10

{ === + === }

So.

Before we get started, there's another point of difference between mine and the canonical timeline I should note.

The Flying Ford Angela did NOT go into the Forbidden Forest. Instead, it's now back at the Burrow.

This is a touch terrifying because I don't know why it's here. There's a hole in the back window where the Whomping Willow tried to spear Harry and Ron, but apart from that it seems to be in normal working condition.

"It wouldn't let me replace that window." Arthur Weasley had explained when I asked about the car. "I don't know why."

Our question was actually "How did that car come back?"

Arthur seems to treat that car like a family pet, so I guess he considered its return to be natural.

Anyways.

…

[The Few Days We Spent at the Burrow]

…

Obviously skimming over this since I spent…what, a week? At the Burrow.

Much as I like the Weasleys, Molly really was too smothering for my liking. Great mother, sure, but…a little old for that.

So.

Harry was unofficially adopted into the Weasley household, so the entire family was there for the week.

I made friends with Arthur considering my status as a "scientist."

I may have also accidentally convinced Arthur to put hydraulics on his car by comparing the performance of said hydraulics with a puppy.

Molly threw a massive party for Harry.

I skipped most of it. Ron mentioned offhand to Molly that I was a bit of a loner type, and she, the understanding soul that she is, left me alone to my own devices.

She may have also been trying to quarantine us from her family, as we do have a reputation for violence.

That too.

So what were you doing skipping the party?

Reflecting; there were some decisions I made at the end of the school year that didn't make sense to me.

Like the money?

The money was a calculated decision as I can do without wizard money for the most part. Petty theft (of the muggle variety) covers my living expenses if I need to go out onto the streets again and second hand school materials are cheap enough.

What I need above all else is muggle money. Like…I need literally all the muggle money, preferably in shiny briefcases being carried by sharply dressed men in black. I'm pretty sure I need so much money that the wizard world would collapse if I tried to convert galleons to USDs.

Besides, the wizard money is well spent.

Even though you gave it all away?

Yep. Basically, I bought reputation with the wizard money. Obviously it came with the side effect of illuminating my actions for a while, but so long as I can maintain good standing in the wizarding community, eventually they'll look the other way while I do my business. This means it will be a lot easier to get myself special exemptions for, say, flying a few A-10s over Hogwarts sometime during the last year of school.

In other words, we're trying to establish the protection-by-fame that Dumbledore has for ourselves, even if it's going to be a smaller effect.

…Besides, it's not as if I actually gave away all the money. Stashing a small amount to buy wizarding school supplies (and only school supplies) is a no-brainer.

…

The bigger issue is Pettigrew, or rather, my treatment of the Pettigrew problem.

Looking back, I'm not quite sure why I thought he escaped before we did. I had no evidence to prove that he did. It was entirely possible that he was hidden in the Chamber and waited until we left.

We did go back and check, mind you. Not that it helped given it was, y'know, the next day.

Yeah. Myrtle didn't see anything resembling a rat with a notebook, but given that it's Pettigrew Plus Riddle Powers I won't be surprised if they used an illusion charm or something.

…My problem is: why did I believe in his escape with such conviction that I only got around to asking Myrtle to help explore a day before school ended? I mean…sure, I procrastinate, but waiting for a month to find a solution is a bit much for me.

Easy answer: The diary had an effect on us.

The Chamber's lighting wasn't bad, but it did cast a lot of shadows. Peter could've hidden in any of those spots. While it would have been too much work to search every nook and cranny for him, I'm surprised that I didn't even bother setting a trap before I left.

Again, granted, I'm a civilian, I don't have formal training regardless of how hard I'm trying right now, and I most definitely had tunnel vision when the snake showed up. Still, I should be…should have been…aware enough of my mission conditions to the point where I could've avoided those amateur mistakes.

And yet we did.

Which brings up a pretty uncomfortable point: I'm not Harry, I don't have the same types of protection he does. If I have been affected by the Horcrux in some form, will I be able to detect and combat those psychological changes at all?

If the answer is no, then we have some problems.

Ron recovered from his Horcrux effects well enough.

Yeah…hm. Ron was 17 or 18 at the time, so if we're talking about mental defenses given by age then I should be fine…then again, I'm a weak little muggle, so that has to factor into it somehow…

Ugh. I need to do more research. If my actions are in danger of being compromised then I need to be aware of how to combat it eventually.

…

Tangent time: Harry's blood protection wears off this summer.

The story of Sirius Black's escape from Azkaban hasn't broken yet.

I suppose I should be happy that Dumbledore seems to be the only person who knows of the defenses as provided by Harry's blood, but at the same time…

Wait, shit. Back up.

Canonically the baddies didn't bother making a move on Harry until his defenses wore off and Voldemort came back.

Side note: we keep misspelling Voldemort as Vodelmort, which, for some reason, reminds us of Harvest Moon.

It should be inferred then that the only reason the baddies went after Harry was because the…actually they never stated if Harry's house was under ministry oversight. It probably was.

Anyways, at this point in my timeline the Dursleys are actually Dead As Shit™, which means that there's someone out there willing to make a move against the Dursleys ahead of time, which means that the Weasleys run a very real risk of being killed for their actions.

