26

Notes:

Chapter-specific warnings: the usual [unreliable narrator due to different priorities, uncomfortably-close-to-Skynet!HAL, etc.]

Again: this arc's a bit slow. Plus, again, not a lawyer or businessman, hopefully this stuff makes sense.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

To: All PR members [All branches], All SWORD members [All branches]

From: Nakamura, S. [PR, Los Angeles branch]

Subject: The Press Conference, Last Call For Bets

The press conference for SWORD will be available to be viewed here.

As a reminder, and for any newbies this round, JARVIS is the main handler for the betting pool to keep things as unbiased as possible, and I'm the attaché this time so contact me if you're interested in joining in.

Right now, bets include specific reporters' questions, whether or not certain networks will buy it, and whether or not somebody'll make a reference to SHIELD.

Again, this is an informal event that's open to anyone willing to participate.

Here's to another good press conference!

—Nakamura

———————

To: All SI employees [All branches]

From: Human Resources

Subject: The Hypothetical Drinking Game

We at Stark Industries pride ourselves on being the best of the best, and highly approve of friendly rivalries and contests to help boost morale.

However, we do not endorse competitions that do so at the cost of any employee's health. We at HR can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a drinking game, do not have enough evidence to do so, and would very much like to keep it that way.

As a reminder, and especially for any new additions: if you are not in Accounting and are planning in participating in said hypothetical drinking game that is the talk of nearly every office, it is highly recommended to use sparkling water or soda in lieu of anything else.

Stark Industries has not had a single case of alcohol poisoning in the years that this has allegedly been ongoing. We do not wish to have any more unsavory and unfounded rumors to contend with, as the events surrounding a certain company picnic are still being dealt with even now.

Have a great day!

—HR

———————

To: De Leon, S. Manager [PR, Portugal branch]

From: Goldman, P. Program Coordinator [PR, New York branch]

Subject: The Press Conference

How does he do it? How? Just…how?! Overheard someone in the office saying "he did it again", but I can't even.

What does the man even /eat?/

—Goldman

———————

To: De Leon, S. Manager [PR, Portugal branch]

From: Goldman, P. Program Coordinator [PR, New York branch]

Subject: Wait

Did HR just

Did they seriously go there?

—Goldman

———————

To: Romero, D. Department Head [PR, New York branch]

From: Hughes, N. Assistant [Communications, Los Angeles branch]

Subject: The Drinking Game

One of my sources is saying Accounting's using wine instead of their usual. Says that they're preparing in advance. For what, they didn't say.

This is concerning on a number of levels

—Hughes

———————

To: Hughes, N. Assistant [Communications, Los Angeles branch]

From: Romero, D. Department Head [PR, New York branch]

Subject: Well…

We all do have to come in tomorrow, so makes sense.

That being said, nobody's really sure what Accounting gets up to to do what they do, and we don't ask either. How the hell they fit R&D's usual into the budget and make it look professional, I don't even know. Rumor's currently pegging it as some kind of dark magic, but the alien theory was pretty popular a while back…

Then again, considering how many bottles of apple cider we've gone through so far, I completely understand. I thought HR's latest PSA was a bit much, but nope. Also: we're watching from Conference Room 3, and if this keeps up, we're going to have a rerun of the Relay Race Incident, protocols regarding R&D notwithstanding.

Cheers! To the success of Phase 3, and whatever other things I'd previously thought impossible

—Romero

———————

To: Beckett, M. Technician [Security, New York branch]

From: Parker, P. Intern [R&D, New York branch]

Subject: Watching The Conference

It's so weird seeing everything from behind the scenes! And awesome! Because on the one hand only seeing the end product was great, but now that I'm here and hearing and seeing everyone putting it all together only makes it even better!

Really wish the bug'd chosen some other time, because I wish I could be there with the rest of the guys. Did Chen really finish off a liter of cranberry juice in two minutes, or was Harris trying to pull my leg again?

And who's winning so far?

—Parker

———————

To: Parker, P. Intern [R&D, New York branch]

From: Beckett, M. Technician [Security, New York branch]

Subject: Status Update

You're probably being cc'd in for most of this, but just in case: yes, Chen did do that. [Not his fault, we didn't think the reporter from NYT would buy it either.] If you want to watch, I got some of it. Here you go, enjoy!

And it's not even the best one: rumor has it Kumar's got footage of part of what went down in Conference Room 3. Something about a confetti cannon, didn't quite catch the rest.

…eh, we'll be hearing about it soon enough anyway. If not via HR, then because Legal's going to be super smug for the rest of the month, or something.

You'd be having a blast, yes, but hopefully at least this'll lift your spirits and immune system. Think you'll be feeling better by the next tutorial? I think I remember Maya saying something about Krav Maga. And since Sousa lost that one bet, capoeira's on the table for the foreseeable future too.

Hope you'll feel better before Ivan tries to make chicken soup again because the world doesn't know what kind of bullet they dodged when he decided to not go into chemical warfare.

Get well soon!

