30

Notes:

Civil War arc, here we go!

Chapter-specific warnings: the usual [unreliable narrator, not Avengers friendly, not Team Cap friendly, uncomfortably-close-to-Skynet!JARVIS, minor profanity, etc.]

bit of a timeskip here, as well as some attempts at jargon.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Tony managed to hold his internal freakout for after the kid—his mentee, right, because he was now a mentor—clocked out for the day.

Once he was sure he was alone in his office, however, it was another story.

"Oh fuck how is this my life who the hell thought letting me in charge of people was a good idea, fuck—" he found himself muttering frantically, pacing and covering his eyes. "JARVIS, help. I think I just signed up to be a responsible role model for someone, and I'm not sure what the next sign of the apocalypse is."

"Sir, I have compiled an aggregate of data on Spider-Man and have sent it to your tablet."

"Yeah, J? Also pull up every single article there is on how the fuck I'm supposed to be a good mentor because my main reference for this is Obi—you know, and I'm not even going to touch that if I can help it. Kid's got enough going on as is—"

"Indeed—"

"And right now, my main advice would be along the lines of 'here's some of my biggest mistakes, 0/10 Do Not Recommend' and I have no idea what I'm doing, help."

"A list is already being curated as we speak."

Tony breathed a sigh of relief, and set in to look at just what Peter'd gotten up to even as he started to plan. "Thanks, J. You're a lifesaver."

Okay, keep it all together, he could do this.

…if he didn't mess Peter up somehow. He was so not qualified for this. Like, at all.

He'd invented an element, had helped privatize world peace, but how the fuck was he supposed to be something approaching a good influence on this kid?! Peter'd been all hero-worship and wide eyes and potential and had very clearly missed the memo that Tony was an ambulatory train wreck of a human being. How, Tony wasn't sure—the headlines should've been enough of a warning sign, after all, and yet…

Man, he'd have thought Rogers would have been a better bet, for this 'responsible role model' thing. Hell, if he'd trusted the man more, he might've even thought about pointing the kid his way, if only because the super strength Peter had shown would've probably been more up his alley.

But he didn't, and so Tony was the only one who could help Peter. His own issues aside, the kid was one of his, a fellow R&D nerd, and as warming as it was to find that an entire department had already been working on helping him out, Tony would be able to do leaps and bounds more.

Probably. Hopefully.

Oh, crap, how was he supposed to do this…okay. One step at a time. Kid was about the same age as Harley, he could work from there, right…

"J, let me know when my next appointment's up, because mentoring shouldn't be harder than thermonuclear astrophysics, right?"

With that, he sat back at his desk, and proceeded to flick through video clips and articles and blog posts, eyes sharp and mind churning as he set in for the long run. Hmm…talk to the kid, and set up a meeting with Legal because already he could see—or, rather, JARVIS had ever-so-kindly noticed and brought to his attention—the start of some things that might become issues later on down the road. Maybe talk with PR, too? And definitely look into getting the kid a better suit because spandex or…whatever that was, was just…nope.

Okay, he could do this. [Hopefully.]

Lt. Col. James "Rhodey" Rhodes had been ready to sleep when he saw the small golden icon pulsating on his phone. Oh. Great.

He frowned down at it, and after checking to make sure he was alone tapped on it even as he asked, "What is it this time?"

"Good evening, Col. Rhodes. The threat assessment index I have compiled indicates a potential situation in the upcoming days. A reliable source has informed me of the Avengers' recent movements, which have the potential to cause complications regarding the what's on the agenda for the UN."

"Reliable source meaning FRIDAY, I assume?"

"I can neither confirm nor deny your statement." Was the prompt reply, and he shook his head and bit back a smile. Really, the world was lucky Tony wasn't a supervillain—just with his AI, he'd had the potential for Skynet for decades.

Then the realization of what he'd just said hit, and he groaned. "So the team's moving. Oh, man, given their track record something's going to go south, isn't it."

"Given the past incidence rate and the data my source has thoughtfully shared with me, it is certainly shaping up to seem that way, yes. This was mostly a 'heads up', as some would say, in order to make sure you are not caught off guard if anything happens in the upcoming days."

"Thanks, JARVIS. Keep up the good work."

Tony had been in the middle of the MIT commencement speech when he felt his phone vibrate twice.