Unfortunately the Dursleys aren't the best measure of combat effectiveness, so I have no idea how strong their attacker was. The Weasleys should be able to handle anything up to a moderately threatening enemy, so I'm actually not too worried about that.

Besides, anything legitimately threatening will be beyond our combat-able scope, too.

The actual problem comes from the fact that…well, now that Harry's lost his blood protection, what kind of defenses will Dumbledore consider if "Let's use Dementors" was his action during the original timeline?

Dumbledore didn't do that though, the ministry did.

Same problem, different boss.

…Here's hoping that the ministry will stay out of my way at school.

So was work all you did at the Weasleys?

Molly's a little too forceful for that. Sure, she kept a closer eye on us than normal, but for the most part we got to enjoy a little time off.

I ended up playing a little Quidditch.

How did that go?

…Bad. I have Harry's enthusiasm for flying but none of the talent. Considering how many hours I've logged on a broom I can safely say that Hermione, the worst flyer among the three, is better than me.

I'm a pretty good Chaser though.

…

Oh, right. I also got to meet Luna in an official fashion.

"How did you know Luna lived around here?" Ginny had asked very suspiciously when I brought up the subject.

"I had a hunch" was my answer, complete with my mischievous grin.

Ginny had hung around the twins (and us) long enough to know that my grin was my way of saying "I have my reasons and I will not share them" so she just pointed me in the right direction.

She didn't go with?

Harry was in the Burrow. She wouldn't have left even if a nuke fell on the building…though she'll never stay in the same room as him. It's cute, if a tad strange.

So how did Luna react to you literally showing up at her house unannounced?

Erm…her father was obviously also in attendance, so I just kind of hung around the house for two hours listening to their far flung stories. At least she didn't seem to be hostile, so that was good.

Why did you visit Luna?

…beyond "hey Luna's a supporting character she's probably important" I had no actual reason.

…well, ok, I had one reason.

After four days, the Weasley household's friendliness is a bit overwhelming. I grew up with a lot of personal freedoms and I like my peace and quiet, so having some place as loud as the burrow without the ability to leave and do my own thing strains on the nerves a bit.

Eventually Sirius showed up (dressed per my instructions: single-color T-shirt, clean pants of some grayish color, fuckin' awesome shades) and claimed us as our "guardian".

I was more than ready to leave, so the Weasley Parents didn't pry too hard into Sirius's past. I feel a little bad about giving them the impression that I wasn't happy with their hospitality, but I've made it as clear as I could that I enjoyed alone time, so hopefully they understand that it was just my preference, not a fault of theirs.

…

[Rest of the Summer]

…

So, Sirius's place.

I was not expecting Grimmauld Place to be a townhouse.

I mean, it's a pretty place, but for fucks sake what kind of big evil family lives in a townhouse? Like, what, Daddy Black went "well I need to go torture some muggleborns but I need to pick up the wash from the cleaners before they close." The house doesn't even look all that Black on the outside, either.

Welp. "I wasn't expecting such an obviously evil house." I deadpan and wait for his reaction.

"And I wasn't expecting such a cheeky brat." Sirius smirks. "And yet, here we are."

I take in the drab interior of the entryway. "That being said, it looked pretty muggle on the outside."

"Is that a descriptive term now?" Sirius asks lightly. "Never thought I'd be back here after all this time." He adds to himself in a low tone.

Two years earlier than expected…sorry, Sirius. "So I guess we should take stock first, right?"

"Stock?" He's confused by my abuse of language. "Oh…yeah, we probably should. Not much in the larders...KREACHER!"

Crack

Hello, you unfortunate little traitor.

The old little House Elf bows low while muttering furiously against Sirius.

Sirius made something akin to an introductory sweep of his arm. "Kreacher." He finally said (a little shamefully) after a moment.

"Yo." I wave.

Kreacher takes one look at my face and immediately goes into his rant. "The young master invites a mudblood into the most noble—"

"Welp, let's see." I ignore Kreacher entirely. "Does this house have electricity?"

Sirius seems taken aback with how I'm ignoring the recital of insults going on at my feet. "What's that?"

So no, then. Hrm. I can't invite an electrical crew into the house either, given all the weird shit that's in the house.

So we have to do it ourselves?

Eh…I'll probably die trying to lay down lines, so let's not.

Kreacher has moved into parental insults.

He's pretty creative, actually. "Well, that's fine; do you buy muggle food?"

Kreacher has a heart attack at the idea that muggle food would dare grace the Black Household, so much so that he momentarily stops talking.

"I don't think he would prepare it." Sirius growls at Kreacher, who seems to regain his good mood and continues his tirade. "It doesn't bother you? What he's saying, I mean."

"Meh." I shrug. "I lived on the internet."

Sirius has no idea what I mean, but he makes an expression of comprehension anyways.

Kreacher is starting to use some obscure words we don't recognize.

"Let's spend the day getting settled in, then." I offer. "We can worry about what to do next afterwards."

"Sounds like a plan." Sirius shrugs. "Do you drink?"

I'm thirteen. "No."

"Shame." Sirius grins. "You're much older than you appear, right?"

"What makes you say that?" I reply lightly, though a touch too slowly for my liking.

"Your judgment calls aren't what I would consider 'made by children'." He laughs. "Either you're a genius or you're an old man in a young body."

