63: FOUND HER

SAM'S POV

I scanned the place outside for awhile, checking if there's something unusual around the place. The old house was still the same as what it was the last time I came here. Faded paints, rusty gate and a lonely ambiance.

Nagsisimula ng lumamig ang hangin sa paligid as the sun was starting to set now. At mga ilang oras na lang, maggagabi na.. at walang kuryente sa lugar na'to so it's best if I start digging things up now.

Napapabuntung-hininga na lamang ako as I kept looking at it from my car. With what happened in my apartment, I won't be surprised kung madadatnan ko na naman ang loob nito na magulong-magulo rin. After all, dad's thing was here.

Yes. They've attempted to find that file but I believed they had fail to do it. Dahil kung nahanap na nila ang bagay na'yon, eh di sana, tinantanan na'ko ng mga 'yon.. pero hindi.. So hindi pa nga nila nahahanap 'yon.

Blowing out another sigh, agad na'kong bumaba ng sasakyan. With cautious eyes, I started to head to the gate and then into the front porch.

Before opening the door, pinakiramdaman ko na muna ang loob. Tahimik lang ang loob and I can't hear anything unusual. The clue that I needed before I twisted open the doorknob and pushed it open.

Maaalikabok parin ito and more cob webs had occupied the ceiling and other furnitures inside. Stepping inside, isinara ko na ang pinto and then cautiously walked through the sala... parang wala namang pumasok sa lugar na'to dahil maayos parin naman ang mga gamit dito.

Then I headed to the door malapit sa may hagdanan. Dad's office.

Pagbukas ko palang ng pinto, nagkalat na libro at mga papel na ang tumambad sa'kin.

Sabi ko na nga ba e...

Cursing out under my breath, I stepped inside the room and then closed the door behind me before I scanned the room.

Papers were scattered all over the oak table at lahat ng libro sa shelves nito ay nagkalat na lahat sa sahig. All books were undoubtedly been molested, each of its pages was. Of course, sa paghahangad na mahanap ang file na'yon.

With narrowed gaze, I started to inspect those books on the floor. All of which are related to criminal and rightful laws.

'MJ.Bpg-206'

That's the code. At base sa sinabi ni Bryan, the first three letters ay posibleng initials lang ng pangalan.

Pangalan... So could it be possible na pangalan 'yon ng libro?

Considering that possibility, I mentally nodded my head. And then with that, I quickly bent down to the floor and started checking those books.

THE PHILIPPINE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM...

THE REVISED PENAL CODE Criminal Law BOOK I..

CRIMINAL PROCEDURE ...

AFRICAN AMERICAN PERSPECTIVES..

Wala man lang ibang title ng libro that could possibly be the one na siyang hinahanap ko.

At halos nacheck ko na rin lahat ng pangalan ng libro pero wala namang umaakma sa mga initials na 'yon.

Heaving up a shaky breath, I continued. I won't give up on it yet.. Maaaring nandito lang 'yon dahil wala namang iba pang lugar na pwedeng paglagyan no'n si dad but just here.

I have to find that book no matter what. I have to... Desperado na'ko ngayon na tapusin ang kasong 'to dahil kung hindi, baka tuluyan na'kong mawalan ng lakas ng loob na umalis at iwan nalang ang buhay ko rito.. At baka tuluyan na rin akong mawalan ng lakas ng loob na iwan ang isang taong nagpapatibok ng puso ko everytime he was near me.

'But Cameron cares for you!'

I quickly shook my head when I was reminded with Liam's words again.

He couldn't be... he shouldn't be.

I have to find that book now.

Determined to find that book, mas maigi ko pang hinalungkat lahat ng mga librong nandoon as I kept shrugging the thoughts of some bastard keep appearing in my head.

Throwing those books that won't match with those initials I have as I became more frustrated about it.

And when I can't still find the right book, tuluyan na'kong napaupo sa sahig as I started to lose that determination I had awhile ago.

Nagsisimula na'kong manlumo ngayon as I just sat there while blankly staring at those books. Almost everything was just about criminal and justice related books...At sa dami ng librong nandoon, isang libro lang naman ang naiiba sa lahat ng nandoon..

'Hindi mo dapat pinakikilalaman ang gamit ko, Samantha. You could have lost this book and I'd be in deep shit kung ganun man."

That same book that dad won't let me read dahil baka mawala ito..

'Where the sun doesn't shine..'

Another book na hindi akma sa hinahanap ko.. Malayong-malayo sa initials na nasa code na'yon. Being so disappointed about it now, I threw it down on the floor and just glared at the other books before me.