He didn't falter, just kept going with his presentation, and tried to keep a straight face when he saw the last lines of the speech because Pepper had texted him about the last-minute meeting in Los Angeles and the speechwriter really dropped the ball here.

Normally, he'd ad-lib something to buy some time, but…even without the alert, he wasn't in the right mood to enthrall an auditorium. Not when the entire presentation revolved around the pressing reminder that as of several days ago, he was now older than his mom would ever be.

Not to mention that with JARVIS' heads up, Tony's mind had entered mission mode, because JARVIS only ever interrupted things like this if it was something major, and even if it wasn't a pressing emergency it was still something and these kids didn't need to know about the analysis he was already making about response times and structural stability and evacuation routes. So, he pasted on a smile, said something about breaking eggs, and wrapped up his presentation.

The smile vanished, however, the moment he stepped off the stage.

Then, he tapped his headset to see what it was that JARVIS had deemed so important, and waved off the speechwriter's apologies even as he furrowed his brow as his phone showed several headlines already coming in, about the Avengers. Something about Lagos, and a disaster.

About a bomb, and casualties, and he couldn't help but give a slight groan because the team had the worst timing, seriously, right before the UN thing? Damn it all, JOCASTA wasn't ready yet, he still needed them!

Then, he pinched the bridge of his nose, looked at people looking at him in confusion and concern, and gave a tight smile. "Sorry, looks I have bit of a situation going on, might be needing to head out early."

"Oh—okay then. Thank you for coming, Dr. Stark!"

"Thank you for having me. It's been great meeting you all, sorry I can't stick around longer. Where's the nearest exit?"

Just because he wasn't affiliated with the team didn't mean he didn't need to do damage control; JARVIS may not like it, either, but until JOCASTA was up, the team was still unofficially his problem, if only because he couldn't think of a better stopgap measure. [Great.]

To: Decker, M. Analyst [Accounting, Security, Los Angeles branch]

From: Lopez, K. Secretary [R&D, Los Angeles branch]

Subject: My Program Crashed

So I might not be able to give everyone as many highlights as they want. Especially since I wasn't able to recover all the data on it. There's just too many headlines coming in.

Headlines. My program's meant for mission briefings on niche things, not sifting through gigabytes' worth of data, and it crashed after hour 3 of what went down in Lagos. FRIDAY's now helping me, but still.

…I'm not even mad, tho

—Lopez

———————

To: Lopez, K. Secretary [R&D, Los Angeles branch]

From: Decker, M. Analyst [Accounting, Security, Los Angeles branch]

Subject: Lagos

Is shaping up to be a disaster of the highest order and sorry but I'm just *living* right now. Like, the situation is imploding and it is amazing to watch, I can't look away. Especially since…well, any analyst can see it.

Don't blame your program, I don't think anything but a supercomputer could've been able to deal with the positive feedback loop from hell. Looks like we were wrong about Dr. Stark being the one to deal with Murphy's Law this round.

I mean…diplomatic nightmare much? And /just/ when the rumors of the UN thing were about to reach the public. I mean…

PR was louder than R&D for once. Granted, R&D's soundproofed, but still: sounded like one hell of a party.

This is going to be good

—Decker

——————

——————

To: Stark, A. E. You Know Who I Am; Department Head [R&D, New York branch]

From: Lee, M. Head Representative [PR, Los Angeles branch]

Subject: Status Update On Lagos' Fallout, Our Last Conversation

We have had to issue several dozen 'we are not affiliated with the Avengers' press releases over the span of the last few weeks, and have been supplementing it with the data about the Iron Legion's response time to at least mitigate the damage. Shaping up to be another DC, however, so there's not much we can do without implicating ourselves, especially given rich protocols.

Also, this latest incident has sparked great interest in how the Avengers have been managed, both past and present. It's going to be a matter of time of when they question our cover story, and this ties into what we discussed earlier.

Dr. Stark, I know you've got a vested interest in the team, but I'm sorry, I have no idea or recommend as to how to best approach the situation, other than suggesting to publicly focus on the company. It'd solidify the narrative of the circumstances of your 'retirement' from the team, and minimize the backlash.