…that just sounds wrong, for some reason? "I can't be a genius?"

That smirk doesn't leave his face. "You're not annoying enough to be one."

"Well, whatever floats your boat." I shrug. No point revealing it unless absolutely necessary.

Kreacher is now starting to quote the Old Testament while selectively replacing pronouns.

That is very impressive, if a little heretical. He could do the writing for a new Shin Megami Tensei game.

…

…

"So, what are your plans for the summer?" Sirius asks me after we had dinner.

My reply is immediate. "First things first, we hunt down Pettigrew, and that book he was carrying. At the very least we need to get that book, though."

Sirius is using a chicken bone as a toothpick. "It's that bad, huh? Is it a Horcrux?"

I frown. "How…yeah, yes it is."

Sirius gives a good-natured shrug. "You're underestimating how dark a Black is." He stretches.

…I was gonna ask 'How could you have forgotten' but hey, whatever works.

To be fair Horcruxes might not be the only thing that can suck souls.

Yeah. "So we need Fiendfyre or something equally dangerous to kill it."

"That's Regulus's pot, not mine." Sirius tosses his toothpick into the trash. "And I'd rather not dabble into that if I can help it."

"Fair enough." I don't have the standing to force him to learn it as I'm not Harry. "We can think of something to kill it after we get our hands on it. Any ideas on where Peter might go?"

"For all of his timidity, Wormtail's got a thing for fame." Sirius says with a hint of bitterness. "So he will go wherever that diary tells him, and nowhere else."

…which means preciously little, as Ghost Riddle is likely…actually, back up for a second. The Diary was in the Malfoy household for a while, right? So it's entirely possible that someone has been updating Riddle Diary with data.

A while being something like decades…it could've been Malfoy Junior, maybe?

Somehow I can see Lucius making Dobby do it, but then Dobby would've had a reaction when he got the book in his hands, so meh.

Either way. "I guess that means we need to poke around and see where Voldemort the child would go." I sigh. "Fun times."

"Beats sitting in this house." Sirius shoots up to his feet. "I have some places I'd like to start looking into."

"Cool. Let me know if you find anything." I reply with a shrug.

Sirius is confused, and rightfully so. "You're not coming?"

"I'm famous now." I stand up and gesture to myself. "You're going to be hunted pretty soon. If the two of us are seen together…"

"…then something bad is going to happen at Hogwarts this term, right?" Sirius nods in understanding. "Alright, watch the house, kid." He grins.

"I'll redecorate this place like you wouldn't believe." I promise.

"I look forward to it." Sirius laughs and then adopts an overly serious tone. "But no pink."

…so he's just gonna let me do it?

Sirius, upon seeing the vast, shit-eating grin slowly appearing on my face, vaguely regrets his choices.

…

…

[One Month Later]

…

…

The short of it: Sirius is no closer to finding Pettigrew, I learned how to counterfeit money, and the insides of the house is now bright and cheery.

So what's the long of it?

Sirius basically abandoned the house to me and Kreacher in order to properly do his search for Pettigrew. He also neglected to tell Kreacher to feed me (therefore Kreacher won't listen to orders), so I'm stuck making my own food.

I'm getting pretty good, if I do say so myself.

I'm also not sure how Kreacher gets his food, but since I don't have special house elf logistics I have to buy my food.

Which leads us to…counterfeiting money. As it turns out, being inside a house protected by a Fidelus Charm means that the house is off the grid and thus plays by its own rules, and as I have no shame or sense of responsibility despite being technically an adult, I'm perfectly ok stealing some bills from unsuspecting people and then duplicating them with transfiguration.

Yes, we have forgotten about the whole "is actually an adult and is thus unaffected by underage magic restriction" thing again.

I do make sure not to show up repeatedly at the same place with large buckets of bills though. I'm not quite sure what the cultural norm of 90s England is in terms of buying things, but I'm sure "a few thousand pounds in cash" isn't one of them.

We didn't make a few thousand pounds. We have maybe two hundred in counterfeit money.

Largely because I know money has anti-forgery defenses built-in and I don't feel like tripping any more wires than necessary. Either way I bought paint, wallpaper, tools…a plastic covering for a certain painting, battery powered hand drill…the works.

Sirius did tell Kreacher to avoid getting in my way though, so that's good. He's not undoing my stuff as I'm doing it despite trying to call down fire and brimstone over my head.

…

[Our defacing of The Painting]

…

"FILTHY MUDBLOOD, BESMIRCHING THE HONOR OF THE HOUSE—"

"Yeah, yeah. Now shush, I got work to do."

The painting has been yelling at us nonstop ever since we started working, but fortunately I bought enchanted earmuffs. It doesn't stop the noise from passing through our entire body, but it's a start.

Eventually the painting was smart enough to realize that the mudblood she was yelling at gave a negative amount of fucks, and settled down to watch exactly what I was planning on doing with my mudblood tools.

"Now then." I say and hold up the steel braces. "It's time for you to see why muggles are awesome."

"YOU DARE DESECRATE" so on, so forth.

I talked with Sirius a bit about how to modify his house (via owl; it made him come back for a few hours.) Basically, so long as the house retains its status as a house (read: none of its load bearing walls gets damaged) the charms originally placed upon it will retain their power. Likewise, magical means of altering the house will not take, so doing it the muggle way is the way to go.