Masyado na'kong natatagalan rito and not even a single book had matched with those initials!

Where could dad possibly hide that damn file?? Ganun ba talaga ito katindi magtago ng sekreto kaya kahit pagkatao ko, di ko agad nalaman? If I hadn't traveled all over to Mindanao, hindi ko pa sana malalamang ampon lang nila ako and I really have to find that out from Mang Doming at hindi man lang sa kanila mismo!

Ampon lang nila ako and that fact really breaks my heart. And here I thought I was their most precious daughter.. Hindi naman pala...

At that thought, I swallowed the sudden lump inside my throat as my eyes began to heat up with tears. As I was reminded with that painful truth, hurt suddenly coursed through me.

"Hindi ka dapat nakikipagbasagan ng ulo, Samantha. Hindi yan gawain ng isang babae.."

"The next time you'd encounter those bullies, instead of breaking your knuckles, just hit them where the sun doesn't shine, Samantha dahil doon nakatago ang kahinaan nila. Remember that.."

"AHERM, AHERM! Samantha?"

"Yes dad?"

"Aherm! Ba't ka ba kasi umabsent bata ka huh? Talagang pinaiinit mo 'tong malamiging ulo ng mama---Aww!"

"Ayus-ayusin mo'ko, Nickandro! Wag nyo'kong pinagloloko dito!"

"Yeah, yeah. I will, hon."

As those happy memories I had with them replayed in my head, tuluyan ng tumulo ang mga luha sa mga mata ko as I slowly sat on the floor. So saddened with those memories.

God knows how much I treasured all those memories I had with them but now, now that I know na hindi naman talaga nila ako tunay na anak, I don't know if I even deserve to keep those memories with me.

They were not even my biological parents so how could I?

...."I'm sure your parents had treated and loved you as their own dahil hindi mo naman gagawin ang ganito kadelikadong kaso if they had treated you the opposite, right? That itself was enough reason why you have to focus on this case, Ms. Javier. Don't get those news swayed you. Pull yourself together so you could think straight."....

When his words suddenly replayed in my head, I swallowed hard and sniffed.

As if those words pulled my senses back. For awhile, I just stayed motionless on the floor as I kept heaving a breath and tried to consider his words.

And after a few moments of giving it a deep thought, I straightened up. And grudgingly wiping off my tears, I picked up some book again from the floor and began inspecting all those books all over again.

Thinking that this is the least that I could do for them. For adopting me and giving me the life that my biological parents couldn't even offer. Now more desperate to find the right book.

But the longer I do that, more sobs and tears escaped from me and the more I became frustrated. And when I picked up another wrong book, I wasn't able to stop myself from throwing that book at the wall across me out of aggravations.

Where else should I bloody search for that now kung hindi ko man lang 'yon mahanap rito?

With my hope began to lose now, I picked up a few books before me and threw it all across the wall before I sobbed more. Hot tears kept falling on my cheeks. Draining all the strength and hope that was left in me.

I want to stay optimistic but the fact that I couldn't even find the right book here just frustrates me so much.

And with my want to let it out of me, hinayaan ko ng mas lumakas pa lalo ang hagulgol ko.

I want to stop it but it just weirdly feels so right this time. No one was watching and no one knows I'm hurting so much right now.

I heard my phone rang inside my pocket but I take no heed of it.

I know it was just aunt at sasabihin niya lang sa'kin na ihinto ko na ang kasong 'to.

And the hell I will! I'd finish this goddamn case whatever it may takes! She just keep on stopping me when she could've just tell me everything to end this! So I could finally end my mission here and so I could no longer be hurt.

Pulling my hair out in exasperation, I just let my phone kept ringing in my pocket.

Natitiyak kong alam niya kung sino ang mga tunay kong magulang but I doubted if she would even tell me that. The fact that I'm not even my dad's real daughter was painful enough kaya bakit ko pa gugustuhing malaman kung sino ang tunay kong mga magulang when I don't even need them.

Mawawala na rin naman ako sa mundong 'to so why attempt to even find them then? Kung alam ko namang wala silang pakialam sa'kin. Dad and mom were enough for me so I don't have to know them. I don't need them.

After a few moments, the ringing had finally stopped. Inhaling a deep shaky breath, I wiped my tears with the back of my hand.

If I have to summon Satan from hell just to solve this case, then be it. At kung kinakailangan kong makipagpatayan sa mga taong 'yon kanina just to find their boss, then I will. With or without that file, the outcome is still the same anyway. Afterall, my mission here is to kill that man so that file wasn't really necessary---

My thoughts were interrupted when my phone began to ring again. Out of annoyance, agad ko ng inilabas 'yon then I was about to throw that phone but my hand stopped midair when I saw who the caller was. Though my vision was blurred with tears now, mababasa't mababasa ko parin ang pangalang 'yon.