—Beckett

———————

———————

To: Goldman, P. Program Coordinator [PR, New York branch]

From: De Leon, S. Manager [PR, Portugal branch]

Subject: Welcome To The Club

Friend, this shit's like a rite of passage: for the guys down in R&D it's seeing Dr. Stark reinvent the laws of physics for the first time, for Legal it's tackling their first case and leaving no survivors, for us it's watching the boss pull stunts like this. (Not sure what the hell Accounting does. Probably either dark magic to get an iron liver or something with Excel because they're the only ones I know who can…never mind.)

And let me tell you, our department's got /stories./ You think Tony Stark's got a minor deity on call?

This press conference has /nothing/ on the time he hacked multiple countries on live TV. Or Afghanistan. Or…well, the list goes on, with Exhibit A being the Fashion Week Fiasco of '97.

And let me tell you, he comes by that honestly. (Terrifying, I know.)

Not sure about Howard, but Maria Stark was the unofficial department head from after she got married to right up until…well. You get the picture.

I could go on. Drinks after this next seminar?

By the way: yes, HR did go there

—De Leon

JARVIS would have steepled his fingers, had he been human or had a body. As it was, his subroutines, FRIDAY's commentary, and PR's findings were currently painting a most intriguing picture.

Sir's actions had been cast in a most appreciative light, thus far, but it was still quite fascinating to see the sheer disparity in image across the board. FRIDAY's discreet monitoring indicated that of the Avengers, the Black Widow was the most informed and even she had fallen for it.

In the United States, thus far, Phase 3 was proceeding at a pace that surpassed all expectations.

Sir, and the entirety of the Public Relations department's efforts, had done their level best to convince the American public of his harmlessness. Decades' worth of effort, of selling the image of just another airheaded, womanizing millionaire, paid off in a way that had been nearly detrimental at times: even now, a good chunk of the public were hard-pressed to reconcile the relentless Iron Man with the instigator of the Fashion Week Fiasco of '97.

For instance: as of late, the press in the United States treated Iron Man and Tony Stark as two separate entities, in a sense. Wall Street Journal and The Economist were comfortable with the fast-talking genius that created as easily he breathed, whereas Fox News and the New York Times were used to dealing with the irresponsible man with more money than sense. Overall, Sir's public image was set in a way that JARVIS could not help but find intriguing.

Internationally, however, it was quite another story.

It was inevitable, of course: even the United States' allies could not help but approach the Merchant of Death as anything less, and his enemies held nothing less than healthy respect because anything less would have easily seen them obliterated. Howard Stark's legacy alone was nothing less than terrifying; when his son announced Stark Industries' change of priorities, the international community had been wary at first, but once word got out of the celebrations were manifold.

Iron Man had only contributed to Sir's international standing, JARVIS surmised; Sir's fight to keep the suit out of the United States' military was only secondary to the privatization of world peace, when proving Sir's honesty in his efforts to become someone other than the Merchant of Death. Not to mention SI's efforts after DC, or the Iron Legion's contributions to disaster relief.

As such, most of the world was used to seeing a hypercompetent genius in his element, and breathed a sigh of relief when Sir shifted his efforts more fully to making the world a better place. However, no amount of goodwill was able to keep Stark Industries in general from being eyed dubiously when SWORD was announced.

Granted, that it had already been seen in action by minimizing casualties was a point in its favor; JARVIS had screencaps in dozens of languages, all expressing admiration for the impressive lack of a death toll in Johannesburg, when the damage estimate was even now still being made.

However, as it was, the world was seeing a multinational corporation with what amounted to a private army of highly skilled individuals and not affiliated to any government organization. For all that they played ball, and cooperated with local authorities and whatnot, waves were being made on an unprecedented scale. In doing so, they were far overshadowing any announcements or speculation about the Avengers: Norwegian bloggers and 24-hour newscasts alike focused on Stark Industries over anything else.

All according to plan, JARVIS couldn't help but conclude. Perfect.

To: Jordan, A. Head Representative [Legal, New York branch]

From: Chan A. Department Head [Legal, New York branch]

Subject: Houston, We've Got A Problem

Who else's keeping tabs on Ross?

He's been suspiciously quiet lately. Not enough for us to suspect he's got his hands on Banner, but enough to make me nervous because last I checked he'd been harassing the Chinese delegation as if relations hadn't been already dicey enough without his input.

Now part of the Russian delegation's being even less cooperative than usual, and I don't want to raise any flags but I'm pretty sure that he's gearing up for something big and since we're on thin ice…well. You get the picture.

He's up to something. And I'm glad the Avengers are going to be out of our hair for good soon but if this is lining up the way I think it is, we're going to be due for another clusterfuck sometime in the near future.

Winter is coming

—Chan

Notes:

The Fashion Week Fiasco of '97 may or may not have involved: a 23-year-old Tony Stark, a couture dress, a supermodel sick with the flu, eyeliner, and a runway. Years later and it has yet to die down, because the jury's still out re: the "who wore it better?" segment [a consensus has yet to be reached. The model in question's not even mad.]