Given that the painting cannot be removed at all (per permanent sticking charm), my solution is to place steel clasps around the painting and enclose it in a plastic fishbowl covering. Maybe then enchant the fishbowl to be soundproof? I haven't thought that far yet.

Yeah, I can't do shit to the portrait itself, but we muggles are masters at roundabout solutions to problems.

The portrait could really only screech with increasing fury and volume as we progressively put the muggle barrier around her.

I wish I had internet access so I could get like a picture of David Tennant or something and put it in the fishbowl. Give her something good to look at for the next eternity, y'know? But no, she'll just be staring forever into the warped translucent bubble as I continue to desecrate her ancestral home.

How are we recharging our drill batteries?

We break into our muggle neighbor's house, charm them to make sure they stay asleep, and then use their power outlets.

I am very glad this is a fanfic and not a legitimate story, because I can then have the excuse of not worrying about a publisher or editor coming down on me for my hideously illegal behavior.

And you can shatter the fourth wall whenever you please.

…

"I'm ho-oly hell what happened here?"

For the record: our declawing of the portrait occurred about a week into our reconstruction plans. It is now the end of the month.

Judging by the voice Sirius is home.

"Yo!" I greet him happily as I jump down the stairs. "What do you think?" I gesture to the sky blue walls and the bright lights.

"What did you do to my house?!" He can't help but yell. "How is it so bright in here?" He adds as an afterthought.

My first answer is "I made it better."

My second answer involves gesturing to the wires running along the edges of the walls. "It's a rush job, but it's not like we can hire a certified electrician into the house."

Come to think of it, there probably is a certified electrician wizard out there somewhere.

"So that's electricity?" Sirius probes one of the lights with a few sparks from his wand. "I take it you had a hell of a time getting it set up." He glances at me. "What did you need it for?"

To be honest? "Nothing, really. I just thought the place could use some better lighting."

He stares at me in disbelief. "I don't think I've ever met a muggle like you." He says slowly.

"I don't think you've met too many muggles period." I reply with a smirk.

"That's certainly true." He chuckles. "Where's the generator for this thing?"

…so how can he marvel at electricity and then know about generators? "Down here." I lead him to what used to be a storage room.

"You cleaned this place out?" Sirius looks around, impressed. "Must've taken you a week."

"More." I groan. "Well, either way, the generator is in here." I show him the setup.

So, our generator is a prototype we're fiddling with. The goal, of course, is to see just how much bullshit I can squeeze out of electricity before nature decides that enough is enough. To that end, the current generator is a standard household gas-powered generator with the gasoline part stripped out and replaced with a compressed wind chamber.

A what?

We're using the old method of using wind to power a turbine. The turbine itself is enchanted to reduce friction and the wind generator is powered by magic (and is also near friction-less). The end result is what would qualify as a near perpetual motion machine if we pretend that magic cannot exist.

…however, from an output standpoint this generator is pretty shit, so we have a room with like eight of them to provide power for the entire house.

How did we have enough money to make eight?

We…didn't. I made one to learn how to do it right and then mimicked it with transfiguration. I bought a lot of scrap metal this month. We also saw increasing amount of Dementors wandering the streets.

Did we break the statute of secrecy or something?

I don't think so? I made all of my purchases acting as a muggle, and I'd like to believe that I know how to act like a muggle.

My generator room just got a "Huh" of acknowledgement from Sirius. Where's my acknowledgement for making your house ten times brighter, man?

But…uh, I imagine that the increase in Dementor count is why Sirius came back.

"It's part of it." He agrees when we get the chance to properly talk it out. "You might know about why the Dementors are coming out in force." He gestures to the Prophet on the table in front of us. "They've made it hard for me to move around."

No shit. "They're getting on my nerves, too." Fortunately I've made sure to backtrack every time I walked into an area that made me sad. In retrospect that reasoning sounds amazingly half-assed. "Care to teach me the Patronus charm?"

Sirius laughs. "You know about it but don't know how to do it?" He snaps his fingers to get back on track. "What leads I found on Wormtail have been inconsequential; he's a tough one to pin down."

I nod. Make sense.

"However." He taps the paper again. "I think he's going to show back up in Hogwarts."

…because it would be narratively convenient? "Why do you think that?"

"You." He grins. "Make no mistake, Wormtail won't be showing up in Hogwarts because he has something he needs to do. He's going to go back because his boss can't stomach having lost like that."

Ha. "So Voldemort's a sore loser?" I laugh. "Why am I not surprised?" I then take a deep breath. "All things considered, shit."

Sirius laughs as well. "What brought that on?"

Well, "Dementors used to work for him, right?"

"Yeah…" Sirius agrees slowly. "Well, that's not going to be very good for all the little children, is it?" He mutters. "Perhaps we should make Dumbledore aware."

"I'll do that when I get there." I nod. "No point putting our chance at risk."

He takes a minute to parse what I said. "The school's going to be in actual danger for this. You realize that, right?"

Excuse me. "The Basilisk didn't count? I feel like the giant murdersnake should count."

"Fair point." Sirius backpedals. "Regardless, the Dementors are going to be dangerous to the school if they're turned against the Ministry. Do you have a plan for that?"