'Granite Wall' calling.....

Sniffing, I wiped the tears off my cheeks and then I just stared down at the phone screen.

I already have an idea kung bakit ito napatawag ngayon. To ask my location for sure.

And I don't want him to know that. Ayoko ng idamay ito sa filing ito.. Muntikan na itong mamatay dahil sa pagdala ko sa kanya sa Mindanao. Ayoko ng isama pa ito sa kasong 'to because I don't need his help anymore. And because if I'd let him continue that, I don't think I could still stop myself from succumbing to my weird feelings for him.

He's dangerous now. He's dangerous for my own sanity at kung hahayaan ko pa itong lumapit sa'kin ngayon, baka hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko at baka tuluyan na'kong mawala sa sarili ko.

Wiping the new tears that rolled down on my cheeks, I tapped the decline button and then just shut my eyes as I kept weeping for my messy life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CAMERON'S POV

Goddammit! How dare she refused to answer my call! Talagang pinahihirapan ako ng babaeng 'to!

"Sumagot na ba?"

I just groaned when Corteza had asked that while leaning on his car habang kibit ang mga balikat nito.

"You know what, ba't di mo nalang kaya icheck sa loob ng bahay na'yan?Malay natin, Samantha could be inside."

I just heaved out an annoyed sigh when Liam had suggested that. Leaning at his own car as well habang nakapamulsa ito. Still wearing the same disheveled suit na suot nito kanina pa.

Hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit pumayag pa'ko na sumama ang mga ito sa'kin dito when they suggested that earlier. Saying it was wise to take them with me just in case na magka engkwentruhan na naman.

Shaking my head, I dialed her number again instead of answering these assholes.

Her phone just kept ringing again pero wala paring sumasagot and it frustrates me more.

Muttering a curse, I pocketed back my phone and then glared at the old house na nasa harap namin. Ang dating bahay ng mga Romero.

Gumagabi na at hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin alam kung nasaan ito. At nagsisimula na'kong maaburido dahil sa pag-aalala rito just the thought na baka naengkwentro na naman nito ang mga armadong lalaking 'yon kanina.

I could really kill those men 'pag nagkataon!

Just thinking that possibility, I decided to just check the place inside.

"Dito na muna kayo, Liam, Mason.. Magmatyag nalang muna kayo sa buong paligid ng bahay while I checked inside."

"Yeah sure."

"Sure.."

When they answered that with a slow nod of their heads, tuluyan na'kong pumasok sa gate ng bahay na'yon and then into the house. Tahimik lang ang buong bahay at gaya noong huling nandito ako, amoy alikabok parin ang loob nito. Cobwebs were still hanging everywhere on the ceilings..

Wala namang ibang posibleng pupuntahan ito kundi ang bahay lang na'to. And from what I had remembered, sa silid na'yon malapit sa may hagdanan ito naglalagi kapag napapadalaw ito rito.

With purposeful strides, I headed straight to that door.

I couldn't allow her to just disappear like that. Sinabi ko ng sasamahan ko itong tapusin ang kasong 'to pero nawalan lang ako ng malay sandali, nawala na agad ito!

And now, papatayin pa yata ako nito dahil sa pag-aalala rito. That stubborn woman!

Now so annoyed with her, bubuksan ko na sana ang pintuang 'yon but my hand froze when I suddenly heard that sobbing noise inside.

And from the sound of it, tingin ko alam ko na kung kaninong iyak 'yon..

She was weeping right now..

So all this time, she was just here crying her heart out kaya hindi nito sinasagot ang mga tawag ko.

And just hearing her now, my hold at the doorknob tightened.

For the second time, I heard her cry again... at gaya noong unang makita kong umiyak ito, I felt that unfamiliar tugged inside my chest again. She's definitely hurting so much this time..

At hindi ko kayang hayaan nalang na umiyak ito...

Taking a deep breath, tuluyan ko ng binuksan ang pintuang 'yon. I cursed out when I saw her just kept sobbing on the floor. Her shoulders were shaking habang nakayuko ang ulo nito. Books and papers were scattered everywhere.

Her phone was just lying on the floor at parang hindi man lang nito namamalayan na pumasok ako habang humihikbi ito.

At the sight of her, hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko na lapitan agad ito and pulled her to my arms for a tight hug, losing the will to even stop myself from doing what my heart want.