Good luck

—Lee

Tony took the PR department's advice to heart, and focused on not making any more waves. Not until the UN's address, anyway; things were dicey enough as it was, and the tension had been only increasing since Lagos. It was a PR nightmare, and if even he could see that, he could only imagine how the team was handling it.

Or, rather, not handling it, as seemed to be the problem. Really, though: whoever it was, they were doing an abysmal job at it, and while under other circumstances Tony would've probably been enjoying the spectacle, as it was he'd been trying to see how he could mitigate the damage without implicating the company because he didn't want to waste his resources, but he really, really needed the team to stay intact and functional for the next few years, and if that meant asking JARVIS and FRIDAY for help in disseminating information as per necessary, so be it.

He had the distinct impression the two were only doing it because he'd asked, and nicely at that, but…he'd worked too hard to keep everything above-board and no way was he letting a single mistake undo all of his and his company's efforts, damn it all!

Officially, Tony was out of the game, after all.

Hadn't seen the team in months now, as Vision was the one to ferry the gear when it was ready, and since he ignored his AI gossiping about the team—or, rather, he suspected they gossiped about the team, as this was a case where plausible deniability was key— he didn't know what they were up to. And he clung to that, whenever it came up.

Not that it happened very often; by officially focusing on the company and showcasing the strides made in carbon emission reduction and humanitarian efforts brought about by Stark Industries, the focus was on the latest innovation at hand. After all, the company was not affiliated with the team, and nothing hammered the point home more than diving into the business side of things.

Besides, he had a mentee to think of, now.

Peter Parker was so, very young, and even if he now had the help of R&D and had somehow been adopted by the Security department as well, there were some things only Tony could teach. [Apparently.]

He did his best to not mess Peter up, because while the kid needed a responsible role model, Tony was all they had but somehow it…kind of worked out? Hopefully?

…the smirks on everyone's faces when Peter had taken to following him around like a duckling looked like he was on the right track, at least.

Pepper had been amused when she saw the lesson plans he'd drawn up, but… okay, maybe he was going a bit overboard on some things.

But it wasn't like Iron Man could go out at the moment. Not without causing a media frenzy and adding fuel to the fire regarding the Avengers, at least, so he had plenty of time to think—that was his excuse, and he was sticking with it.

Currently, they were focusing on tactics, since the kid was trying to run solo for now, and that, Tony could handle. He even had some of the notes from his own early days of being Iron Man, after all, so there was next to no way he could mess up that way. [...hopefully. Right?]

Sure, there were some moves Peter couldn't do that he could, or vice versa, and factoring in maneuverability had been an exercise in physics, but for the most part they'd managed to make it into something that would be workable if the situation ever came up. Looking at structural integrity, analyzing trajectories, discussing how situations could be de-escalated, the works.

Tony also started having Peter look at footage of not only how he'd worked, but the Avengers as well, making notes on their technique and how and when one strategy might work compared to another in the field.

Looking at communication, not just between the team but with the locals as well, everything Tony could think of to hopefully ensure the kid wouldn't get hurt because Peter was planning on flying solo for now but the ability to work with a team was always useful to have.

…and if it might've also been his method of acknowledging the clusterfuck that went down in Lagos, well, no one would really know, would they? At least this way, someone would be learning from the mistakes made, and thus prevent it from happening again.

He'd also been working on a suit.

The first version had ended up being a collaboration with him and the people in the know in R&D, and was made from a lightweight military-grade experimental polymer that held up well to not only bullets, but also conventional knives, fire, and the list went on. Because if Peter was going to be running out there, then at least he'd be as safe as they could make him, and sure this one wasn't very fancy but it'd been the best they could do on short notice.

The next ones would be better, but since the kid specialized in speed and maneuverability and Tony used a flying tank, there hadn't been much he could think of that he could whip up at the time.

Just…spandex? Nope. Nope, not on his watch, JARVIS'd had the machines up and running after the first video he'd seen because geez, this kid.

Peter's face had more than made up for it, though. Even if the hero-worship felt kinda weird even now [seriously, who the hell thought Tony Stark was a responsible role model?!], things were getting better now, and already the kid was starting to snark back.

All in all, Tony'd say that it was a very productive month.

Natasha's teeth were on edge, after Lagos.