…is there a way to mass-defend against Dementors?

Apart from plot armor, a sufficiently powerful Patronus could do it.

I need to do some research into how Patronuses and Dementors interact.

"Putting aside Wormtail for a minute." Sirius says suddenly. "Harry's birthday is tomorrow."

He's visibly excited, if a bit sad. "Do you think he knows about me?"

Canonically… "All he knows about you is the assumption that he's your target."

"That's stupid." Sirius is indignant. "I'm his godfather! I'm not going to kill him. He should know that."

Sirius catches the blank, disbelieving expression on our face. His indignation fades in a flash.

"Right. I escaped from Azkaban." He admits. "They might have some basis for believing that I'm a tad dangerous."

"Do you think we can fool the Ministry folk with a disguise?" I grin. "Play dad for a day."

"I would rather not lie to my godson." Sirius laughs. "Plus, I feel like the Dementors patrolling the Weasley household would take offense to my attempt."

Bah.

Actually, "why does the Ministry trust Dementors so much?"

Sirius thinks on it. "Isn't it because the Ministry's greyer than you think?" He finally says. "The Ministry always had a problem with naivety and grandeur."

Must've been the British Empire mentality brushing off on them. "And so they were easily defeated by some dude without a nose?"

"Voldemort has no nose?" Sirius misses what I meant.

I nod sagely. "His head is like a melon, free of any protrusions."

Slenderman?

"You're really ruining my image of the Greatest Threat to the world, you know that?" Sirius chuckles. "But yes, until Voldemort came to power the Ministry of Magic had never truly experienced a challenge to its power, thus…"

So Voldemort found a weak point and struck like the snakes he respects, huh? I can understand that, at least.

"In any event, we're better off leaving the Weasleys alone." Sirius says with a sigh. "No point adding more stress to their family as it is."

…

That reminds me.

Optional objective for this year: clear Sirius's name so Harry can have a place to live.

…

So Harry's birthday came and went.

He didn't invite us?

Apparently they went to Egypt shortly before the big day, so they didn't have much of a choice. I'm assuming Harry got dragged along despite his protests…and I'm assuming Harry paid for his own ticket instead of letting the Weasleys foot the bill.

…how did they get to Egypt anyways? International Floo Network? Legitimate Galleon-to-Pounds money changers?

Uh…tangenting again. Let's see. Harry and the Weasleys are doing their summer stuff. Obviously the Knight's Bus, Grim, and Aunt Petunia stories are skipped (maybe not the Knight's Bus? I dunno). Harry's having what is definitely the first vacation of his lifetime with a loving family.

We have learned the basics of the Patronus Charm from Sirius and the basics of Dementors from the Black Family Library.

There's a small stash of books stowed away in one of the house rooms that detail some of the less usual branches of magic.

A…very badly written book held some information on Dementors, coupled with some of my personal observations and anecdotal evidence from Sirius makes up for what I know about these things.

In other words: prepare for pseudo-science.

First off, they're…uh. Dementors can be loosely defined as "Animated Greed". They "want" and do nothing else. THEORETICALLY, based on the Black Family books, there are multiple types of Dementors that exist in the world and all of them want different things. Also theoretically, different Dementors want different things even within the boundaries of England.

Again, it's all theoretical because nobody is dumb enough to actually test these assumptions.

Physically, a Dementor is just a bundle of energy…hell it might even be a soul, I have no idea. Dementors can't be destroyed, can't reproduce, and can't eat. Well, they 'eat' but what they consume doesn't give them sustenance like, say, a sandwich.

So, Dementor Food.

Dementors "want" happiness because they can't produce it innately. I'm extrapolating hard on this since the data is sparse, but it would seem that Dementors just want the happiness of others because they don't have any on their own. The fact that bad memories surface during feeding seems to just be an unfortunate side effect.

So how do Patronus charms work?

The canonical explanation's pretty accurate: a Patronus is basically a giant dense cookie of happiness that the Dementor focuses on instead of the person. Realistically though, a Patronus is actually a two-part spell in a shield-hammer format.

A what?

The condensed happiness serves as the shield for the caster while the ill-defined 'hammer' of magic sends them away. As far as I can see it's not actually possible to split the charm and cast the separate components individually.

So, what is needed to conjure a powerful Patronus?

Lupin was…will be? A bit disingenuous about this to Harry. The most powerful way to create a Patronus is by using a memory as a catalyst for the charm…and as expected, the memory's potency is then eroded through multiple uses (much as how repeatedly hearing a joke makes it progressively less funny). More conventionally, a Patronus is created out of sheer condensed magical power and then given the ability of 'protecting against sadness'. This hard-to-define objective is what makes the spell difficult to cast.

In other words, Lupin learned a shortcut to make a powerful Patronus and taught it to Harry. His method's only weakness (of course) is the reliance on memories…memories that not only lose their effectiveness with each cast, but also when coming into contact with a Dementor. Ergo, with this method the caster should make a Patronus via memory when said caster has not yet made contact with the Dementor.

The other methodology is what a majority of the wizarding world uses, which is why it's considered to be a ludicrously difficult spell. On the plus side, making a Patronus out of raw power means that the Patronus is more stable during anti-Dementor combat, though the Patronus itself ends up being weaker as a result.

…Fun fact? There are better ways to make a Patronus.

