing is just forgetting. The hardest thing is to forgive. We may easily forget the bitter incident but do not forgive the person who caused it to happen to us. That's what Isabella is currently experiencing as well. She knew her husband wasn't completely at fault for her twin sister's death, but for some reason every time she saw Christ, the guilt rose within her. If only she had been a little nicer to Elina, or could have asked her twin sister what predicament she was going through right now, maybe she wouldn't have ended up tragically.

Last week Bella asked Christ for permission to sleep separately from him with the excuse to clear her mind and Christ could understand that, He allowed Bella to sleep in another room while he slept in theirs. Bella did choose to sleep in another room, because sleeping in that room would torture her. The image of Christ lingers in every corner of the room.

It was already the seventh day, and Bella was curled up alone in the room she was in. Almost every night the nightmare comes, about her twin sister, Elina who suddenly appears and seems to be asking her for help. Even though all of that was just a reflection of Bella's own feelings, it was her guilt that made her subconscious hold a memory of regret.

"AHHH!!" Bella woke up with cold sweat pouring all over her body. She was really in a lot of torment with all of this, but she was determined to accept it all as punishment for not being able to take care of her twin sister who came to her for help,

The previous nights Bella had chosen to stay curled up in her room and wait for morning to come without being able to fall asleep again. Even her eye bags were starting to darken from all of that, but tonight she wanted to go out, see the room where Elina had occupied. She doesn't know what's going on in her head right now, she just shuffled off the bed and walked out of the room. Bella gasped when she saw Christ standing in front of the door.

"Christ?" Bella's brows furrowed as she saw her husband standing in front of the door.

Christ just swallowed hard, seen from his Adam's apple that was up and down. He didn't say anything, then turned around. "I was just making sure you were okay." He said as he walked back into his room. Actually, it wasn't just Bella who was tormented, Christ was also tormented. Almost every night he spent sitting in his study, watching the monitor displaying images from the hidden camera he had set up in his wife's room. The goal is none other than to make sure Bella's condition is fine.

In fact, Christ always stood in the doorway whenever he heard Bella's voice screaming from the monitor he saw. Christ always came to the room immediately and chose to stop at the door. Waited a few minutes and decided to go back to his room after he made sure Bella didn't come out of the room.

He hoped that for the past week, almost every night, when he stood in the doorway, Bella would open the door and then burst into his arms, as he almost always did in a state of fright or panic. But Bella really harbored hatred for him for not letting her share the wound with Christ.

Bella who looked at Christ passed without being able to say anything. Actually most of her miss her husband so much, but most of the others are not ready to return to Christ's arms, it's confusing, it's so hard for Bella to forgive everything that has happened.

***

Night turned to morning, and Christ prepared to go to the office as usual. Lindsey's case was reopened because Christ filed an appeal and the police found a connection between Elina and Lindsey. Some of Christ's energy was wasted on taking care of it, while the rest was spent on work and his wife's anger.

"Would you like to shave sir?" asked the driver.

"Is my appearance that bad already?" Ask Christ.

"You always look good, it's just that some people think there's something different about you." Said the driver with great caution.

"My wife doesn't even care about me." Christ muttered inwardly, but he just smiled. "Take me to the barber after this meeting." said Christ.

"Okay sir." The driver replied.

Christ receives reports about what happened to Bella, what she did, where she went and who she met from two bodyguards who were deliberately asked to follow Bella wherever she went.

Not because of Lindsey or anyone, but because Bella was the most dangerous person for her own safety. None know what was going on in that young woman's mind, she might have killed herself or something because of the guilt she couldn't handle.

Christ offers to consult a psychologist but Bella refuses. And today he intends to meet his orphanage mother at a shop to just drink tea together.

"How are you." Ask the orphanage mother.

"I'm well." Lying Bella.

"I'm sorry for Elina." The orphanage mother said.

"Thank you." Bella was really being formal. She actually had a hard time accepting the presence of people who made her re-engage with Elina.

"Why did you invite me here?" Ask the orphanage mother.

"I just want to apologize, maybe Ellina brought some trouble when she was on the orphanage." Bella said, tears brimming in the corners of her eyes.

"Bella . . . you and Elina I have treated like my own children. And you don't have to apologize for anything." said the orphanage.

"Look at you." The orphanage mother took Bella's hand and the young woman's reaction clearly showed discomfort.

"I know you might be mad at me, or at yourself, or at your husband." Said the mother of the orphanage.

"Situations like this will never be easy for anyone including yourself and I know that very well. But you have to remember one thing for sure, Elina chose her own path. She made her own desicion. You couldn't blame anyone for her choice." She added with a deep gaze at Bella who started to shed tears. Although she quickly wiped the trail of tears with the other hand.

"Don't blame your husband for what happened, it's not his fault at all." Ask the orphanage. "You have to know something, dear. If you punish yourself like this, he may feel much worse hurt than you do."

Bella's lips trembled as she held back a deeper burst of sobs.

"I don't know how your household is, but what I do know is that it will never be easy for a married couple. And blaming each other is not the solution." The orphanage rubbed Bella's face.

"You grew up a great girl, you have a strong soul, and I know you're smart enough to tell the difference between right and wrong." The orphanage mother let go of Bella's hand then took the tea cup and took a sip of its contents.