The fallout was spectacular, and the media was fanning the flames to the extent that some of her remaining network was starting to cut ties, and between the two it was really, really hard to keep an ear on the ground when her team was at the epicenter of seismic shifts.

Before, she'd started to pick up chatter about something in the UN. Now, however, it was nothing less than a flood of information and she couldn't keep up with it, didn't have the time to parse through the nuance of it all, and she was the only one in the right mindset to take care of it all. Or, at least, was the only one able to compartmentalize enough to take care of it all, since even now part of her was kicking herself because she should have seen it coming, should've spoken up about her concern about Wanda's being in the field.

Now, the media were like vultures, and this was Wanda's first encounter with them, and was taking it especially hard. Steve, too.

It wasn't just the media, either; even if the Compound was SHIELD property, the international coalition funding the team had apparently filed an audit, and a woman from the State Department had apparently tried to confront them, if FRIDAY's security logs were accurate. A SHIELD agent had apparently dissuaded her from doing so, but as it stood, things were not looking good.

The others thought it was just something that'd blow over, but…Natasha wasn't as hopeful. Perhaps because she was a cynic, and always saw the glass as half empty, but…from the looks of it, it looked like people in high places were developing an interest in the team that she didn't like the looks of.

The tension was only ramping up as the days passed, too, along with the paperwork she had to deal with to take care of things, which mean she couldn't keep tabs on everything like she'd used to, and with her network…

Natasha was flying blind, and she hated it.

Tony had thought Vision had taken all the gear—last round, if all went well—to the team, but apparently he'd been half-asleep when packing it up, and Romanov'd find that she only had one Widow's Bite, instead of two.

Oops.

He sighed. Vision was already gone, and Tony wasn't sure when he'd return. And he'd been so proud of how he'd maximized the output this round, too—then, FRIDAY spoke up.

"Boss, looks like your presence has been requested at the Compound."

"By who?"

"The U.S. Secretary of State. Sounds like he wants you and the team for something."

All traces of sleep Tony had evaporated, then, as the realization hit like a burst of cold water. "Secre—Ross, we're talking about Ross here, right? Son of a—"

"Yes. He's very insistent on it. I believe he's the one who signed up to present the team with—"

"Oh, fuck, it's happening now? By him?! J, get the car ready, or the armor, whichever's fastest. We need to be there, stat. FRI, update me on what Legal's been working on and give them a heads up. PR, too.

Then, Tony all but ran to his closet, and pulled out the oldest armor he had, for dealing with dangerous men like Ross: a Tom Ford suit.

Hopefully, the Merchant of Death would not need to make a reappearance anytime soon. But just in case.

He'd nearly needed to, last time he'd dealt with Ross, after all and given the way things had changed?

Tony had a bad feeling about this.

Notes:

Unreliable narrator moments:

—Tony's self-awareness has been a cryptid for over a dozen chapters and counting. This round, however: he grew up in front of cameras, so PR's instinctive to him and doesn't realize it's not normal; also, his constantly picking up the pieces after battles and doing the paperwork without realizing the implications of how it looks from the outside [aka Responsibility 101].

—Rhodey, like Pepper, doesn't know the extent of how deep JARVIS' issues go; he calls him Tony's Skynet as a nickname, or a joke, but he'd be a lot warier if he knew just how close he was to the truth. However, as it is, Rhodey is acutely aware that he's just about the only one in Tony's corner 24/7, so he encourages it.

—Natasha's read on the situation's affected by the stress she's under. [Her personal biases aren't exactly helping, either.]

Another thing: Tony's being paranoid about mentoring Peter because his own male role models include Howard [aka Absentee Dad of the Year for 17 years straight], Obadiah [aka Worst Mentor Ever], and the original Jarvis [aka the family butler and way better at parenting than Howard]. So, Tony's mentoring style is slightly overcompensating for that, and he doesn't realize that by emulating Jarvis, he's actually giving out Dad Vibes.

Yes, we've reached the Civil War arc, feat. me trying to parallel and invert canon as much as I can via the butterfly effect, different power dynamics, and as much self-indulgence as I can manage.

That being said, I have been looking forward to writing how the airport fight and Siberia go down since before I posted the first chapter [hint: it won't end well], so it might not necessarily be everyone's cup of tea.

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Again, real life's a thing and classes are hectic, so erratic updates have been and will continue to be a thing.