By default, the Patronus is a being of happiness wrapped in spikes. It exists to be eaten so Dementors would get tummy aches and run screaming to the nearest Sadness-Bathroom.

So basically every bathroom after a particularly spicy meal.

We can do better by making a Patronus out of something less tangible than happiness.

…That sounds incredibly stupid.

Yeah. Dementors "want" happiness because it can be traded. They are unable to produce it on their own, so they take it from regular folk whenever they can. So instead of happiness, let's use 'resolution' instead.

What?

Again, the biggest difference is the mental fortitude of the caster. Like with all spells, intention is important, and the Patronus charm is probably one of (if not the most) difficult spells to cast when you take field conditions into account.

That doesn't really answer the question.

Because I don't have an answer.

So be it then; what are our odds against Dementors?

Considering my psyche, Dementors will kill us. I don't have a dark and tragic past like Harry, but I definitely fall on the pessimist side of things with a touch of chronic depression tossed in. Odds are, during an actual faceoff with a Dementor I will not be able to do anything, much less actually create a Patronus.

I mean, think of it like this: it's world war 2, you're in a trench, artillery shells are hitting your position, and if you do not think happy thoughts and really, really believe them, you will die. That's the starting point.

From a longevity standpoint, I don't have the magical power to maintain a Patronus for too long anyways. If I end up actually have to fight a Dementor I'm better off just tossing chocolate at it until it gives up and runs away, really.

But we can produce a Patronus.

…Under the most optimal circumstances, yes. I can maintain a wispy Patronus for about half a minute before the strain knocks us out. Then we die.

…Also, side note: Death Eaters could most certainly conjure substitute-Patronuses due to the fact that the Dementors don't have a concept of friendly fire. The Black Library wasn't too clear on this and I only saw sporadic references, but they have some measure of protection beyond "We're friends".

So what other spells have we made over the Summer so far?

I've gotten really good at alchemic transfiguration. Having a basic knowledge of chemistry (and going out to buy a book on minerals) helps lots.

I've gotten so good at it that I'm considering using it as a primary weapon instead of my Prismatic Beam, if only because I'm hesitant to use the beam as anything other than a finisher.

For the time being I can create up to six homing spikes without much effort. I can also do the Edward Elric specialty of conjuring a spear from the ground, though without the handclap, unfortunately. I'm planning to ask Olivander about alternative means of crafting wands when I visit Diagon Alley.

I like my wand. Olivander made a pretty big point about how wands pick their owners, and I'd like to think that this little puppy works pretty well with me.

I wonder if I can get the core transferred into some less obvious equipment, like a bracer or something. I'd like to keep my hands clear to do the clappy thing.

Yay vanity.

…

[Diagon Alley, sometime before school starts]

…

I'm here to buy school supplies along with Dog!Sirius.

We met the main cast by chance.

Chance.

It's a week before the end of vacation, so yeah, by chance. Canonically they show up before the first day of school.

"Hey guys!" I wave enthusiastically at Harry and the Weasleys.

That sounds like a band name. Pretty sure I've made this realization before.

"Ash!" Harry replies happily, if a little confusedly. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm shopping. What does it look like I'm doing?" I grin. "Did your summer go ok?"

He nods enthusiastically. "Yeah! It was a blast; I'm sorry you missed it." His eyes then stray to Sirius. "Who's the dog?"

"Your new parent." My grin hurts my face now.

Harry rolls his eyes. "Funny." He pets Dog!Sirius who kind of…I dunno, raise an eyebrow at me? He doesn't have eyebrows as a dog though…

We just shrug in response.

We also end up joining their party on their shopping trip.

Harry almost lost his mind at the Firebolt. It rolled out despite the whole Nimbus 2001 fiasco and is still the fastest piece of wood in the history of mankind.

We met up with Hermione, who was out buying Crookshanks. I may have terrified her with how much I squealed and hugged the poor cat. Also this means Crookshanks does not like me very much.

I bugged Olivander about using a non-wand wand and…uh.

Olivander lost his shit. I think I offended him on a deep, personal level and now he's out to be one of my greatest enemies of all time.

We may be exaggerating.

Eventually he gave in and told us that wands cannot be retrofitted into non-wand like objects. However, they can be "extended" somehow. He doesn't know how, nor does he care. According to Olivander it was one of those things tried by an older wandmaker experimenting with muggle methodology, and therefore he didn't care too much about it.

Also according to him the tech didn't go anywhere, either.

He did give me some notes concerning the experiment though, but like all wizarding world documentation it's jumbled and incoherent.

He's letting us use it so long as we return it before school starts.

Which means I made copies as soon as I had the chance.

…

Afterwards, Hermione got a little flak for her work load. I assume she still got (will get) the time turner for this year.

"And here I thought you'd be working as hard as her." Ron smirked when he saw my school load. "You're taking less than me, mate."

Yeah. "I have other things on my plate this year."

Hermione was offended that I'll be slacking in school. Apparently she had thought differently of me.

Not gonna lie, I love Hogwarts school work, but I get distracted too easily by all the cool shit going on to actually work on any cool shit of my own.

Story of our life, no?

…

…

And thus ends the shopping trip.

…so what are we doing here?

