Suicide

I told them I was going to attempt suicide, they didn't believe me. They think I'm weak and I will not do it, but I'm bleeding, right now, while I'm writting this. I could die at any moment if I wanted to. I'm depressed, enough for wanting to die. Because I have myself enough of this death life...

I told them I was going to attempt suicide, they take it as  a joke, but it's not funny, isn't it ? Nobody is apt to take care of me, and in fact, nobody can, 'cause I can't myself find a way to help me...

If they really knew, what will they think of me ? I don't want people crying my death telling I was too weak, and they didn't saw it come. They all knew, they all know. They doesn't care I hate them.

I want to go. I want to go far away from here. I want to die in a park after an overdose of heroin. I write depressed songs all day, and fuck it now I'm crying.. I write poems about love but I know nothing about it. Even my hand in yours, it still hurts. I'm not saying that you're not helping, you do. You make me smile, but it's not enough. Not enough to forget all the darkness who's around me..

I once wrote a poem saying I wanted people crying my death, but now.. I don't even want them to think of me. You can't be the murderer and the fucking victim. A person doesn't kill himself alone, every person who had enter in their life, have participate to their death.. If we're friends and you're reading this, you have to know that I live y'all, or most of you but, you have all kill me by not taking care of me..

And it's litteraly a "goodbye" to y'all, for one day, when enough, will be enough.. Because don't think I'm gonna text you with pills in my stomach saying "Hey, I'm dying bitches", nah, I will die alone.

.

25/11/2020