"I've also been married, and one thing I regret about my marriage is when I followed my ego until my marriage ended. I don't see love anymore in my ex-husband's eyes, I see all the bad things about him that I forget the warmth of his embrace, the softness of his touch, and how she loves me in her way." The orphanage smiled at Bella. "I feel bad that he married to another woman, three years after our divorce. And it was the worst thing I've ever experienced as a woman." She added.

"Thanks for the tea, I really appreciate this. I hope you get through this difficult time Mrs. Hudson." The orphanage said the name with great emphasis and seemed as if she had just been slapped very hard. Bella's tears became, accompanying the departure of the orphanage mother who came out of the tea shop. Meanwhile, Bella who was sitting in the corner of the room was busy crying over her stupidity.

***

After shaving at a famous barbershop, Christ asked to be taken to Grany's house, chatted for a while with the woman, of course Christ hid all his household problems from his grandmother. He didn't want this to be a burden to anyone else, just him and Bella, and he hoped that everything would go well.

Christ only spoke light things and he even had time to tell some jokes to his grandmother until she burst out laughing. And after sending his grandmother to the bedroom to sleep, Christ chose to go home.

He didn't want to be home too early, because it would be very hard for him to keep his distance from Bella while they were under the same roof.

"Would you like to stop by somewhere else sir?" asked the driver.

"You want a drink?" asked Christ suddenly.

"You have the best wine collection in the house, Sir." The driver's smile.

"We might as well stop by a bar, have a cheap beer and get over all our troubles."

"I'll take you sir."

Christ considered, the situation was not safe enough to make a fool of drunkenness. What if Bella did the thing she had been afraid of while she was drunk and couldn't do anything to save his wife.

"I still have to be superman tonight, we'll postpone it for another time." said Christ.

"Okay sir."

***

Christ arrived home and he immediately went up to his room. Actually Christ intended to take a shower and lay down for a few minutes, but how surprised he was when he entered his room and saw Bella was setting the pillows on the sofa.

Christ stopped, frozen in the doorway. While Bella put the last pillow in the corner then approached Christ. He picked up Blazer Christ and carried it to the laundry basket.

"You want me to prepare the bathtub?" Bella asked as soon as she returned to the room.

Christ still stood dumbfounded, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Bella changed so quickly, for no apparent reason. How can a cloudy sky suddenly become so bright? Amid the rumbling of his thoughts, Christ shook his head,"Not." He said.

"If you haven't had dinner I'll ask the chef to prepare your dinner." Although it was very difficult for Bella to return to being friendly and loving, but she was desperately trying now.

"No. I'll take a shower and sleep." Christ said, getting weird when Bella came into her room but still acting cold. Christ had to avoid clearing his mind and thinking about the various possibilities that could have occurred as a result of this change in his wife's behavior.

"Okay." Bella nodded with a little smiled but not touch her eyes.

Christ immersed himself in the torrential shower and tried to think why Bella would suddenly want to talk to him after a week of almost nothing he had done.

Christ deliberately took a longer bath because he thought that when he came out of the bathroom Bella would have gone into his room. It was safer for Christ to keep an eye on Bella from surveillance cameras than to have to guess what was inside his wife's head. It is very difficult to understand a woman.

Christ came out of the bathroom drying his hair. He was obviously surprised that Bella was lying on the bed now. Even though Christ is a very intelligent man, he ignores Bella's presence and goes to his walking closet to find sleepwear.

After that he went back into the room and lay down on the bed, right beside Bella.

"You want to sleep in this room tonight?" Ask Christ.

"Yes." Bella answered curtly. "I think it's my room too, at least used to." She corrected.

Christ cleared his throat. "You're going to take revenge on me by killing me while I sleep?" Christ asked and that made Bella suddenly turn to him.

"Why do you think so badly of me?" Bella protested.

"You think worse of me too, don't you?" Christ looked at the woman.

"If you want to kill me, my desk drawer has a revolver. You can take it now and shoot it right in the head, then wipe your fingerprints with a tissue and put the gun in my hand. Or I'll voluntarily pull the trigger myself with my hand, in front of you." Christ added.

Bella didn't flinch, anger still flashing through her eyes.

"I'd do anything for you Isabella Hudson, anything. Say it and I'll do it." Christ looked at Bella and the girl looked at him too. Their gazes froze.

"It hurts me so much when my own wife walks away from me, ignores me." Christ added.

"I know every night you have bad dreams, and you wake up to them. I was standing in the door hoping you would come out of your room and hug me but you didn't." Christ said with restrained emotion.

"I don't know if you really love me or not." Christ smiled wryly. "If hating me, staying away from me and ignoring me makes you feel better, then do it."

Bella's eyes started to tear up.

"Don't be by my side if it tortures you." Christ added, he reversed his position, his back to Isabella. Maybe it's true that men are men who always use logic, but if they get hurt, they are also creatures that are hard to touch when they are hurt. And Christ seems to feel it.

Bella's tears fell, she inched closer to Christ and hugged the man's waist from behind. Then sobs on Christ's back. The man turned his body so that he could face his wife then rolled Bella in his arms.

"Do forgive me." Bella said in between sobs.

"I did, long time befor you asked me to" Christ said that he had done it long before Bella even apologized to him.