Harry is facing me down in a dueling room in Diagon Alley, with the Weasleys and Hermione (and Dog!Sirius) in attendance. It's a fairly sizable room, maybe the size of half a basketball court. The ring itself has a barricade of wood between it and the spectator areas.

"What are we doing?" I ask uncertainly after seeing Harry stretching on the opposite side of the field. "What am I doing?"

"I heard." Harry continues his stretching. "A man named Sirius Black is after me, right?"

Dog!Sirius growls in anger.

"I promised I wouldn't go after him." Harry glances at Arthur. "But it never hurts to be prepared."

…Ah. So that's how it is.

"I'm worried I've gotten rusty." Harry smiles good-naturedly. "So go easy on me, ok?"

"He's a duelist?" Arthur wonders. "Ash, you're a touch too young to be doing this full-time, aren't you?"

There's a job like this? "Nah, I just have different ways of doing things." I get warmed up as well. "You ready, Harry?"

…

[3rd Person Camera]

…

"Yes." Harry says and immediately dives to his right. The barrier behind him is hit by some kind of force, making the Weasleys jump.

"Good to know." Ash grins.

"I said I was rusty!" Harry gripes as he runs from the barrage of Sucker Punches aimed at him. "Go easy! For god's sake!"

"Hey, I'm rusty too." Ash laughs. "So let me practice on you."

"You monster!" Harry skids to a stop and puts up a shield spell. The shield spell is blasted by a series of Sucker Punches and Harry is pushed back a step. "Also, you're hitting a lot harder than you used to."

"That means a lot! Thanks." Ash grins. "But you stopped moving, man."

"Cripes." Harry ducks and scrambles away from another Sucker Punch.

"He still hasn't drawn his wand yet." Percy notes. "He's been doing all of this without a wand?"

"His wand's tied to his arm." Ron explains. "He just taps it if he needs to use a small spell like that."

Arthur raises an eyebrow. "That spell he's using is considered small?"

"Oh, his wand's out." Fred grins as Ash finally pulls his wand. "This is gonna be good. Don't die, Harry!"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence!" Harry snarls and fires a Stunner at Ash.

Ash points his wand at his feet and immediately disappears.

"Ah crap." Harry mutters and creates several protective shells all around him.

"Ah crap indeed." Ash agrees from somewhere above Harry's head.

Harry puts a bubblehead charm over his head as Ash unloads a Wind of Sleep onto him.

"Dammit!" Harry rushes away from his shells and releases his bubblehead charm. He fires a few impediment jinxes behind him at Ash.

Ash kicks the air and launches himself towards the ground. Points his wand at his free hand, and snaps his finger at Harry.

Colonel Mustang Style. Note that this means Ash is adding an extra step to his casting just because it looks cool.

While he doesn't make the air around Harry explode (because that would just be rude) the wooden ground underneath Harry's feet writhe and turn into vines, tying him down.

"I have to admit I'm not as comfortable with manipulation of live things." Ash sighs. "But whatever works, right?"

Harry unties his feet with a quick Diffindo and then immediately blocks Ash's Stunner with a shield spell. "I thought you didn't use Stunners." He gripes.

"Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't." Ash then grabs something from his belt. "I think that's enough of a warmup."

"I was afraid of that." Harry grumbles and points his wand at himself.

Ash is pleasantly surprised. "You made a new spell too?"

"'Too', huh?" Harry's arms glowed with a soft, blue-ish light. "I don't like losing." He grins. "Are you ready?"

"To hear that from Harry of all people," Ash laughs. "You're really changing, you know that?" He holds up a few plates of steel. "Then I won't play nicely this time around."

"Please play nicely." Harry mutters immediately.

Ash taps the steel with his wand. "Strike my enemies from afar…Saber Bits!"

The pieces of steel shape themselves into small, bird-like things and hover near his shoulders.

Harry, having learned enough to avoid giving the enemy prep time for big spells, immediately fired stunner after stunner at Ash.

Ash waves his wand as if giving a command before bolting away from Harry's attack.

The Six Saber bits launch themselves at Harry, who dives and rolls underneath them while firing a leg locker at Ash. To Harry's surprise the bits then immediately turn and chase after him still.

"Damn Bludgers!" He growls. "Reducto!"

"Forgot about that." Ash waves his wand again and the Bits return to him. "Change Form. Gunner Bits!"

The Birds' heads transform into guns.

Harry shot another stunner at him.

"GO!" Ash shoots his Bits at Harry while charging forward with a shield spell active.

Uh oh. Harry blasts the ground of the wooden stage and sends up mists of wood, disturbing the flight of the Bits and sending them flying away. Unfortunately, the mist also obstructed his vision.

"What did I tell you?" Ash sighs.

Harry is then treated to a beam of light fired over his head.

"You lose?" Ash grins with the Prismatic lens hovering in front of him.

Harry sighs. "I lose."

…

[1st Person Camera]

…

He's gotten really good. I think that was the first time none of my offensive spells made any kind of meaningful connection.

Except the Prismatic Beam that you whiffed on purpose.

For obvious reasons.

"That was dueling?" Arthur seems disbelieving. "That was quite sophisticated for a duel; you're skilled for a child."

"Ash doesn't fight clean." George claps me on the back. "So he's teaching Harry good things."

"Good things." Molly repeats with her lips pursed. "You're very violent, Ash." She disapproves.

…hah. "If Harry is being hunted, then it's better that he be prepared for a fight." I shrug. "All it would take for this Black person to kill him would be a few seconds of inattention."

Dog!Sirius growls at us angrily.

"You have a very bleak outlook on the world." Arthur says softly.

"You guys lived through Voldemort." I say flatly (ignoring the flinches). "You don't?"

Arthur frowns. "It's because we lived through those times that we don't want our kids to live in that kind of world."

The Weasley kids are deeply disturbed at the fact that we're about to get into a fight with their dad.

"To believe that evil stopped existing just because the head is cut off is naïve." I say…a lot sharper than I wanted. Oops. "Sorry; touchy topic."

"It's quite alright." Arthur reassures me.

We make our way out of the room.

"From the way you talked, it seemed like you know a lot about things like this." Percy notes as we walk. "You're a touch young to have participated in the war…"

Ha. "I wasn't that lucky." Streeetch. "I just happen to like history."

"You pay as much attention to Binns as we do." Ron blurts out.

Poor boy just admitted to cutting class in front of his mother.

"His lectures are quite boring." Arthur agrees and saves his youngest son from being torn to ribbons by his mother.

"For me it's largely muggle history." I explain. "And there are a lot of instances where the good people of the world get screwed…er, taken advantage of, by the bad because they were unwilling to believe that bad things can happen immediately after bad things have happened."

"So you believe that You-Know-Who will come back?" Hermione asks, to the general discomfort of everyone present.

"At this point, it's a given." I say lightly. "I mean…we've seen one type of him already."

"That…Riddle, right? That Diary Ghost?" Fred mutters. "That was You-Know-Who?"

I nod. "It was a type of him, alright."

The Weasley parents look at each like 'what do we do?'

"What do you need us to do, Ash?" Fred asks readily.

…

Beg pardon?

We stop and stare at him in disbelief.

"You've never given us a bad idea yet." George points out.

Well then.

"In that case, cover for each other and stay out of my way this year."

Obviously that wasn't quite the answer the twins were expecting.

"Harry's going to need more support than me this year." I amend before the twins could protest. "Help him."

"I'm not going to look for a murderer." Harry's very nonplussed by my orders. "I don't need bodyguards."

Judging by how his brows furrowed, Arthur seems to have realized that we know something we shouldn't.

"Yeah…and the next thing you know you're running down a tunnel with a giant monster at the end of it." I wink. "I'm not talking about fighting here. If you ever get confused, or hear about something odd, don't run off and do your own thing. Talk to them. Listen to them…alright?"

It's kind of hypocritical of us to advise him to trust his friends while we're pushing said friends away. Harry nods slowly after a moment of deliberation.

Fred mimics taking notes with his hands. "Anything else?"

"Practice some anti-Dementor tactics." I shrug. "Beat sitting around and crossing your fingers."

George pretends to write into his hand. "Everyone…gets…chocolate…ok." He grins. "I think we can manage that."

"Why didn't you tell Harry to come to me? I'm going to be Head Boy." Percy…is a little indignant that we're circumventing his authority.

"Because you're stiff, that's what." Fred laughs. "You're no fun to talk to."

"I just think I could give him better guidance than the two of you." Percy pauses for a second. "Combined."

"Is that a challenge?" George playfully punches Percy on the arm.

Looks like their dynamic is a bit better with the three of them all risking their lives to save Ron.

I grin. "Nah…it's just that you're responsible."

"What does that mean?" Percy, Arthur, and Molly all ask at the same time.

Eyeroll time. "It means that when Harry loses his mind and wants to go after a murderer, you're going to do the responsible thing and tell him to stop."

"Of course." Percy responds like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"When he's losing his mind, you won't listen to what he has to say…and thus he wouldn't listen to what you have to say either." I say like it's the second most obvious thing in the world.

…

Eventually, our two parties split up and go our separate ways.

I think I gave them a lot to think about, which is not really a good thing for my cover as a teenager. Then again, self-important teenagers are a dime a dozen, so maybe the parent Weasleys will disregard what I said as just idiot talk.

So why are we separating ourselves from everyone else at school?

I…my plan this year is to do a lot of base construction. I'm going to turn the Chamber of Secrets into a serviceable fortress…maybe find a different way to access it, or something.

So why alone?

Because I feel like Pettigrew and Riddle are more likely to act when I'm alone. I need them to jump me so I can properly find and destroy them…and, more importantly, I do plan to actually destroy them instead of simply incapacitate them. No point letting the kids see a gruesome murder before the year is up.

Even Pettigrew?

…Well, there should be multiple ways to counter "and the good guys were captured" in book 7, to the point where Pettigrew's involvement should not be necessary.

You know what I mean.

…I'm not Harry. I lack that kind of emotional baggage that comes with 'oh he's my father's friend'. I'm not insane, either. If push comes to shove, I'll throw away the moral high ground any day in exchange for not having other people suffer. The idea that he's worth saving just because, in four years' time, he'd be useful if we fuck up is just dumb.

Solving Harry's problems?

I'm the protagonist, it's what I do.

.

.

.

{ === + === }

Author Notes:

We're really diverging from the weaponization process, aren't we?

That needs to be fixed.